huh?

[JoBri 547]

she doesnt want to give up ehr job...will take one year leave of absense instead. Wonders about all the people who want to come to USA but cant, yet she has to do nothing to get ehre... and? "I guess that is God's way".... hmmm. Doesnt want to start over. Cant understand why she accomplished so much in life so young only to have to give it all up. Waits until 25 days before coming here to tell me she made a promise to the nieces of the brother "she doesnt talk with" because he squandered ehr money she sent) yet made a promise to them to put them through school and college... yet we dont hardly have enough income for ourselves, and I am having to put off school for that now myself... I dont understand so much... I feel very stupid and gullible.

[chinese_mutt 11]

uhmm... is this your experience? got me confused.

[^KK^ 3]

um...i don't get it.

[Zee Bee 61]

Is your wife telling you this? I see that she is supposed to come May 3rd.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

It sounds like she is getting cold feet. Give her some time, and see what happens. Remittance is a fact of life with a Pinay bride. Even though she comes to America to be with you, she still has obligations back home. Blood is always thicker than water.

[Minya's wife 24]

Its a bit confusing what you're saying....your wife already has her visa and is ready to travel, but she's having second thoughts...and making additional financial requests (like putting the cousins through school)? Have these things been discussed before, how much support to give to family members left behind. Many recent immigrants feel that it is their duty to help out family members at home, but this is something that should be discussed in advance,....and budgeted for.

-P

[chinese_mutt 11]

uhm... if money is a problem, shouldn't you two have talked about it long before you ever came to the point of petitioning her?

second, shouldn't you tell her the truth about the money situation. it is always better to have an open communication about these things.

maybe she thought you can earn enough so she can send money.

honestly, remittances is a way of life here in the Philippines. I think majority of the families here have at least 1 family member abroad and sending them money. Both of you should talk about it.

Could be cold-feet. After all, a lot of things changes while we're all waiting for our visas, you should try and have an open communication. Maybe something happened while the papers are being processed.

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

i dont get it! calm down! breath! relax!.........AND................explain!

again! again again! in a more calm way....

Edited April 7, 2009 by Mariel_Esteban

[Kardi_Shian 0]

She got cold feet or OMG! Is she making a deal here??? Tell her you can't support everybody in the family and that you wish you were rich so you could do that. Even if you were rich, still her family is not your obligation. Its okay to help family once in a awhile but they are NOT your obligation and she knew that. You guys should talk about this and tell her your situation. How about telling her its okay to send money back home but when she gets here she has to work so she can do that and she must remember not all her paycheck should go to the Philippines because it wouldn't be fair for you if you would be the one working and your paycheck is for yor family and hers will just go to Phil. Its better to make things clear while you guys are not yet married.

[sunandmoon 450]

She got cold feet or OMG! Is she making a deal here??? Tell her you can't support everybody in the family and that you wish you were rich so you could do that. Even if you were rich, still her family is not your obligation. Its okay to help family once in a awhile but they are NOT your obligation and she knew that. You guys should talk about this and tell her your situation. How about telling her its okay to send money back home but when she gets here she has to work so she can do that and she must remember not all her paycheck should go to the Philippines because it wouldn't be fair for you if you would be the one working and your paycheck is for yor family and hers will just go to Phil. Its better to make things clear while you guys are not yet married.

they are married. they definately need some open communication about this issue.

[edmagenta5 0]

which is why me and my husband don't talk about money how much should go to a family member,.help with blahblah..borrow from blablah...

if we need to spend on something we either say yes buy it or don't buy it..including family members about finances is very complicated stuff.. if i were you..I would just tell the family members alright" to send money in the future..its so common in the Philippines..but if you don't send they are still family, if nothing to send what can they do about it...nothing...

[edmagenta5 0]

just say " yes we will send money...and that is it.. i mean do you need to give money now to the family before she has to leave the Philippines???...sorry...

which is why me and my husband don't talk about money how much should go to a family member,.help with blahblah..borrow from blablah...

if we need to spend on something we either say yes buy it or don't buy it..including family members about finances is very complicated stuff.. if i were you..I would just tell the family members alright" to send money in the future..its so common in the Philippines..but if you don't send they are still family, if nothing to send what can they do about it...nothing...

[rheanick 42]

she doesnt want to give up ehr job...will take one year leave of absense instead. Wonders about all the people who want to come to USA but cant, yet she has to do nothing to get ehre... and? "I guess that is God's way".... hmmm. Doesnt want to start over. Cant understand why she accomplished so much in life so young only to have to give it all up. Waits until 25 days before coming here to tell me she made a promise to the nieces of the brother "she doesnt talk with" because he squandered ehr money she sent) yet made a promise to them to put them through school and college... yet we dont hardly have enough income for ourselves, and I am having to put off school for that now myself... I dont understand so much... I feel very stupid and gullible.

Proper communication is needed here.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Is she making the money to support the nieces and nephews the big issue? You can just tell her that you're sorry but its not an option right now.

Maybe she is just nervous as hell to leave everything she has ever known..understandably.

Im sure you are hurt and your ego bruised thinking "how could she not want to jump on a plane asap and be here with me". I hope you guys can work it out and move forward.

Let her have her little freak out and then tell her she needs to make a decision..come or dont.

Edited April 7, 2009 by Y's_habibitk

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

It's okay to support her family financially as long as she get a job. Me and my husband agreed that I can send money to my mom and dad as long as that money comes from my salary. Tell her to get a job as soon as she gets here. Not only is she helping her folks back home. She can also help her husband with the bills.