My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[Brad and Vika 129]

And eight years difference is shocking. I can't imagine finding something in common with a girl so much younger.

Just want to point out, with absolutely no reference to the OP or this saga, that eight years isn't really that big of a deal. My husband and I are 10 years apart and we have plenty in common. It happens all the time...

I have to chime in on this too. I don't think that's a huge difference, it all depends on the people involved. My parents were 7 years apart. I used to be in a relationship with someone 13 years older than me. That didn't work out, but it was nothing to do with age difference. He was a plain old jerk.

My turn to chime in! My fiancee is also 8 years younger than me. Then again, I'm 51 years old! How shocking is THAT?

SHOCKING!!

[Sherri and Matt 1]

And eight years difference is shocking. I can't imagine finding something in common with a girl so much younger.

Just want to point out, with absolutely no reference to the OP or this saga, that eight years isn't really that big of a deal. My husband and I are 10 years apart and we have plenty in common. It happens all the time...

I have to chime in on this too. I don't think that's a huge difference, it all depends on the people involved. My parents were 7 years apart. I used to be in a relationship with someone 13 years older than me. That didn't work out, but it was nothing to do with age difference. He was a plain old jerk.

Nine + years here. My younger husband and I have LOTS in common!

Well they do say women hit a certain "prime" stage later than men do, so no complaints from my fiance who is 9 years younger. We manage to find plenty in common. I'm a cougar!!! RAWRRR!!! (except I'm not rich so it might not count...)

Edited June 21, 2009 by Sherri and Matt

[clueless_in_usa 8]

What I said was......did I consciously question the idea that this girl wanted to actually MARRY me after only 2 months? That's what I said. And yes, I did question it.

...

I was in love. I thought she loved me enough to stand by me, have a life here and a family with me. I thought she wanted to be a part of my family, as most members of my family went out of their way to accept her.

Taking the risk of becoming a target in this discussion, I have something to say ... so help me God

Has anybody considered the possibility that this girl in fact entered the marriage in good faith?

We will never hear her story (so it seems) and we need to be open minded. There are always three sides to every story between two people: Each person's side (that makes two) and the truth (the third). Based on what I have read and what I know about girls who come to the USA on a J-1 visa, I am willing to give HER the benefit of the doubt ... until I am proven otherwise.

Enough said!

[Brad and Vika 129]

What I said was......did I consciously question the idea that this girl wanted to actually MARRY me after only 2 months? That's what I said. And yes, I did question it.

...

I was in love. I thought she loved me enough to stand by me, have a life here and a family with me. I thought she wanted to be a part of my family, as most members of my family went out of their way to accept her.

Taking the risk of becoming a target in this discussion, I have something to say ... so help me God

Has anybody considered the possibility that this girl in fact entered the marriage in good faith?

We will never hear her story (so it seems) and we need to be open minded. There are always three sides to every story between two people: Each person's side (that makes two) and the truth (the third). Based on what I have read and what I know about girls who come to the USA on a J-1 visa, I am willing to give HER the benefit of the doubt ... until I am proven otherwise.

Enough said!

The short answer is yes. People have been making the same assertion you just did from the start.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

The short answer is yes. People have been making the same assertion you just did from the start.

Oh well, I did not see it. What I noticed a lot were the accusations about this girl having a master plan from the beginning to scam the OP only to get legal residency in the USA ...

... I find it funny that she took her anger on the teddy bear (probably what she thought was the symbol of their union). I dare to believe that she laughs every time she remembers the incident ... but I digress.

I just wanted to express my opinion that I don't think she had such master plan from the beginning. However, I do agree that she's being coached now. Unfortunately the friends she decided to listen may not have had her best interests in mind ... I have heard similar stories in the past. Just an opinion!

[Brad and Vika 129]

... I find it funny that she took her anger on the teddy bear (probably what she thought was the symbol of their union). I dare to believe that she laughs every time she remembers the incident ... but I digress.

I just wanted to express my opinion that I don't think she had such master plan from the beginning. However, I do agree that she's being coached now. Unfortunately the friends she decided to listen may not have had her best interests in mind ... I have heard similar stories in the past. Just an opinion!

You may be right about the people coaching her. But why is trashing the OP's place funny to you?

[clueless_in_usa 8]

... I find it funny that she took her anger on the teddy bear

You may be right about the people coaching her. But why is trashing the OP's place funny to you?

Ok, don't put words in my mouth. If you read what I wrote, I did not say anything about trashing any place.

I repeat, I find it funny that she took her anger on the TEDDY BEAR. I can just picture her relief cutting the poor toy in pieces. I find it funny because it shows how immature she is and gives me more reason to believe that she was emotionally hurt and not carrying out a mischievous plan from the beginning.

I have seen women turn from sweet angels to vindictive haters before, and it usually has to do with deep emotional feelings; not broken plans. Now that she is facing her own demise, her friends are helping her build a plan to go on with her life ... notice that I have not read yet that she intentionally tried to destroy the OP's life, and she surely had (and continues having) chances for it.

To me this was a sweet relationship turned sour due to deep broken emotions on both sides ... I will think so until I am given other evidence proving otherwise. Do you understand me better now?

[Merrillizer 0]

... I find it funny that she took her anger on the teddy bear

You may be right about the people coaching her. But why is trashing the OP's place funny to you?

Ok, don't put words in my mouth. If you read what I wrote, I did not say anything about trashing any place.

I repeat, I find it funny that she took her anger on the TEDDY BEAR. I can just picture her relief cutting the poor toy in pieces. I find it funny because it shows how immature she is and gives me more reason to believe that she was emotionally hurt and not carrying out a mischievous plan from the beginning.

I have seen women turn from sweet angels to vindictive haters before, and it usually has to do with deep emotional feelings; not broken plans. Now that she is facing her own demise, her friends are helping her build a plan to go on with her life ... notice that I have not read yet that she intentionally tried to destroy the OP's life, and she surely had (and continues having) chances for it.

To me this was a sweet relationship turned sour due to deep broken emotions on both sides ... I will think so until I am given other evidence proving otherwise. Do you understand me better now?

I'd send you a copy of her contract if I could. I'd also send you a copy of her I-485 and other supporting documents so you could match up the signature. But I cant do that.

How hard is it to understand? This girl is from the poorest country in Europe. She married me after 2 months because the green card was the light at the end of the immigration tunnel. Not me. She a drew up and signed a contract to commit marriage fraud. She has made her true intentions and objectives clear, she does NOT want to go home. She wants to stay in America, that is and was always her #1 goal. If this girl was truly here for ME, and I was #1, and this was some sweet marriage born out of true love, then she would've gone home when it didn't work out. My friends marriage didnt work out, so you know what? He went HOME to Romania! He didnt stay here out of status and conspire against his wife to find ways to remain in America. He's not a scammer and a snake oil salesman. He married out of true love and companionship, it didnt work out in the end, so he WENT HOME.

Not my "wife" though. She clearly shows her reasons for entering into a marriage, because even after being shown the evidence that her AOS package was withdrawn, she still continued to stay in the U.S. And even after learning she was reported and under investigation for federal immigration crimes, she STILL didnt utilize willful departure. Why? BECAUSE HER NUMBER ONE GOAL IS TO REMAIN IN THE U.S.! She will say and do anything to achieve that goal, and it doesnt matter who she hurts and destroys in the process. It's ALL ABOUT HER AND HER GREEN CARD. Nothing else matters. It's a primary objective, always has been. She's committed crime after crime, run in to so many dead ends, told so many lies, even been exposed as a scammer........but still hasnt gone home. Everyone thought she was gonna leave after she left her marriage fraud contract in the bureau drawer. Nope, even when she realized her biggest mistake yet was in my possession, she still didnt leave. In fact, instead of going home, she just turned her bullsh!@ meter up a notch, and cranked out some some unfounded false accusations. Everyone is asking for proof of her terrible claims, yet none ever surfaces. It's all talk, mumbo-jumbo and psycho-babble.

She played the court good too. I saw her receipt for her cross-petition for divorce. I paid the full $175 to file the annulment against her months ago. She only had to pay $5. Why? Cuz she lied to the clerk and said she couldnt work, and had no money. Then the very next day, June 2nd, at the hearing, she told the judge she WAS legal to work at her job down at the beach. Manipulation 101. Then, mysteriously, she disappeared from the t-shirt shop at the beach and no longer works. Hmmm, perjured herself in court, and provided no proof of an accepted work authorization form. Liar. Manipulator. Scammer. She got scared, and her "coach" told her to quit the job cuz she WAS working illegally.

I just sent for the transcript of the hearing. All the perjury, lies and deception will come back to her full circle.

Just think about it, you cant lie so much and sign an actual contract to commit marriage fraud, and then expect good things to happen to you. Why is it so hard to understand now? This girl wanted a pretend husband, a guy to hang with till she got her green card. He became suspicious, eventually caught on to her, and now its a total nightmare. It is what it is.......a pattern of deception on her behalf.......

Maybe she "liked" me. Who knows! Who knows who this girl really is...who knows how she was at home. Maybe I could go to Moldova, ask about her, and learn about a completely different person than the one presented to me. At this point, I know NOTHING about her. Everything I learned is suspect. Imagine that for a minute....you have to come to the conclusion that may not even actually know your supposed spouse? Nice, huh? But maybe she just liked me enough to be my girlfriend, and the marriage was just her tool to reach her goal? Maybe that was her plan? Maybe her plan was to marry me for a green card, but then try to see if she couldnt "learn to love me" AFTER the marriage? Maybe she didnt like me at all, and she ultimately just got totally sick of pretending to be my "wife" and couldnt take it anymore and walked out after I started questioning her reasons for marrying me? WHO KNOWS! I'll probably never know the truth....the only thing that we know in the end is that regardless of her true feelings, or lack thereof, for me, the ultimate goal and objective was a GREEN CARD in the end. So it doesnt really even matter her reasoning for hanging out with me lol

[John W 1]

Sounds very similar to what happened to me as well, I feel for you. My wife could have a great life here but she threw it all away with her lies and greed. I'm filing for abandonment in a couple weeks...

John

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

[Brad and Vika 129]

... I find it funny that she took her anger on the teddy bear

You may be right about the people coaching her. But why is trashing the OP's place funny to you?

Ok, don't put words in my mouth. If you read what I wrote, I did not say anything about trashing any place.

I repeat, I find it funny that she took her anger on the TEDDY BEAR. I can just picture her relief cutting the poor toy in pieces. I find it funny because it shows how immature she is and gives me more reason to believe that she was emotionally hurt and not carrying out a mischievous plan from the beginning.

I have seen women turn from sweet angels to vindictive haters before, and it usually has to do with deep emotional feelings; not broken plans. Now that she is facing her own demise, her friends are helping her build a plan to go on with her life ... notice that I have not read yet that she intentionally tried to destroy the OP's life, and she surely had (and continues having) chances for it.

To me this was a sweet relationship turned sour due to deep broken emotions on both sides ... I will think so until I am given other evidence proving otherwise. Do you understand me better now?

I understood you fine I think, but apparently didn't express myself clearly enough. Nobody put words in your mouth, I was just asking a question. If you read the posts, you saw that the stuffed animal was a part of a general destruction of the OP's property - the anger wasn't focused just on the teddy bear, and that was not an isolated incident. No offense was intended, and no attack was required. Do you understand me better now?

[daboyz 36]

This thread is gonna get me fired from my job. I should be working, but I'm reading this craziness.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

I'd send you a copy of her contract if I could. I'd also send you a copy of her I-485 and other supporting documents so you could match up the signature. But I cant do that.

How hard is it to understand? This girl is from the poorest country in Europe. She married me after 2 months because the green card was the light at the end of the immigration tunnel. Not me. She a drew up and signed a contract to commit marriage fraud. She has made her true intentions and objectives clear, she does NOT want to go home. She wants to stay in America, that is and was always her #1 goal. If this girl was truly here for ME, and I was #1, and this was some sweet marriage born out of true love, then she would've gone home when it didn't work out. My friends marriage didnt work out, so you know what? He went HOME to Romania! He didnt stay here out of status and conspire against his wife to find ways to remain in America. He's not a scammer and a snake oil salesman. He married out of true love and companionship, it didnt work out in the end, so he WENT HOME.

Maybe she "liked" me. Who knows! Who knows who this girl really is...who knows how she was at home. Maybe I could go to Moldova, ask about her, and learn about a completely different person than the one presented to me. At this point, I know NOTHING about her. Everything I learned is suspect. Imagine that for a minute....you have to come to the conclusion that may not even actually know your supposed spouse? Nice, huh? But maybe she just liked me enough to be my girlfriend, and the marriage was just her tool to reach her goal? Maybe that was her plan? Maybe her plan was to marry me for a green card, but then try to see if she couldnt "learn to love me" AFTER the marriage? Maybe she didnt like me at all, and she ultimately just got totally sick of pretending to be my "wife" and couldnt take it anymore and walked out after I started questioning her reasons for marrying me? WHO KNOWS! I'll probably never know the truth....the only thing that we know in the end is that regardless of her true feelings, or lack thereof, for me, the ultimate goal and objective was a GREEN CARD in the end. So it doesnt really even matter her reasoning for hanging out with me lol

No! You do not have to send me a copy of "her contract." To me, what she did after she got coached is just that: what she did after she got coached. I can understand why she did it, and it certainly was a stupid action. But hey, she probably did not know better.

You are not the only USC who knows girls from Moldova. I know that it's the poorest country in Europe, but that does not make people evil. I personally have a very good friend (exactly Silvia's age) who married a European man very quickly, and she did not do it to scam this man. She did it because she was (and still is) genuinely in love. The fact that they are from Moldova does not make them one way or another.

Maybe you should have gone to Moldova and seen her family. That would have given you a better understanding of who she really is, and maybe you could have avoided this ordeal altogether. A missed opportunity, if you ask me.

And what is your obsession about her returning home. Why do you have to be Mr. Self-righteous? Are you a law enforcement officer? If I were you, I would let the authorities take care of that. You are not responsible for her being here. You canceled the AOS petition already, so what is your vindictive behavior all about?

That brings me to another idea. And yes, my idea is just speculation, so I am sorry if it is not true. One of the biggest fears of the foreign people I know who have a relationship with a USC is having to endure the pressure from the USC as to "having to do what USC says or the foreigner will be sent home." Your obsession about her returning home leads me to believe that she was threatened to have to return home if she did not comply.

Once again I repeat, I am only speculating, but you have already written plenty of circumstantial evidence

And let me clue you on something that I am 99% sure of. Her ultimate objective was not to get a GREEN CARD, but instead to have a better life. For that, she chose you. Unfortunately she got sick of it (of you) and preferred to find another way to achieve her goal. That is why she does not want to go back home. She is doing what she can to get a better life, but she is way misinformed.

If her true intention had been the green card from the beginning, she would have put up with you a little longer and then kick your butt to the curve when she did not need you anymore. And in the process, she would have taken at least half of anything you had. But she did not do so. One has to wonder ...

For your information, marriage is not the only avenue a J-1 holder has to stay in the USA LEGALLY! I have a friend who has not yet found anybody worth marrying. She came on a J-1 program too. She has been in the USA seven years. And she is still LEGAL. Therefore, do not fool yourself thinking that you were her savior and her guardian angel. She could have stayed WITHOUT you, but she chose you instead ... until she could not take it anymore.

If you had brought her from her country with a K-1 or any other visa, I would believe the scam story a little more, but she was already here. And once a foreigner is inside the USA, there are multiple LEGAL avenues to pursue that allow such foreigner to first become an LPR and later a USC.

Believe me when I tell you that I know!

No offense was intended, and no attack was required. Do you understand me better now?

My friend, I did not attack you. I just wanted to clarify that I did not mention anything other than the teddy bear. By the way, how many women (American or otherwise) don't behave similarly when they are emotionally hurt? Yes! It is wrong, but not uncommon.

However, if you had told me that she attacked the OP with the knife, I would have been the first to vote for taking the b... to jail... and throwing the key in the sea.

[rebeccajo 14]

And let me clue you on something that I am 99% sure of. Her ultimate objective was not to get a GREEN CARD, but instead to have a better life. For that, she chose you. Unfortunately she got sick of it (of you) and preferred to find another way to achieve her goal. That is why she does not want to go back home. She is doing what she can to get a better life, but she is way misinformed.

Ah, clarity.

[Merrillizer 0]

BZZZZZZZZZZZ. Wrong again. Yup, she could've "put up with me" and continued to pretend to be a legitimate wife, then flew the coop when she got what she needed, BUT...

A.) That would still be a crime.

B.) She couldnt continue to pretend, because I was asking too many questions. She couldnt take the heat, so she jumped out tha kitchen. I asked too many questions, she realized I was on to her, and she headed for the hills. Runnin' scared, hidin' out with other illegal immigrants. Ya see...dat's what they do...they network together and help each other live the illegal life. They doctor up their immigration documents, they find each other USC's to pay for sham marriages, they SHOW EACH OTHER THE ROPES. It's a network, a criminal element, and the local folk are sick of it. You think I'm the only one who has put through the wringer? LMAO. Hell no. And I wont be the last.

Problem is, clueless, you are focusing too much on the emotion. But it's instead about the motive, the conspiracy, and the CRIME.

She married somebody after 2 months of dating to GET A GREEN CARD. Come on! I know now, and I am going to test the theory this summer. I will meet 20 more immigrants, and ask every one of them if they want to get married. Guess what, 95% of em will say YES, and marry ya after 2 months! I never believed this, till I was THE VICTIM.

It's always the same. I'm not the first sucker. They all come over here, the beautiful ones are always conveniently single, and they just want to stay in the U.S. Marrying a USC after 2 months is NOTHING for someone from a poor country. It's easy for 'em. And it's FRAUD. And when they get caught lyin', they pack their bags and run, search for other illegal aliens to network with, and make up lies and false accusations. And then they continue to stay here, in desperation, trying everything they can to do what?..............

REACH THEIR ORIGINAL NUMBER ONE OBJECTIVE.......THE COVETED GREEN CARD (aka "a better life")!!!

You said it, I didnt.

And they wont care who they have to destroy and ruin in order to get that damn card!

Remember, GREEN CARD OVER MARRIAGE. Yup....

[Merrillizer 0]

BTW, she drew up and signed the contract before she was coached.

FRAUD.