My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

As others have said on here, you need to protect yourself. She could try to make up anything in order to put you in a bad light, and unfortunately, courts have a tendency to listen to the girl more than the guy.

It's so sad that some people are so materialistically driven. Yes, you do need money to survive, but how can someone steal that away from someone else who has worked hard for it? You choose to be with someone because you look beyond the material things and see who they are, and that's what fortifies a relationship. You should be gracious for what you have been given, but taking advantage is a step too far. That she chose to attack you in anger because you discovered her untruths and deception sickens me, when you had done nothing wrong.

R&AINC is right -- love is incredibly blinding, but I know you'll heal and you'll find someone who will look beyond the material things and see only you. :: hug :: Don't think about the why or the how too much because it'll hurt even more. If you spend all your time wondering, then you'll only be compelled to try and repair a bridge which will always collapse beneath you. Don't fill your head with thoughts of her, because she doesn't deserve to be in your head; look to what you can change and focus on yourself instead.

Magpie.

[GiGii 4]

You gave her way to much opportunity to fix things... her intention was never to "fix" the marriage, it was to mend it back together long enough to get the GC. By your description of her behavior, seems she had a plan from the beginning.

This is so classical Russian/Moldovian/Ukranian. They are all kissy kissy and then they get here, they get married and the claws come out.

Back home, I'm sure she received a good schooling on what to do, when and so forth to gain her own independence... hence her anger about you registering the car in your name and not hers. She wanted it in hers, so she could take off and you would have squat to complain about.

These ladies are well trained, and quickly develop their own circle of similar friends (i.e. like the Russians down the block), they all know the scoop of immigration better than the USC does. The immigrants give advice to each other on how to screw the USC, and when the USC puts up a fight (like you did), they file abuse claims under VAWA, so they will still be allowed to stay in the US legally.

Be very careful with her, avoid all contact. I'd say since she attacked you, go file a restraining order on her. Protect yourself. Not sure where you live, and what the divorce laws are, but some are 50/50 states and she can go after her share.

File your restraining order before your court date, document what happened which day with her (i.e. man caught in bed, phone records of new lover, etc). Continue to document what goes on. You are done with her, let ICE go after her. Don't contact her boss or her friends, she'll say you are stalking her.

My recommendation is to have NO contact with her... its in your best interest to protect yourself & your assets.

[Merrillizer 0]

I suppose her restraining order against me is because I pushed her off my head, only after my face was cut up and bloodied by her clawing and scratching, and I had a black eye from her slamming her finger into it.

I don't know how bad it was but, could you still get a police report for her agression to you? I think you may need it latter.

I am not sure if it would help. Besides, they would probably laugh at me anyway now since it happened late last Friday night, and here it is Tuesday now. The only thing that helped me is the fact that I called the police on her one day during the first week after she originally walked out on her marriage. She coming over almost everyday trying to work out an "agreement" with me so I would still help her stay here legally. I was so busy trying to reconcile, but she was still under the impression she deserved to be rewarded for her actions. I think it was 4 or 5 days after she left, I was talking to her on Yahoo messenger, and she suddenly wasnt online anymore. Then, about 10 minutes later, I heard banging on the front door. I opened it, to see my wife standing there with the giant 4 foot tall teddy bear I had bought her for Valentines Day, she barged in, shoved me out of the way, and made a B-line for the kitchen counter where she went right to the knife block and grabbed a huge carving knife from it. She turned to come back into the living room, and I was like, #######? I had my hands in the air, totally shocked. She gave me a look as she moved past me, back towards the front door, and thats where she started started stabbing the teddy bear in the chest and cutting it up. I just stood there and watched in amazement. I couldnt believe what was happening. When she was done, she then started going about the house finding pictures of us and ripping them up all over the places, smashing things, tipping things over, etc. At this point, she had realized that because she had walked away and turned her back on me and my family, that our sponsor (my brother in law) was no longer willing to co-sponsor her. This made her realize it was probably over for her, and she became engraged.

I waited about an hour, and I decided to call the police, not because I was scared of my 5' 3" 100 pound wife, but because I wanted to protect myself from any future problems that may arise. I wanted the police to know that something had already happened here in this house, regarding my wife, so if they had any future reports, they would see that she had already done something and had already shown intent to do whatever. I just wanted the situation documented. And the only reason the police didnt arrest her for domestic violence, was because even though she pulled a knife out, the teddy bear was "technically" hers because I had given it to her as a gift. The police said if it had been my property, they would have had to arrest her on domestic violence charges even if I DIDNT want her arrested, I wouldve had no say in the matter. She got lucky. But I didnt want her arrested anyway.

She is working illegally at a pizza shop uptown. The owner is very nice. He helped her with work back in late Fall last year. I brought my wife there just on a hunch, she walked in, then came out a few minutes later and said "honey, I got a job". I was happy for her, even though it was a "under the table". But right after the New Year holiday, he let her go. He told her that it was because some officials had come to the restaurant that morning inquiring about illegal workers. He said he was sorry, but she couldnt work there anymore. However, I have a funny feeling that was a lie. I think the owners wife told him to let her go because she did not like my wife. My wife constantly complained about her, saying how she always told her she was doing everything wrong and how she made my wife feel like #######. My wife was upset almost every night I picked her up from there. I think this because the guy just rehired my wife about 3 weeks ago, and his wife no longer works at that restaurant anymore. So his wife is gone, and my wife conveniently has her illegal job back lol. I told him on several occasions already, that my wife no longer has legal status here, and it his decision to continue to "help" her and risk getting into trouble because of her illegal status. He told me he was only going to let her to continue work there until this Friday, which happens to be the day of our restraining order hearing.

My love for her did blind me. I do know who my wife is, at least I think I do know her. And although I may not believe she actually had sex with another guy, I just cant fathom why she would lie so much and show so much intent to do so by lying and making herself LOOK guilty. I just dont get it. She must be doing it to hurt me. Lying about things to make me jealous. It seems so immature. It seems everything she has done and every choice and decision she has made since March 5th is extremely immature and petty.

I will not have any contact with her at all. It is not worth losing my life over, and I will not give her the satisfaction of destroying me anymore. She has self-destructed herself and thrown away her life here. I wanted nothing more than to start a new life with this girl here in my country, but she just trashed everything. But I have to admit that it is aggravating to hear her say things like "I am still in this country because I am a student, NOT because of you". That is so untrue and hurtful, because the reality is, she was lucky to get her J-1 last Summer, because she had already been graduated from Universiity in Romania the year before. She technically was not supposed to come here with the group last Summer. She somehow got lucky and got that J-1. But what she totally forgot about, or, maybe just became ignorant too and doesnt want to admit, is the fact that I was her petitioner. I MARRIED HER to start a life TOGETHER here. I didnt have to do that. I couldve let her go home on Sept. 25th 2008. But I didnt want to lose her. I gave up my whole life as I knew it then, for her. I gave it all up to totally change my way of life, to start a new one with her. And she utterly spits in my face and denies this simple fact. She is still in this country because of ME. So much for being a loving husband and petitioner.......

[leapoffaith 0]

good riddance, episodes like this take you backwards in this short life.

And where do you find such queasy and easy ladies

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

I'm glad that you've got in touch with the police. Make a note and copies of everything that she's done, and keep it safe. Get a restraining order against her so she can no longer invade your space, because she still feels she has some power over you and is abusing that. Don't allow her to intimidate you, and by that, I'm not suggesting you're afraid of her; it can be very heart-wrenching and painful when someone you thought loved you is behaving that way. Stop thinking about why she kept lying to you; that will only drive you mad. The simple, cold reason is that she was manipulating you and using you, and knowing that you were a good person who would believe whatever came out of her mouth, she took advantage of that.

Please take care of yourself in all of this. Don't let someone that abominable win when you've done nothing wrong.

Magpie.

[daboyz 36]

I suppose her restraining order against me is because I pushed her off my head, only after my face was cut up and bloodied by her clawing and scratching, and I had a black eye from her slamming her finger into it.

I don't know how bad it was but, could you still get a police report for her agression to you? I think you may need it latter.

I am not sure if it would help. Besides, they would probably laugh at me anyway now since it happened late last Friday night, and here it is Tuesday now. The only thing that helped me is the fact that I called the police on her one day during the first week after she originally walked out on her marriage. She coming over almost everyday trying to work out an "agreement" with me so I would still help her stay here legally. I was so busy trying to reconcile, but she was still under the impression she deserved to be rewarded for her actions. I think it was 4 or 5 days after she left, I was talking to her on Yahoo messenger, and she suddenly wasnt online anymore. Then, about 10 minutes later, I heard banging on the front door. I opened it, to see my wife standing there with the giant 4 foot tall teddy bear I had bought her for Valentines Day, she barged in, shoved me out of the way, and made a B-line for the kitchen counter where she went right to the knife block and grabbed a huge carving knife from it. She turned to come back into the living room, and I was like, #######? I had my hands in the air, totally shocked. She gave me a look as she moved past me, back towards the front door, and thats where she started started stabbing the teddy bear in the chest and cutting it up. I just stood there and watched in amazement. I couldnt believe what was happening. When she was done, she then started going about the house finding pictures of us and ripping them up all over the places, smashing things, tipping things over, etc. At this point, she had realized that because she had walked away and turned her back on me and my family, that our sponsor (my brother in law) was no longer willing to co-sponsor her. This made her realize it was probably over for her, and she became engraged.

I waited about an hour, and I decided to call the police, not because I was scared of my 5' 3" 100 pound wife, but because I wanted to protect myself from any future problems that may arise. I wanted the police to know that something had already happened here in this house, regarding my wife, so if they had any future reports, they would see that she had already done something and had already shown intent to do whatever. I just wanted the situation documented. And the only reason the police didnt arrest her for domestic violence, was because even though she pulled a knife out, the teddy bear was "technically" hers because I had given it to her as a gift. The police said if it had been my property, they would have had to arrest her on domestic violence charges even if I DIDNT want her arrested, I wouldve had no say in the matter. She got lucky. But I didnt want her arrested anyway.

She is working illegally at a pizza shop uptown. The owner is very nice. He helped her with work back in late Fall last year. I brought my wife there just on a hunch, she walked in, then came out a few minutes later and said "honey, I got a job". I was happy for her, even though it was a "under the table". But right after the New Year holiday, he let her go. He told her that it was because some officials had come to the restaurant that morning inquiring about illegal workers. He said he was sorry, but she couldnt work there anymore. However, I have a funny feeling that was a lie. I think the owners wife told him to let her go because she did not like my wife. My wife constantly complained about her, saying how she always told her she was doing everything wrong and how she made my wife feel like #######. My wife was upset almost every night I picked her up from there. I think this because the guy just rehired my wife about 3 weeks ago, and his wife no longer works at that restaurant anymore. So his wife is gone, and my wife conveniently has her illegal job back lol. I told him on several occasions already, that my wife no longer has legal status here, and it his decision to continue to "help" her and risk getting into trouble because of her illegal status. He told me he was only going to let her to continue work there until this Friday, which happens to be the day of our restraining order hearing.

My love for her did blind me. I do know who my wife is, at least I think I do know her. And although I may not believe she actually had sex with another guy, I just cant fathom why she would lie so much and show so much intent to do so by lying and making herself LOOK guilty. I just dont get it. She must be doing it to hurt me. Lying about things to make me jealous. It seems so immature. It seems everything she has done and every choice and decision she has made since March 5th is extremely immature and petty.

I will not have any contact with her at all. It is not worth losing my life over, and I will not give her the satisfaction of destroying me anymore. She has self-destructed herself and thrown away her life here. I wanted nothing more than to start a new life with this girl here in my country, but she just trashed everything. But I have to admit that it is aggravating to hear her say things like "I am still in this country because I am a student, NOT because of you". That is so untrue and hurtful, because the reality is, she was lucky to get her J-1 last Summer, because she had already been graduated from Universiity in Romania the year before. She technically was not supposed to come here with the group last Summer. She somehow got lucky and got that J-1. But what she totally forgot about, or, maybe just became ignorant too and doesnt want to admit, is the fact that I was her petitioner. I MARRIED HER to start a life TOGETHER here. I didnt have to do that. I couldve let her go home on Sept. 25th 2008. But I didnt want to lose her. I gave up my whole life as I knew it then, for her. I gave it all up to totally change my way of life, to start a new one with her. And she utterly spits in my face and denies this simple fact. She is still in this country because of ME. So much for being a loving husband and petitioner.......

I had a similar situation happen to me in Thailand with my ex-girlfriend. Her sister came at me with a knife and we all were taken to the police station. Somehow I was the one that had to sign a confession. I sat her down the next day and told her, "One of is is gonna end up dead, the other in jail the way this is going." She looked me straight in the eye and said, "which one do you want?" I split the next day, met my wife about a month later. Everything sucked for awhile, but it all worked out in the end.

She aint worth dieing over. Walk away. Let her stay in the US if she wants. Just walk away. Not your problem any longer. Get a divorce and move on. I know it sucks now, but you'll look back and say WOW! what a good move that was.

[bayojona3231 4]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

I am sorry to hear this. You deserve a better wife. Like it was previously stated, I would call a locksmith and change all the locks. Good luck.

[Carlos and Jocel 2]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

@@@ THIS MAY BE A HARSH WORD TO YOU BUT DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF S-T-U-P-I-D- TO BE TAKEN FOR GHRANTED !!!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I do not want to risk having a 10 year commitment to this girl with a I-864 if she living here illegally or doing god knows what.

You've successfully withdrawn the I-130, so there is no existing I-864. In other words, you are no longer her sponsor in the eyes of the USCIS.

[Kiv 32]

I had a similar situation happen to me in Thailand with my ex-girlfriend. Her sister came at me with a knife and we all were taken to the police station. Somehow I was the one that had to sign a confession. I sat her down the next day and told her, "One of is is gonna end up dead, the other in jail the way this is going." She looked me straight in the eye and said, "which one do you want?" I split the next day, met my wife about a month later. Everything sucked for awhile, but it all worked out in the end.

She aint worth dieing over. Walk away. Let her stay in the US if she wants. Just walk away. Not your problem any longer. Get a divorce and move on. I know it sucks now, but you'll look back and say WOW! what a good move that was.

I totally agree with you. To have a disagreement or a fight has a very different effect when there are knives in the way.

To the OP. I wish you to solve your situation in the painless and fastest way. Good luck!

[daboyz 36]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

@@@ THIS MAY BE A HARSH WORD TO YOU BUT DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF S-T-U-P-I-D- TO BE TAKEN FOR GHRANTED !!!

I hope one day I have a life as perfect as yours must be.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

i would also get some affidavits from people who are familiar with your situation (notarized just in case, do that for free at a local bank) so that the court can see that there are people around you who recognize she is psycho as well.

im really very sorry to hear about your situation, but there's a reason things worked out the way they did. you probably would have been way more miserable down the road. at least it ended now before things got serious, or God forbid, she had a child from you (or someone else and tried to pin it on you).

Good luck..........try to learn from the mistakes you made with her and apply them when you meet someone in the future.

my best wishes.

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

@@@ THIS MAY BE A HARSH WORD TO YOU BUT DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF S-T-U-P-I-D- TO BE TAKEN FOR GHRANTED !!!

I hope one day I have a life as perfect as yours must be.

People who are taken for granted are never stupid; they're generous and compassionate. Love is overwhelming and powerful, and we are compelled to do whatever we can to make our loved ones happy. Like daboyz said, that we all would have such a perfect life as yours that you've never known what it is to be taken for granted.

Magpie.

[Merrillizer 0]

@@@ THIS MAY BE A HARSH WORD TO YOU BUT DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF S-T-U-P-I-D- TO BE TAKEN FOR GHRANTED !!!

I hope one day I have a life as perfect as yours must be.

People who are taken for granted are never stupid; they're generous and compassionate. Love is overwhelming and powerful, and we are compelled to do whatever we can to make our loved ones happy. Like daboyz said, that we all would have such a perfect life as yours that you've never known what it is to be taken for granted.

Magpie.

I really appreciate everyones responses. But please let me say that I do not think I am perfect in this situation I am in now. I KNOW FOR SURE that I also took my wife Silvia for granted many times. She WAS a great wife, friend, lover, sidekick, partner etc. But there were times when I forgot she was so close to me, just upstairs in her room. I would stay downstairs in my office working. Even though she had lost her job and was always home in the house only feet or yards away from me, I would still seem to make her feel alone. She told me I was very "cold" to her. I do see what she meant by that now, and I know now what I did to make her feel so cold and alone in our own place.

With that said, I still cannot believe that I deserved what she did to me. These things are simple emotional problems that could be worked out fairly easily with time. But she chose to just pack up and walk away. She turned her back on me and my family for pretty petty reasons. I never cheated, never raised a hand to her, never made her do things she didnt want to do. I never abused her in a way that deserved such a drastic reaction as to just walk away. I was so willing to talk with a marriage counselor, or someone at an Orthodox Church in the area she could be familiar with, or some other outside mediation. But my wife totally refused outside help, to her any sort of outside mediation means your "cuckoo" and nuts in the head. She was totally unwilling to even consider it.

At this point right now, I am compiling police reports and making a list of red flags to bring to court Friday morning. There are many red flags that I noticed that made me suspect of her and her ultimate goals and real reasons for marrying me. I do believe that my wife liked me or maybe even loved me just enough to marry to stay here, but I question whether she loved me enough to actually take the marriage seriously and make it last. Obviously, with her actions, it seems she just couldnt pretend anymore, and she walked away, risking everything we had worked so hard for. We went through a lot this winter with her paperwork. We overcame many obstacles and made it through a massive amount of stress. I thought we had made it, but apparently something happened with her and she couldnt do it anymore. But I know one thing, her actions since March 5th and her decision to walk away was totally ridiculous. I did nothing to deserve such a thing.

I suppose I will report back after the court hearing. Immigration & Customs Enforcement as well as border enforcement has informed me that they want her out of the U.S. and the only thing they care about after her departure is if she tried to return. They said she is subject to a 5 year ban on re-entry into the U.S. because of her actions. To be honest, depending on how bad she tries to smear me in court with false accusations and reports, maybe I wouldn't mind if somehow they detained her right there at the court until I.C.E. officials came to get her. I mean, she is going to be right there at the court, if she shows up. Considering that both USCIS and ICE both stated that she has no legal recourse here and has no legal status in the U.S. and absolutely no reason to still be here whatsoever, can you think of a better time to detain her? I am truly amazed at what this has become.....

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

Thanks for the responses. I am still trying to figure out why she blatantly lied right to my face so many times in only several days after her returning home. So many lies in like 4 days lol. I know I should forget about it, but it just drives me crazy. I guess she just didnt think I deserved the truth, about anything, so she lied about everything to try and make me upset and jealous etc. She just did it to hurt me I suppose. But she just doesnt understand or realize that she hurt me more than enough when she originally walked out on me March 5th. That was enough. How much more does she want to hurt and destroy me?

I let her attack me after she saw and read the letter from USCIS stating her papers were canceled. I let her take out all her frustrations on me. About a minute into her attack, I felt her finger go in and under my left eye. It was a very uncomfortable feeling. Thats when my natural instinct kicked in and I pushed her off of me. I instantly thought my eye was damaged or going to get poked out. It was scary, and it was an instant reaction to get her away at that point. How long do you let someone hit on you and claw you up before your instincts kick in? I suppose her restraining order against me is because I pushed her off my head, only after my face was cut up and bloodied by her clawing and scratching, and I had a black eye from her slamming her finger into it.

My wife actually assumed that I would still help her "get her papers" after she walked out on me. She wanted to make an "agreement", some monthly payment to me so I would live a lie and say that I was still with her as real, legitimate husband and wife. I couldnt do such a thing. I admit, I actually contemplated it. I wondered if I loved my wife enough to lie. Then I came to the conclusion that I could love NOBODY enough to enable them to desert and abandon me that way. I did not love my wife enough to enable and allow her to just walk out of our marriage and assume everything would be a bed of roses. Thats what she assumed, she thought she could just trash our marriage, walk out on me and turn her back on her husband and his loving family that accepted her so much, and still be rewarded with lawful permanent residency in the United States.

The one thing that I just cannot understand, is why should there be a hearing to determine whether a restraining order should become permanent when the person who filed it shouldnt even be in this country, but should instead be home thousands of miles away on the other side of the planet? It totally blows my mind. Question is, how could she file for any sort of removal of conditions when she was still pending and we never even had an interview yet? She never even received her EAD yet. It was canceled, luckily, before she was rewarded with anything.

I’ve been thinking a lot about your posts here and what I have to say is my honest opinion, but please do not think that I’m being mean-spirited or am trying to hurt you in some way by saying this. I am actually attempting to do the opposite—I want to help.

The way you have presented your story seems a bit skewed to me. For you to come across as this “nice guy” in such extreme circumstances is unrealistic, and I have to wonder if you’re telling the absolute truth about your actions. After your wife attacked you and clawed at your face, you didn’t do anything? Didn’t even call the police? I find it very hard to understand why you didn’t—and I’m not entirely sure I believe that it’s simply because you’re a “nice guy.” I know plenty of nice guys who would have called the police and had that woman arrested—wife or not. You are obviously not dumb; in fact, you seem like you’re quite intelligent, which makes your course of action more suspect to me. I don’t believe you’re giving us the whole story here—which I can understand—if I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t, either. You’re vulnerable and need support right now. But let me just say—and I don’t know this for certain, and you don’t have to say one way or another whether this is true or not—if you attacked that woman in a non self-defense manner either at the time of or before she attacked you, you really need to get an attorney. Run—don’t walk.

The other thing that causes me some suspicion is that you seem to understand what, exactly, a restraining order is and are very worried about her getting one against you. For those who don’t know, a restraining order is a temporary, court-issued order that is issued based on the SUSPICION that somebody (an ex, usually) will cause harm to you, either by stalking or harassment. Restraining orders are not criminally enforceable. A protective order is different—that is an order that is issued if someone HAS attacked you or cause you some sort of harm. YOU could get a protective order against her, if she did actually attack you in the manner you described and there is evidence to back it up. That is, unless there’s some reason that you don’t want to get one. I don’t know—it just doesn’t add up to me. I’m not a lawyer, but I grew up with a lawyer as a father and I used to work at a family practice law firm, so I feel like I know at least this much.

Personal opinion here: I think your ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife may be able to get her restraining order because there have been a few things that you’ve done that aren’t exactly working in your favor. For example, your rummaging through phone records and “keeping tabs” on her may come up. Also, your going to ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife’s work place and “ratting her out” can be interpreted as stalking (and it’s also part of the reason I’m not entirely sure I believe you’re being a total “nice guy.”) Do I condone your ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife actions? No. Do I think she’s a you-know-what? You better believe it. But I think that you need to start acting a lot smarter if you’re going to get through this as unscathed as possible. Your ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife has all her ducks in a row and is pushing your buttons. It’s working—and you are falling right into it. I can tell—you’re capable of great intelligence, but you’re reacting out of anger (and possibly malice)—and you’re just hurting yourself. You need to protect yourself—or hire an attorney to help protect you.

That’s my two cents. I hope I don’t sound like I’m being really cruel. I really am sorry this happened to you—but now isn’t quite the time to mourn—you’ve just got to push that aside for right now and protect yourself.