Divorce or Annulment?

[a-jeanne 2]

The locks are being changed right now. I talked to our "mutual" friend and she said the he is only gone for two weeks. He has never told me that and when a person takes all of his belongings, doesn't that mean he's not coming back? He stopped off at the counselor before he left and told her that he needed some time to regroup. WTH? He didn't tell me that at ALL. This is a mind game that I don't want to play. I am terribly hurt -

[Ellie-and-David 38]

It is a mind game.

He probably doesn't realise just how badly he is hurting you. It certainly sounds like he doesn't have a clue what he really wants. So i guess you have to make some decisions about what is good for your mental and physical well being and start acting as selfishly as he has in order to look out for yourself.

I'm sorry this has happened.

E

[Beth/ Paris Heart 2]

It is a mind game.

He probably doesn't realise just how badly he is hurting you. It certainly sounds like he doesn't have a clue what he really wants. So i guess you have to make some decisions about what is good for your mental and physical well being and start acting as selfishly as he has in order to look out for yourself.

I'm sorry this has happened.

E

A divorce is the best way to go if you go that way, annulments are hard to get, very few approved, time and money wasted for a annulment when a straight out divorce should of been filed instaed. Im so sorry to hear this , for the heart is not meant for games. You must protect yourself. Bank account , house, even vaulables in the house.

You are not the first person this has happend to, and you wont be the last. Its just not right, good people get hurt. Your in my prays, you will come thru this, stronger then now. I wish I had a magic wand I would wave it your way, please keep strong, do what is right in your heart and head. But protect yourself, physically, mentally, and financially.

[a-jeanne 2]

The house is in my name and was given to me by him after we were married. We live in a no fault state when things are split 50/50 except for gifts. Is there a chance I could loose the house? He has a house (that is paid for too) in the UK and had that before we were married - does that count? What about his pension and investments? Any advice? I am more stressed about loosing this house because it is the home that I have made for my girls.

[Mary Lou 681]

The house is in my name and was given to me by him after we were married. We live in a no fault state when things are split 50/50 except for gifts. Is there a chance I could loose the house? He has a house (that is paid for too) in the UK and had that before we were married - does that count? What about his pension and investments? Any advice? I am more stressed about loosing this house because it is the home that I have made for my girls.

I would definitely consult a divorce lawyer to see what your exact rights are. If he wants out and is giving up so easy, i would hope he would just leave the house to you. Ideally, he could sign off on the house, go back to the UK and let him have his pension, house, ect in the UK.

[a-jeanne 2]

Well, it's been two weeks and we have only had communication through email. I am NOT ready to talk to this man. First of all, he keeps telling me that he only went away on holiday. Hmmm, I don't think that you take all of your belongings, you don't tell your wife where you are going, when he'll be back, etc. He didn't even leave me a phone number or address in case of an emergency. I saw the counselor and she said that he stopped in before he left and was angry that she took my side. Well, that's not true. She only told him that he had to quit this emotional affair with another woman. Secondly, he doesn't have a clue that this is wrong. He still believes that having these women in his life and turning to them for emotional support was ok. I am hopeful to get on with my life and concentrate on my daughters and my job. I think what he is trying to do is place the blame on me so he can tell all his friends that I told him to leave. He has been sending emails to friends telling them that he's having a wonderful time in Canada visiting his son and that he'll be back in Wisconsin sometime next week. What a fool! Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[TBoneTX 46,123]

What a fool! Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Your "what a fool!" indicates that you may have settled upon a conclusion. As a suggestion to help organize your thoughts and emotions (which roil around in EVERYONE's mind, in this situation -- this is very, very natural!), take a sheet of paper, divide it down the middle, entitle the left column "benefits to me of his return" and the right column "benefits to me of his absence." Then, without analysis or prejudgment, immediately jot down EVERY thought that pops into your mind (or is already there) in the appropriate column. Later, go back to organize and evaluate the columns.

Also, one thing that I learned far too late during my many years in the "dating jungle" was this: A person can have a billion positive, delightful attributes. However, if there is even ONE attribute that I absolutely cannot live with, or that would cause me to compromise my essential principles, that person -- and therefore that relationship -- is wrong for me. You may wish to reflect on this.

Keep the faith, si man.

[a-jeanne 2]

Thank you very much for that si man. I have done that and the negatives far outweigh the positives. Our core values are not the same and he doesn't like my children. THAT is the most important thing to me.

[English Muffin 59]

In that case I'd consult a lawyer and start divorce proceedings.

[TBoneTX 46,123]

the negatives far outweigh the positives. Our core values are not the same and he doesn't like my children. THAT is the most important thing to me.

There's your answer! Now you can move forward. Remember that we are here for support.

[a-jeanne 2]

the negatives far outweigh the positives. Our core values are not the same and he doesn't like my children. THAT is the most important thing to me.

There's your answer! Now you can move forward. Remember that we are here for support.

Thank you everyone. It means so much to me going through this...

[John and Camie 39]

My word. I got so sad reading this. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I have been there, girl. You don't know me, but I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts.

Camie

[a-jeanne 2]

I need some quick advice. I think that he is back and staying with what used to be my friends. I have a feeling that his is going to try and move back in while I'm at work. I have changed the locks - the house is in my name. What do I do? I have two daughers that will be going to the home after school. Help? What kind of rights do I have?

[English Muffin 59]

You need to consult a divorce lawyer.

[Leedah 22]

If you don't want him back in, tell your daughters not to answer the door.

I doubt he will bring in the police to get in the house, as that would be awkward.

I suggest you either call a divorce lawyer or continue with his mind games.

Trust me,..been there done that.

Leedah