My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[Justin143Wendy 0]

How often does stuff like this happen? She must be a great actor or you must be a big sucker, no offense. Well all i can say is i wish i could buy you a beer or something but dont think you got out of this with nothing, you learned a great lesson, that you will never forget.

Remember how do people learn things? IF nothing bad ever happens?

Also Remember, No matter how bad it seems to you, there will always be someone out there in the same situation that has it just a little big worse.

Good luck brother

[borednad2 0]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

it was no surprised at all when u said she's from moldova..hmmm...its not about being judgmental or anything but i have worked in israel for 7 years and brace urself...the known prostitues(even the professionals like doctors etc) and cheat their husbands are from that region u mentioned and nearby ...sorry ..but i had interviewed countless people in israel regarding "prostitutes" and "cheaters" and also its known in israel that u can take them to bed for just a stick of cigarette...i know this first hand ...i have my male friends to observed

[Merrillizer 0]

I understand the problems in Moldova, and why some women from Moldova look for a way out. I never held it against my "wife". The genuinely loved and cared for the person who was presented to me. Where she came from did not matter. But I do understand that there are bad things that come out of Moldova because it is the poorest country in Europe. I see the struggle. But it certainly doesnt give people from there the right to commit marriage fraud.

We'll see what happens in August. Last I heard.....my "wife" was finding every day to be a challenge, she is growing very tired, and just wants to go home.

I couldnt be so lucky.....

[Brad and Vika 129]

I couldnt be so lucky.....

Yes you could. It happens.

[baron555 934]

She must be a great actor or you must be a big sucker,

I think it's the latter. I read a little of his blog and to me it really speaks of the character of this individual. I may be mistaken but here's a 31 year old male who after a 2 month romance htiches up with a 23 year old little girl who is very smart and plays him perfectly for possibly a ticket to the US. And now he's telling this detailed tale on a public forum, where all other women can read. He's probably shooting himself in the foot for any future relationship except for another CGC.

Dude I'm sorry for you but you really should keep your personal life personal.

[M.O 6]

I understand the problems in Moldova, and why some women from Moldova look for a way out. I never held it against my "wife". The genuinely loved and cared for the person who was presented to me. Where she came from did not matter. But I do understand that there are bad things that come out of Moldova because it is the poorest country in Europe. I see the struggle. But it certainly doesnt give people from there the right to commit marriage fraud.

We'll see what happens in August. Last I heard.....my "wife" was finding every day to be a challenge, she is growing very tired, and just wants to go home.

I couldnt be so lucky.....

omg...really until now i didnt see anything manly in you..your winning about your 2 months romance..over and over.. and let me tell you Moldova is my country and is a great country..u dont need money to be happy..u need love to be happy..

But try to sit down and think for a moment maybe she was real and she really cared when you guys got married and maybe u sucked being a good husband and a real man and thats why she left.. i dont wanna offend u but from everything i read,all the 16 pages or whatever,yeah..wasnt smthg that was going to last, i know,but people divorce after 10 or 20 years,how many pages should they post 1000?!iits a whole life they throw away,u much less than that..im ok with u posting ,i really dont care,but maybe wasnt just her fault...and im sure it wasnt...

[ziia 9]

it was no surprised at all when u said she's from moldova..hmmm...its not about being judgmental or anything but i have worked in israel for 7 years and brace urself...the known prostitues(even the professionals like doctors etc) and cheat their husbands are from that region u mentioned and nearby ...sorry ..but i had interviewed countless people in israel regarding "prostitutes" and "cheaters" and also its known in israel that u can take them to bed for just a stick of cigarette...i know this first hand ...i have my male friends to observed

I can't help myself but to respond to this.

Sir, first of all, show me a country that doesn't have its own prostitutes. Legalized or not, prostitution is everywere, from the most undeveloped countries to the most economicaly developed ones. Maybe a muslim country like yours doesn't have prostitution, but there's a lot of rape and mutilation to make up for the lack of corner street howes. If you take offense in this, too bad, i'm speaking the truth, as i see it, as a result of the truth you're you came to write about. Second, if your friends that you observed renting prostitutes for a stick of cigarette, maybe those wemen were't prostitues afterall..maybe they were the clients and maybe your friends were the ones that were getting paid for the services? Maybe your friends were the prostitues? Or is it that you were there watching or holding hands that you can so clearly observe no money were excahnged. Point is, yes, i agree, prostitution is more acute in under developed countries, so is fraud, so is crime. But all that exists everywhere, in smaller or bigger proportions. Fact is, one should be aware of possible fake fiancees when they marry someone overseas. Call them prostitues as you will or just frauds or fakes or whatever, but keep in mind my friend that the fault splits in two, when one is sneaky and canaving, the other one is at the least naive at at the most desperate. Everybody knows what's comming, from young to old, from experienced to unexperienced, we're all blessed with that 6th sense that is ment to be listened to, yet a lot of people don't, not because they're are not capable to do it, but because they don't want to, they disconsider the "red flags" they see, make some excuses for everything that feels wrong(like i was blinded by the love) and vavooom, we see them here posting about troubles a few weeks, months, years after the truth comes out and hits them in the face like an 8 wheel truck. One can not be fooled without his aproval. So, blame it on those "prostitues" as you wish, i blame it on both. If one is a prostitue, what do you call the other one? You answer that, please.

To Merrillizer:

Man, i realy hope this workes out 4 you. You need to get out of town and take a vacation, meet someone else and let this go. You've done all you could, not is somewhat out of your hands. She treated you bad and she will pay her due...it's called carma, or what comes arround goes arround. And the Unverse always makes sure that in the end, it all evens out for each and one of us. It always does and always will.

Some red flags to look for in a partner:

-Anything taken to extreme: love, beeing in love a few weeks after you meet, without giving you a reason why, just because. As much as we like to feel special, unique and god like figure for someone we just met just because of our presence in the world and nothing else, it's a big fat top of the roof poster screaming BS. Beeing in love with someone is just a state of mind that has no direct connection with the person we've met. That state of mind is already there, even before they meet you(or in you, before you even meet her). It's a hard concept to accept because the narcissist in us does't like hearing that we're not the ones striking so much passion. It's the idea of beeing in love that trigers it all and you(or her) happen to be there, at the right time at the right place. That feeling is not ment to last and it doesn't...it eighter transforms in love(after you KNOW the person) or fades away and the relationship disolves(in which case, no partner is at fault or they both are)-That i believe was the case between you and Sylvia. Loving someone is only possible after we've rationalized the reason why: they're good heart, they're intelligence, they're pasion, they're personality and the most important of it all, the way they treat you; things that you ca only know once you've been together with that person for a decent length of time.

-Any requests for money before they're in a marriage with you(don't realy care of the reason), it's a big BIG sign of they're intentions.

-If they are too full of themselves, indiferent attitueds or "i'm better than you" kind of style, lets just call it, the "princess" syndrome. RUN RUN RUN! Don't expect such to ever love you no matter how great, awesome, incredible you are, it ain't gonna happen. How can a narcissist love someone when all they care is themselves? You will only be an accessory for them, an accessory that makes them look better in the spotlight. The only heart you'll ever reach/hurt in these persons is they're ego.

My advise to you, to all that marry overseas, don't do it untill you know the real reason WHY and lived with them for more than a year. If you wanna marry someone because you're inlove and you dont want them to go home, then suffer the consequences and take it like a man if things don't go well. Those two sole reasons make a weak foundation to build a marriage upon.

take care

Edited June 11, 2009 by ziia

[Merrillizer 0]

My advise to you, to all that marry overseas, don't do it untill you know the real reason WHY and lived with them for more than a year. If you wanna marry someone because you're inlove and you dont want them to go home, then suffer the consequences and take it like a man if things don't go well. Those two sole reasons make a weak foundation to build a marriage upon.

take care

Many cheers to that. This is true, and I am a shining example of dont marry someone just so you dont lose them. As far as the age thing goes, I know love people like to bring that up, but its irrelevant. Whether she was 31 and I was 23, or she was 29. It doesnt matter. I fell in love with a person that was presented to me. That person changed, albeit suddenly, as soon as I married her. The changes became more clear over time. It was a process. And luckily, it only took me several months to see the light. For some, I have read it took much longer.

I have really let it go. I would in all honesty prefer to just end things amicably and be friends, but that isnt an option, because the person I knew never really existed. That person was acted. The person I see now, I have no idea. ITs actually scary. I just dont even see the person I fell for. I exhausted all avenues, I extended my hand in friendship hoping to do things the easy way, but the person I knew isnt there. So its impossible. We'll just have to battle it out. And she is fighting for her #1 objective, and thats the green card. I am fighting for my innocence and well-being. Yes there are times when I remember something she blatantly lied about or something she said or did, and I start to get angry, but it doesnt last anymore. Its not a constant. I really dont wish her a terrible life. But would I prefer that she didnt live in my hometown lol? Well, yeah. I would prefer not to see her, ya know? Outta sight outta mind. I honestly just cant wait till august 24th so I can get this over with.

And as far as posting "my personal life", I dont consider my short-lived fraud/sham marriage to my "wife" as personal. Its not mine, it was never real. I would never talk about anything if it were a legit marriage. But it wasnt, it was a joke. Its not "personal" to me, at all. Its more of a joke, a satire, a soap. Entertainment. Personal, no. Fraudulent, yes.

Will anyone get "mad" if I post the results of the Final Hearing?

[Brad and Vika 129]

My advise to you, to all that marry overseas, don't do it untill you know the real reason WHY and lived with them for more than a year. If you wanna marry someone because you're inlove and you dont want them to go home, then suffer the consequences and take it like a man if things don't go well. Those two sole reasons make a weak foundation to build a marriage upon.

take care

Many cheers to that. This is true, and I am a shining example of dont marry someone just so you dont lose them. As far as the age thing goes, I know love people like to bring that up, but its irrelevant. Whether she was 31 and I was 23, or she was 29. It doesnt matter. I fell in love with a person that was presented to me. That person changed, albeit suddenly, as soon as I married her. The changes became more clear over time. It was a process. And luckily, it only took me several months to see the light. For some, I have read it took much longer.

I have really let it go. I would in all honesty prefer to just end things amicably and be friends, but that isnt an option, because the person I knew never really existed. That person was acted. The person I see now, I have no idea. ITs actually scary. I just dont even see the person I fell for. I exhausted all avenues, I extended my hand in friendship hoping to do things the easy way, but the person I knew isnt there. So its impossible. We'll just have to battle it out. And she is fighting for her #1 objective, and thats the green card. I am fighting for my innocence and well-being. Yes there are times when I remember something she blatantly lied about or something she said or did, and I start to get angry, but it doesnt last anymore. Its not a constant. I really dont wish her a terrible life. But would I prefer that she didnt live in my hometown lol? Well, yeah. I would prefer not to see her, ya know? Outta sight outta mind. I honestly just cant wait till august 24th so I can get this over with.

And as far as posting "my personal life", I dont consider my short-lived fraud/sham marriage to my "wife" as personal. Its not mine, it was never real. I would never talk about anything if it were a legit marriage. But it wasnt, it was a joke. Its not "personal" to me, at all. Its more of a joke, a satire, a soap. Entertainment. Personal, no. Fraudulent, yes.

Will anyone get "mad" if I post the results of the Final Hearing?

Two pionts - first, your innocence is gone (and that is a good thing, as you will probably be pretty gun-shy in the future), and second - we will be mad if you don't post the outcome. It might do some good

[baron555 934]

I have really let it go. I would in all honesty prefer to just end things amicably and be friends, but that isnt an option, because the person I knew never really existed. That person was acted. The person I see now, I have no idea. ITs actually scary. I just dont even see the person I fell for. I exhausted all avenues, I extended my hand in friendship hoping to do things the easy way, but the person I knew isnt there. So its impossible. We'll just have to battle it out. And she is fighting for her #1 objective, and thats the green card. I am fighting for my innocence and well-being. Yes there are times when I remember something she blatantly lied about or something she said or did, and I start to get angry, but it doesnt last anymore. Its not a constant. I really dont wish her a terrible life. But would I prefer that she didnt live in my hometown lol? Well, yeah. I would prefer not to see her, ya know? Outta sight outta mind. I honestly just cant wait till august 24th so I can get this over with.

I'm sorry but you haven't let it go. You are seeking revenge. If you do not care about her since she is not the person you fell in love with, then why all the words and actions. You are obsessed with her. Why do you care if she gets a green card or anything else for that matter. You have not let her go.

If you are the honorable person you state you are, then do what you have to do and do it in private and be done with it. All this talk from you, to me, only shows me some of your character. What do you think other women think of all this display?

You got taken and I am sorry for you but there were a ton of red flags that you didn't see.

Maybe next time you will be more careful.

[maliciant 7]

Merrillizer: You thought she was a different person than she turned out to be... but I also doubt she knew what kind of person you are either. That's not a compliment to your dogged persistance or anything like that, I think anyone reading your myspace site/blog is likely to come up with the same conclusion as I have, that you are at least three kinds of crazy, two of which are the kind that cause women to feel a need to get the heck away from you and protect themselves as much as possible. You are clearly obsessed with this girl still, I can't blame ya, but you're only a few steps from making the local headlines (and not in a positive way).

[Minya's wife 24]

My advise to you, to all that marry overseas, don't do it untill you know the real reason WHY and lived with them for more than a year. If you wanna marry someone because you're inlove and you dont want them to go home, then suffer the consequences and take it like a man if things don't go well. Those two sole reasons make a weak foundation to build a marriage upon.

take care

Many cheers to that. This is true, and I am a shining example of dont marry someone just so you dont lose them. As far as the age thing goes, I know love people like to bring that up, but its irrelevant. Whether she was 31 and I was 23, or she was 29. It doesnt matter. I fell in love with a person that was presented to me. That person changed, albeit suddenly, as soon as I married her. The changes became more clear over time. It was a process. And luckily, it only took me several months to see the light. For some, I have read it took much longer.

It is not the age difference...it is the fact that you're carrying on like you were so monumentally wronged (this thread is how many pages now?) as a result of such short relationship ending. For many, a couple of months doesn't even qualify to move the relationship out of the 'dating' stage, yet here you are wafting about this great wrong that was done to you. Seriously guy...grow some balls and take it like a man.

And as far as posting "my personal life", I dont consider my short-lived fraud/sham marriage to my "wife" as personal. Its not mine, it was never real. I would never talk about anything if it were a legit marriage. But it wasnt, it was a joke. Its not "personal" to me, at all. Its more of a joke, a satire, a soap. Entertainment. Personal, no. Fraudulent, yes.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that...your early posts and your actions prove you a liar. They prove that your feeling of being wronged is so overwhelming, that only by going through with this vendetta to see this woman run out of town do you feel like you can put this behind you. Sad really...and in no way makes you the provider of entertainment.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I am really surprised that some of the attacks here are not getting the thread shut down. Oh well... in before the lock!

[TBoneTX 45,294]

Several readers might like to learn the outcome (and details) of the objective proceedings, for purposes of general education and gaining insights. Deportation and other such hearings are things that seem to be only rarely discussed in detail here on VJ. If this thread is locked, perhaps the OP can begin a new thread that describes the actual proceedings.

[Merrillizer 0]

I see there are a few people above who think "moving on" means I should allow myself to be victimized, all this person to drag my name through the mud, and allow this person to be rewarded for not only their immoral act, but also a CRIME they have committed. Hmmmmmm. If I did this to someone, I would EXPECT them to stand up for themselves. I really dont care what some stranger on the internet thinks of my character. Its easy to feel pity for the "young little girl". Lest we forget who the real victim is, and who is being used an instrument to receive immigration benefits. Sorry, I refuse to sit back idly and allow someone to destroy my name with false accusations and slander, just so they can achieve their goal and objective. I dont want to see anyone "run out of town", I would rather the person recognize thier situation and move on themselves. But her undying selfishness will prevent her from doing so. Moving on means protecting yourself, fighting back, and only until justice is served can you truly get past it all. I am more than halfway there now.

And sharing my experience doesn't make me crazy. Yes, it is a pipedream to believe that I could prevent this from ever happening to another person just by writing about my experience. I would be crazy to assume I can prevent this from happening ever again. But, maybe one person will read it and recognize the signs, symptoms and similarities. This isnt like a 2-week boyfriend/girlfriend fling that ends.....I MARRIED this person. I did something I told myself I would NEVER do. I got married. I went against my #1 conviction for this person, I totally sacrificed MYSELF for the person who was presented to me. And this is what I get in return. A total mess. Writing about the sham makes me feel better, letting it all go makes me feel a lot better. And I will do whatever makes me feel better. I dont mind sharing, because it was a sham anyway. There is nothing to respect with privacy. There is nothing about this situation that deserves that respect. I believe exposing the fraud is the proper thing to do. I firmly believe that hiding it and allowing it to breeze through the system unscathed is WRONG. This should not be allowed to happen to anyone.

Yup, I took a chance. I took a chance in life, I knew it was a risk. And it was my decision to do it. I am not blaming anyone else. I know I had everything to lose and not much to gain. She had everything to gain. I decided to, for once, just take a risk in my life. And hey, it didnt pay off. Its like Vegas baby, its a roll of the dice. I lost out. And I cant get back what I have lost, BUT, I can still fight to protect what I have left......and that aint much. I have a little bit of heart left, my integrity, my honor and my name. Thats pretty much about it. But to me, whats left is worth fighting for to make sure someone isnt allowed to destroy me just so they can get a green card. Why should someone be allowed to ride my coattails and get rewarded when they have committed a crime?

And to be 100% honest, I really dont give a ####### if THE SCAMMER stays here in the U.S. Even if the marriage is annulled, and she still stays here illegally, I DONT CARE. As long as I am removed from this fraudulent marriage and as long as she is not allowed to USE me and MANIPULATE me in order to get what she wants. I do not want her to be able to use my name in order to obtain immigration benefits. I dont care what she does, it's just not gonna happen on my shoulders. If this marriage is annulled, I will be truly free and will be able to finally move on totally with my life. Until then, I will fight THE SCAMMER with every fiber of my being. I have to protect myself. VERITAS & AEQUITAS