Becoming a step-parent

[HelloMiffy 1]

Hi,

A question for VJ people. My fiance is currently a non-custodial parent of his little daughter. Does that mean I am not going to be her step-mom automatically after we married? He only has her every alternative weekends. I'm also curious to know if there is any immigration complications associated with step-parenting. Am I allowed to choose to be or not to be her stepmom?

- Miffy

Edited March 29, 2009 by HelloMiffy

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

Hi,

A question for VJ people. My fiance is currently a non-custodial parent of his little daughter. Does that mean I am not going to be her step-mom automatically after we married? He only has her every alternative weekends. I'm also curious to know if there is any immigration complications associated with step-parenting. Am I allowed to choose to be or not to be her stepmom?

- Miffy

Sounds like my situation.. I have a 12 year old daughter, I recognized her to be my daughter but I have no custody nor do I have any legal say about her.

Of course you are automatically her stepmother... it doesn't matter if he has custody or not (not having custody doesn't say that he isn't the dad either, he still is the father)... you are married with her father and therefore automatically become a stepmother.

There is no complication whatsoever about being a stepparent.. there wasn't any for my wife either and we got safely through the immigration process so far.

As for choosing to be her step mother or not, I doubt there is much to choose because you automatically are a stepparent but let me explain my own situation so you get a bit of an idea:

My wife is just called Michelle by my daughter while she calls me father or daddy... she only has 1 mother and that is her real mother (same with me being the father and my ex's fiance being her stepdad) and that is the way we see it. No need to say 'mom' or anything (most of the time kids have a hard time accepting that anyways so better not force it).

Being a stepparent doesn't bring any legal bindings with it. Of course you will be responsible, together with the father, for the kid whenever it stays at your place in case anything happens to it but it is not like you can decide where it goes to school, for example.. that is something that is up to her real mom (seeing her father doesn't have the custody, which is the same in my situation).

All I can say is, don't worry about it.. just enjoy having a kid around once in a while without having to worry about the downsides of having a kid

[SuperDuper! 230]

gud luk!

[HelloMiffy 1]

Hi,

A question for VJ people. My fiance is currently a non-custodial parent of his little daughter. Does that mean I am not going to be her step-mom automatically after we married? He only has her every alternative weekends. I'm also curious to know if there is any immigration complications associated with step-parenting. Am I allowed to choose to be or not to be her stepmom?

- Miffy

Sounds like my situation.. I have a 12 year old daughter, I recognized her to be my daughter but I have no custody nor do I have any legal say about her.

Of course you are automatically her stepmother... it doesn't matter if he has custody or not (not having custody doesn't say that he isn't the dad either, he still is the father)... you are married with her father and therefore automatically become a stepmother.

There is no complication whatsoever about being a stepparent.. there wasn't any for my wife either and we got safely through the immigration process so far.

As for choosing to be her step mother or not, I doubt there is much to choose because you automatically are a stepparent but let me explain my own situation so you get a bit of an idea:

My wife is just called Michelle by my daughter while she calls me father or daddy... she only has 1 mother and that is her real mother (same with me being the father and my ex's fiance being her stepdad) and that is the way we see it. No need to say 'mom' or anything (most of the time kids have a hard time accepting that anyways so better not force it).

Being a stepparent doesn't bring any legal bindings with it. Of course you will be responsible, together with the father, for the kid whenever it stays at your place in case anything happens to it but it is not like you can decide where it goes to school, for example.. that is something that is up to her real mom (seeing her father doesn't have the custody, which is the same in my situation).

All I can say is, don't worry about it.. just enjoy having a kid around once in a while without having to worry about the downsides of having a kid

Thanks. The second question... My fiance pays some child support each month. As a stepmom do I have to have any financial obligation for the stepchild? I know it depends on the state in which you reside... but does it?

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

Thanks. The second question... My fiance pays some child support each month. As a stepmom do I have to have any financial obligation for the stepchild? I know it depends on the state in which you reside... but does it?

I doubt it, my wife also has no financial obligation to the stepchild. If you want to be sure about it, you can actually put something like this in a prenuptial agreement so you wont get into trouble

[HelloMiffy 1]

Thanks again I won't do prenuptial for now because I don't have any income. But it's kind of mind-bugging to hear that his ex-wife has already tried to increase her support money through her lawyer because of our upcoming marriage

[tom&tata 2]

Thanks again I won't do prenuptial for now because I don't have any income. But it's kind of mind-bugging to hear that his ex-wife has already tried to increase her support money through her lawyer because of our upcoming marriage

It would be interesting to see what basis she uses for the increase? I don't think "just because" will fly with most judges. I am no expert with child support but I would think most judges will not grant support change request unless there are some reasonable/justifiable reason.