My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[Merrillizer 0]

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

Why, because I am still legally married to her, and I am still "technically" responsible for her. Add to that the fact that even if it was fraud, I cant stop myself from actually caring about this person. I have tried everything I could to not give a #######, but I guess I really do have a heart, and I am unable to just drop someone from my memory and wipe them away. Sometimes I wish I could, but I cant. If she tries to overstay her expired visa for a few more months, she could be detained. Do I want that? No. I honestly think it would be better for everyone if she just went home willfully. So yeah, I am still worried about her, regardless if our marriage and love was legit or fake. I guess its just too hard for me to just wash away the last 8 or 9 months of my life and pretend I never met her and we never happened. Cant do it....

What DO you want? One minute you're ranting about how evil she is and you want her gone, and the next, this. She has you totally wrapped around her finger. What indication has she given you that she actually cares about you? I'm not trying to be nasty here, ok? It just seems obvious to me (and I think many others reading) that she used you from the very beginning, and she continues to manipulate you to get what she wants, which is to stay here. I honestly don't understand why anyone would accept being used by someone in this way. It's cruel, and coldhearted.

Well yeah, she has put me through the wringer. I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. I guess I just have to do what makes me feel better. For awhile I did think being vengeful and spiteful made me feel better, and maybe it did give me some sort of satisfaction or a momentary feeling of happiness. But in the end, I do not want to do that. In the end it didnt help, it only made me feel worse. Thinking bad all the time was destroying me, I was withering away. I am not allowed to communicate with her, but I know she still checks up on me, she has her ways. If she didnt ever really ever care about me, she wouldnt be doing those things, and she certainly couldve waited another month or so for our interview. I am going to remain positive and move on, and if trying to help her makes me feel better, then thats what I will do too. I cant just dump people off. Maybe I should. But I really cant. I am learning a lot about myself during terrible experience, so she has done me some great favors in this awful situation.

[rlogan 2,036]

What DO you want? One minute you're ranting about how evil she is and you want her gone, and the next, this. She has you totally wrapped around her finger. What indication has she given you that she actually cares about you? I'm not trying to be nasty here, ok? It just seems obvious to me (and I think many others reading) that she used you from the very beginning, and she continues to manipulate you to get what she wants, which is to stay here. I honestly don't understand why anyone would accept being used by someone in this way. It's cruel, and coldhearted.

Well he's on an emotional roller coaster and also taking a lot of confusing pressure from different people.

He's taken a lot of ###### for being vindictive, so I think it natural to start couching things in a more conciliatory tone.

I think you are right. Why do people accept such cruelty? Because they don't know better.

If she didnt ever really ever care about me, she wouldnt be doing those things

Were I her, I would be keeping a close eye on you too. But not because I cared about you.

Well, I'm no better man than the next guy.

Grateful, that's for sure.

[morocco4ever 63]

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

Why, because I am still legally married to her, and I am still "technically" responsible for her. Add to that the fact that even if it was fraud, I cant stop myself from actually caring about this person. I have tried everything I could to not give a #######, but I guess I really do have a heart, and I am unable to just drop someone from my memory and wipe them away. Sometimes I wish I could, but I cant. If she tries to overstay her expired visa for a few more months, she could be detained. Do I want that? No. I honestly think it would be better for everyone if she just went home willfully. So yeah, I am still worried about her, regardless if our marriage and love was legit or fake. I guess its just too hard for me to just wash away the last 8 or 9 months of my life and pretend I never met her and we never happened. Cant do it....

What DO you want? One minute you're ranting about how evil she is and you want her gone, and the next, this. She has you totally wrapped around her finger. What indication has she given you that she actually cares about you? I'm not trying to be nasty here, ok? It just seems obvious to me (and I think many others reading) that she used you from the very beginning, and she continues to manipulate you to get what she wants, which is to stay here. I honestly don't understand why anyone would accept being used by someone in this way. It's cruel, and coldhearted.

Well yeah, she has put me through the wringer. I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. I guess I just have to do what makes me feel better. For awhile I did think being vengeful and spiteful made me feel better, and maybe it did give me some sort of satisfaction or a momentary feeling of happiness. But in the end, I do not want to do that. In the end it didnt help, it only made me feel worse. Thinking bad all the time was destroying me, I was withering away. I am not allowed to communicate with her, but I know she still checks up on me, she has her ways. If she didnt ever really ever care about me, she wouldnt be doing those things, and she certainly couldve waited another month or so for our interview. I am going to remain positive and move on, and if trying to help her makes me feel better, then thats what I will do too. I cant just dump people off. Maybe I should. But I really cant. I am learning a lot about myself during terrible experience, so she has done me some great favors in this awful situation.

The bolded part above is where I see that you are hanging onto what you WANT to believe rather than facts. Has it ever crossed your mind that her keeping tabs on you is merely a way to keep using you if she needs too?

You tried being vengeful and spiteful and it didn't make you feel better? Of course not, because it is all intertwined. By letting someone manipulate you what you are saying is "I am not a good person, and I deserve to be walked on". Is that really how you want to be?

To move on you don't need revenge, and you don't need to help her. You merely realize that a person that is capable of using another person, then trashing their heart was never a person worthy of love or respect in the beginning. If you love yourself enough you can walk away. If not you will wallow in self pity and find yet another person that will use you. Is that really what you are looking for?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

[scandal 951]

[rebeccajo 14]

Oh, we should be so lucky.......................

[baron555 934]

Don't feel sad for the OP.

Darwin wins again.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[ziia 9]

Merrillizer, be honest...you got back together didn't you? It's ok, no need to be embarrssed, life is wht life is...

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

[ziia 9]

We all love HAPPY ENDINGS!!!!

Next time, if you get screwed again, we won't blame you or your SO, we'll just blame your mother, right guys?

Take care. Glad to see you're in a better state of mind than before

[Merrillizer 0]

Merrillizer, be honest...you got back together didn't you? It's ok, no need to be embarrssed, life is wht life is...

LMFAO!!! Thanks for the pics! I added them to my archive

No, we are not back together. But thanks for the positive thought lol.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Merrillizer

[JANETandLYLE 11]

Merrillizer, be honest...you got back together didn't you? It's ok, no need to be embarrssed, life is wht life is...

LMFAO!!! Thanks for the pics! I added them to my archive

No, we are not back together. But thanks for the positive thought lol.

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, but after reading it all I see where you have been an emotional roller coaster through the whole thread! One minute you want to turn her in to immigration, and the next you wish she would come back to you, even after she has been sleeping with another man! Ok, so you lost 8 or 9 months of your life? That's really not that much time to lose at this point. What if you would of had kids with this gal and 5 years from now she left you? Then you would have child supposrt on top of many other issues. Feel fortunate it never went that far. As far as her original intentions, we may never know. I think her ideas of a "rosey" life with you never blossomed for whatever reason(s). I think originally you wanted payback for what she apparently done to you. I think at this stage you only wish it turned out like you imagined it would in your head. Now is NOW! This is reality! This situation is what it is...Let her go. I personally still think your hanging on for the full ride. This may cause you more grief and emotional trama before its all over for you. It's called, "Letting Go!" I don't think she honestly loves you. Maybe cares a little about you as a person, but doesn't love you. Not trying to be abrasive, but honestly look within yourself and what is reality in your life right now. Stop hanging on through this hell you talk of and start the healing process inside your heart and head. Hating her or showing angry for her only takes away energy from yourself to continue doing that each day. Wondering what she is doing, and where she is at each day takes that much more energy away from you. Do you still care about her? Apparently, you do. I don't think honestly she feels the same about you. Move on and start to heal.....

[sasha414 0]

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

Why, because I am still legally married to her, and I am still "technically" responsible for her. Add to that the fact that even if it was fraud, I cant stop myself from actually caring about this person. I have tried everything I could to not give a #######, but I guess I really do have a heart, and I am unable to just drop someone from my memory and wipe them away. Sometimes I wish I could, but I cant. If she tries to overstay her expired visa for a few more months, she could be detained. Do I want that? No. I honestly think it would be better for everyone if she just went home willfully. So yeah, I am still worried about her, regardless if our marriage and love was legit or fake. I guess its just too hard for me to just wash away the last 8 or 9 months of my life and pretend I never met her and we never happened. Cant do it....

What DO you want? One minute you're ranting about how evil she is and you want her gone, and the next, this. She has you totally wrapped around her finger. What indication has she given you that she actually cares about you? I'm not trying to be nasty here, ok? It just seems obvious to me (and I think many others reading) that she used you from the very beginning, and she continues to manipulate you to get what she wants, which is to stay here. I honestly don't understand why anyone would accept being used by someone in this way. It's cruel, and coldhearted.

Well yeah, she has put me through the wringer. I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. I guess I just have to do what makes me feel better. For awhile I did think being vengeful and spiteful made me feel better, and maybe it did give me some sort of satisfaction or a momentary feeling of happiness. But in the end, I do not want to do that. In the end it didnt help, it only made me feel worse. Thinking bad all the time was destroying me, I was withering away. I am not allowed to communicate with her, but I know she still checks up on me, she has her ways. If she didnt ever really ever care about me, she wouldnt be doing those things, and she certainly couldve waited another month or so for our interview. I am going to remain positive and move on, and if trying to help her makes me feel better, then thats what I will do too. I cant just dump people off. Maybe I should. But I really cant. I am learning a lot about myself during terrible experience, so she has done me some great favors in this awful situation.

The bolded part above is where I see that you are hanging onto what you WANT to believe rather than facts. Has it ever crossed your mind that her keeping tabs on you is merely a way to keep using you if she needs too?

You tried being vengeful and spiteful and it didn't make you feel better? Of course not, because it is all intertwined. By letting someone manipulate you what you are saying is "I am not a good person, and I deserve to be walked on". Is that really how you want to be?

To move on you don't need revenge, and you don't need to help her. You merely realize that a person that is capable of using another person, then trashing their heart was never a person worthy of love or respect in the beginning. If you love yourself enough you can walk away. If not you will wallow in self pity and find yet another person that will use you. Is that really what you are looking for?

ill try to sum it up : the OP is "in denial"

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

Why, because I am still legally married to her, and I am still "technically" responsible for her. Add to that the fact that even if it was fraud, I cant stop myself from actually caring about this person. I have tried everything I could to not give a #######, but I guess I really do have a heart, and I am unable to just drop someone from my memory and wipe them away. Sometimes I wish I could, but I cant. If she tries to overstay her expired visa for a few more months, she could be detained. Do I want that? No. I honestly think it would be better for everyone if she just went home willfully. So yeah, I am still worried about her, regardless if our marriage and love was legit or fake. I guess its just too hard for me to just wash away the last 8 or 9 months of my life and pretend I never met her and we never happened. Cant do it....

What DO you want? One minute you're ranting about how evil she is and you want her gone, and the next, this. She has you totally wrapped around her finger. What indication has she given you that she actually cares about you? I'm not trying to be nasty here, ok? It just seems obvious to me (and I think many others reading) that she used you from the very beginning, and she continues to manipulate you to get what she wants, which is to stay here. I honestly don't understand why anyone would accept being used by someone in this way. It's cruel, and coldhearted.

Well yeah, she has put me through the wringer. I understand what you are saying and why you are saying it. I guess I just have to do what makes me feel better. For awhile I did think being vengeful and spiteful made me feel better, and maybe it did give me some sort of satisfaction or a momentary feeling of happiness. But in the end, I do not want to do that. In the end it didnt help, it only made me feel worse. Thinking bad all the time was destroying me, I was withering away. I am not allowed to communicate with her, but I know she still checks up on me, she has her ways. If she didnt ever really ever care about me, she wouldnt be doing those things, and she certainly couldve waited another month or so for our interview. I am going to remain positive and move on, and if trying to help her makes me feel better, then thats what I will do too. I cant just dump people off. Maybe I should. But I really cant. I am learning a lot about myself during terrible experience, so she has done me some great favors in this awful situation.

The bolded part above is where I see that you are hanging onto what you WANT to believe rather than facts. Has it ever crossed your mind that her keeping tabs on you is merely a way to keep using you if she needs too?

You tried being vengeful and spiteful and it didn't make you feel better? Of course not, because it is all intertwined. By letting someone manipulate you what you are saying is "I am not a good person, and I deserve to be walked on". Is that really how you want to be?

To move on you don't need revenge, and you don't need to help her. You merely realize that a person that is capable of using another person, then trashing their heart was never a person worthy of love or respect in the beginning. If you love yourself enough you can walk away. If not you will wallow in self pity and find yet another person that will use you. Is that really what you are looking for?

ill try to sum it up : the OP is "in denial"