My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[crazytown4u 0]

I think u should really lisen to your self are read your post and act like it is from someone else lets say me, i posted the info just just posted what would you say to me???

I know its hard to let go of someone u love, but time will heal b/c one day u will find someone who loves u more then u ever thought and your wife will just be dust in the wind plus sending her back home lol im sure that be pay back enough for her . You can hurt her back lol i know i said evil but pay back is a bleep u know and u seem like a good man u dont need drama in your life i know its better said then done, but then again if that was my husband cheating on me etc..... i would leave its going hurt me alot but ill live hell, and i live my like up so u know what u have to do. Let her Go and dont look back move on !

[tulum 0]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

Dude, so sorry for you. not to generalize, but i've heard that women from that part of the world can be cold and mean. not all tho, cuz i've met some. it sounds like she never really wanted the marriage in the first place and tried to dupe you. im sure you went thru alot to get her here and You really cared for her- hence forgiving her for bouncing out and being in a locked room with another guy. my first reaction is to say no way in hell would i put up with that- but love makes you do things you normally wouldnt. main thing now is to get her gone and move on[ didnt mean to rhyme ] call immigration on her, have her deported and if she cant be here for the divorce, it will be uncontested and you will be free to love again. be very careful next time. there are women all over the world-some looking to get over and some looking for a good man to be good to. find one of the latter.....on second thought, no way i would put up with the next guy in a locked room #######.... all her s**t woulda been on the lawn and the locks changed. good luck

[notscenenough 6]

Dude, so sorry for you. not to generalize, but i've heard that women from that part of the world can be cold and mean. not all tho, cuz i've met some. it sounds like she never really wanted the marriage in the first place and tried to dupe you. im sure you went thru alot to get her here and You really cared for her- hence forgiving her for bouncing out and being in a locked room with another guy. my first reaction is to say no way in hell would i put up with that- but love makes you do things you normally wouldnt. main thing now is to get her gone and move on[ didnt mean to rhyme ] call immigration on her, have her deported and if she cant be here for the divorce, it will be uncontested and you will be free to love again. be very careful next time. there are women all over the world-some looking to get over and some looking for a good man to be good to. find one of the latter.....on second thought, no way i would put up with the next guy in a locked room #######.... all her s**t woulda been on the lawn and the locks changed. good luck

THE PEOPLE FROM RUSSIA AND MOLDOVA ARE COLD AND MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN EASTERN PROMISES? ITS EXACTLY LIKE THAT!

huh......

[map1map 3]

THE PEOPLE FROM RUSSIA AND MOLDOVA ARE COLD AND MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN EASTERN PROMISES? ITS EXACTLY LIKE THAT!

huh......

If you judge two entire nations by the actions of characters in a movie, or your own experiences with a bunch of them, what's that saying about you?

[Merrillizer 0]

Yes, I have heard people from over there can be "cold" etc. My wife said I was the one being cold, but in reality, she really was. People are telling me now that they noticed she could very cold to me when were together around other folks. But i dont know, I didnt want to generalize and think of her that way and just write her off as a cold person from eastern europe lol. I'm not that mean. But maybe I just should have done that, and I couldve spared myself a lot of hurt. I guess I shouldve listend to my friend Tudor aka Toot, when he said "never believe a goddamn word that comes out of a girls mouth, always be suspicious" And I was like that before, but my wife changed me and made me a better person. Now she has just turned me back into my old self...so I wont make the same mistakes and be duped again. I am back to being suspicious of EVERYONE. Our "visa journey" was pretty hectic and stressful, but we overcame a lot of obstacles. I am glad I have the experience under my belt, but it did come a heavy cost, because of all the suffering we put each through. But my friends that know Silvia are saying now that she seemed like a beautiful girl that was right for me and was making me happy, but soon after we were married, some people changed their of opinion of her and now they say she seemed like she was a "little tyrant who wanted to control everything". People say she thinks she is so smart, but she is just a 23 year old kid who doesnt know poop. I dont agree totally, I believe she is intelligent, but she's book smart and STREET DUMB. She was very COLD at times, and too proud. To not be willing to apologize to your own "husband" is ridiculous. I mean, swallow your pride, its your HUSBAND. Well, not really, because this marriage was a fraud and nothing more than a glorified friendship. A "friendship with benefits" per say. My wife basically told me...."I did this for you, I did that to you, and I was a good wife for a whopping 5 and half months, now I am done, so give me my green card." YEAH RIGHT.

Well, my wife defaulted yet again. She did not show up to the court today for the divorce case manager hearing. An immigration officer was present, waiting for her to walk in the door. But she didnt show. It makes my case for annulment look even better now. I have stop the divorce petition, and amended it to be switched to an annulment. The court even said that if Silvia really did take this "marriage" seriously, then why didnt she show up to have it ended? She just keeps showing blatant disregard for everything here in the U.S. She has defaulted on everything....her marriage, her lease, her AOS package etc etc. The immigration officer told me they are investigating her for potential marriage fraud and aiding & abetting illegal aliens, and he also mentioned the fact (which I had forgotten about) that she left our marriage, walked out, moved in with illegal aliens, then never reported her change of address to USCIS, which she was supposed to do. They are interested in that as well. I had the "agreement contract" that Silvia had printed out and wanted me to sign. Her signature is already on it lol. Boy did his eyes light up when I pulled that paper out lol. The court was shocked too, and I believe because of that agreement, all the red flags I have written down, and the fact that she has defaulted on everything in her new life, my annulment will be granted. So the court has put a stop to everything, until she leaves by utilizing Willful Departure or is apprehended by ICE and deported. There will be no divorce, she is still legally married, so if she planned to find some other guy to pay for a fraudulant marriage, those plans just went out the window for her. I will not be appearing in court for the annulment hearing until she has departed the U.S. They will not schedule it until she is gone.

I believe that Russian lawyer down in Virginia that she contacted may have advised her to not show up and default, in hopes I would be granted the divorce automatically, and she would be free to remarry even though she is out-of-status. Well, that didnt work, I threw a monkeywrench into that machine. Not gonna work. I believe he also told her that her 3 other options are sit around illegally waiting for amnesty, file for asylum, and VAWA. But, asylum would be ridiculous, because there is no real threat to wife back home. And VAWA wouldnt work because my wife has no police report or abuse evidence because she was never abused lol. The only thing she has a restraining order that she lied to the court to get. But there is no evidence to support her claims, so I highly doubt an immigration judge would grant a VAWA petition with absolutely no evidence whatsoever. I feel bad my wife had to perjur herself in court to get what she wanted. Wait, no I dont feel bad, and I'm not surprised she lied right to a judge because since hanging out with the illegals, she has changed exponentially and has been lying about everything and anything. Every sentence that comes out of her mouth now is a complete lie. What a tangled web we weave when we choose to deceive. She thinks her lies, falsehoods, fairy tales, myths and false reports will equal some sort of delay in her deportation or allow her an extended stay or maybe even lawful permanent residency. But what she doesnt realize is, is out-of-status and illegal RIGHT NOW, and thats when ICE nabs ya. They were there today to get here. Lucky for her, she didnt show her face. But lucky for me, she didnt, because she just made my argument for annulment much easier to prove. none of this was serious to her, and now she is "on the lam" and hiding from ICE.

No more court dates/hearings until she is back where she belongs, in Chisinau, Moldova. Suffice to say I wont fall into that trap again and rescue somebody from that futureless rathole landfill.

Edited May 5, 2009 by Merrillizer

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

Suffice to say I wont fall into that trap again and rescue somebody from that futureless rathole landfill.

It's nice to know that you've established the entirety of your opinion of the people of that country on your one bad experience with a girl...

Magpie.

[map1map 3]

Suffice to say I wont fall into that trap again and rescue somebody from that futureless rathole landfill.

It's nice to know that you've established the entirety of your opinion of the people of that country on your one bad experience with a girl...

Magpie.

But I already know he farts and laughs at the noise, which tells me enough about him:)

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[emmaline_g 2]

Must you all act so superior and nitpicky to the guy? Give him a break...

yeah yeah he's saying things that may be offensive to the super-sensitive, but I highly doubt all of you remain cool and P.C. when you're in such a trying situation. May you never have to go through what this guy's going through, and if you do, I look forward to your calm, relaxed reaction.

Merrillizer I don't have anything helpful to say. All the best

[Merrillizer 0]

Suffice to say I wont fall into that trap again and rescue somebody from that futureless rathole landfill.

It's nice to know that you've established the entirety of your opinion of the people of that country on your one bad experience with a girl...

Magpie.

Please let me explain that statement before you cast stones.....I in no way meant to generalize the nation of Moldova and its people. Like I said above previously, I DID NOT want to listen to people when they said "those people are always cold". I DIDN'T do that to my wife. What I meant by that was, I will not fall into another love trap with an immigrant, and I will be more cautious when I meet someone else in the future to protect myself from another horrible and trying situation such as this one. In fact, I love Moldovians and Romanians and their culture. My "wife" was a great person in the beginning. However, the question remains.....was who I met and "knew" in the beginning the actual genuine person? Or a front to get a reward called Lawful Permanent Residency?

As far as the farting, that was a joke as Tudor had told us a funny story how is former girlfriend farted while they were in bed. We were picking on him. Sorry, it was funny! HAHAHAAA

Edited May 5, 2009 by Merrillizer

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

Please let me explain that statement before you cast stones.....I in no way meant to generalize the nation of Moldova and its people. Like I said above previously, I DID NOT want to listen to people when they said "those people are always cold". I DIDN'T do that to my wife. What I meant by that was, I will not fall into another love trap with an immigrant, and I will be more cautious when I meet someone else in the future to protect myself from another horrible and trying situation such as this one. In fact, I love Moldovians and Romanians and their culture. My "wife" was a great person in the beginning. However, the question remains.....was who I met and "knew" in the beginning the actual genuine person? Or a front to get a reward called Lawful Permanent Residency?

I stand corrected, in that case, but as others have said on this thread, for your own health and wellbeing you need to stop obsessing over what happened. Trust me, I've undergone some horrific experiences with my family and thank God I'm away from them now, but I'm just focussing on the future in my life with my Knight rather than what happened in the past. By allowing her to dominate your life even now, assuming that you've shared the entirety of the truth here, you're only letting her win over you.

Magpie.

[angie007 0]

i just want to say sorry..I felt like I watched a movie after reading your post....I hope you'll be fine..just be strong

[Merrillizer 0]

Thank you. And yes, I admit I have been letting her control me. She has had a power over me, she manipulated me and our situation. I am trying not to let her control my life, because it has consumed much of my time. I have tried VERY hard to just "forgive and forget", but I still cant stop thinking that she just does not belong here and does not deserve to rewarded after what she has done to me and my family after all that we did. I am sorry for this. But, thats who I am, and thats my opinion. I believe she created this monster her self, and she chose her friend Tanya and illegal aliens over me and my family. She made the choice. She chose to listen to them. She says they are her "friends", and she thinks she is "having fun". Well, those "friends" effectively sped up the process of destroying her marriage and getting her AOS package canceled and withdrawn. So if thats the type of friends she wants around her, then so be it. Its out of my hands now. But I cant help but think those "friends" wont be around any more when she is detained. Where will those new "friends" be then. They'll more than likely be in the clink too.

Again, let me say again that I do not want members of visajourney to think that this is all one sided and all her fault. I made mistakes and took my wife for granted at times. Yes I was cold to her sometimes. Yes I would get overly irritated and aggravated with her sometimes because of the stress of this AOS process. And yes, sometimes I didnt understand my wife and everything she was going through. Sometimes we didnt understand each other, and it gots worse the last few months we were together. BUT, with all that said, I DO NOT think I deserved everything she has done. I never hit her, cheated on her, did drugs, or did any of those serious things that usually warrant a spouse walking out and leaving. But someday I will be happen again, and I can promise that I will NEVER make the same mistakes EVER again. If I fall in love again, I will NEVER take the girl for granted and make the same mistakes I did in this relationship and marriage. So at least I'm covered there. I dont have to worry about ever kicking myself in the #### and wondering what couldve been if I had just smartened up and loved my wife the way I should have, like I did during the first few months we were together. Somewhere along the line I just got lazy with my love and I got complacent. And I regret that very, very much. Everything changes......

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Must you all act so superior and nitpicky to the guy? Give him a break...

yeah yeah he's saying things that may be offensive to the super-sensitive, but I highly doubt all of you remain cool and P.C. when you're in such a trying situation. May you never have to go through what this guy's going through, and if you do, I look forward to your calm, relaxed reaction.

Merrillizer I don't have anything helpful to say. All the best

quick answer: yes, you bet. when someone comes into VJ and plasters soap operas like this one in the forum.- they are inviting comments.

That and I think that if you are an adult, you do not seek personal advise from strangers on the internet and seriously expect everyone to side with you. PLUS:

[rlogan 2,036]

she chose her friend Tanya and illegal aliens over me and my family. She made the choice. She chose to listen to them.

The target of a con artist is never a viable option. You keep working from the wrong assumption. Were she forthright she never would have entered your life.

You keep working from the perspective that you were together and things could have been great if only she could "listen" to you.

But that is the perspective of your fairy tale, not reality. The reality is that you cannot talk someone into loving you.

Try to imagine a girl you just loathe - some incredibly obese frankenstien monster with gangrene rotting away her limbs. Could you possibly "listen" to such a person enough to enjoy makng love to them?

You would probably rather hang out with criminals than to cozy up to such a woman and lather all that gangrene on yourself, right?

I never hit her, cheated on her, did drugs, or did any of those serious things that usually warrant a spouse walking out and leaving.

If you married this gargantuan pile of rotting, stinking flesh in order to get into the country, you would not be impressed with her fidelity, sobriety, or lack of physical violence towards you.

Would you be saying - gosh, you are the most repulsive thing in history, and those scabs leaking buckets of pus out of your face probably carry infectious diseases that will kill me, but you're kinda nice so gimme some french kisses with the tongue that tastes like bat guano. Yum!

Ya think?

if I had just smartened up and loved my wife the way I should have, like I did during the first few months we were together. Somewhere along the line I just got lazy with my love and I got complacent. And I regret that very, very much. Everything changes......

And if this putrid corpse, dripping with stench that made you vomit was lamenting that had she only loved you more, you would have stayed with her -

You would say she was out of her mind, right?

OK so - you're out of your mind. Remember I am sympathetic. I've been had before too. She never loved you. The thread title about throwing her marriage and life away is a mistake.

She never had a marriage or life with you in the first place. It was fraud.

A counterfeit 20 dollar bill is not money if it tries hard enough. Lead cannot be transmuted into gold.

She never loved you.

Take care. Try to fill your life with something else.