Tired of this Journey and wondering is it all worth it.

[Dau_Que 0]

I am so tired words and describe it. Let me just say that my husband and I filed a k1 and it was returned to the USCIS, for what reason i don't know. We had tons of evidence and i had taking numerous trips there to Morocco. Well after that happen I went to Morocco and got married, and since refiled a CR1 petition. In the mean while I find myself getting frustrated more and more each day. And I am wondering did I choose the right person. He likes to go to the cafe and and watch television, he works on and off and I'm tired pure tired of it. I am to the point I really don't want to take another trip over there and I feel like just waiting this one out and what happens happens. Each time that I go I bring 3 bags full of items for his family. Let me tell you he has a large family. I've spent over $20,000 between the 5 flights and Items that i purchased to bring with me.

My husband has a temper that i descovered after the marriage, and his home was not in the best condition the last time i went. I feel like the family is used to me, so the real thing came out and let me tell you i did not like what i saw. The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew. There was mildew all in his room, and he had the I don't give a damn attitude. His aunt that is usually so nice acted like a pure ######. Can you believe that I pay for this aunts youngest daughter to attend a private school? His adult female cousins made me feel real uncomfortable as well. I don't speak Arabic but i can read body language. When i told him about what i was feeling he tried to make it like i was reading to much into things but i do not believe i am. Oh here is the good part. There is another woman living in the home that i don't know who she is and all i know is that she is not a family member.

I am drifting away from my husband and the sad part is that I just got married. Truth be told i don't even feel like I am married. We went to the Adul and that was it. It was an unplan trip. But he wants me to come back in the summer to have the celebration. He had the nerves to tell me that the wedding would cost $30,000 dirhams to have a wedding on a farm. That is when red flags came to me. I asked myself is this man trying to con me out of money? When i let him know I am no damn fool then all of a sudden the price went down to $8000 dirhams, and we will split the cost. I don't know how much longer i will stay on this site because i am not sure i will be keeping this relationship. I know i got married there in Morocco but I really don't feel married at all. He enjoys going to the cafe everyday, and works on and off. I work 2 jobs and then I come straight home, and there at the computer waiting for him. Well yesterday was it for me. After having a hard day at work and going to the grocery store and rushing home he had an attitude about why i was not on the computer. I was enraged, and i would not speak to him on the computer or the phone. Infact I have no desire to speak with him today. I am really thinking about withdrawling my I130 and he can figure out how to get the marriage annulled because frankly I am done.

What I don't understand (someone please enlighten me) is why would a woman has to "spend" money and effort to find a mate half away around the world? If a male does that, I surely can grasp the concept because it's cheaper, easier to find a woman overseas than here in the States, blah blah. But for a woman? Why? Don't tell me men overseas are higher quality than domestic. In this case, not only you do NOT get a better bargain, you come out losing both your money, and time.

Anyhow, hope you've learned a personal lesson. What matters is will you REPEAT your mistake again in the future.

Edited March 21, 2009 by DPNH

[fozzie 41]

I am so tired words and describe it. Let me just say that my husband and I filed a k1 and it was returned to the USCIS, for what reason i don't know. We had tons of evidence and i had taking numerous trips there to Morocco. Well after that happen I went to Morocco and got married, and since refiled a CR1 petition. In the mean while I find myself getting frustrated more and more each day. And I am wondering did I choose the right person. He likes to go to the cafe and and watch television, he works on and off and I'm tired pure tired of it. I am to the point I really don't want to take another trip over there and I feel like just waiting this one out and what happens happens. Each time that I go I bring 3 bags full of items for his family. Let me tell you he has a large family. I've spent over $20,000 between the 5 flights and Items that i purchased to bring with me.

My husband has a temper that i descovered after the marriage, and his home was not in the best condition the last time i went. I feel like the family is used to me, so the real thing came out and let me tell you i did not like what i saw. The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew. There was mildew all in his room, and he had the I don't give a damn attitude. His aunt that is usually so nice acted like a pure ######. Can you believe that I pay for this aunts youngest daughter to attend a private school? His adult female cousins made me feel real uncomfortable as well. I don't speak Arabic but i can read body language. When i told him about what i was feeling he tried to make it like i was reading to much into things but i do not believe i am. Oh here is the good part. There is another woman living in the home that i don't know who she is and all i know is that she is not a family member.

I am drifting away from my husband and the sad part is that I just got married. Truth be told i don't even feel like I am married. We went to the Adul and that was it. It was an unplan trip. But he wants me to come back in the summer to have the celebration. He had the nerves to tell me that the wedding would cost $30,000 dirhams to have a wedding on a farm. That is when red flags came to me. I asked myself is this man trying to con me out of money? When i let him know I am no damn fool then all of a sudden the price went down to $8000 dirhams, and we will split the cost. I don't know how much longer i will stay on this site because i am not sure i will be keeping this relationship. I know i got married there in Morocco but I really don't feel married at all. He enjoys going to the cafe everyday, and works on and off. I work 2 jobs and then I come straight home, and there at the computer waiting for him. Well yesterday was it for me. After having a hard day at work and going to the grocery store and rushing home he had an attitude about why i was not on the computer. I was enraged, and i would not speak to him on the computer or the phone. Infact I have no desire to speak with him today. I am really thinking about withdrawling my I130 and he can figure out how to get the marriage annulled because frankly I am done.

What I don't understand (someone please enlighten me) is why would a woman has to "spend" money and effort to find a mate half away around the world? If a male does that, I surely can grasp the concept because it's cheaper, easier to find a woman overseas than here in the States, blah blah. But for a woman? Why? Don't tell me men overseas are higher quality than domestic. In this case, not only you do NOT get a better bargain, you come out losing both your money, and time.

Anyhow, hope you've learned a personal lesson. What matters is will you REPEAT your mistake again in the future.

I think you raet American men too highly

[Dau_Que 0]

I am so tired words and describe it. Let me just say that my husband and I filed a k1 and it was returned to the USCIS, for what reason i don't know. We had tons of evidence and i had taking numerous trips there to Morocco. Well after that happen I went to Morocco and got married, and since refiled a CR1 petition. In the mean while I find myself getting frustrated more and more each day. And I am wondering did I choose the right person. He likes to go to the cafe and and watch television, he works on and off and I'm tired pure tired of it. I am to the point I really don't want to take another trip over there and I feel like just waiting this one out and what happens happens. Each time that I go I bring 3 bags full of items for his family. Let me tell you he has a large family. I've spent over $20,000 between the 5 flights and Items that i purchased to bring with me.

My husband has a temper that i descovered after the marriage, and his home was not in the best condition the last time i went. I feel like the family is used to me, so the real thing came out and let me tell you i did not like what i saw. The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew. There was mildew all in his room, and he had the I don't give a damn attitude. His aunt that is usually so nice acted like a pure ######. Can you believe that I pay for this aunts youngest daughter to attend a private school? His adult female cousins made me feel real uncomfortable as well. I don't speak Arabic but i can read body language. When i told him about what i was feeling he tried to make it like i was reading to much into things but i do not believe i am. Oh here is the good part. There is another woman living in the home that i don't know who she is and all i know is that she is not a family member.

I am drifting away from my husband and the sad part is that I just got married. Truth be told i don't even feel like I am married. We went to the Adul and that was it. It was an unplan trip. But he wants me to come back in the summer to have the celebration. He had the nerves to tell me that the wedding would cost $30,000 dirhams to have a wedding on a farm. That is when red flags came to me. I asked myself is this man trying to con me out of money? When i let him know I am no damn fool then all of a sudden the price went down to $8000 dirhams, and we will split the cost. I don't know how much longer i will stay on this site because i am not sure i will be keeping this relationship. I know i got married there in Morocco but I really don't feel married at all. He enjoys going to the cafe everyday, and works on and off. I work 2 jobs and then I come straight home, and there at the computer waiting for him. Well yesterday was it for me. After having a hard day at work and going to the grocery store and rushing home he had an attitude about why i was not on the computer. I was enraged, and i would not speak to him on the computer or the phone. Infact I have no desire to speak with him today. I am really thinking about withdrawling my I130 and he can figure out how to get the marriage annulled because frankly I am done.

What I don't understand (someone please enlighten me) is why would a woman has to "spend" money and effort to find a mate half away around the world? If a male does that, I surely can grasp the concept because it's cheaper, easier to find a woman overseas than here in the States, blah blah. But for a woman? Why? Don't tell me men overseas are higher quality than domestic. In this case, not only you do NOT get a better bargain, you come out losing both your money, and time.

Anyhow, hope you've learned a personal lesson. What matters is will you REPEAT your mistake again in the future.

I think you raet American men too highly

To think more about this, I've got to say this. Put yourself in the man's shoes. He will think "Hmm, she's a woman and she has to pay for my expenses? Things in this universe normally work the other way around. That tells me she's weak and vulnerable. When a woman pays to get a man happy, she's DESPERATE!"

Now she's complaining and arguing with me. Should I comply? Nargh, if she has the upper hand, she wouldn't come to me in the first place remember? Worst case scenario, I can always look for another "weak" woman. God bless for the invention of the internet. That just make the life of bums like me so much easier, instead of working my tail off and earn money like a MAN, why? I can always leech on women!

And by the way, this sad way of life is pretty much true for the other sex as well. Once they come over here and achieve what they've looked for, the Green card, and you don't satisfy their thirst for money, they will move on to the next victim (this time, the victim is more fortunate and doesn't have to spend money like the previous sucker on immigration fees).

[fozzie 41]

I am so tired words and describe it. Let me just say that my husband and I filed a k1 and it was returned to the USCIS, for what reason i don't know. We had tons of evidence and i had taking numerous trips there to Morocco. Well after that happen I went to Morocco and got married, and since refiled a CR1 petition. In the mean while I find myself getting frustrated more and more each day. And I am wondering did I choose the right person. He likes to go to the cafe and and watch television, he works on and off and I'm tired pure tired of it. I am to the point I really don't want to take another trip over there and I feel like just waiting this one out and what happens happens. Each time that I go I bring 3 bags full of items for his family. Let me tell you he has a large family. I've spent over $20,000 between the 5 flights and Items that i purchased to bring with me.

My husband has a temper that i descovered after the marriage, and his home was not in the best condition the last time i went. I feel like the family is used to me, so the real thing came out and let me tell you i did not like what i saw. The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew. There was mildew all in his room, and he had the I don't give a damn attitude. His aunt that is usually so nice acted like a pure ######. Can you believe that I pay for this aunts youngest daughter to attend a private school? His adult female cousins made me feel real uncomfortable as well. I don't speak Arabic but i can read body language. When i told him about what i was feeling he tried to make it like i was reading to much into things but i do not believe i am. Oh here is the good part. There is another woman living in the home that i don't know who she is and all i know is that she is not a family member.

I am drifting away from my husband and the sad part is that I just got married. Truth be told i don't even feel like I am married. We went to the Adul and that was it. It was an unplan trip. But he wants me to come back in the summer to have the celebration. He had the nerves to tell me that the wedding would cost $30,000 dirhams to have a wedding on a farm. That is when red flags came to me. I asked myself is this man trying to con me out of money? When i let him know I am no damn fool then all of a sudden the price went down to $8000 dirhams, and we will split the cost. I don't know how much longer i will stay on this site because i am not sure i will be keeping this relationship. I know i got married there in Morocco but I really don't feel married at all. He enjoys going to the cafe everyday, and works on and off. I work 2 jobs and then I come straight home, and there at the computer waiting for him. Well yesterday was it for me. After having a hard day at work and going to the grocery store and rushing home he had an attitude about why i was not on the computer. I was enraged, and i would not speak to him on the computer or the phone. Infact I have no desire to speak with him today. I am really thinking about withdrawling my I130 and he can figure out how to get the marriage annulled because frankly I am done.

What I don't understand (someone please enlighten me) is why would a woman has to "spend" money and effort to find a mate half away around the world? If a male does that, I surely can grasp the concept because it's cheaper, easier to find a woman overseas than here in the States, blah blah. But for a woman? Why? Don't tell me men overseas are higher quality than domestic. In this case, not only you do NOT get a better bargain, you come out losing both your money, and time.

Anyhow, hope you've learned a personal lesson. What matters is will you REPEAT your mistake again in the future.

I think you raet American men too highly

To think more about this, I've got to say this. Put yourself in the man's shoes. He will think "Hmm, she's a woman and she has to pay for my expenses? Things in this universe normally work the other way around. That tells me she's weak and vulnerable. When a woman pays to get a man happy, she's DESPERATE!"

Now she's complaining and arguing with me. Should I comply? Nargh, if she has the upper hand, she wouldn't come to me in the first place remember? Worst case scenario, I can always look for another "weak" woman. God bless for the invention of the internet. That just make the life of bums like me so much easier, instead of working my tail off and earn money like a MAN, why? I can always leech on women!

And by the way, this sad way of life is pretty much true for the other sex as well. Once they come over here and achieve what they've looked for, the Green card, and you don't satisfy their thirst for money, they will move on to the next victim (this time, the victim is more fortunate and doesn't have to spend money like the previous sucker on immigration fees).

Anyone who has to keep a SO with money and gifts is not in a good relationship and could be considered weak, although I will go with low self esteem issues.

[caybee 21]

I think this is where a lot of women make a mistake. No criticism intended to the OP. We do things when we are in love that we may regret later. What I'm talking about is financially supporting or helping the man. Especially one from MENA. It is not in their culture to let a woman take care of them. If you do this and they accept, then either they no longer respect you or they have been using you for money all along. Always insist the man take care of YOU, I don't care if he has money or not. I don't care if it means you can't bring gifts or you can't buy a plane ticket to go see him. Stand your ground and DO NOT spend the majority of your money on the man. This probably sounds very sexist in our modern American country, but these men are not modern Americans. OP, cut off all financial support from this man and see if he still loves you and wants to be with you. The fact that he is upset when you are not there to be with him online is a small positive sign, but you don't know for sure as long as he is getting money from you. Even when my husband is in financial need, he will not accept money from me. I'm sure there will be women here to say that their man is from MENA and they supported him and everything turned out fine. This is just from what I've seen and experienced and it's my opinion.

I share this opinion. Something doesn't smell right here. Take some time to yourself and think things through. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

I will add one last thing, living alone is not the worst thing in the world. Living with someone and feeling alone, or worse used is a lot, lot worse.

So true.

[AlHayatZween 2]

There is another woman living in the home that i don't know who she is and all i know is that she is not a family member.

Broken Hearted, sorry this is happening to you. It sounds very, very bad.

Where there is smoke there's fire.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

please do istikhara, and then think hard. the fact that you have these grievances are bad enough, there's always ups and downs for such a situation, but the money swindling attempt and the fact that the love you feel is fading away are signs that cannot be ignored. i'm sorry to say this, but be prepared for a period of mourning, heartache, and resolution. i feel for you but it's not over. God has a plan for everyone, and for all things...hang in there

Edited March 21, 2009 by enraptured

[my choice 0]

Wait, I just re-read the OP and have a question.

It says you got married already but you state: "The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew."

I may be reading it wrong but were you not sharing a bed with him and thus a blanket? Or was he sleeping on a moldy blanket and not caring?

Yes he was sleeping on a moldy blanket with me and not caring. If i had it to do all over again I would not have gotten married.

[amberdima 6]

i would NEVER send my SO money. man or woman...i think sending $$ is a bad move. i wish you the best. run....fast.

[Nagishkaw 510]

0i!

[mishy 1]

sorry to hear what happen to you. It break my heart whenever I read someone who got heart broken even she/he honestly love her/his partner. For what I read on your post if you still love yourself get rid of him. He is not worth loving by a good woman like you. It's hard at first I've been heart broken before but u need to forget him. There's someone much better for you. You deserve to be happy, treat good by your man and respect you. Besides he's the guy why he let you used your money not only for hiself but for his entire family members. I know you give a lot of effort, love and cost u a lot of money but it's not too late for you to withdraw his petition. I have read a situation like yours here. She marry and get petition for her guy but when the guy got his Citizenship in US he left the girl alone and go with other girl. As I can see on your husband he don't care and respect you. What worst he can do when he's already USC... Still it's on your decision but I still hope and pray you make the right decision. We deserve to be happy... You deserve to be happy. God will guide you through this journey...your not alone He's watching you:-)

Edited March 22, 2009 by Mj24

[Y's_habibitk 2]

What I'm talking about is financially supporting or helping the man. Especially one from MENA. It is not in their culture to let a woman take care of them. If you do this and they accept, then either they no longer respect you or they have been using you for money all along.

bottom line.

Im sorry you are going through this situation. The distance makes everything harder, but it sounds pretty cut n dry to me.

He didnt volunteer the info on who this chick is living in therir family home? That alone is HUGE.

Again, Im sorry that this is happening to you.

[MsMariah 0]

I wonder what you will do to get through this hard journey... I agree with Madame Cleo, better to BE alone than to live alone while with someone. I wonder when you will take as good care of yourself as you seem to take care of others.

Sending peace and love your way.....

[my choice 0]

sorry to hear what happen to you. It break my heart whenever I read someone who got heart broken even she/he honestly love her/his partner. For what I read on your post if you still love yourself get rid of him. He is not worth loving by a good woman like you. It's hard at first I've been heart broken before but u need to forget him. There's someone much better for you. You deserve to be happy, treat good by your man and respect you. Besides he's the guy why he let you used your money not only for hiself but for his entire family members. I know you give a lot of effort, love and cost u a lot of money but it's not too late for you to withdraw his petition. I have read a situation like yours here. She marry and get petition for her guy but when the guy got his Citizenship in US he left the girl alone and go with other girl. As I can see on your husband he don't care and respect you. What worst he can do when he's already USC... Still it's on your decision but I still hope and pray you make the right decision. We deserve to be happy... You deserve to be happy. God will guide you through this journey...your not alone He's watching you:-)

Thanks for sharing.