My wife threw her marriage and life here away

[rlogan 2,036]

ICE cares little about her........there are 18 million are so illegals, and she is special to them..yeah right

...you are just wanting revenge .....and wanting to see her suffer....

Hurt often comes out in anger. Wanting revenge. A person needs to get past that.

Merrilizer - it happened to me. Not as far along. But it has happened to many. It sucks. But give it up and move on.

There is no free speech on a message board folks. The people who own it can restrict us to talking in spanish and only about gardening if they felt like it

There are some rules governing our comportment here. Regardless of whether there were, we should try to be kind.

[ziia 9]

Yes, I've already taken American Government at College, and I know what is it called "freedom of speech". As to my husband, don't even try to accuse me of a fraud, because I didn't wanna marry him the first time he proposed. I wanted to stay legal on my own. That's why my husband loves me. And you don't know him. He is simply one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and I do love him. So, you keep talking about fraud here, I don't care. I care what my family thinks about him, and his about me as well. And what do we think about each other is obvious - that's why we're married. As to my respect for my own country - I mentioned my country because it would be very dishonest to list the other ones and not list mine, when I know very well it's true, and it's sad.

Now leave me alone, I am tired of reading offenses all the time. Period!

Have you ever considered that all the people in E Europe who asked you "how did you find this one? I want one too" might just slightly be joking and life might, just might be more complex than that? That people are more complex than that? Than maybe, just maybe, when marriges fall appart might be the fault of both? Or just bc i'm from Romania or you are from Bulgaria, and god forbid we divorce,we should stand numb to be labeled as "the one who is fraud bc she's from E Europe" that's why he/she divorced when you know there's more than that to a certain situation than the bumper sticker you seem to apply not on the back of your car but on our foreheads of nations of complex people?

You did not understand. Nobody is accusing you of fraud my dear and no need to present your undenieble true love for your husband here on the forum, unless of course you want to but not to convince me or the others of how genuine you are. I don't realy care nor i base my oppinions to what it is thrown out there but on actions more than anything. You and him know what's between you two and that's all that matters.

You're at the begining of your jurney. After you've been married a bunch of years i will take you seriously on how much you love your SO. And should realy care for proving your love to the Immigration officer not to me or the others who are astounded of how "unique" your love is for your american spouse. Well girl, i've got news for you. You are not alone, do more research you might find a ton of peope here who marry for true love, just life you, and you might be astounded by the fact that they are from E Europe, Asia, Africa, Ecuador..the Moon.

So, tell your hubby to read what i wrote and see what exactly i've accused you of and what exactly i said that's so hurtful to Merrillizer.

I'm done here. this agravated me, i appologise to all the other members of the forum. I will get back to topic, i just needed to get some things straight first to the people who are so quickly to apply a bumper sticker where i should not be applied.

Edited May 16, 2009 by ziia

[bluehills73 2]

Yes, I've already taken American Government at College, and I know what is it called "freedom of speech". As to my husband, don't even try to accuse me of a fraud, because I didn't wanna marry him the first time he proposed. I wanted to stay legal on my own. That's why my husband loves me. And you don't know him. He is simply one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and I do love him. So, you keep talking about fraud here, I don't care. I care what my family thinks about him, and his about me as well. And what do we think about each other is obvious - that's why we're married. As to my respect for my own country - I mentioned my country because it would be very dishonest to list the other ones and not list mine, when I know very well it's true, and it's sad.

Now leave me alone, I am tired of reading offenses all the time. Period!

Have you ever considered that all the people in E Europe who asked you "how did you find this one? I want one too" might just slightly be joking and life might, just might be more complex than that? That people are more complex than that? Than maybe, just maybe, when marriges fall appart might be the fault of both? Or just bc i'm from Romania or you are from Bulgaria, and god forbid we divorce,we should stand numb to be labeled as "the one who is fraud bc she's from E Europe" that's why he/she divorced when you know there's more than that to a certain situation than the bumper sticker you seem to apply not on the back of your car but on our foreheads of nations of complex people?

You did not understand. Nobody is accusing you of fraud my dear and no need to present your undenieble true love for your husband here on the forum, unless of course you want to but not to convince me or the others of how genuine you are. I don't realy care nor i base my oppinions to what it is thrown out there but on actions more than anything. You and him know what's between you two and that's all that matters.

You're at the begining of your jurney. After you've been married a bunch of years i will take you seriously on how much you love your SO. And should realy care for proving your love to the Immigration officer not to me or the others who are astounded of how "unique" your love is for your american spouse. Well girl, i've got news for you. You are not alone, do more research you might find a ton of peope here who marry for true love, just life you, and you might be astounded by the fact that they are from E Europe, Asia, Africa, Ecuador..the Moon.

So, tell your hubby to read what i wrote and see what exactly i've accused you of and what exactly i said that's so hurtful to Merrillizer.

I'm done here. this agravated me, i appologise to all the other members of the forum. I will get back to topic, i just needed to get some things straight first to the people who are so quickly to apply a bumper sticker where i should not be applied.

Ziia, Very practical. Well said and make sense.

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

Edited May 16, 2009 by KnightAndMagpie

[Merrillizer 0]

How can you prove it was her who wrote that fraudulent "agreement"? All she has to do is to deny it or say that you wrote it in her behalf just out of spite for all the things she did to you I'm just curious...because i've never seen anything like this in my life and this "note" she wrote didn't come up so insistently full front 'till recently.

Not taking anybody's sides here but i find your love/hate for her goes deeper than anything i've seen before...i just have a feeling this will not end well...just be careful what you do, k? Don't let the obsession with this chick get you in trouble. That's all i have to say.

Or, she could just say that HE FORCED her into signing that piece of paper, just to held it against her and make her life a hell, plus she can substantiate this claim with his actions out on the net (different online networking sites) setting up IDs in her name (that's lame too ) .

Merrillizer, did you brag about your wife and what she has done to you on a fisherman/hunters' forum somewhere? No offense, maybe you also need some professional ? All this seems to have shaken you deeply.

Yeah, sure, she could say I wrote it, she could lie. But the fact remains, her John Hancock is still on it, regardless of who drafted it up. She signed it, I didnt. She has shown more than enough blatant intent to commit this crime. She made her own decisions.

I am over it now. She has been talking with my mother. And she told that my wife is leaving soon, willfully, she is just working illegally again right now to save some money to go home with. Believe me, I am the last person on this planet who wanted things to end this way.

As far as the fishing site, I OWN that site, and I can discuss whatever I feel like on it. In fact, some of the members of my forum are actually close friends, and I DID NOT even tell them I got married until a month later lol. On top of that, I didnt tell them my wife and I were separated until OVER A MONTH after it happened, because I wanted to make sure that it was a permanent seperation and dissolution of the marriage and no chance of saving the marriage before I told them.

Am I upset that things had to be this way and my "wife" had to make these terrible decisions? YES. Do I hate her and wish bad things upon her? NO! Believe it or not, even after the excruciating amount of pain and suffering she has caused, and even after all the mental and emotional abuse she has put me through, I still care about her and want to make sure she is ok.

[map1map 3]

Listen, there is nothing at stake in all this for me, I could not care less (frankly speaking) about the situation and its outcomes. Sure, immigration scam MUST be punished, because fraudulent actions make the legal immigration so much more difficult (in term of process that must be followed) for the rest of the immigrants, those with clear and legally viable situations (marriage, work, whatever).

What's bothering me is this victimization you're portraying, the loving man scammed by this heartless woman, that had in her mind only to get her a green card. Either she's not that smart, cause she could have fooled you a bit longer, up until she would have got her GC and then dump you, or you've done something terrible enough for her to leave the house at the beginning of March (that we don't know of, and you avoid telling us - not that I'm curious about it, as I told you I could not care less).

Then, 2 weeks after, you withdraw your petition. In my view (not that you should care about it), as of the date of you sending the withdrawal letter, you put the Divor into Divorce and removal into removal proceedings. There was no turning back as of mid march. At least not for a mature individual that realizes he was scammed, the outcome of his past and future actions, and what h has to do to make his life better.

It is not only your wife that made terrible decisions, you both made terrible decisions, without considering the consequences. You both put each other through mental and emotional abuse. I bet she too cares about you and your family (otherwise she would have not been on friendly terms with your mother).

And with all due respect, I do not think you're that Gentleman-ish as you implicitly lead us to believe. That's your business, not mine, so I will not comment further.

Bottom line, good for you and the immigration process that you reported what you believe it was an immigration scam. I'm not that convinced of the scam (and I have a feeling you're neither). Things will fall into place, and when all the dust is settled, you go ahead and have a great life, happy and content that you've done the right thing!

Good luck with everything!

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

Listen, there is nothing at stake in all this for me, I could not care less (frankly speaking) about the situation and its outcomes. Sure, immigration scam MUST be punished, because fraudulent actions make the legal immigration so much more difficult (in term of process that must be followed) for the rest of the immigrants, those with clear and legally viable situations (marriage, work, whatever).

What's bothering me is this victimization you're portraying, the loving man scammed by this heartless woman, that had in her mind only to get her a green card. Either she's not that smart, cause she could have fooled you a bit longer, up until she would have got her GC and then dump you, or you've done something terrible enough for her to leave the house at the beginning of March (that we don't know of, and you avoid telling us - not that I'm curious about it, as I told you I could not care less).

Then, 2 weeks after, you withdraw your petition. In my view (not that you should care about it), as of the date of you sending the withdrawal letter, you put the Divor into Divorce and removal into removal proceedings. There was no turning back as of mid march. At least not for a mature individual that realizes he was scammed, the outcome of his past and future actions, and what h has to do to make his life better.

It is not only your wife that made terrible decisions, you both made terrible decisions, without considering the consequences. You both put each other through mental and emotional abuse. I bet she too cares about you and your family (otherwise she would have not been on friendly terms with your mother).

And with all due respect, I do not think you're that Gentleman-ish as you implicitly lead us to believe. That's your business, not mine, so I will not comment further.

Bottom line, good for you and the immigration process that you reported what you believe it was an immigration scam. I'm not that convinced of the scam (and I have a feeling you're neither). Things will fall into place, and when all the dust is settled, you go ahead and have a great life, happy and content that you've done the right thing!

Good luck with everything!

Well said, sir . You've more or less summarized my sentiments (and that of others, I'm sure) toward this, uhm, delicate issue quite neatly. At this point, though, this thread's kind of rolled over having undergone some considerable heckling and ought to be put out of its misery...

Also, Len is my new role model.

Magpie.

Edited May 16, 2009 by KnightAndMagpie

[sj5 4]

Fake Asians? I'm real Asian. Not a blow up doll.

Not fake like blown up dolls (fake as adverb), but fake like the verb ("people fake it (their pledged love) until they make it (get GC)")

I would never prove to any people that I'm a good one. The bottom line, I just need one person to trust me, its my spouse. If he starts telling me that I only want GC, then he will be sorry because I don't want to be with the person that is suspicious. Or I will move with him to my country for the sake of his sanity. Also, he won't get paid well unlike here in US. If we move there, I can bring fish, vegetables, and rice everyday for him. I can't give him a car but carabao.

This is carabao, my husband's future transportation.

Edited May 16, 2009 by sj5

[retiredfromforum 1]

So my wife abandoned our marriage and deserted me on March 5th. After 2 weeks of her not returning home to reconcile, I sent a letter of withdrawal to USCIS requesting they withdraw my form I-130. However, the letter was not notarized. After another call to USCIS, they informed me to resend a notarized version of the withdrawal letter if I truly believed there was no saving the marriage.

So, after many attempts to reconcile with my wife, she decided to return home last Monday, March 30th. I was surprised I decided to allow her back into my home and life after I had caught her lying so many times to me during the 4 weeks she was gone. I caught her in a room with another man, with the lights out and the door locked while she was staying with her "friends", who just happen to be illegal aliens from Russia, who just happen to be living right down the street from my house. My wife swore to me she wasnt sharing a bed with another man, but I caught her red handed. And I still allowed her back to try and save our marriage.

So on Tuesday March 31st, my wife returned home. She unpacked, put her stuff back where it all belonged and everything seemed normal. Then she began crying saying she didnt know if it would work. I was blown away. Here we go again I thought. So that very night, her first night home, as we layed in our bed talking about the future, she got a phone call at 10pm. She talked to some guy for 15 minutes. When she got off the phone, I asked who it was. She said "a friend". I said oh, where did you meet him. She said "it's not a him, it's a her". I could not believe that my own wife trying to lie right to my face. I clearly heard the guy talking through the phone. I just could not believe what was happening. So let that one go...

She worked the next day, Wednesday, 11 to 9:30. Her attitude with me was still very stiff and cold after I picked her up from work and we came home. Another night for me in the spare room. My wife still wasnt ready to sleep by my side. I found this very odd.

So Thursday, April 2nd, she worked again 11am to 9:30. During the afternoon, I thought I would surprise her with her car. I registered it at the town hall, and also got the vanity plates she wanted to badly. I knew how much they meant to her, so I wanted her to have them. I got the car all ready, and then picked her up at work in it. I let her drive home so she could practice driving and get a feel for the car. She immediately gave me an attitude and complained because I had registered the car in my name. I could not believe she was doing this again. I told her nicely that she could not register an automobile because she cant even get a NH drivers license yet due to her lack of documentation. She didnt believe me, and assumed I had only registered the car in my name so I could have some sort of power over her. I was blown away again. All I did was try to forget my wives lies and try to do something great for her.

So Friday April 3rd would end up being Doomsday. Again she worked her 11am to 9:30 shift. I let her drive to work, dropped her off, then returned home to some work of my own. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check the phone records to see who she was calling and who was calling her. Her phone account is in my name, and its my phone, and I felt like because of all the lies already since returning home only several days earlier, I needed to get to the bottom of it. So I ended up seeing that she called the same guy that had called during her first night home here. She called him from work at 4pm. Strange I thought....it really bothered me to think that my wife would take a break from work to call another guy, but not call me to see how I was doing during the day. I called the number after realizing it was the same one, and the kid answered the phone. I asked him how he knew my wife. He said he had met her at the Greek Club down in Mass. the previous Sat. night. I said wow, did she fail to mention to you that she is a married girl? He said "yes, she failed to mention that, she never told me she was married". So there I had it. I knew my wife had gone down there with her boss who is from the town where club is located, and he girl friend had gone with her too. I just couldnt believe that my wife was doing this.

So I had it all planned out. I picked up my wife in her car, and let her drive home, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I then asked her on the way home why she hadnt called me during the day to see how I was. She said "Oh Jon, it was so busy today, I was too busy to call out". Hmmmmm, I said so you didnt call anyone all day? She said "no". At that point, I believe she knew I was on to her and she knew I knew she was lying. I gave her 5 or 6 chances to come clean, and she continued to lie and deny it. So when we got into the house, she took her jacket off, and I pulled out the piece of paper I had with the guys name and number written on it. I asked who it was. She said "I dont know, I dont recognize that number". Still lying. Unreal. I then grabbed her phone, which is mine actually, and looked through her contacts.....and there it was "Andy". I showed her the number, and she STILL denied it! At this very moment, I realized that I did not want my wife anymore.

Now here's where everything seemed to fall into place....about 30 minutes after I called this kid about my wife, I found a letter in my mailbox from USCIS. I was a response to my letter of withdrawal, stating that the paperwork is withdrawn. I couldnt believe it. They had accepted my non-notarized letter and pulled the plug. It was over. She no longer had any legal status in the United States.

So after she looked at her phone and still lied, I told her she should go upstairs to our bedroom and read the letter I left for her on one of our nightstands. I went up too and stood in the doorway. She found it, and said "whats this", and after reading it her eyes went crazy and she totally lost it. She attacked me. I allowed her to take out her aggression on me for a few minutes. All I could say was "too much lying Silvia, you lied way too many times" I had given this girl so many opportunities to save our marriage and her life here. Now she knows she has to return to Moldova. Although I dont feel as bad as I did before, it still hurts me that this marriage could not work and we could not have the live together here that we so badly wanted.

My wife just decided to throw it all away. Her actions from the moment she walked out on me on March 5th were totally mean spirited and cold, she destroyed me when she walked out. And she ultimately destroyed herself as well. It's like she totally changed while under the influence on the wrong people. I cant help but still feel sick over this situation.

So now the divorce is started too. And I will be granted that no-contest, since the marriage was so short-lived, only about 5 and a half, and we have no joint accounts or property and no children. There is nothing for her to contest, and with said, she also walked out and abandoned her marriage and deserted her husband, so pretty much guaranteed me a no-contest divorce. I still cannot understand what she wanted to achieve by doing all of these things. Her actions are just so strange.

At this point now, she is in attack-mode, and has decided that since she has to return home to Moldova, that I should suffer too. She figures if she has to go home, then somehow I should be "punished". So she got a restraining order on me. And now we both have to appear in court on April 10th. I am wondering why she is trying to do this, because it is totally unwarranted, and I do not see the point in the court granting her a permanent restraining order when in reality she is supposed to be returning home to Moldova anyway, on the other side of the earth. It just boggles my mind. So I have come to the conclusion that my wives anger over this has caused her to become extremely spireful, vengeful, and vindictive. She is definitely going to try and slander me and destroy my life even more before she has to go home. I talked with her boss today, I told him that USCIS said she no longer has legal status here, and should not be working for him illegally. He told me that my wife said that she is going to return home soon to Moldova willingly. But somehow I highly doubt that she will leave soon. I know she will try to make my life hell before she goes, if she goes at all.

Anyone ever been through something similar? I am really curious as to how long it will take her to receive a letter from ICE telling her she has to go. Anyone know? Is there any timetable for removal proceedings after your paperwork is withdrawn? If anyone has any ideas, I am definitely curious to know.

Holy ######

Your wife's attitude and lies sound like mine even when I had her caught with her hand in the cookie jar...mine was from Ukraine.

[Merrillizer 0]

Yes she told many lies and her provocations were immense. But I was not perfect in this situation either. I thought I had made that abundantly clear. The last thing I would want anyone to believe is that I am trying to portray myself as the "perfect husband". I was far from it. It was my first marriage. Hers too. I could have been a better husband to my wife. But with all the red flags and suspicious stuff, it was hard to keep focused on being a better husband. Especially when you are putting the pieces of the puzzle together and the puzzle starts to look like one big marriage fraud banner.

Think what you want, you are welcome to. But I DID NOTHING more than get frustrated and aggravated with my wife, causing me to shutdown and blow her off and ignore her. Was that right? NO! Was getting pissed off and going into the spare room to sleep a good thing to do? NO! Was leaving my wife alone in our room, upset, a good thing to do? NO! But I never did anything serious enough to warrant her actions and lies against me. Less than 200 dollars of marriage counseling wouldve solved our petty bickering and helped us deal with our stress together. But my wife CHOSE not accept the idea of outside mediation. That in itself was suspicious, because I believe that if you truly care about your companion, spouse and marriage, then you would do anything possible to try and SAVE IT.

So now I am giving my estranged wife the benefit of the doubt. It is helping me to better deal with this situation and all the ####### that has been left in my lap. I am telling myself this was not fraud, it was real, it just didnt work out etc etc. Because thats the only way that I can feel better and move on.

[twellspeak 0]

So now I am giving my estranged wife the benefit of the doubt. It is helping me to better deal with this situation and all the ####### that has been left in my lap. I am telling myself this was not fraud, it was real, it just didnt work out etc etc. Because thats the only way that I can feel better and move on.

I have to disagree with you here Merrillizer. I've read every one of the post in this thread and IMHO you were duped. In order to get closure and move on, you need to accept the situation for what it is. You will get angry, sad, depressed, and then you will start to heal, in the end you won't be asking yourslf "what if..".

Life sucks sometimes, Accept it, Master it, and Move on.

[Merrillizer 0]

So now I am giving my estranged wife the benefit of the doubt. It is helping me to better deal with this situation and all the ####### that has been left in my lap. I am telling myself this was not fraud, it was real, it just didnt work out etc etc. Because thats the only way that I can feel better and move on.

I have to disagree with you here Merrillizer. I've read every one of the post in this thread and IMHO you were duped. In order to get closure and move on, you need to accept the situation for what it is. You will get angry, sad, depressed, and then you will start to heal, in the end you won't be asking yourslf "what if..".

Life sucks sometimes, Accept it, Master it, and Move on.

I have done that. But there are times when I wish I had listened to other people, when they said dont be so impulsive. I could've waited a few weeks after my wife came home, to see if she was still lying. My mother really cares about her and told me not to confront her about calling some other guy from work. She told me to wait, not to overreact. But I didnt listen, because I couldnt resist the urge to confront her when I had the evidence right there. Oh well. Who knows where we'd be now if I had just ignored it and waited.

Although she raised some of the simplest marriage fraud red flags, starting with refusing a joint bank account and going right down the line, I am choosing to remain positive and give her the benefit of the doubt because she walked out before she got anything. She couldve acted longer and got her EAD and conditional status. I am getting over it and she tells my mother she is going home anyway, so that will be the closure I need. Although I am remaining positive about this mess, I still dont believe she deserves to be here after all the ####### she has caused. I know I am not the judge of who gets to remain in the U.S., but that is my opinion. She has set me back in my life about 8 months, so I cant help but think she needs to return home and start over as well.

Just waiting to see if she tries to stay the whole summer here at the beach. I have a feeling that is her plan......

[Old Dominion 26]

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

[Merrillizer 0]

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

Why, because I am still legally married to her, and I am still "technically" responsible for her. Add to that the fact that even if it was fraud, I cant stop myself from actually caring about this person. I have tried everything I could to not give a #######, but I guess I really do have a heart, and I am unable to just drop someone from my memory and wipe them away. Sometimes I wish I could, but I cant. If she tries to overstay her expired visa for a few more months, she could be detained. Do I want that? No. I honestly think it would be better for everyone if she just went home willfully. So yeah, I am still worried about her, regardless if our marriage and love was legit or fake. I guess its just too hard for me to just wash away the last 8 or 9 months of my life and pretend I never met her and we never happened. Cant do it....

[trillium13 84]

Why do you need to know where she spends the summer? It's over with, don't even be curious about her whereabouts. Tell your mom also....you don't even want to hear about her from your mom.

Why, because I am still legally married to her, and I am still "technically" responsible for her. Add to that the fact that even if it was fraud, I cant stop myself from actually caring about this person. I have tried everything I could to not give a #######, but I guess I really do have a heart, and I am unable to just drop someone from my memory and wipe them away. Sometimes I wish I could, but I cant. If she tries to overstay her expired visa for a few more months, she could be detained. Do I want that? No. I honestly think it would be better for everyone if she just went home willfully. So yeah, I am still worried about her, regardless if our marriage and love was legit or fake. I guess its just too hard for me to just wash away the last 8 or 9 months of my life and pretend I never met her and we never happened. Cant do it....

What DO you want? One minute you're ranting about how evil she is and you want her gone, and the next, this. She has you totally wrapped around her finger. What indication has she given you that she actually cares about you? I'm not trying to be nasty here, ok? It just seems obvious to me (and I think many others reading) that she used you from the very beginning, and she continues to manipulate you to get what she wants, which is to stay here. I honestly don't understand why anyone would accept being used by someone in this way. It's cruel, and coldhearted.