THE RIGHT PERSON?

[easygoingcouple 0]

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once

had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON. IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It will NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things that you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. And if you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.

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"When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him." (Proverb 16:7)

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"

[MsMariah 0]

Fabulous article, where did you find it?

[easygoingcouple 0]

beautiful indeed. I read it over and over, and tried to undertand word by word....I got it from a friend of mine who value marriage more than anything else.

[abcdefghijklmnopq 0]

i like that article...

[Saska+Tim 7]

That is so true!

Love will die if you don't nourish it.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Somebody already posted this in the past.

[amberdima 6]

Somebody already posted this in the past.

so what? it's good. stop hating.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

i was told once marriage is (how much you will tolerate) he has his ways she has hers how much will the other person accept of this, you can say you love love love but this one thing that you notice you will either accept it or not

[Mina76 0]

There are specific things that you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

What specific things? For a marriage to succeed both husband and wife should be in sync to make it work!

[NickD 202]

Being in love is NOT having to say, you are sorry.