K1/K3/H-2B/E3/DCF... WTF. Help please.

[ashenflowers 5]

I feel that I should clarify that my issue with moving to my parents isn't so much the 'living with parents issue', as I do actually like my parents... lol but, it's the having to move away from friends and lose my job, and live in a very isolated situation for a few months (my parents live an hour and a 1/2 away from where I currently live, in a very small town). That's the part that bothers me, as it won't be a good experience, and I will have NO money as I'll be unemployed (there's no way I'd find a job in that area on a good day, let alone with everyone losing their jobs around here lately). Yes yes, that sounds whiny.... lol.. but I just know that being thrown into an unemployed/isolated situation in the midst of this experience, and STILL without my man, will be difficult to deal with.

Sadly, the reasons you give, above, are exactly the situation you will find yourself in when you immigrate. I know you can't appreciate that now - prior to moving - but you will when you get here. Maybe take a look at the Moving to America threads to give you an idea. It's a hard road to take.

Thank you, Krikit. That was the exact same response I was going to give Ashen after her post.

Ashen, many of us are under the assumption that once we move to be with our significant others, it will be SO amazing. And while it is no doubt great to live with them finally, many of us found it COMPLETELY isolating. What do you do all day while he is at work and you really have no where to go? There is only so much that can occupy you until you can start to feel a bit useless. It can be so lonely doing everything on your own.

Plus, why do you have to live with your parents? I'm not understanding it here. You don't have to move in with your parents if you don't want to and can support yourself as you are right now.

The only reason I moved in with my parents is because I had no other place to go and it was a good option for saving money. But it wasn't super necessary.

It goes beyond the rules and red tape of immigration. My emotional state was completely rocked that I even fought with my husband several times a weak. Various times I threatened to move home, packed a suit case, brought it to my car and just cried in it for hours. California is a long way from Ontario and I get the comfort of seeing my friends and family quite a few times a year since I only live in New Jersey. But I'm under the assumption that once you move, your visits may be infrequent. Just be careful in your decision making process. It's not the immigration process that is always the hardest to deal with, some times it's the part that comes afterward that can become a personal hell.

I replied to Kirkit as well already... but to explain your question, and my situation: I would actually have to move to my parents house if the 'delay' is longer than a couple months because in September there are already people lined up to move into the place that I live currently. I can't actually afford to support myself on my own if I move somewhere in this city temporarily, which is why the solution would likely be to move to my parents house. I am currently working out other options, but that is most likely, as I too would have no where else to go... right now I live with 2 roommates, which is the only way I can afford to be here as it is. It will be very hard to find someone else who would be willing to support me for a couple of months.

Also, my parents are moving out of Canada next year as well, and my brother is moving out of Canada with his family in August. My entire family happens to be moving out of here (other than aunts/uncles and what not)... so I would really have nothing to move back to here, and nothing to come back to visit. I've already spent a lot of time thinking this through and crying over the situation, and I know it's not over.

[SapphireDreams 71]

I mean this in the nicest way, but I honestly think you are glossing over the options we are giving you because you don't like our answers. You need to be realistic about timelines if you want to immigrate there legally and long term.

Realistically a H2B visa is likely impossible to attain. With no higher education and special skills a work visa is pretty much impossible for almost any one of us. Even if by some stroke of luck you were able to get a work visa... it would only be temporary and may cause you problems down the road. Not all work visas allow for someone to get a greencard and stay long term. There are a lot of things you're not taking into consideration. with a work visa.

Your intentions are very clear in this post. You want to immigrate there to live there for the long term. You need to realize that you have some really great options that will get you there permanently in less than a year. That is a pretty amazing option if you ask me.

If you have to leave wherever you are living in August, like thetreble said, you don't HAVE to go home. Sublease an appartment, stay with a friend, keep you current apartment month to month? There are options. Heck you could even go visit your bf for 2-3 months at the end while you are waiting, as long as it doesn't go over the 6 month visitor allowance - no one is stopping you as long as you get through the border with some ties to Canada. You could just come back for the interview. All we're trying to say is that living at home, isolated or not, will not be the end of the world. Especially if it's only for a few months.

And, regardless of how often you get see eachother, when there is an end in sight it's amazing how fast the time goes.

[Krikit 1,164]

Oh I know... I'm fully aware that I will end up unemployed for a few months, and will feel very isolated having moved away from friends and family (aside from my b/fs parents who also live in California). My b/f did the same thing last year before we met, as he used to live in Canada as well. But I think the difference is that we'll be through "most" of this stupid process by then, and that really takes a lot of worry out of it. And I've actually been WANTING to move away from here for a number of years. I'm not naive enough to think that it will be puppies and rainbows right away when I get there. lol The b/f and I have already discussed what sorts of things I could do to entertain myself and prevent myself from going crazy...lol I think that's part of why I wouldn't want to be stuck at my parents house, because having to go through that in Canada AND after I move will be frustrating.

I'm not looking for pity, by any means, I'm just wanting to talk about my situation I guess and get an understanding of things. I know all of you have been through a lot to get through this process, so it's probably annoying to hear from someone like me. I too find it frustrating to know that there ARE people who go against everything and just move on a whim and stay there illegally (I personally know 2 people who've done it that way, and it's annoying.. lol... oh, my b/f is not one of them btw... haha he's perfectly legal ).

"Being aware of it" vs "living with the reality of it" are poles apart. Let's bookmark this page. I'd love to hear how it's going for you about six months into immigration. I'm hoping my words don't sound harsh. It's hard to convey empathy and understanding on a message board. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just.....

Oh forget it. There are some things which you just have to experience for yourself.

[ashenflowers 5]

I mean this in the nicest way, but I honestly think you are glossing over the options we are giving you because you don't like our answers. You need to be realistic about timelines if you want to immigrate there legally and long term.

Realistically a H2B visa is likely impossible to attain. With no higher education and special skills a work visa is pretty much impossible for almost any one of us. Even if by some stroke of luck you were able to get a work visa... it would only be temporary and may cause you problems down the road. Not all work visas allow for someone to get a greencard and stay long term. There are a lot of things you're not taking into consideration. with a work visa.

Your intentions are very clear in this post. You want to immigrate there to live there for the long term. You need to realize that you have some really great options that will get you there permanently in less than a year. That is a pretty amazing option if you ask me.

If you have to leave wherever you are living in August, like thetreble said, you don't HAVE to go home. Sublease an appartment, stay with a friend, keep you current apartment month to month? There are options. Heck you could even go visit your bf for 2-3 months at the end while you are waiting, as long as it doesn't go over the 6 month visitor allowance - no one is stopping you as long as you get through the border with some ties to Canada. You could just come back for the interview. All we're trying to say is that living at home, isolated or not, will not be the end of the world. Especially if it's only for a few months.

And, regardless of how often you get see eachother, when there is an end in sight it's amazing how fast the time goes.

I've already realized the work visa is not a possibility now, so that's out. lol And yes, I know I am glossing over the answers because I am not hearing what I 'want' to... I AM taking in all of the information though, and it is helping me filter through what I need to do, and what I can or can't realisitcally expect, so, even if it's not what I want to hear, it's still helpful to me. Whether it's giving me hope, or just giving me a realistic outlook. I'm not sure if you saw my reply explaining why i'd likely be moving with my parents, but I won't repeat. I know I'm being a bit dramatic about that situation, but unfortunately my frustration is just coming out in here. lol

Honestly though, your comment is the first I've really heard that I actually could just visit there for the last 2-3 months of processing and come back for the interview. That's kind of what I DID want to hear LOL! I mean, I've realized that I could go to visit, but never realized that it would be possible to go that long while waiting for processing I guess, because to me, that feels like 'moving'. That was a bit of a 'duh' moment, but I was having a hard time figuring out if that's something i'd actually be 'allowed' to do... but yeah, if I am allowed to go there to 'visit', I can't see why I couldn't for the last little bit. Ok, ok, I did it again. I pounced on something I wanted to hear... lol

[BermyCat 1]

That's what I did for the last three months of my visa wait. Luckily, I was able work remotely so I packed up my laptop and hung out in Atlanta with Phil.

For some reason though, I feel way more homesick and frustrated now that I've actually moved than I did while I was here on an extended visit.

~ Catherine

[ashenflowers 5]

Oh I know... I'm fully aware that I will end up unemployed for a few months, and will feel very isolated having moved away from friends and family (aside from my b/fs parents who also live in California). My b/f did the same thing last year before we met, as he used to live in Canada as well. But I think the difference is that we'll be through "most" of this stupid process by then, and that really takes a lot of worry out of it. And I've actually been WANTING to move away from here for a number of years. I'm not naive enough to think that it will be puppies and rainbows right away when I get there. lol The b/f and I have already discussed what sorts of things I could do to entertain myself and prevent myself from going crazy...lol I think that's part of why I wouldn't want to be stuck at my parents house, because having to go through that in Canada AND after I move will be frustrating.

I'm not looking for pity, by any means, I'm just wanting to talk about my situation I guess and get an understanding of things. I know all of you have been through a lot to get through this process, so it's probably annoying to hear from someone like me. I too find it frustrating to know that there ARE people who go against everything and just move on a whim and stay there illegally (I personally know 2 people who've done it that way, and it's annoying.. lol... oh, my b/f is not one of them btw... haha he's perfectly legal ).

"Being aware of it" vs "living with the reality of it" are poles apart. Let's bookmark this page. I'd love to hear how it's going for you about six months into immigration. I'm hoping my words don't sound harsh. It's hard to convey empathy and understanding on a message board. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just.....

Oh forget it. There are some things which you just have to experience for yourself.

LOL!! No worries Krikit... I know what you're trying to say, and I appreciate it. It's one of those things that someone would probably think 'I really wish someone had warned me about this', so I appreciate your warnings. Message board discussions can be tough, and even reading my own responses over i'm like.. 'oh god, I must sound like such an idiot'. lol

I'm really glad to have found this forum though. At least I have someone to share my experiences with who have some idea of what I'm talking about.

[SapphireDreams 71]

As long as you don't bring all your stuff and *don't* appear to be moving there, you can definitely go to visit. You will be scrutinized at the border, so I would definitely be prepared to show some ties to Canada - which will be harder if you don't have a job and a lease etc. - but it's not impossible. I mean keep in mind it's up to the border guard's discretion to let you in.

But if you have a return ticket, and some ties to Canada and you only bring a small suitcase, there is a good chance you would be let in. I've seen lot's of people go visit here for 2-3 months at a time. You just cannot in any way possible make it appear like you are moving there. Proof of having filed for the K1 visa and a return ticket would 100% be necessary to hopefully make it work. You also may to asked to show proof you can support yourself monetarily (I've been asked that once when I was going for like 2 weeks). So ensure you have a good chunk of money you can lean on.

One of my best friend's sisters did this. She filed for a CR1 and already had an apartment with her husband. While she was filing she would stay in Canada for like 3-4 months and then she would go visit him for 1-3 months. She didn't have a job and lived at home. She did have trouble once - she only had a 1 way ticket because she wasn't sure when she was coming back.... but as soon as she whipped out her Army ID (her husband is military) they let her through, so it wasn't exactly the same as you. But after that she always bought a return ticket and didn't have a problem the next time.

Because a K1 could take up to 10-11 months and you would go in September, you would probably still need to come back to live with your parents for the last couple of months. But it would be better than being there the whole time.

Like I said, it's not a guarantee you'll be let through, but I think it's a definate possibility.

Edited April 8, 2009 by SapphireDreams

[Krikit 1,164]

Honestly though, your comment is the first I've really heard that I actually could just visit there for the last 2-3 months of processing and come back for the interview.

Ahem! *points downward*

You are not prevented from entering the US while waiting for your visa to be processed.

Visitation FAQ's

CBP FAQ - Canadian Visitors

[ashenflowers 5]

Honestly though, your comment is the first I've really heard that I actually could just visit there for the last 2-3 months of processing and come back for the interview.

Ahem! *points downward*

You are not prevented from entering the US while waiting for your visa to be processed.

Visitation FAQ's

CBP FAQ - Canadian Visitors

LOL!! yes yes... but I for some reason wasn't putting together the possibility of staying there for longer than a couple weeks. I think it was one of those things where I thought 'pssh, noooo that seems to easy'.. and well, yes they could easily turn me away, but I'd be no worse off than I was before really. lol

Edited April 8, 2009 by ashenflowers

[thetreble 19]

Well I'm glad you are getting our points, Ashen. Many people come here that ask questions but don't like to hear the answers to them. Also, most people want to do it the "easy" way.

As I said before, I visited the US, got engaged, married, filed AOS. But again, that was NOT easy. I sat on my ####### for 11 months throughout the whole process because there are certain stipulations.

Any ways, the most important thing to know is that so many think life will get magically better or change for them once they move. And usually, it's the exact opposite so that is why so many of us are just trying to slow down your thought process. It doesn't seem you've even been dating for an overly long time to so can I ask how old you are? It's not a judgment, I am just curious to know. Just don't rush this process, just like you wouldn't rush into getting married. It's a really big deal.

[ashenflowers 5]

Well I'm glad you are getting our points, Ashen. Many people come here that ask questions but don't like to hear the answers to them. Also, most people want to do it the "easy" way.

As I said before, I visited the US, got engaged, married, filed AOS. But again, that was NOT easy. I sat on my ####### for 11 months throughout the whole process because there are certain stipulations.

Any ways, the most important thing to know is that so many think life will get magically better or change for them once they move. And usually, it's the exact opposite so that is why so many of us are just trying to slow down your thought process. It doesn't seem you've even been dating for an overly long time to so can I ask how old you are? It's not a judgment, I am just curious to know. Just don't rush this process, just like you wouldn't rush into getting married. It's a really big deal.

Aye, we do feel like we are rushing a bit as is, and wish there was a way where we could do things like a 'normal' relationship, but I don't think anyone on this board has had that 'normal' experience.... lol So you understand.

I am 28, and my b/f is 32. We have thought, and hummed and hawwed about whether we should get married in this situation, because you're right, we really HAVEN'T been dating all that long... but ultimately we love each other, get along great in person and in conversation (i.e., internet/phone while apart). I know we could make it work, and would commit to making it work (which is... well... a commited marriage. lol). I've had two other 'serious' relationships in the past, and can't help but compare (though I know we should never compare with the past), and am very confident that I'd be happy with him the rest of my life.

[ashenflowers 5]

oh... p.s. if no one's noticed yet, I'm horrible at making decisions LOL And am also stubborn.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Thank you all for giving me cold feet!! No seriously, I'm 100% certain I've made the right decision, but reading everyone's experiences has really made me realize its not all rainbows and sunshine. There is a difficult road ahead, and thank you for preparing me now! I've recently realized I'm going to go from a fast-paced, busy, demanding life to sitting on my butt watching TV all day while my fiance/soon to be husband is at work and I have nobody to talk too...

Anyways, this thread isn't about me! I haven't posted because I'm not sure there is any advice I can give you aside from what the others have said. But I will say that the K-1 route has been very good to us thus far. I have my visa interview in Montreal at the end of the month... this means that I'll have my visa in hand less than 7 months from the date I filled the original petition. I don't think that's very long to wait for legal entry into the United States and the peace of knowing the rest of the immigration process will be much less painful then if we tried to do it in a sneaky way.

[Reba 2]

Why can't you move in with your parents and commute to your current job still?

[ashenflowers 5]

Thank you all for giving me cold feet!! No seriously, I'm 100% certain I've made the right decision, but reading everyone's experiences has really made me realize its not all rainbows and sunshine. There is a difficult road ahead, and thank you for preparing me now! I've recently realized I'm going to go from a fast-paced, busy, demanding life to sitting on my butt watching TV all day while my fiance/soon to be husband is at work and I have nobody to talk too...

Anyways, this thread isn't about me! I haven't posted because I'm not sure there is any advice I can give you aside from what the others have said. But I will say that the K-1 route has been very good to us thus far. I have my visa interview in Montreal at the end of the month... this means that I'll have my visa in hand less than 7 months from the date I filled the original petition. I don't think that's very long to wait for legal entry into the United States and the peace of knowing the rest of the immigration process will be much less painful then if we tried to do it in a sneaky way.

LOL! Well I'm glad you're so far as the interview stage at least Good luck!!! And this thread is about everyone! I figured other people could pick up some information from my whining and questions...

Reba - An hour and a 1/2 drive seems like a lot of gas money (it's about $15-20 round trip), a lot of miles (kms! lol) and wear and tear on my car, and just a LONG way to commute to a job. Also, the lease on my car is up at the end of October, so, be there any delays, I have no way to commute after that anyways if I'm still around... lol I'm going to try to work out an arrangement with my manager to see if I can work from home if I go to my parents. It wouldn't be so bad if I could do that!