My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

Several readers might like to learn the outcome (and details) of the objective proceedings, for purposes of general education and gaining insights. Deportation and other such hearings are things that seem to be only rarely discussed in detail here on VJ. If this thread is locked, perhaps the OP can begin a new thread that describes the actual proceedings.

ita

[baron555 934]

I do feel sorry for both of you. I do also believe that you both used each other and now these are the consequences. I do wish you can find some closure quickly because you are obviously so obsessed with this woman that it seems to consume your life, which you should be living now. I do defend your right to state the facts of your situation but deplore all the drama. You two both got yourselves into this situation.

"I have no desire to run around to people and defame her. Her own actions speak volumes."

What you do you think your constant commentary and your blog about her is doing? You don't see the mudslinging you are doing?

"All I need to do is tell my story and show the EVIDENCE of her wrongdoings."

Then do just that....in a court of law. Not here please.

"It only matters what the judge thinks."

Bingo, then stop already. We know the story. You are clearly obsessed with this woman. That is not healthy.

"Actions speak louder than words....... "

Then please stop talking.....take your action, let us know the outcome (in as few words as you can) and this will be of service to others. Your constant diatribe actually serves to lessen or dilute the true situation here. You may not realise that because you are so obsessed.

I do wish you luck and hope juctice will prevail. Your case serves as proper warning to anyone looking to become involved in an international relationship. One must do their homework, let the proper head do the thinking, and to take their time.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I do wish you luck and hope juctice will prevail. Your case serves as proper warning to anyone looking to become involved in an international relationship. One must do their homework, let the proper head do the thinking, and to take their time.

[rebeccajo 14]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

Agreed!

Brad -

You're a nice guy. I'm kind of finding it hard to believe you'd be defending the position Merrillizer has taken. I mean - there are always two sides to every story. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt - that everything he has said here about his wife is true - what is the point? He talks about sitting at the table on his side of the courtroom during his last family court hearing and "raising the affidavit in the air". Drama?

It's just all so unnecessary, IMO.

And OK, Merrillizer, perhaps I left out the necessary step that you need to end your marriage to make legally certain you are no longer responsible for any debts your wife could incur in the US; to make sure she has no access to any of your property, etc. But all that can be done with banging the drum about how "scammed" you were.

I've said it before in this thread and I will say it again - I really think that you and your wife used each other. She used you to stay in the US and you used her because she's beautiful and charming. It was a complete #######-up of a marriage and neither of you are blameless.

Why can't you get some dignity, end your marriage, and let your wife deal with the consequences of whatever the law may find against her. I see no point in trying to rub her face in the dirt. Your marriage wasn't that long of a union and you are both young enough to move on.

Thanks for your well thought out comments. Compared to some of the bullsh1t I see (and sometimes create ) around here, this thread didn't seem too bad. To summarize some of my opinions and statements:

1) I do defend the OPs right to vent here - just like everybody else. Not a commentary on mental state, his position, or anything else. Some posts in this thread were attacking him personally just for telling the story. I think that sort of thing is not helpful in a thread like this. Any one who is afraid of what their fiance' might read here and the effect it will have on their relationship should look at their own situation. Glass houses. Time Merrilizer spends defending himself is time wasted.

2) Others may actually benefit from the story (the facts, not the drama).

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light. I am tired of hearing the negative stories like this used to paint all K-1 recipients with the same brush. Nice to see some one doing something other than being a doormat when it happened to him.

4) The annullment process IMO is the right thing to do in this situation, and the most difficult. I respect that Merrilizer is staying with the process to its conclusion. If his ex winds up getting deported with a ban, that's just gravy. Maybe other scammers will read about it here and think twice.

Brad -

Merrillizer's fiance did not come here as his K1 beneficiary. They met here in the states, knew each other a brief time and were married a very brief time. By virtue of the scenario alone, the wife has a considerable bar to hurdle in order to adjust via a bonafide marriage.

Even if this is one of those 'true stories' about an Eastern European block woman using an American man for a path to the US, why is pursuing the alien by any means possible to deportation the 'right thing to do'? Especially in this case? Merrillizer doesn't have thousands of dollars lost on developing and maintaining his relationship with her from abroad. He does not have money spent on her immigration fees and moving her. He does not even have a large portion of his life invested in the relationship.

Frankly, Brad, I think the ENTIRE tale is not one that paints Eastern European women in a bad light. The couple together by their actions do paint the relationship as a stereotypical one though - sexy Eastern-European vixen and swaggering domineering American male. I do believe that if Merrillizer's wife had remained the beautiful doll he married when he elected to show the negative sides of his personna, then they would still be married. As any of you who are married to these spirited women know though, they are the ones who are not doormats.

Perhaps she did use him. If she really did however, I'm inclined to think she would have turned a blind eye to his treatment of her long enough for her adjustment to be finalized. THAT is the behavior that paints women from Vika's world in a bad light - not what has happened here.

These two people were not suited to each other. Their marriage was brief and it was toxic. They need to walk away from each other permanently and legally in the same way two US citizens married to each other in such a poisonous situation should. Merrillizer's wife just happened to be foreign born. He should let USCIS decide that part of her fate. He makes American men look bad.

Edited June 13, 2009 by rebeccajo

[Brad and Vika 129]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

Agreed!

Brad -

You're a nice guy. I'm kind of finding it hard to believe you'd be defending the position Merrillizer has taken. I mean - there are always two sides to every story. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt - that everything he has said here about his wife is true - what is the point? He talks about sitting at the table on his side of the courtroom during his last family court hearing and "raising the affidavit in the air". Drama?

It's just all so unnecessary, IMO.

And OK, Merrillizer, perhaps I left out the necessary step that you need to end your marriage to make legally certain you are no longer responsible for any debts your wife could incur in the US; to make sure she has no access to any of your property, etc. But all that can be done with banging the drum about how "scammed" you were.

I've said it before in this thread and I will say it again - I really think that you and your wife used each other. She used you to stay in the US and you used her because she's beautiful and charming. It was a complete #######-up of a marriage and neither of you are blameless.

Why can't you get some dignity, end your marriage, and let your wife deal with the consequences of whatever the law may find against her. I see no point in trying to rub her face in the dirt. Your marriage wasn't that long of a union and you are both young enough to move on.

Thanks for your well thought out comments. Compared to some of the bullsh1t I see (and sometimes create ) around here, this thread didn't seem too bad. To summarize some of my opinions and statements:

1) I do defend the OPs right to vent here - just like everybody else. Not a commentary on mental state, his position, or anything else. Some posts in this thread were attacking him personally just for telling the story. I think that sort of thing is not helpful in a thread like this. Any one who is afraid of what their fiance' might read here and the effect it will have on their relationship should look at their own situation. Glass houses. Time Merrilizer spends defending himself is time wasted.

2) Others may actually benefit from the story (the facts, not the drama).

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light. I am tired of hearing the negative stories like this used to paint all K-1 recipients with the same brush. Nice to see some one doing something other than being a doormat when it happened to him.

4) The annullment process IMO is the right thing to do in this situation, and the most difficult. I respect that Merrilizer is staying with the process to its conclusion. If his ex winds up getting deported with a ban, that's just gravy. Maybe other scammers will read about it here and think twice.

Brad -

Merrillizer's fiance did not come here as his K1 beneficiary. They met here in the states, knew each other a brief time and were married a very brief time. By virtue of the scenario alone, the wife has a considerable bar to hurdle in order to adjust via a bonafide marriage.

Even if this is one of those 'true stories' about an Eastern European block woman using an American man for a path to the US, why is pursuing the alien by any means possible to deportation the 'right thing to do'? Especially in this case? Merrillizer doesn't have thousands of dollars lost on developing and maintaining his relationship with her from abroad. He does not have money spent on her immigration fees and moving her. He does not even have a large portion of his life invested in the relationship.

Frankly, Brad, I think the ENTIRE tale is not one that paints Eastern European women in a bad light. The couple together by their actions do paint the relationship as a stereotypical one though - sexy Eastern-European vixen and swaggering domineering American male. I do believe that if Merrillizer's wife had remained the beautiful doll he married when he elected to show the negative sides of his personna, then they would still be married. As any of you who are married to these spirited women know though, they are the ones who are not doormats.

Perhaps she did use him. If she really did however, I'm inclined to think she would have turned a blind eye to his treatment of her long enough for her adjustment to be finalized. THAT is the behavior that paints women from Vika's world in a bad light - not what has happened here.

These two people were not suited to each other. Their marriage was brief and it was toxic. They need to walk away from each other permanently and legally in the same way two US citizens married to each other in such a poisonous situation should. Merrillizer's wife just happened to be foreign born. He should let USCIS decide that part of her fate. He makes American men look bad.

Hey Becs - good comments again. On the K-1 stuff , not sure in retrospect what I was thinking other than that I hear these tales retold so often (usually in reference to K-1s) that it makes me ill. I disagree about the story not contributing to the bad rap lots of K visa recipients get. The parts about moving in/sleeping with with folks down the street, working illegally, and the distruction of property all point to the stereotype. The only thing missing was a thick necked, thick accented "friend" showing up. And you are correct in that Merrilizer definitely does not come out of this looking good either - an illustration that no one really wins these.

And for the record (again) I think that finishing the annullment is the right thing. Deportation should naturally follow (if I am thinking logically about the procedure - no matrraige=no status). The toxicity of the relationship speaks to why it should be erased. I think that is what the process is about. It seems the OP does have a less than healthy interest in her deportation, but we all need hobbies. I hope she gets the boot too. Too many illegals hide out here for years, and it causes vice consuls all over the world to make it tougher for legitimate visa applicants.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Brad and Vika

[rebeccajo 14]

And for the record (again) I think that finishing the annullment is the right thing. Deportation should naturally follow (if I am thinking logically about the procedure - no matrraige=no status). The toxicity of the relationship speaks to why it should be erased. I think that is what the process is about. It seems the OP does have a less than healthy interest in her deportation, but we all need hobbies. I hope she gets the boot too. Too many illegals hide out here for years, and it causes vice consuls all over the world to make it tougher for legitimate visa applicants.

I agree with your last sentence.

But in this case I disagree with doggedly pursuing the annulment. Why? Couldn't Merrillizer just give the 'marriage contract' to USCIS and let them deal with his wife? IMO the contract is actually more relevant to the matter of his wife's status with the US government than it is to a family court.

By his actions, Merrillizer makes himself look like a USC male who would use a foreign born female to be his spousal house servant. In other words, as long as she behaves, she gets to stay. His overly vigilant obsessiveness with now ridding himself of this person who would have (in his rendition of the tale) "used him" gives me great pause. If he weren't such a bully perhaps even if she WAS looking for a ticket to stay in the US, they could have had a mutually beneficial and perhaps even happy marriage.

[trillium13 84]

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light.

I have to agree with you here. I think that whole situation gets a lot of people here, including me, all pissed off. So many people are going through this process for the right reasons, and it's frustrating that it seems to be made more difficult because of people like Merrilizer's soon-to-be ex.

[rebeccajo 14]

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light.

I have to agree with you here. I think that whole situation gets a lot of people here, including me, all pissed off. So many people are going through this process for the right reasons, and it's frustrating that it seems to be made more difficult because of people like Merrilizer's soon-to-be ex.

You know, your comment gave me something to think about. I have to say that I've never found myself 'pissed off' by these stories. At least not insofar as people 'using' the US immigration system to get here and it making it harder for legitimate couples. Maybe I'm too much of a realist, but it isn't beyond me that persons from poorer nations would take any means available to them to get out. We are genetically engineered to survive. Some people are more ruthless than others when it comes to that, but it doesn't 'piss me off' that they would. Odd really that I feel that way.

I do find myself saddened when I see these threads and the USC was completely blindsided. I feel bad for that person. But I wonder (sometimes) if they wouldn't be blind in any relationship. Some people are just - well - not very introspective. If you find yourself involved with a person from a lesser developed nation with a history of marriage fraud, then you better have your radar on. IMO, you are stupid if you don't. And I think I can personally make that comment without anybody flaming me. The flag in my profile indicates the United Kingdom, but my husband is from Northern Ireland. It isn't out of the realm of reality that a desperate person could use a USC to leave that country if they were sick to death of the political turmoil. My husband knows I sussed through all that in working out whether he really loved me or not. It's not a secret for us.

[Merrillizer 0]

First off, I did send copies of the marriage fraud contract to USCIS and ICE. I reported her and sent them a copy. Thats all I did. I was not "doggedly" persuing anything. I did what I had to do and thats that. I already stated that I dont give a ####### what she does if I get my annulment. If its properly annuled, I dont care where she goes or what she does. She can stay here for 100 years. As long as I am fully removed from her life and I have nothing at all to do with it, I dont care what she does.

As far as my "wife" leaving before adjustment of status, I was curious about that too. But, it's simple really.....she networked with illegal Russians, and within weeks she was gone. Why? Because they had told her how to get out of her "marriage" so she didnt have to act anymore, and still be able to remain in the states. They "know the ropes" and they coached her on how to provoke and manipulate so she could do the "VAWA thing". I remember specifically one night in mid to late February, my "wife" told me she was going to bar with her friend Tania (the skunk that lived around the corner and works illegally on a B-visa). My "wife" told me it was all girls going. Well, my friend went along with them. And my "wife" seemed agitated. Turns out, 2 of the illegal Russians she would ultimately end up living with were there too. So it wasnt "just the girls". More lies and deception. Within weeks after meeting the illegal aliens, my "wife" was fully packed and out of the house. You see, when they are not genuine, they find ways to network with people from the homeland or nearby countries, and then it begins......

My "wife" could have probably continued her award winning act as "legitimate wife & spouse", but why bother when you find out about "easier" ways to try and remain here?

I wish you all could have been around to see. And you would all be saying the same thing everyone else is saying...."I cant believe this guy had been put through this". I changed my whole life around for this person. And in the end, I did it for a person who was not genuine. And, I should have known that the moment she would say things to me like ......."you havent changed at all, you didnt change for me". Bullcrap, my whole family was standing around saying how much I had changed. The fake person was the only one not recognizing it.

Even the court officer couldnt believe it. I saw him at the chinese restaurant uptown several days after our last hearing June 2nd. He told me all he wanted to do was shake my hand because of the excellent job I did presenting my case. The consensus is the same all-around....I was scammed and duped, it wasnt right, the marriage should be annulled and she does not deserve to stay here. Its cut and dry.

I am less worried about her deportation, and more worried about me getting out of this fraudulent marriage. I want an annullment and to be done with it. I dont really care what happens after that. If its annulled, she can continue to stay here illegally and try to find yet another way to defraud people and the system. I dont care, because at that point it will officially have nothing to do with ME.

Merrillizer -

You ARE wasting your summer. You are spending more time AFTER your marriage - on your marriage - than you did in it.

Cheers to that!!!!!! I couldnt agree more. Its hurts a bit, but I admit it!!! Wow, I think I just saw the light again........

Edited June 13, 2009 by Merrillizer

[Brad and Vika 129]

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light.

I have to agree with you here. I think that whole situation gets a lot of people here, including me, all pissed off. So many people are going through this process for the right reasons, and it's frustrating that it seems to be made more difficult because of people like Merrilizer's soon-to-be ex.

You know, your comment gave me something to think about. I have to say that I've never found myself 'pissed off' by these stories. At least not insofar as people 'using' the US immigration system to get here and it making it harder for legitimate couples. Maybe I'm too much of a realist, but it isn't beyond me that persons from poorer nations would take any means available to them to get out. We are genetically engineered to survive. Some people are more ruthless than others when it comes to that, but it doesn't 'piss me off' that they would. Odd really that I feel that way.

I do find myself saddened when I see these threads and the USC was completely blindsided. I feel bad for that person. But I wonder (sometimes) if they wouldn't be blind in any relationship. Some people are just - well - not very introspective. If you find yourself involved with a person from a lesser developed nation with a history of marriage fraud, then you better have your radar on. IMO, you are stupid if you don't. And I think I can personally make that comment without anybody flaming me. The flag in my profile indicates the United Kingdom, but my husband is from Northern Ireland. It isn't out of the realm of reality that a desperate person could use a USC to leave that country if they were sick to death of the political turmoil. My husband knows I sussed through all that in working out whether he really loved me or not. It's not a secret for us.

I think a fair number of people on VJ are irritated to enraged by scamming activity. As to the annullment - proceeding or not, and what kind of annullment (religious or civil), is driven by what you want to accomplish. The OP has stated his reasons, and I think that for him they are valid. If my ex had trashed my house or been violent I might have considered the same thing. I also don't think that closure can be overrated here.

[rebeccajo 14]

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light.

I have to agree with you here. I think that whole situation gets a lot of people here, including me, all pissed off. So many people are going through this process for the right reasons, and it's frustrating that it seems to be made more difficult because of people like Merrilizer's soon-to-be ex.

You know, your comment gave me something to think about. I have to say that I've never found myself 'pissed off' by these stories. At least not insofar as people 'using' the US immigration system to get here and it making it harder for legitimate couples. Maybe I'm too much of a realist, but it isn't beyond me that persons from poorer nations would take any means available to them to get out. We are genetically engineered to survive. Some people are more ruthless than others when it comes to that, but it doesn't 'piss me off' that they would. Odd really that I feel that way.

I do find myself saddened when I see these threads and the USC was completely blindsided. I feel bad for that person. But I wonder (sometimes) if they wouldn't be blind in any relationship. Some people are just - well - not very introspective. If you find yourself involved with a person from a lesser developed nation with a history of marriage fraud, then you better have your radar on. IMO, you are stupid if you don't. And I think I can personally make that comment without anybody flaming me. The flag in my profile indicates the United Kingdom, but my husband is from Northern Ireland. It isn't out of the realm of reality that a desperate person could use a USC to leave that country if they were sick to death of the political turmoil. My husband knows I sussed through all that in working out whether he really loved me or not. It's not a secret for us.

I think a fair number of people on VJ are irritated to enraged by scamming activity. As to the annullment - proceeding or not, and what kind of annullment (religious or civil), is driven by what you want to accomplish. The OP has stated his reasons, and I think that for him they are valid. If my ex had trashed my house or been violent I might have considered the same thing. I also don't think that closure can be overrated here.

Oh, I'm sure many members are irritated or enraged by it. My thoughts are just my own. I had never thought about whether it irritates me or not until trillium made the post. After reflecting on it a bit I found it odd really that it doesn't 'upset' me. My thoughts are my own and really just another perspective.

First off, I did send copies of the marriage fraud contract to USCIS and ICE. I reported her and sent them a copy. Thats all I did. I was not "doggedly" persuing anything. I did what I had to do and thats that. I already stated that I dont give a ####### what she does if I get my annulment. If its properly annuled, I dont care where she goes or what she does. She can stay here for 100 years. As long as I am fully removed from her life and I have nothing at all to do with it, I dont care what she does.

As far as my "wife" leaving before adjustment of status, I was curious about that too. But, it's simple really.....she networked with illegal Russians, and within weeks she was gone. Why? Because they had told her how to get out of her "marriage" so she didnt have to act anymore, and still be able to remain in the states. They "know the ropes" and they coached her on how to provoke and manipulate so she could do the "VAWA thing". I remember specifically one night in mid to late February, my "wife" told me she was going to bar with her friend Tania (the skunk that lived around the corner and works illegally on a B-visa). My "wife" told me it was all girls going. Well, my friend went along with them. And my "wife" seemed agitated. Turns out, 2 of the illegal Russians she would ultimately end up living with were there too. So it wasnt "just the girls". More lies and deception. Within weeks after meeting the illegal aliens, my "wife" was fully packed and out of the house. You see, when they are not genuine, they find ways to network with people from the homeland or nearby countries, and then it begins......

My "wife" could have probably continued her award winning act as "legitimate wife & spouse", but why bother when you find out about "easier" ways to try and remain here?

I wish you all could have been around to see. And you would all be saying the same thing everyone else is saying...."I cant believe this guy had been put through this". I changed my whole life around for this person. And in the end, I did it for a person who was not genuine. And, I should have known that the moment she would say things to me like ......."you havent changed at all, you didnt change for me". Bullcrap, my whole family was standing around saying how much I had changed. The fake person was the only one not recognizing it.

Even the court officer couldnt believe it. I saw him at the chinese restaurant uptown several days after our last hearing June 2nd. He told me all he wanted to do was shake my hand because of the excellent job I did presenting my case. The consensus is the same all-around....I was scammed and duped, it wasnt right, the marriage should be annulled and she does not deserve to stay here. Its cut and dry.

I am less worried about her deportation, and more worried about me getting out of this fraudulent marriage. I want an annullment and to be done with it. I dont really care what happens after that. If its annulled, she can continue to stay here illegally and try to find yet another way to defraud people and the system. I dont care, because at that point it will officially have nothing to do with ME.

Merrillizer -

You ARE wasting your summer. You are spending more time AFTER your marriage - on your marriage - than you did in it.

Cheers to that!!!!!! I couldnt agree more. Its hurts a bit, but I admit it!!! Wow, I think I just saw the light again........

You contradict yourself. You really need to take a look at that.

[SuperDuper! 230]

You contradict yourself. You really need to take a look at that.

Life is a contradiction.

[trillium13 84]

I do find myself saddened when I see these threads and the USC was completely blindsided. I feel bad for that person. But I wonder (sometimes) if they wouldn't be blind in any relationship. Some people are just - well - not very introspective. If you find yourself involved with a person from a lesser developed nation with a history of marriage fraud, then you better have your radar on. IMO, you are stupid if you don't. And I think I can personally make that comment without anybody flaming me. The flag in my profile indicates the United Kingdom, but my husband is from Northern Ireland. It isn't out of the realm of reality that a desperate person could use a USC to leave that country if they were sick to death of the political turmoil. My husband knows I sussed through all that in working out whether he really loved me or not. It's not a secret for us.

I have to agree with you on this also. I've read quite a few of these stories here, and most of them have a common thread-there were red flags early on that were ignored. I know that at the beginning of a relationship, everyone wants to see the bright and happy side, and either ignore the problem areas or try to rationalize them. I can really understand why you might have questioned the validity of your relationship at some point, and I think that some of these other people would have benefited from doing that as well. I'm not just talking about the OP here, this is not the first story I have seen like this. I have even seen posts here from people who are trying to subtly ask how they might go about scamming someone or the immigration system. We all seem to be able to see it, why can't those who are being scammed? A big part of it is because they have chosen not to. They want to think that this could not happen to them, and that their marriage is all about love, and don't want to admit to anyone that they could ever allow themselves to be used. I imagine that it is hard to take a look at yourself and tell yourself that you were used. It has to be humiliating. Many people don't ever want to go there. So they turn a blind eye to red flags and end up getting screwed over.

Sorry I crossed over into rambling territory there, was just kind of thinking out loud.

[Merrillizer 0]

I do find myself saddened when I see these threads and the USC was completely blindsided. I feel bad for that person. But I wonder (sometimes) if they wouldn't be blind in any relationship. Some people are just - well - not very introspective. If you find yourself involved with a person from a lesser developed nation with a history of marriage fraud, then you better have your radar on. IMO, you are stupid if you don't. And I think I can personally make that comment without anybody flaming me. The flag in my profile indicates the United Kingdom, but my husband is from Northern Ireland. It isn't out of the realm of reality that a desperate person could use a USC to leave that country if they were sick to death of the political turmoil. My husband knows I sussed through all that in working out whether he really loved me or not. It's not a secret for us.

I have to agree with you on this also. I've read quite a few of these stories here, and most of them have a common thread-there were red flags early on that were ignored. I know that at the beginning of a relationship, everyone wants to see the bright and happy side, and either ignore the problem areas or try to rationalize them. I can really understand why you might have questioned the validity of your relationship at some point, and I think that some of these other people would have benefited from doing that as well. I'm not just talking about the OP here, this is not the first story I have seen like this. I have even seen posts here from people who are trying to subtly ask how they might go about scamming someone or the immigration system. We all seem to be able to see it, why can't those who are being scammed? A big part of it is because they have chosen not to. They want to think that this could not happen to them, and that their marriage is all about love, and don't want to admit to anyone that they could ever allow themselves to be used. I imagine that it is hard to take a look at yourself and tell yourself that you were used. It has to be humiliating. Many people don't ever want to go there. So they turn a blind eye to red flags and end up getting screwed over.

Sorry I crossed over into rambling territory there, was just kind of thinking out loud.

Ofcourse nobody wants to think negatively about their situation and relationship when they feeling as though they are "in love". Nobody wants to think that. I know I didnt. To be honest, I didnt have many thoughts at all about the immigration stuff, most of my questioning myself while doing the marriage thing were regarding my convictions about marriage, and never doing it lol. I I dont recall asking myself too many questions about the immigration related stuff. All I can remember is thinking I was in love, with someone from another country, and it didnt matter where from or how they got here or what they would do. I thought I was in love. And its just the simple thing we hear all the time.....love is blind. But it can also BLIND YOU. So I guess I had my blinders. And yes, its hard to admit in the end that you were duped. Do you think I wanted to admit to myself and my family (who had gone so far out of their way to accept this girl) that I was a sucker? Ofcourse not. But in order to move on, I had to ultimately admit to myself and those around me that were involved in my life during the fraudulent marriage that I was more than likely just a pawn, a vehicle, an instrument, and a tool for this girl to obtain lawful permanent residency.

Life is definitely a contradiction, and I have had to go back and forth many times in order to move on. All I can say is, I sent my letter of withdrawal right after she walked out due to her inability to continue her act. She had networked with other people, from Russia, and they showed her the alternatives to acting as a legitimate wife. She took that opportunity and ran with it. If I didnt send my letter of withdrawal so fast, then I would warrant more attacks on me. But I did what I had to do. We were only together as a "married" couple for 5 months and a week lol. It didnt take very long at all for me to recognize what was truly going on. And it didnt take me long to write my letter of withdrawal and send it either. I gave it only 10 days after she originally left to hang with the illegals, I gave it 10 days to see if I was in fact a victim, and sure enough I was and I immediately began taking the proper steps to protect myself.

Nobody made more mistakes than me. And know that for SURE. BUT, I have one thing going for me....my mistakes were not crimes. I did not serious enough, for long enough, to deserve what has happened to me and my family. All I can do know is make something positive come of this.

Oh boy, I should go down to the beach tonight and hang out with some of the Russian girls who have already arrived here for their summer of work! The Romanians will be here between the 15th and 25th. D'OH! Just kidding.....

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You know what! I was about to say what you just told this poor guy!.....You can't clapped with one hand...there are always two sides of story (Law says). He can be nice guy no doubt, but! what he has also done something that she had to go for restraining orders? I don't know this guy but honestly he can get better ideas of what he needs to do if he reveals the facts.

There is no need to be shamed on if you have also done something to her, she was giving ya way hard time so ur negative reaction (if it was performed) may be eligible and could consider appropriate course of action before the judge. But you need to speak up more if there is something hidden into the hole.

Thanks for the responses. I am still trying to figure out why she blatantly lied right to my face so many times in only several days after her returning home. So many lies in like 4 days lol. I know I should forget about it, but it just drives me crazy. I guess she just didnt think I deserved the truth, about anything, so she lied about everything to try and make me upset and jealous etc. She just did it to hurt me I suppose. But she just doesnt understand or realize that she hurt me more than enough when she originally walked out on me March 5th. That was enough. How much more does she want to hurt and destroy me?

I let her attack me after she saw and read the letter from USCIS stating her papers were canceled. I let her take out all her frustrations on me. About a minute into her attack, I felt her finger go in and under my left eye. It was a very uncomfortable feeling. Thats when my natural instinct kicked in and I pushed her off of me. I instantly thought my eye was damaged or going to get poked out. It was scary, and it was an instant reaction to get her away at that point. How long do you let someone hit on you and claw you up before your instincts kick in? I suppose her restraining order against me is because I pushed her off my head, only after my face was cut up and bloodied by her clawing and scratching, and I had a black eye from her slamming her finger into it.

My wife actually assumed that I would still help her "get her papers" after she walked out on me. She wanted to make an "agreement", some monthly payment to me so I would live a lie and say that I was still with her as real, legitimate husband and wife. I couldnt do such a thing. I admit, I actually contemplated it. I wondered if I loved my wife enough to lie. Then I came to the conclusion that I could love NOBODY enough to enable them to desert and abandon me that way. I did not love my wife enough to enable and allow her to just walk out of our marriage and assume everything would be a bed of roses. Thats what she assumed, she thought she could just trash our marriage, walk out on me and turn her back on her husband and his loving family that accepted her so much, and still be rewarded with lawful permanent residency in the United States.

The one thing that I just cannot understand, is why should there be a hearing to determine whether a restraining order should become permanent when the person who filed it shouldnt even be in this country, but should instead be home thousands of miles away on the other side of the planet? It totally blows my mind. Question is, how could she file for any sort of removal of conditions when she was still pending and we never even had an interview yet? She never even received her EAD yet. It was canceled, luckily, before she was rewarded with anything.

I’ve been thinking a lot about your posts here and what I have to say is my honest opinion, but please do not think that I’m being mean-spirited or am trying to hurt you in some way by saying this. I am actually attempting to do the opposite—I want to help.

The way you have presented your story seems a bit skewed to me. For you to come across as this “nice guy” in such extreme circumstances is unrealistic, and I have to wonder if you’re telling the absolute truth about your actions. After your wife attacked you and clawed at your face, you didn’t do anything? Didn’t even call the police? I find it very hard to understand why you didn’t—and I’m not entirely sure I believe that it’s simply because you’re a “nice guy.” I know plenty of nice guys who would have called the police and had that woman arrested—wife or not. You are obviously not dumb; in fact, you seem like you’re quite intelligent, which makes your course of action more suspect to me. I don’t believe you’re giving us the whole story here—which I can understand—if I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t, either. You’re vulnerable and need support right now. But let me just say—and I don’t know this for certain, and you don’t have to say one way or another whether this is true or not—if you attacked that woman in a non self-defense manner either at the time of or before she attacked you, you really need to get an attorney. Run—don’t walk.

The other thing that causes me some suspicion is that you seem to understand what, exactly, a restraining order is and are very worried about her getting one against you. For those who don’t know, a restraining order is a temporary, court-issued order that is issued based on the SUSPICION that somebody (an ex, usually) will cause harm to you, either by stalking or harassment. Restraining orders are not criminally enforceable. A protective order is different—that is an order that is issued if someone HAS attacked you or cause you some sort of harm. YOU could get a protective order against her, if she did actually attack you in the manner you described and there is evidence to back it up. That is, unless there’s some reason that you don’t want to get one. I don’t know—it just doesn’t add up to me. I’m not a lawyer, but I grew up with a lawyer as a father and I used to work at a family practice law firm, so I feel like I know at least this much.

Personal opinion here: I think your ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife may be able to get her restraining order because there have been a few things that you’ve done that aren’t exactly working in your favor. For example, your rummaging through phone records and “keeping tabs” on her may come up. Also, your going to ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife’s work place and “ratting her out” can be interpreted as stalking (and it’s also part of the reason I’m not entirely sure I believe you’re being a total “nice guy.”) Do I condone your ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife actions? No. Do I think she’s a you-know-what? You better believe it. But I think that you need to start acting a lot smarter if you’re going to get through this as unscathed as possible. Your ex-wife/soon-to-be ex-wife has all her ducks in a row and is pushing your buttons. It’s working—and you are falling right into it. I can tell—you’re capable of great intelligence, but you’re reacting out of anger (and possibly malice)—and you’re just hurting yourself. You need to protect yourself—or hire an attorney to help protect you.

That’s my two cents. I hope I don’t sound like I’m being really cruel. I really am sorry this happened to you—but now isn’t quite the time to mourn—you’ve just got to push that aside for right now and protect yourself.