Return of a Vjer (please help)

[returningVJ 0]

hello to every body out there! i returned to VJ today after a long time with a different name. i cant believe this is happening and that im going through what im going through right now. ok long story short my wife (USC) is asking for a divorce. but she doesn't have any reason when i ask her why, she doesn't have a reason to give to her Dad, or any of the relatives. she just says she doesnt think we are compatible and she made a mistake. and also she says if i move out she wont file for a divorce untill my conditions are removed, but if i try to talk her in to continuing the marriage i will suffer and she is going to file paper work for divorce. i cant believe my eyes and ears..! when i married her i went against all my relatives and i cant go back and tell them i screwed up, on the other hand the way she is treating me now is not acceptable and i wont trade my dignity for removal of conditions.

please help me i have two questions. is it possible to get a divorce in this country without the consent of the husband and without giving any reason? second of all is it at all possible for me to file alone for removal of conditions? we share bank accounts, health insuarance from my employer etc etc and i can ask any one to testify for me if there is a hearing starting from her dad, sisters, my brother in laws about the marriage.

please help me!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

hello to every body out there! i returned to VJ today after a long time with a different name. i cant believe this is happening and that im going through what im going through right now. ok long story short my wife (USC) is asking for a divorce. but she doesn't have any reason when i ask her why, she doesn't have a reason to give to her Dad, or any of the relatives. she just says she doesnt think we are compatible and she made a mistake. and also she says if i move out she wont file for a divorce untill my conditions are removed, but if i try to talk her in to continuing the marriage i will suffer and she is going to file paper work for divorce. i cant believe my eyes and ears..! when i married her i went against all my relatives and i cant go back and tell them i screwed up, on the other hand the way she is treating me now is not acceptable and i wont trade my dignity for removal of conditions.

please help me i have two questions. is it possible to get a divorce in this country without the consent of the husband and without giving any reason? second of all is it at all possible for me to file alone for removal of conditions? we share bank accounts, health insuarance from my employer etc etc and i can ask any one to testify for me if there is a hearing starting from her dad, sisters, my brother in laws about the marriage.

please help me!

Simple answer. Yes, depending upon the state in which you reside and yes you can file a waiver fo the joint filing requirement for the I-751. Please relax.

[returningVJ 0]

Thank you soo much for the response, it means alot to have some respond to that. i've been refreshing my browser since i posted this. have u seen any one in VJ who has files with the waiver or any posts regarding that.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Thank you soo much for the response, it means alot to have some respond to that. i've been refreshing my browser since i posted this. have u seen any one in VJ who has files with the waiver or any posts regarding that.

I can't recall anyone off hand, but the process is much like filing the I-751 jointly. There's a box labelled "d" that must be ticked, and of course, with "one shot" at this, you must be thorough to provide as many examples that can support the bonafide nature of the marriage. Think and compile a list of the sorts of evidence you'll be able to provide and report back for recommendations.

[desert_fox 32]

Of course she can get a divorce without your permission...just like you can without hers.

If you entered the marriage in good faith and can prove it....then you should be in the clear.

[Artegal 1]

filing for the divorce and having the divorce granted are two different things. I know in my state couples generally had to have some sort of evidence that the marriage was irretrievably broken. Testimony, living in separate households, other evidence etc. I saw where the judge did not grant the divorce in some cases because there was lack of grounds for the divorce--one case was were the couple was still living under the same roof and having intimate contact--it was not granted. Another case that was not granted the couple did not have an adequate financial settlement. So you mentioned about living with your spouse or maybe moving out--I think if you are sure the marriage is over then you should probably move out, but you really should check on the specific laws in your state concerning foundation for the divorce being granted.

Also you stated your wife could not give or did not want to give a reason why she wants a divorce--well from what I saw there must be a reason given to the judge--so she better have a reason by then.

[hcj 0]

Also you stated your wife could not give or did not want to give a reason why she wants a divorce--well from what I saw there must be a reason given to the judge--so she better have a reason by then.

"Irreconcilable differences" is a popular reason in my state (CA).

[gimygirl 0]

when i married her i went against all my relatives and i cant go back and tell them i screwed up, on the other hand the way she is treating me now is not acceptable and i wont trade my dignity for removal of conditions.

i'm a bit confused ... if you can go back to your country why worry about removing conditions?? if you simply can't go back to your country, then i guess you have to put up with the treatment. is a GC that important to you??

these are your choices when you decide to do something illegal (staying and lying about your marriage for removal of conditions).

[Kathryn41 3,205]

i'm a bit confused ... if you can go back to your country why worry about removing conditions?? if you simply can't go back to your country, then i guess you have to put up with the treatment. is a GC that important to you??

these are your choices when you decide to do something illegal (staying and lying about your marriage for removal of conditions).

The OP has made a new life here in the US; perhaps he wishes to build on that life rather than start all over again 'back home' where he has no job, no place to live and may or may not still have friends and connections. He has at least 2 years and probably more than that depending on how long it took for him to get his conditional GC, and you can cover a lot of distance on a life's journey in 2 years. His marriage was valid and he is not doing anything illegal. He is not lying about his marriage - he is feeling devastated that his marriage is failing and the life that he has built here and is dependent on getting unconditional permanent residency to continue, is also at risk because of that marriage failing. His wife is saying she will help him if he agrees to a divorce and won't help him if he doesn't. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place!

I do wish you the best of luck and am sorry that you are facing this horrible situation.

[returningVJ 0]

when i married her i went against all my relatives and i cant go back and tell them i screwed up, on the other hand the way she is treating me now is not acceptable and i wont trade my dignity for removal of conditions.

i'm a bit confused ... if you can go back to your country why worry about removing conditions?? if you simply can't go back to your country, then i guess you have to put up with the treatment. is a GC that important to you??

these are your choices when you decide to do something illegal (staying and lying about your marriage for removal of conditions).

Darwin thanks for the post, i expected some one to say stuff like this, cuz i have done posts like yours here thinking that all divorces are fraud. if u read my post i'm clearly saying that i don't have any intention of doing any thing illegal. i was asking about the possibilities of filing alone!! ok about the weather the GC is important hell no, not what i'm going through.. but it might be worth the stuff that i have to go through when i go back.. i made a controversial decision to marry her and i was all by my self in that decision where all my relatives were against me and i had to talk to 30 odd people and convince them through hours and hours of talking. i bet them my dignity, asked them me trust me in this and i told them she is the woman for me, and i know her inside and out. i'm coming from a small country and a very conservative close family this is a black spot i have to live with my whole life. i don't have any one even i'm my extended family who ever got divorced. for me its like picking one of the worst possible scenarios.

i worked for the #1 company in the country before coming here and had a big circle of friends back in last feb when i was there i figured things have changed when i didn't get to get hold of a single friend.

so just wanted to let you know, you wont know how it is, unless you are there! thanks for the post annyways.

[hcj 0]

OP -- You already know from mermaid that once divorced you may file to remove conditions on your own, along with a waiver for the joint filing requirement. And that divorce is governed by state law, you have to look at the laws for your state but in general divorce does not require "consent" of the other party, if someone really wants a divorce they can get one. It might take longer but they will get one. Not stating a reason to you or her family does not equal not having a reason when it comes to filing for divorce. "Irreconcilable differences" is a perfectly valid reason for divorce in many states and it fits exactly what she said -- that she simply doesn't think the two of you are compatible and she feels she made a mistake.

It sounds like she is quite willing to cooperate as long as she does not have to live with you anymore. If you go with the divorce then remove conditions with waiver route, hopefully she will be willing to attest to the bonafides of the marriage -- that you both entered in good faith but it simply didn't work out. That seems like a more honest option to me than staying married on paper and then filing for removal "jointly" at the correct time.

You didn't ask for this last part and it has nothing to do with immigration. But, I want to say it anyway. Please don't let your pride stand in the way of doing the right thing for you. All the reasons you stated about why you "cannot" go back to your home country have to do with embarrassment and having to admit to your family and friends that you made a decision that turned out poorly. I'm not saying it's the right decision for you to move back to your home country. I'm just saying you should try to look at the situation objectively and if going back is the best option, not to let "saving face" get in the way of your best option. Best of luck to you.

[moelarrycheese 0]

Now you know the problem with American Women from personal experience. They can't make up their minds and they have no pride. I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule, but they seem to be rare.

[shirlJ831 0]

wishing u all the best

[TracyTN 237]

Now you know the problem with American Women from personal experience. They can't make up their minds and they have no pride. I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule, but they seem to be rare.

I'm sure the OP appreciates your most helpful comment!

[Joey559 1]

Now you know the problem with American Women from personal experience. They can't make up their minds and they have no pride. I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule, but they seem to be rare.

Tim: Bitter, Mike?

Mike: Why? Are you?

Tim: Would you like a pint of bitter?

Mike: Oh....yeah.