New and nervous :/

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

Hi everyone I'm Kevin and I've been talking to (and getting more crazy about) Thao in Vung Tau Vietnam for several months now. I have worked with a very sweet lady for years and turns out Thao is her cousin! This lady, Lynn, has an Aunt in Vung Tau who she introduced to another co-worker about a year ago. He (JD) traveled there MONTHS ago and he and his beautiful bride, Thuy, got married Sometime after he got back, he took my picture at work. Several weeks later, I got an email from Thao They have struggled for a long time now, but she was approved Friday!! (Congratulations JD and Thuy!!) Long story I know..LOL

He (JD) has been a great help and source of information for me. That's, or I should say, He's how I wound up here. I know this is a long and hard journey I have ahead of me. I am very worried, after reading a lot of posts here, that I am not going to succeed The biggest problem I see is our age difference. I've seen that one of the first questions you ask each other is what is the age difference. Ours is pretty steep. Thao is 23 and I am 46. It bothered me in the beginning. I've read till my eyes have bled though, and know that it's mostly a Western taboo. I've asked her repeatedly if it bothers her and I can see her expression when she tells me no (that "are you crazy?" look). I'm very concerned that it will not allow me to follow through with my plans though. I plan to travel to meet her and her family in the next few months. If all goes like I expect, I plan to ask her to marry me I then planned to come home and immediately start the K1 process.

I also noticed in one of the posts here, that there is a list of names which have been linked to scams. Her last name just happens to be one of them I don't plan to give up until she's here with me, but If any of you have more advise that what I've found here, please feel free to help me out!!

Sorry for the novel, but I figured I'd throw as much out here as I could right from the start.

Once again, nice to meet you all and I look forward to the time I will be spending here.

Kevin

[amberdima 6]

welcome and good luck!

[maritoni 3]

Welcome to Vj,and wish you a smooth journey...

[toddandhien 2]

Kevin, welcome to VJ. You will want to be a regular visitor here over the next several months, for certain.

I can assure you that you are not the first man to petition for a much younger fiancee, myself included. I am 45 and Hien is 23. It is only one of many things that the consulate will look at. If there are many red flags in your case, this could compound the situation. But if you have a lot of credible evidence to support a genuine relationship, age will probably not be a deciding factor.

If I were you, I would be more concerned with the fact that you were introduced by a family member. That is certainly a red flag in VN. You will need to document this carefully and fully, especially since Lynn is a family member of another recently approved intending immigrant. You may also want to reconsider proposing to her on your first trip. This is not viewed favorably by the consulate in light of Vietnamese societal norms. You will want to be planning at least 3 trips to VN. Many meet on the first, propose on the second and have dinh hon/dam hoi on the third. Of course, more are better (and more fun ).

I wish you luck on your journey. Folks are here for you with all kinds of experiences. Just know that you are in for a fair amount of work with the HCM consulate.

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

Kevin, welcome to VJ. You will want to be a regular visitor here over the next several months, for certain.

I can assure you that you are not the first man to petition for a much younger fiancee, myself included. I am 45 and Hien is 23. It is only one of many things that the consulate will look at. If there are many red flags in your case, this could compound the situation. But if you have a lot of credible evidence to support a genuine relationship, age will probably not be a deciding factor.

If I were you, I would be more concerned with the fact that you were introduced by a family member. That is certainly a red flag in VN. You will need to document this carefully and fully, especially since Lynn is a family member of another recently approved intending immigrant. You may also want to reconsider proposing to her on your first trip. This is not viewed favorably by the consulate in light of Vietnamese societal norms. You will want to be planning at least 3 trips to VN. Many meet on the first, propose on the second and have dinh hon/dam hoi on the third. Of course, more are better (and more fun ).

I wish you luck on your journey. Folks are here for you with all kinds of experiences. Just know that you are in for a fair amount of work with the HCM consulate.

Thanks Todd (I hope?)

I wasn't introduced by a family member, but I see where the relation may be a problem. I'm by no means a wealthy guy. I don't know if I can swing several trips there or not. I'll just see what the future brings. We will have been talking for 6 months prior to my trip there and I've saved every bit of communication between us. I'll try to be patient!!

[toddandhien 2]

Kevin, welcome to VJ. You will want to be a regular visitor here over the next several months, for certain.

I can assure you that you are not the first man to petition for a much younger fiancee, myself included. I am 45 and Hien is 23. It is only one of many things that the consulate will look at. If there are many red flags in your case, this could compound the situation. But if you have a lot of credible evidence to support a genuine relationship, age will probably not be a deciding factor.

If I were you, I would be more concerned with the fact that you were introduced by a family member. That is certainly a red flag in VN. You will need to document this carefully and fully, especially since Lynn is a family member of another recently approved intending immigrant. You may also want to reconsider proposing to her on your first trip. This is not viewed favorably by the consulate in light of Vietnamese societal norms. You will want to be planning at least 3 trips to VN. Many meet on the first, propose on the second and have dinh hon/dam hoi on the third. Of course, more are better (and more fun ).

I wish you luck on your journey. Folks are here for you with all kinds of experiences. Just know that you are in for a fair amount of work with the HCM consulate.

Thanks Todd (I hope?)

I wasn't introduced by a family member, but I see where the relation may be a problem. I'm by no means a wealthy guy. I don't know if I can swing several trips there or not. I'll just see what the future brings. We will have been talking for 6 months prior to my trip there and I've saved every bit of communication between us. I'll try to be patient!!

Yes, it's Todd. I think a reasonable person would conclude that you had to have been introduced by either Lynn or Thuy. Either way, it is a family member that lives (or will shortly) in the US. Not a show-stopper but just need to understand the issue and deal with it appropriately. Look at everything from the CO's perspective.

Regarding the trips. Understand the $. But it is about certain that with 1 trip and a family member involved, you will be denied. Not my rules, just sharing observations. 2 trips would still have fair risk, I think. 3 or more would really help you, I think. If you are from CA you can fly to HCM right now for $631 on China Airlines. Many cheap hotels in Vung Tau. Up to you but just want you to know that HCM is tough because of high fraud rate. And getting denied after 8 months of waiting would really suck.

Also, fill in some details on where you are from, etc in your profile. More info=more help.

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

Yeh, I understand about the connection. JD is the one who introduced us, but It's her Aunt Thuy who will be coming here soon and everyone else I know here is related to her. I wish I lived on the coast! I'm stuck in the middle of the country though - Wichita, KS. I've been shopping airfare for a while now. This time of year is the highest I'm guessing? The cheapest flights I can find have 3 stops with lengthy lay-overs and are running around $1600. She understands we have to be patient as do I. If that is what I need to do then so be it I don't think this is the proper section to post questions, but what is your opinion about hiring an attorney to handle the paperwork in Vietnam? Is there any better result by doing so? Thanks again for the help. I'll be here a lot!!

[mkg265 2]

Yeh, I understand about the connection. JD is the one who introduced us, but It's her Aunt Thuy who will be coming here soon and everyone else I know here is related to her. I wish I lived on the coast! I'm stuck in the middle of the country though - Wichita, KS. I've been shopping airfare for a while now. This time of year is the highest I'm guessing? The cheapest flights I can find have 3 stops with lengthy lay-overs and are running around $1600. She understands we have to be patient as do I. If that is what I need to do then so be it I don't think this is the proper section to post questions, but what is your opinion about hiring an attorney to handle the paperwork in Vietnam? Is there any better result by doing so? Thanks again for the help. I'll be here a lot!!

Have you used Sherman's Travel to do a multi website search for tickets or thought about two tickets (one to Cali and then anther ticket to Vietnam)?

After a while I saw everything I bought as a percentage of a ticket to see my SO. Was my morning coffee worth 1/300 of a ticket and so forth....

Good Luck!

[toddandhien 2]

Yeh, I understand about the connection. JD is the one who introduced us, but It's her Aunt Thuy who will be coming here soon and everyone else I know here is related to her. I wish I lived on the coast! I'm stuck in the middle of the country though - Wichita, KS. I've been shopping airfare for a while now. This time of year is the highest I'm guessing? The cheapest flights I can find have 3 stops with lengthy lay-overs and are running around $1600. She understands we have to be patient as do I. If that is what I need to do then so be it I don't think this is the proper section to post questions, but what is your opinion about hiring an attorney to handle the paperwork in Vietnam? Is there any better result by doing so? Thanks again for the help. I'll be here a lot!!

No problem on flights. I have been there many, many times and I have gotten pretty good at finding flights. And I am flying from Boston so I am worse off than you! Right now flights are at historic lows because of the economy. Get a cheap flight from Wichita to San Francisco. should be no more than $250 R/T. Then SFO to SGN on China Airlines is $631 if you go and come on mid-week days (like Wednesday). Easily less than $1K for a ticket. I have paid up to $2500 for some of mine.

PM me if you want to talk in more detail.

About lawyers...very personal choice. Can't make it go any faster and many are incompetent. But they do have value in certain circumstances. Yours might qualify. Again PM me on this.

[-B&T- 1]

Welcome to VJ and good luuck!

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

Thanks to all of you for the warm welcome! I've done a lot more airfare shopping this morning, and Todd - Thanks!! I was trying to plan my trip so I could be there for Thao's birthday in June. June is definitely not the time to go as far as airfare is concerned. I am going to try to go sometime within the next two months. I don't have to worry much about a place to stay when I get there, so spending money and travel costs are the main focus. If I travel in April or May, I came up with...

Wichita, KS to San Fransisco (NWA) - $188

SFO to SGN (China Air) - $605

I have two family members from here that will travel with me (they don't want me to go alone). When she asked how long I planned to stay I wasn't sure what would be appropriate so I said a week or two. The look I got was PRICELESS!! She said, "Well when I go I stay 2 months". I could easily stay for a month, with my current situation. Am I on track to think the longer the stay, the better it would "look"? Hell who knows, maybe I'll just open a Baja style surf shop - Boards, Beers & Burritos - and hang out a while..LOL

[Bulgarican 0]

Hello Kevin and good luck with your visa journey

[Saska+Tim 7]

Welcome, and have a quick and lucky journey

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Kevin, welcome to Visa Journey, and good luck. Just keep pushing on, and be prepared. Keep establishing your bonafides. Make sure you fiancee keeps copies of all the remitances you sent her, and write some letters, taking about your plans for the future, Get your families involved by exchanging a few letters.

[toddandhien 2]

Thanks to all of you for the warm welcome! I've done a lot more airfare shopping this morning, and Todd - Thanks!! I was trying to plan my trip so I could be there for Thao's birthday in June. June is definitely not the time to go as far as airfare is concerned. I am going to try to go sometime within the next two months. I don't have to worry much about a place to stay when I get there, so spending money and travel costs are the main focus. If I travel in April or May, I came up with...

Wichita, KS to San Fransisco (NWA) - $188

SFO to SGN (China Air) - $605

I have two family members from here that will travel with me (they don't want me to go alone). When she asked how long I planned to stay I wasn't sure what would be appropriate so I said a week or two. The look I got was PRICELESS!! She said, "Well when I go I stay 2 months". I could easily stay for a month, with my current situation. Am I on track to think the longer the stay, the better it would "look"? Hell who knows, maybe I'll just open a Baja style surf shop - Boards, Beers & Burritos - and hang out a while..LOL

$605...WOW the rates continue to drop. R/T Wichita/SGN for $800. That is amazing. I am just waiting for them to give us an interview date so I can buy my next ticket. Praying that the rates do not go up in the next 3 weeks or so...

Kevin, have you ever been to SE asia or a developing country before? it is an experience, especially if you are living with a local family. And if it is your first time, I would say plan on 2 weeks max. Of course they stay 2 months because it is their culture, food, language, etc. If you love it there (I absolutely do) you can always stay longer on your next trip.

Here is 1 problem with staying there for a long time: When you are together, you will not call her, e-mail her, chat with her or send her mail. In other words, building the relationship evidence is harder because you will be communicating face to face. And if you stay with family, you will have no hotel receipts and very few restaurant receipts. Since you have not even started the journey yet, think big picture, make wise choices and plan for things that will happen in a year. You will be glad you did when you are on the eve of the interview.

Oh, and if you open a surf shop on the beach, you will staff it alone. If Thao is like most other Vietnamese women, she does not like being in the sun!