Time Spent Together Before Deciding to Get Married?

[Ginger cat 3]

Hi Everyone,

This is such a fascinating site. From the looks of people's signatures, it seems a lot of folks took the plunge to get married quite quickly after meeting their now fiance(e). Just out of curiosity, I was just wondering how much time you physically spent with your now fiance(e) before deciding to spend everyday for the rest of your lives together.

Please don't refer to others as "plunging" based on information in a timeline.

The OP just "asked" a "simple", " harmless" "question". "Relax".

" " " " " " " "

[Danu 19]

Hi Everyone,

This is such a fascinating site. From the looks of people's signatures, it seems a lot of folks took the plunge to get married quite quickly after meeting their now fiance(e). Just out of curiosity, I was just wondering how much time you physically spent with your now fiance(e) before deciding to spend everyday for the rest of your lives together.

Every situation is different. If you feel like you are "plunging" then "you" are probably not ready. There's no "time formula" for a successful marriage. Use your own best judgment based on your own circumstances.

Please don't refer to others as "plunging" based on information in a timeline. It tells you nothing about their relationship or decision making process and certainly nothing about their chances for a happy life and marriage.

For the record, our plan was to marry the next morning after my arrival in China but paperwork issues delayed things by a day. One of my best friends recently divorced after a 5 year marriage. They courted locally for 4 years, living together three of those years. Take your best shot.

My friend here just recently got married to the man she had been living with for 8 years, dated for 10. They are now filing for divorce after 2 months. I think the one thing that still amazes me is how you can just know. It didn't take long at all after I met my fiance that we both felt it was just the right thing to do, there wasn't any questioning about it, other than how to make it happen. I think we decided within the first week that we were soulmates (I know that sounds cliche but its so true), but we waited almost a year to make it official, even though due to both our work schedules it makes it hard to see each other for more than a couple weeks every 4-5 months. Thats why we rely on the webcams. Like someone else said, we definately HAVE to talk more than I have in any local relationship, and being on cam every waking moment does make it feel somewhat like you are sharing the same space.

Edited March 29, 2009 by Danu

[attaya_girl 1]

We spent five months together (we met while I was in Senegal), and three months doing the long distance thing before deciding to do the K-1. As far as knowing when we wanted to marry one another? Very early on in the relationship.

[haleywynne 0]

lol, noobs.

We lived together for two years; before that, he visited for 2-4 days every couple of months.

And yeah, my relationship is more legit than yours.

Who are you to decide what makes a relationship "more legit" than others? It's seriously rude and a pretty immature statement.

Anyway, Ash and I spent 3 months together total before we definitely decided to go through with getting married. That was 3 months of non-stop being together though, every second of the day. Before that we knew each other for 2 years. We've spent about 8 weeks together since we were engaged.

We talked about it a lot, even between our parents who believe it is the best thing for us too

[Cdnwmn 0]

Physically - 18 days.

We will be married 7 years on July 1.

[chili74 0]

I met my husband when he was in my town for work in 2002. We spent about 5 1/2 months over the next 2 years living in the same town (in US or Russia) and I was able to work in his town for over a year after that, during which time we lived together and decided to apply for the K-1 visa (2/05)/married in 4/06.

So we had communicated mostly long-distance for 2 years and had lived together for 9 months when we decided to spend our lives together. Seven years after meeting, we have a wonderful marriage and feel very fortunate.

[jul&ali 0]

My fiance and I have known each other for almost 6 years (we met when I spent time volunteering where he was working) and a little more than a year later, we decided to start dating and have been for almost 5 years. We've spent about 2.5 of those 5 years living in the same place and the rest of the time has been spent calling and emailing each other (3 one month long trips, 2 week long trips and 2 years living in the same city - not in that order). We had lots of time to get to know each other before deciding to get married. We started talking about getting married about 10 months before he propose. We did lots of research to see if it would be possible and how to go about getting a k-1 visa. This website was a HUGE help! We were engaged in May 08, sent in our K-1 petition in November 08 and here we are. Both of us feel like we have found our soul mate and couldn't be happier or more sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

[BokGao 0]

lol, noobs.

We lived together for two years; before that, he visited for 2-4 days every couple of months.

And yeah, my relationship is more legit than yours.

Who are you to decide what makes a relationship "more legit" than others? It's seriously rude and a pretty immature statement.

Obviously you missed the wink <--- after that sentence. That's the problem with peepo on this site. Some peepo has to take offence to every comment that doesn't suit them. The pitch forks and knives are readily by their sides and ready to come out at the slightest provocation.

[bora bora 1]

We met a few months after I moved to Brazil to work for a one-year internship. We lived in the same city as boyfriend/girlfriend for 7 months (he unofficially lived with me for about 5 of those months). We then had to do the LDR thing for about 20 months, but I visited him - once for 2 weeks, again for 2 months, and then I met my husband in Brazil for his K1 interview. We were in Rio for 10 days for the medical exam/interview/pre-wedding honeymoon.

We got married 2.5 years after meeting.

So....we spent about 10 months physically together before my hubby moved to the U.S. He's been here for a bit over 2 years and our 2nd wedding anniversary is in 1 month from today.

[haleywynne 0]

My friend here just recently got married to the man she had been living with for 8 years, dated for 10. They are now filing for divorce after 2 months. I think the one thing that still amazes me is how you can just know. It didn't take long at all after I met my fiance that we both felt it was just the right thing to do, there wasn't any questioning about it, other than how to make it happen. I think we decided within the first week that we were soulmates (I know that sounds cliche but its so true), but we waited almost a year to make it official, even though due to both our work schedules it makes it hard to see each other for more than a couple weeks every 4-5 months. Thats why we rely on the webcams. Like someone else said, we definately HAVE to talk more than I have in any local relationship, and being on cam every waking moment does make it feel somewhat like you are sharing the same space.

I completely agree with this

If it takes someone 10 years to decide to get married, seems like there's a lot of doubt and more like marriage because it's expected.

Not physically being together makes room for a lot of talking and communication. And any of those "quirks" you would find out about your significant other as time goes on spending physical time together... isn't that like one of the major expectations of being married? Haha

[haleywynne 0]

lol, noobs.

We lived together for two years; before that, he visited for 2-4 days every couple of months.

And yeah, my relationship is more legit than yours.

Who are you to decide what makes a relationship "more legit" than others? It's seriously rude and a pretty immature statement.

Obviously you missed the wink <--- after that sentence. That's the problem with peepo on this site. Some peepo has to take offence to every comment that doesn't suit them. The pitch forks and knives are readily by their sides and ready to come out at the slightest provocation.

I didn't miss it, to me that wink made the sentence sound even more arrogant.

[Ed+Cindy 1]

Hi Everyone,

This is such a fascinating site. From the looks of people's signatures, it seems a lot of folks took the plunge to get married quite quickly after meeting their now fiance(e). Just out of curiosity, I was just wondering how much time you physically spent with your now fiance(e) before deciding to spend everyday for the rest of your lives together.

I think this depends on the people, their age, personality and where they are in life. Lots of variety.

You also have to consider that the US won't let you sponsor a partner without being married. I think the marriage process may be rushed for some, but if people are happy that's all that really matters.

For us, we actually meet overseas and lived together for about 3 years prior to the K-1 process.

Are we more 'legit' than couples who haven't lived together or spent more than a few weeks together? I don't think one can say that fairly. We have just gone through the acclimation of living together already, so marriage will be no real change for us, where as it may be more of an adjustment for those that are also learning to live with each other. Its all life though.

[beans 7]

1 week physically

[msu17 0]

lol, noobs.

We lived together for two years; before that, he visited for 2-4 days every couple of months.

And yeah, my relationship is more legit than yours.

Who are you to decide what makes a relationship "more legit" than others? It's seriously rude and a pretty immature statement.

Obviously you missed the wink <--- after that sentence. That's the problem with peepo on this site. Some peepo has to take offence to every comment that doesn't suit them. The pitch forks and knives are readily by their sides and ready to come out at the slightest provocation.

I didn't miss it, to me that wink made the sentence sound even more arrogant.

Psst, its called sarcasm. That's how you express it on a forum like this.

Anywho, we were together for around 8 months physically and almost exactly 2 years total when we got married. We wanted to get married on our 2 year anniversary, but that was a Monday, so we waited till the next weekend.

[AnnexoxShay 1]

Initially, Shay and I met at a writers fan forum where Shay had just become a member ... I had been a member for about a year and was posting stories I was writing and Shay and I started chatting when I volunteered to read some of his work ...

Within a very short period we became friends and started chatting everyday on yahoo and after a bit we started talking on the phone ....

Its been 4 years and 4 months since we first met and we have several hours daily contact ... we soon got bored chatting on yahoo and now just talk on the phone but I agree with the others you develope a much deeper relationship when all you have is a phone or messenger to communicate with .... Your able to disguss or open up to topics/past experiences etc that you never would have if you had met in a more conventional way ...

In person, unfortunately we only got to spend 5.5 weeks together ... There were many reasons why we were unable to meet earlier or for longer .. main reason being Shays was caring for his elderly (94year old) grandmother who had Alziemas .... When we did meet it was like we always had known each other, there were little things to discover like habits but overall I think we had both got a good picture of what to expect thru the verrrrrry many hours of yapping ... The other bonus for us was the fact that we are very similar personalities .. this can be a bad thing as people can clash but in our case it worked in our favour because not only do we have similar personalities we have similiar values so tend to have very similar opinions on various scenarios/subjects ...