Men are........

[shang 0]

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the ####### out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[abbynorm2 0]

1. Men are like

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20..00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking hat it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It WA s unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and

therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of

steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,

these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

[shang 0]

1. Men are like

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20..00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking hat it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It WA s unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and

therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of

steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,

these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

LOL

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. ! Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

[Ban Hammer 13,293]

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. ! Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

[kaibigan 8]

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ..... They irritate the ####### out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[David-and-Mae 15]

Since this is about male, I thought I'd add one that I found:

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

[shang 0]

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do!! he says u are CHEAP .

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK ;

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If! u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please !!!!!

If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......

but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

Words to remember for a while

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing.

That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

[Ban Hammer 13,293]

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do!! he says u are CHEAP .

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK ;

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If! u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please !!!!!

If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......

but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

Words to remember for a while

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing.

That is why we just have to be a little patient and the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...

Why men die first

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race - you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework - you're a wuss

If you work too hard - there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough - you're a good-for-nothing lazy jerk.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay - this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay - you should get off your lazy azz and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her - that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you - it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks - it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet - it's male indifference.

If you cry - you're a wimp.

If you don't - you're an insensitive #######.

If you make a decision without consulting her - you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you - she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy - that's domination.

If SHE asks you - it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear - you're a pervert.

If you don't - you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape - you're sexist.

If you don't - you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape - you're vain.

If you don't - you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers - you're after something.

If you don't - you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements - you're full of chit.

If you're not - you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache - she's tired.

If you have a headache - you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often - you're oversexed.

If you don't - there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to........

[SJ1819 2]

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. ! Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Same work, more pay. -- hahaha.. TRUE!

One mood all the time. -- yeah.. my fiance does, sometimes. lol

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. -- i almost wanted to tell him, PERMISSION TO SPEAK SIR!

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. -- we went for a 3-day stay in Vigan.. he packed our stuff together in ONE big size backpack. lol

You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. -- it scared me hahaha

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. -- ladies can't do that cause they love shopping. Lmao!

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. ! Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Same work, more pay. -- hahaha.. TRUE!

One mood all the time. -- yeah.. my fiance does, sometimes. lol

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. -- i almost wanted to tell him, PERMISSION TO SPEAK SIR!

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. -- we went for a 3-day stay in Vigan.. he packed our stuff together in ONE big size backpack. lol

You can ' do' your nails with a pocket knife. -- it scared me hahaha

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. -- ladies can't do that cause they love shopping. Lmao!

SO TRUE!!!

How the hell can they do all that?!!LOL

[sunandmoon 450]

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[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

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Pretty close!

[felb 0]

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wow, it was like watching me and my husband!