Tired of this Journey and wondering is it all worth it.

[my choice 0]

I am so tired words and describe it. Let me just say that my husband and I filed a k1 and it was returned to the USCIS, for what reason i don't know. We had tons of evidence and i had taking numerous trips there to Morocco. Well after that happen I went to Morocco and got married, and since refiled a CR1 petition. In the mean while I find myself getting frustrated more and more each day. And I am wondering did I choose the right person. He likes to go to the cafe and and watch television, he works on and off and I'm tired pure tired of it. I am to the point I really don't want to take another trip over there and I feel like just waiting this one out and what happens happens. Each time that I go I bring 3 bags full of items for his family. Let me tell you he has a large family. I've spent over $20,000 between the 5 flights and Items that i purchased to bring with me.

My husband has a temper that i descovered after the marriage, and his home was not in the best condition the last time i went. I feel like the family is used to me, so the real thing came out and let me tell you i did not like what i saw. The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew. There was mildew all in his room, and he had the I don't give a damn attitude. His aunt that is usually so nice acted like a pure ######. Can you believe that I pay for this aunts youngest daughter to attend a private school? His adult female cousins made me feel real uncomfortable as well. I don't speak Arabic but i can read body language. When i told him about what i was feeling he tried to make it like i was reading to much into things but i do not believe i am. Oh here is the good part. There is another woman living in the home that i don't know who she is and all i know is that she is not a family member.

I am drifting away from my husband and the sad part is that I just got married. Truth be told i don't even feel like I am married. We went to the Adul and that was it. It was an unplan trip. But he wants me to come back in the summer to have the celebration. He had the nerves to tell me that the wedding would cost $30,000 dirhams to have a wedding on a farm. That is when red flags came to me. I asked myself is this man trying to con me out of money? When i let him know I am no damn fool then all of a sudden the price went down to $8000 dirhams, and we will split the cost. I don't know how much longer i will stay on this site because i am not sure i will be keeping this relationship. I know i got married there in Morocco but I really don't feel married at all. He enjoys going to the cafe everyday, and works on and off. I work 2 jobs and then I come straight home, and there at the computer waiting for him. Well yesterday was it for me. After having a hard day at work and going to the grocery store and rushing home he had an attitude about why i was not on the computer. I was enraged, and i would not speak to him on the computer or the phone. Infact I have no desire to speak with him today. I am really thinking about withdrawling my I130 and he can figure out how to get the marriage annulled because frankly I am done.

[Passing.star 0]

As I was reading your post, I feel for you as a woman. I thought it would be very hard for you seeing all these things happening to you. If you feel that you can't accept these expenses all your life and feel that you don't deserve to be with him, it's better to cancel your petition rather than spending more and more in the future and later on divorce anyway. I hope you will think it over and over again and made the right and smart decision.

Goodluck to you, you deserve the right man who will take care of you...

[Otto 83]

Follow your head and listen to your heart...

[_Simpson_ 250]

Sorry to hear things are not going as planned. I hope for the best.

Your assessment of this is probably accurate, from what little I know of this, tells me you need to get rid of him. Easy for me to say though he is a stranger to me, I hope you find the strength to leave him.

Edited March 21, 2009 by looking_up

[fozzie 41]

Ditch him. Did you ask about the "other woman"? WARNING, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

[sara..... 371]

this visa process is very taxing on everyone in the middle of it but before i got rid of him i would ask for a clear answer as to who is the other women........that is what caught my attention more than anything else

good luck no matter what u decide i hope it is for the best in ur life

sara

[MichelleN 0]

It sounds like you've already made the decision in your mind but your heart doesn't want to accept it yet. Major red flags all around and I think you need to really stop and evaluate this whole situation. The money thing really concerns me, especially you paying for his cousin to go to a private school (did they ask you or did you offer it?) and the money issue with the marriage.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

No offense to the OP, but your post makes me shudder at the idea of marrying someone who's way of life and culture is so vastly different than our own. I believe that a committed loving relationship can transcend many differences, but at some point you'll be asking yourself just what the two of you have in common?

[Niels Bohr 72]

Sorry to hear about your unexpected dissapointment. Stuff like this happens. When it happens to you, it's very hard to even accept what the future may entail for you. Hope you'll find somebody better here in the US.

[boo boo 1]

I am sorry that you are going thru alot.

[MichelleN 0]

Wait, I just re-read the OP and have a question.

It says you got married already but you state: "The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew."

I may be reading it wrong but were you not sharing a bed with him and thus a blanket? Or was he sleeping on a moldy blanket and not caring?

Edited March 21, 2009 by MichelleN

[fozzie 41]

Wait, I just re-read the OP and have a question.

It says you got married already but you state: "The blanket that i was sleeping on stunk like mildew."

I may be reading it wrong but were you not sharing a bed with him and thus a blanket? Or was he sleeping on a moldy blanket and not caring?

I think the guy is a complete douche! He sleeps on dirty matresses/blankets. Better rid of him, and his other woman!

[childress_london 3]

I think this is where a lot of women make a mistake. No criticism intended to the OP. We do things when we are in love that we may regret later. What I'm talking about is financially supporting or helping the man. Especially one from MENA. It is not in their culture to let a woman take care of them. If you do this and they accept, then either they no longer respect you or they have been using you for money all along. Always insist the man take care of YOU, I don't care if he has money or not. I don't care if it means you can't bring gifts or you can't buy a plane ticket to go see him. Stand your ground and DO NOT spend the majority of your money on the man. This probably sounds very sexist in our modern American country, but these men are not modern Americans. OP, cut off all financial support from this man and see if he still loves you and wants to be with you. The fact that he is upset when you are not there to be with him online is a small positive sign, but you don't know for sure as long as he is getting money from you. Even when my husband is in financial need, he will not accept money from me. I'm sure there will be women here to say that their man is from MENA and they supported him and everything turned out fine. This is just from what I've seen and experienced and it's my opinion.

[Peikko 1,575]

Get off the internet, get a piece of paper and start writing. On the first page list everything you think is important in a relationship, everything, even little things.

Take a fresh sheet and divide it into two columns:

First column - all the good things about being married to X

Second column - all the things that worry you about being married to X

Now, study these two sheets. Firstly, to see if the good things about being married to x outweigh the bad things, and secondly to see if this relationship matches up in any way to the type of relationship you think you ought to have (first sheet).

If you find that the whole thing is totally out of balance, then you need to decide if your marriage can be fixed by talking to your husband, explaining your concerns (which you have listed, so you know what areas you need to address) and seeing what he has to say.

If after that conversation you are still unhappy, you don't think your relationship matches the sort of relationship that you want, or feel you deserve, then you need to look to getting out of the relationship. These problem areas will destroy the marriage sooner or later, and the longer it goes on, the worse it will be for everyone.

One thing, do not stay in the marriage just to get paid back for all the financial investment you have made, that will not work out. Consider that money lost, good, or bad, it's gone.

Edited March 21, 2009 by Madame Cleo

[Peikko 1,575]

I will add one last thing, living alone is not the worst thing in the world. Living with someone and feeling alone, or worse used is a lot, lot worse.