huh?

[Tahoma 2,291]

she doesnt want to give up ehr job...will take one year leave of absense instead. Wonders about all the people who want to come to USA but cant, yet she has to do nothing to get ehre... and? "I guess that is God's way".... hmmm. Doesnt want to start over. Cant understand why she accomplished so much in life so young only to have to give it all up. Waits until 25 days before coming here to tell me she made a promise to the nieces of the brother "she doesnt talk with" because he squandered ehr money she sent) yet made a promise to them to put them through school and college... yet we dont hardly have enough income for ourselves, and I am having to put off school for that now myself... I dont understand so much... I feel very stupid and gullible.

Hi Brian,

Sorry to hear about this. I hope you will be able to resolve this issue with your wife before she travels to the US. Explain to her clearly your current financial status and maybe both of you can agree on a certain amount, one that will fit your budget, to send to her family monthly. I suggest that she should talk to her family in Philippines too and make them understand that it will take some time for her to get a job in the US for her to support them.

~Chinook

[tallcoolone 102]

Sounds like a ploy to play you for money.

Like she is trying to negotiate her coming to USA, for you sending money to PI

Not Cool in my books

Way Way too late into the Visa Process to be bringing up subject like this

[chinese_mutt 11]

Sounds like a ploy to play you for money.

Like she is trying to negotiate her coming to USA, for you sending money to PI

Not Cool in my books

Way Way too late into the Visa Process to be bringing up subject like this

Don't want to break your heart here Brian, but I sorta agree with tallcoolone... for once.

You should try and clear things up before she gets to the US, otherwise things are going to get ugly.

[DARUMA07 25]

Sounds like a ploy to play you for money.

Like she is trying to negotiate her coming to USA, for you sending money to PI

Not Cool in my books

Way Way too late into the Visa Process to be bringing up subject like this

Ditto.....

Sounds like a ploy to play you for money.

Like she is trying to negotiate her coming to USA, for you sending money to PI

Not Cool in my books

Way Way too late into the Visa Process to be bringing up subject like this

Don't want to break your heart here Brian, but I sorta agree with tallcoolone... for once.

You should try and clear things up before she gets to the US, otherwise things are going to get ugly.

These things should have been dicussed long ago Brian. I hope you two can work this out!

Edited April 7, 2009 by DARUMA07

[cEzYcHiC 0]

I agree with all the comments of fellow VJ members on this topic.

She clearly reminds me of my wife when she left PI.

She's working as a nurse right after she passed her exam. And she needs to give it all up just to be with me here in the US.

Better communicate with her about your recent situation. Your wife will be jobless before she gets her EAD permit once the AOS papers are being sent out. And when it's filing AOS, it means a lot of money, dude.

Sending money to your wife's family at PI is a common thing for Pinoys. Though, both of you need to clear this out since you're not making that much to do that.

Good Luck to you, bro..

[Raeka 0]

A wife should understand that when she gets married, their husband married only her, NOT the whole family. So this means the husband's responsibility is ONLY her... And once you agreed to be married to your husband, your responsibility is now your husband. If you wanna help your family back in Pinas, that'd be really kind of you but there shouldn't be any negotiation whether you're going ONLY if he sends money to your family.. That's really sick .. And we shouldn't make our husband feel that helping our family is part of their responsibility or else it's gonna turn out to be a burden. Most husbands are always willing to help their wife's family which we Pinays should be thankful for. Let's not take advantage of that willingness to help. Our family in Pinas should also understand that marrying an American doesnt mean "lots of money".. We know for a fact that our husbands been working so hard to support us and to try to get us to the US. We got married because we want to settle down and start our own family. I'm not saying don't help, just know your limitations.. It's ok to help but the priority should always be the family that you started with husband.

[forever_green 0]

I agree with tallcoolone, raeka and the others. You mentioned that your wife has accomplished much in her young age already and probably have a hard time giving them all up. Well, she should have thought about that earlier. If she really loves you, it would be easy for her to leave her job and whatever position, name or prestige that come along with it.

If her concern is really to help her relatives, well, she should have made a choice, too, before marrying you. I have a female cousin who took the responsibility of raising her nieces when their father died and their mother went into drugs. She had a boyfriend who was wiling to marry her. She discussed this with her BF before she accepted her proposal. Having not enough for themselves, much more for her nieces, she decided to decline his proposal. She is still raising her nieces right now. She has resolved to herself not to marry so she could take care of them. This is an example of choosing your priority. My cousin may have not decided correctly, but at least, she has made her priorities. She wanted to take care of her relatives but did not want to drag her future husband whom she loves with this responsibility.

Since your wife married you, her priority must above all be the two of you. I'm sorry to say this, but she is not being fair with you. She should have discussed this with you earlier on before the visa process so that you may have had a choice.

[Peggy 1]

A wife should understand that when she gets married, their husband married only her, NOT the whole family. So this means the husband's responsibility is ONLY her... And once you agreed to be married to your husband, your responsibility is now your husband. If you wanna help your family back in Pinas, that'd be really kind of you but there shouldn't be any negotiation whether you're going ONLY if he sends money to your family.. That's really sick .. And we shouldn't make our husband feel that helping our family is part of their responsibility or else it's gonna turn out to be a burden. Most husbands are always willing to help their wife's family which we Pinays should be thankful for. Let's not take advantage of that willingness to help. Our family in Pinas should also understand that marrying an American doesnt mean "lots of money".. We know for a fact that our husbands been working so hard to support us and to try to get us to the US. We got married because we want to settle down and start our own family. I'm not saying don't help, just know your limitations.. It's ok to help but the priority should always be the family that you started with husband.

Very well said

[brianmarie 0]

Hi to all want to share something, I'm a wife of american citizen and soon living here to reunite my husband in america. I accept I'm helping my parents now that I'm still here in Philippines my husband told me we cant help them every now and then when I come there maybe just if there's emergency and I understand that. I talked to my family and open them about that, yes I'm dying to help them but dont want them to be the reason of our misunderstanding. So to let them understand I print out the post topic of somebody from visajourney intitled BUHAY AMERICA then I let somebody in my place read aloud for them to hear and know the reality of life there. I love my husband so much and dont want to give him hard time helping my family they are not his responsibility..

[belovedbyme 0]

Im sorry Brian for what you been through. You need to talk to each other about all things. I guess your wife missed to tell you all her expectations. It's okay to help your relatives but being married the first priority is the husband. Why would you help other people if you yourselves can't even take care of it financially? I don't understand your wife right now. I am confused of her reactions towards you.Good luck and hope it all works out the next time you will post here.

[belovedbyme 0]

Im sorry Brian for what you been through. You need to talk to each other about all things. I guess your wife missed to tell you all her expectations. It's okay to help your relatives but being married the first priority is the husband. Why would you help other people if you yourselves can't even take care of it financially? I don't understand your wife right now. I am confused of her reactions towards you.Good luck and hope it all works out the next time you will post here.