My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[M.O 6]

I see there are a few people above who think "moving on" means I should allow myself to be victimized, all this person to drag my name through the mud, and allow this person to be rewarded for not only their immoral act, but also a CRIME they have committed. Hmmmmmm. If I did this to someone, I would EXPECT them to stand up for themselves. I really dont care what some stranger on the internet thinks of my character. Its easy to feel pity for the "young little girl". Lest we forget who the real victim is, and who is being used an instrument to receive immigration benefits. Sorry, I refuse to sit back idly and allow someone to destroy my name with false accusations and slander, just so they can achieve their goal and objective. I dont want to see anyone "run out of town", I would rather the person recognize thier situation and move on themselves. But her undying selfishness will prevent her from doing so. Moving on means protecting yourself, fighting back, and only until justice is served can you truly get past it all. I am more than halfway there now.

And sharing my experience doesn't make me crazy. Yes, it is a pipedream to believe that I could prevent this from ever happening to another person just by writing about my experience. I would be crazy to assume I can prevent this from happening ever again. But, maybe one person will read it and recognize the signs, symptoms and similarities. This isnt like a 2-week boyfriend/girlfriend fling that ends.....I MARRIED this person. I did something I told myself I would NEVER do. I got married. I went against my #1 conviction for this person, I totally sacrificed MYSELF for the person who was presented to me. And this is what I get in return. A total mess. Writing about the sham makes me feel better, letting it all go makes me feel a lot better. And I will do whatever makes me feel better. I dont mind sharing, because it was a sham anyway. There is nothing to respect with privacy. There is nothing about this situation that deserves that respect. I believe exposing the fraud is the proper thing to do. I firmly believe that hiding it and allowing it to breeze through the system unscathed is WRONG. This should not be allowed to happen to anyone.

Yup, I took a chance. I took a chance in life, I knew it was a risk. And it was my decision to do it. I am not blaming anyone else. I know I had everything to lose and not much to gain. She had everything to gain. I decided to, for once, just take a risk in my life. And hey, it didnt pay off. Its like Vegas baby, its a roll of the dice. I lost out. And I cant get back what I have lost, BUT, I can still fight to protect what I have left......and that aint much. I have a little bit of heart left, my integrity, my honor and my name. Thats pretty much about it. But to me, whats left is worth fighting for to make sure someone isnt allowed to destroy me just so they can get a green card. Why should someone be allowed to ride my coattails and get rewarded when they have committed a crime?

And to be 100% honest, I really dont give a ####### if THE SCAMMER stays here in the U.S. Even if the marriage is annulled, and she still stays here illegally, I DONT CARE. As long as I am removed from this fraudulent marriage and as long as she is not allowed to USE me and MANIPULATE me in order to get what she wants. I do not want her to be able to use my name in order to obtain immigration benefits. I dont care what she does, it's just not gonna happen on my shoulders. If this marriage is annulled, I will be truly free and will be able to finally move on totally with my life. Until then, I will fight THE SCAMMER with every fiber of my being. I have to protect myself. VERITAS & AEQUITAS

uh huh..."I will fight THE SCAMMER with every fiber of my being. I have to protect myself. VERITAS & AEQUITAS"...

The king will reward you for your services

[baron555 934]

[all this person to drag my name through the mud

Yea, right. YOU are the one putting all this broo haha on the public display. Nowhere do I see her blogging you to death. You even stated that she didn't use your name to her family and friends. You are the one "dragging" your name through the mud. We all here in the public see and understand.

Edited June 12, 2009 by baron555

[Merrillizer 0]

[all this person to drag my name through the mud

Yea, right. YOU are the one putting all this broo haha on the public display. Nowhere do I see her blogging you to death. You even stated that she didn't use your name to her family and friends. You are the one "dragging" your name through the mud. We all here in the public see and understand.

Yeah, ok buddy. I am sharing this experience online, while she is out in public making false statements and accusations against not only me, but my friends and family. All for the purpose of her trying to reach her #1 goal. Give me a break, I could play that game too, and go out and make things up and tell people horrible things about her. Never have, never will. I am telling my story. I have no desire to run around to people and defame her. Her own actions speak volumes. She doesnt need any help in that department. Besides, unlike her, I dont need to make things up in order to prove my case. I have the truth and reality, I have the contract. Only she needs to commit perjury and make false accusations in order to remain here in the U.S. All I need to do is tell my story and show the EVIDENCE of her wrongdoings. Crime of moral turpitude. Telling my story is not a crime. I have the proof and evidence, she has words and false accusations. Who to believe? In the end, it doesnt matter what you think. It only matters what the judge thinks. Being a less than perfect husband to a wife who was acting anyway isnt a crime. Immigration marriage fraud is, especially when you sign a contract to commit it. The court doesnt care about opinions, it only cares about the evidence. I have it, and its clear as day. This person dragged her own name through the mud. Actions speak louder than words.......

Edited June 12, 2009 by Merrillizer

[rebeccajo 14]

You already pulled your Affidavit of Support. There is nothing you are responsible for - nothing else you can loose.

Everything else you are doing is either just out of boredom or pure vengeance.

And what is this "Crime of Moral Turpitude" business? Asking you to sign a contract was not a crime of moral turpitude. It might have been an attempt at marriage fraud but not a CMT.

Honestly - I'm not interested in keeping the thread up so we can find out the legal outcome because I don't suspect we will get the truth from you. Except that if you STOPPED blogging, I'd fairly assume the result was not what you are hoping for. I don't think you would have the nerve to come here and tell us if she prevails.

Edited June 12, 2009 by rebeccajo

[Merrillizer 0]

You already pulled your Affidavit of Support. There is nothing you are responsible for - nothing else you can loose.

Everything else you are doing is either just out of boredom or pure vengeance.

And what is this "Crime of Moral Turpitude" business? Asking you to sign a contract was not a crime of moral turpitude. It might have been an attempt at marriage fraud but not a CMT.

Honestly - I'm not interested in keeping the thread up so we can find out the legal outcome because I don't suspect we will get the truth from you. Except that if you STOPPED blogging, I'd fairly assume the result was not what you are hoping for. I don't think you would have the nerve to come here and tell us if she prevails.

ummm, wait....there's nothing left for me to do? LMAO. Ahhhh, I have to remove myself from a fraudulent marriage. That is plenty more to do. So I should just pull my AOS support, then forget about everything that has been done to me? LMFAO. Not only preposterous, but uncouth! Why would I keep myself in a sham marriage?

And she did more than ask me to sign a contract, she drafted one up, and SIGNED IT HERSELF. She has shown her clear intent to defraud and evade immigration laws. Get real. The only thing worse would be if she wrote me a check for a monthly payment and wrote "Payment for Marriage Fraud" on it lol.

I understand where you are coming from, and I understand your skepticism. But the proof is in the pudding. And the burden of proof is not on me. She has to prove she didnt sign a contract to commit a federal crime. I have to disagree with you though....there is plenty more for me to do in order to protect myself and also remove myself from this fraudulent marriage.

And I will surely give the honest result of the final hearing. I have nothing to hide. Either way, it will be a lesson. Do I think it would be fair that I would have a divorce to my name because of a fraudulent marriage? Ofcourse not. That wouldnt be fair at all. But a final hearing is a final hearing, so there wouldnt be much to do then if she won her divorce.

Edited June 12, 2009 by Merrillizer

[Laveau 67]

Please do post the outcome of the final hearing. I'd feel left hanging. I know you posted this but can you post again when it will be?

[Minya's wife 24]

Truth and justice my foot! Whoever said 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' was wrong. You're definitely making a case for changing the gender in that centuries old truism.

[Brad and Vika 129]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

[Laveau 67]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

[daboyz 36]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

Agreed!

[rebeccajo 14]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

Agreed!

Brad -

You're a nice guy. I'm kind of finding it hard to believe you'd be defending the position Merrillizer has taken. I mean - there are always two sides to every story. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt - that everything he has said here about his wife is true - what is the point? He talks about sitting at the table on his side of the courtroom during his last family court hearing and "raising the affidavit in the air". Drama?

It's just all so unnecessary, IMO.

And OK, Merrillizer, perhaps I left out the necessary step that you need to end your marriage to make legally certain you are no longer responsible for any debts your wife could incur in the US; to make sure she has no access to any of your property, etc. But all that can be done with banging the drum about how "scammed" you were.

I've said it before in this thread and I will say it again - I really think that you and your wife used each other. She used you to stay in the US and you used her because she's beautiful and charming. It was a complete #######-up of a marriage and neither of you are blameless.

Why can't you get some dignity, end your marriage, and let your wife deal with the consequences of whatever the law may find against her. I see no point in trying to rub her face in the dirt. Your marriage wasn't that long of a union and you are both young enough to move on.

Edited June 13, 2009 by rebeccajo

[M.O 6]

And OK, Merrillizer, perhaps I left out the necessary step that you need to end your marriage to make legally certain you are no longer responsible for any debts your wife could incur in the US; to make sure she has no access to any of your property, etc. But all that can be done with banging the drum about how "scammed" you were.

I've said it before in this thread and I will say it again - I really think that you and your wife used each other. She used you to stay in the US and you used her because she's beautiful and charming. It was a complete #######-up of a marriage and neither of you are blameless.

Why can't you get some dignity, end your marriage, and let your wife deal with the consequences of whatever the law may find against her. I see no point in trying to rub her face in the dirt. Your marriage wasn't that long of a union and you are both young enough to move on.

Agreed

[Merrillizer 0]

I also agree with that rebbecajo. I honestly do. And I also honestly wish I could be different. Yes, I admit I wish I had done things differently. But the pain in realizing that my life as I knew it, since last July or August, was a total wash, was very hard to do with. And yes, I also admit that I went against another one of my main convictions.....never deal with things on the basis of emotion. I let my self down, and I did just that. After I truly realized I never really had a "wife", I became very depressed, I was hurting very badly. It was affecting my daily life, my work, my ability to carry on. The hurt was immense, and I unloaded it the only way I could. Believe, I wish I had done things differently, but I cant take it back now. I would rather be unhurt, and be fruitful and multiply lol. But my mental freight train had to unload its cargo. It made me feel better. Then a few months later, I realized although it did make me feel better "short term", there was a better way to go about things. And I am sorry for dealing with my pain and hurt the way I did. I really am. But the person I truly need to apologize to doesnt exist. She never did. So I just have to move on and leave everything in my past. A past better left behind. I only continue to post here in hopes someone who may be in my situation (or one similar) can see what can happen if they make the mistakes I made. I have absolutely no problem admitting I made a lot of mistakes. Do I think my "wife" ever really LOVED me? I just cant say with any sort of certainty.BUt you know what...I cant always just be positive and think that she did. And thats the worst guys...having so many questions go unanswered. I cant lie...I do wish I could have some better closure, and have her answer my questions honestly. Like, why did she lie about where she was? Why did she pretend to be someone she wasnt? BUT, as someone stated on a previous page in this thread...I would never get the answers I am looking for. I just have to carry on thinking I was used and abused. And I can live with that, because I made the mistake of marrying her. It was my decision, and went through with it. And believe me, when we were sitting in my town hall here, filling out the marriage license, we kept looking at each other, and in my head I was asking myself what the hell am I doing. BUt I did it anyway. I never once denied my part in this and I never once denied my part in hurting MYSELF. I blame me now. I could have said no, I couldve let her fly home on Sept. 25th 2008, and then filed a K-1 and seen if she still "felt the same" about me. I bet that wouldve AVOIDED a lot of suffering and heartache. And that was my biggest mistake...not being able to let that person I thought I knew go home. I thought I was in love. The only thing that helps me through the day is thinking...."hey, maybe it wasnt real love. If it was there wouldnt be so much pain".

And yes, there are 2 sides of the story. And she has every right to tell hers just like I told mine. But the facts remains that she did sign a contract, and she herself showed me and my family that she really wasnt here for me. I was not #1, guys. You are welcome to believe what you want. I am just telling it how it is. I have no reason to lie. I have hurt enough over this. Nobody made her expose herself, and nobody made her sign a contract. Her own actions prove she was not in this marriage for real, bonafide, legitimate love, companionship and a family with me. It hurt enough just having to finally admit that. I tried to get this person to see that I was real, and that wasnt enough. You cant make someone love you, especially someone who has a clear goal and objective. I was never the light at the end of the immigration tunnel, the Green Card was. If you cant see that by now, then I dont know what else to say. I can only share the truth and share my painful experience. Believe me, its not easy to come to the conclusion that you WERE NOT #1 to your own supposed spouse. Its hard to find that out and realize, but its HARDER to have to eventually ADMIT IT.

You know what else was hard to deal with? Admitting that I was not an ideal husband at times, that I was cold and did ignore my "wife" too often. Then, finding out that admitting it was worthless, because the person I was cold to and ignored too often didnt even exist. I was not an ideal husband to someone who was pretented, to someone it didnt even matter to. Imagine that? This wasnt the easiest situation to be involved in. But again, I brought it upon myself. It was my choice to get married.

I have been through enough, in fact, the hardest ordeal I have ever had to endure. Now I feel my whole summer needs to be "rushed" just so I can get to August 24th and get this over with. Thats also not a good feeling. The evidence will be seen and heard on that day, and all I can hope is that the right decision is made.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Merrillizer

[rebeccajo 14]

Merrillizer -

It wouldn't hurt you to get a self-help book or two on the stages of grief. And I'm not being mean.

Secondly - you spent a few months married to this woman. Some of us on this site spent years married to a person who lied to us, used us, and generally was not the person 'presented' to us. I spent 26. Seriously, you cannot POSSIBLY have as much baggage from this relationship as you say. If you do, YOU are doing it to yourself.

You ARE wasting your summer. You are spending more time AFTER your marriage - on your marriage - than you did in it.

You need to move on.

Edited June 13, 2009 by rebeccajo

[Brad and Vika 129]

To the OP - stop defending yourself here. You see it only draws fire, and the more details, the more fire. Just say what you want - the mods will cut it out if necessary. Ignore the personal attacks and keep venting if you want. I have spoken to several VJers who could have benefitted from reading this up front, so it may do some good. Besides, the online world is a big place, and if you post that the sky is blue there will be people who will chastise you for it. They are just voicing an opinion - like you are. No need to take the defensive.

Agreed!

Brad -

You're a nice guy. I'm kind of finding it hard to believe you'd be defending the position Merrillizer has taken. I mean - there are always two sides to every story. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt - that everything he has said here about his wife is true - what is the point? He talks about sitting at the table on his side of the courtroom during his last family court hearing and "raising the affidavit in the air". Drama?

It's just all so unnecessary, IMO.

And OK, Merrillizer, perhaps I left out the necessary step that you need to end your marriage to make legally certain you are no longer responsible for any debts your wife could incur in the US; to make sure she has no access to any of your property, etc. But all that can be done with banging the drum about how "scammed" you were.

I've said it before in this thread and I will say it again - I really think that you and your wife used each other. She used you to stay in the US and you used her because she's beautiful and charming. It was a complete #######-up of a marriage and neither of you are blameless.

Why can't you get some dignity, end your marriage, and let your wife deal with the consequences of whatever the law may find against her. I see no point in trying to rub her face in the dirt. Your marriage wasn't that long of a union and you are both young enough to move on.

Thanks for your well thought out comments. Compared to some of the bullsh1t I see (and sometimes create ) around here, this thread didn't seem too bad. To summarize some of my opinions and statements:

1) I do defend the OPs right to vent here - just like everybody else. Not a commentary on mental state, his position, or anything else. Some posts in this thread were attacking him personally just for telling the story. I think that sort of thing is not helpful in a thread like this. Any one who is afraid of what their fiance' might read here and the effect it will have on their relationship should look at their own situation. Glass houses. Time Merrilizer spends defending himself is time wasted.

2) Others may actually benefit from the story (the facts, not the drama).

3) What happened to Merrilizer is exactly the sort of thing that casts all K-1 beneficiaries from Eastern Europe in a bad light. I am tired of hearing the negative stories like this used to paint all K-1 recipients with the same brush. Nice to see some one doing something other than being a doormat when it happened to him.

4) The annullment process IMO is the right thing to do in this situation, and the most difficult. I respect that Merrilizer is staying with the process to its conclusion. If his ex winds up getting deported with a ban, that's just gravy. Maybe other scammers will read about it here and think twice.

Edited June 13, 2009 by Brad and Vika