The Rest of the Story...a year later!!!

[KIMCORENE 0]

Just because he had a bad situation doesn't mean all people from foreign countries are bad.

Do we really have to waste time stating the obvious? If you have to spell this out for someone, it means they are 4 years old.

Apparently we do

:rofl: <<wipes tears from eyes>> Ahhh, I love VJ- where else can I be so entertained for free?

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

so sorry that you met the wrong woman!!!

[FrancElsie 6]

Hi Fellow VJ'ers

OK, OK, OK...I think my posting has been "picked over" by the best of you and you've made your comments...both positive and negative. Thank you for your input on this topic...it is all very valuable and someone (I hope) will learn something from your responses. Really...isn't that why we are here on VJ...to help one another through a long and stressful journey? I was just trying to "open some eyes" that some...repeat "some"...SO's from other countries do not have sincere intentions. I didn't say ALL... and certainly VJ people are sufficiently intelligent to extrapolate my comments to fit their particular situation. Honestly, I hope everyone here has a long and successful marriage!!!!

A few other comments:

1) Generalizations: It's impossible to be very specific in a public forum...unless you want to have posts that are 5 pages long. If you took any of my comments as a "generalization"...to me, it was probably just my opinion. And, I did not back it up with a reference to a national publication with statistics and all.

2) Sympathy: While I do sincerely thank many of you for your good wishes and defenses of my posting, I was NOT looking for sympathy or support. All this happened a year ago and I'm beyond it now. I TOOK OWNERSHIP of this failure and posted my "story" so you could see what happens...SOMETIMES!!!! (Not always to everyone!)

2a) And, I know that many people can be happy and married with an age difference, religious differences, culture differences, etc. I was only trying to alert some to "red flags" that the USCIS is targeting. Smell the coffee, please.

3) Starry-eyed lovers/SO's: My opinion is that there are many VJ'ers who have love in their hearts and stars in their eyes. And, as such...they are not seeing clearly. This can be documented by looking at timelines and reading their stories....for example: Met my honey on September 3rd and spent 7 glorious days together. Engaged on October 15th, I'm so lucky! Married on November 27 in their country....WOW, I am ecstatic!" These are the type of postings that I saw when I was on VJ in 2007-2008. There was one young man who posted EVERYTHING about getting his pregnant girlfriend to the USA. I mean it was ridiculous...(example) "OMG, I forgot to dot an "i" and cross a "t" on my petition...will this cause the USCIS to issue a RFE?" I wonder what ever happened to this starry-eyed VJ'er?

4) Making comments about postings on VJ...yet, having very little/none or insignificant information in your own profile. Honestly, I think (my opinion) that IF you want to contribute something positive to the forum, you should fill in your timelines and help others with your statistics. The more accurate the timelines...the more accurate statistics for everyone. Just something to think about VJ'ers.

5) Offensive comments: While there were very few offensive comments in the responses to my posting, it was interesting how someone could take a portion of a sentence and respond to it so cavalierly. Example: I said something similar to "these people are not stupid, they can read and converse among themselves" and a comment I received did not appear to be very nice or kind. This comment stated the obvious.

All in all, I think and hope that my posting was well received and I hope it gave all of you some things to think about. Again...not all SO's are looking for a trip to the USA and a Green Card. BUT, SOME ARE!!!! Good luck on your Visa Journey and I hope the best for you....Buena suerte!!!!

Sincerely,

Captain Craig

[SuperDuper! 230]

Cpt. Craig. I do appreciate you "putting it out there" because no one likes to acknowledge failures in life, particularly when we have been taken advantage of or outright conned.

If you prevent one man from being ripped off, you have provided a valuable public service. THere will always be Crabs out here that boost themselves up by tearing others down. Leave 'em be, and we will all see their wreckage along the side of the road one day. Cause negative energy attracts the same and worse, a self-fulfilling Karma if ya will. Cheers to ya!

[MARM 7]

Just a comment...to anyone who stated that the fact that CaptainCraig's post of his experience is stopping marriages entered in good faith on both sides...

...To Capt. Graig: you really should stop it.. you said you opened a can of worms but who knows, you might actually be stopping people from marriages which are actually sinsere and in good faith from both sides...

No one can stop a marriage that is being entered in good faith from both sides...honestly...do you really think Cpt.Craig meant to give you this message???

He was relating an experience for the benefit of those in similar situations or...so people do not find them in similar situations...

And seriously...CptCraig's post relating his experience and failed marriage WILL CERTAINLY NOT STOP PEOPLE FROM MARRIAGE WHO ARE ENTERING IN GOOD FAITH FROM BOTH SIDES....

You guys get over the fact that it happens: failed marriages do happen in cases where otherwise people have found great success. And one person's experience of failure is not going to hinder a successful marriage from happening...honestly, where ever did you get the idea that it will?!?

And Capt. Craig, wish you better luck in the future! Glad you got out of it before it got worse!

Edited March 30, 2009 by MARM

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Just a comment...to anyone who stated that the fact that CaptainCraig's post of his experience is stopping marriages entered in good faith on both sides...

...To Capt. Graig: you really should stop it.. you said you opened a can of worms but who knows, you might actually be stopping people from marriages which are actually sinsere and in good faith from both sides...

No one can stop a marriage that is being entered in good faith from both sides...honestly...do you really think Cpt.Craig meant to give you this message???

He was relating an experience for the benefit of those in similar situations or...so people do not find them in similar situations...

And seriously...CptCraig's post relating his experience and failed marriage WILL CERTAINLY NOT STOP PEOPLE FROM MARRIAGE WHO ARE ENTERING IN GOOD FAITH FROM BOTH SIDES....

You guys get over the fact that it happens: failed marriages do happen in cases where otherwise people have found great success. And one person's experience of failure is not going to hinder a successful marriage from happening...honestly, where ever did you get the idea that it will?!?

And Capt. Craig, wish you better luck in the future! Glad you got out of it before it got worse!

Well said Marm

Capt. Craig, i wish you the best of luck for the future.

[tallcoolone 102]

One final comment...IF they get pregnant and claim it is your child...do a DNA test for proof!!! Many of these women are not beyond getting pregnant to "reel you in" because you are a big delicious catch for them!

I tell you I have had so many buddies have woman in USA claim they are pregnant and it's your child, I wish DNA test were required on all children born in the USA.

Sounds like you were way way to generous to this lady, You had many signs telling you no but you just didn't want to listen.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

One final comment...IF they get pregnant and claim it is your child...do a DNA test for proof!!! Many of these women are not beyond getting pregnant to "reel you in" because you are a big delicious catch for them!

I tell you I have had so many buddies have woman in USA claim they are pregnant and it's your child, I wish DNA test were required on all children born in the USA.

Sounds like you were way way to generous to this lady, You had many signs telling you no but you just didn't want to listen.

whats wrong with just asking for one?

[eric_and_teresa 10]

A "young or younger" woman from any country south of the US is an illegal immigrant until proven otherwise. There is no way anyone from outside a visa waiver country will get a visa.

Not necesarily true, since I was a teenager I have had 3 tourist visas , so does my family and 90% of my High School and College friends, and we do come from what is considered a third world country, or a country south of the US as you called it. I am aware that is not the general rule for the rest of people in my country, but there are some guatemalans that do meet the requirements to get a B-2.

And also not true that we are all considered "illegal immigrants", EVERY B-2 applicant is considered to have intention to immigrate to the U.S. until proven otherwise, having intention to immigrate is a COMPLETELY different than being considered and illegal immigrant.

Just wanted to clarify that.

OP, I remember you and I remember your previous posts... I am very sorry that you had to go through this. I have to agree with Caro though, when she says that eventhough you did not deserve this, sometimes we allow this type of things to happen to us by overlooking all the red flags along the way.

I'm glad that you have finally ended this relationship and that you can have the satisfaction that you did more than you could to save the marriage by giving her many opportunities before, but some people are just not worth to be given that many chances!

Edited April 1, 2009 by eric_and_teresa

[FrancElsie 6]

Thanks Marm....you are 100% correct. I was NOT trying to stop any marriages...besides, they cannot be stopped IF they are entered into IN GOOD FAITH AND SINCERE....on BOTH sides! The point of my entire post and subsequent postings was to "open the eyes" of some VJ'ers who may feel "things just aren't quite kosher" in their relationship.

Let's face it...in the world there are two types of people....givers and takers. Hopefully, you can find the type of person as your wife/husband who GIVES meaning to your life and compliments your life. Those who are takers, they ruin the lives of others around them. Unfortunately, I met a big taker...and I was blinded by love.

In retrospect, I am grateful to the United States for making the process take 7 - 10 months because it gave me some additional time to observe my wife and put everything into perspective. In the end, it probably saved me from a lot of misery for the rest of my life!!! I entered my marriage with complete love, honesty and sincerity. It was a one-sided marriage....and those never work out in the end. Thanks USCIS!!!!!

About Karina....someday soon I will return to Colombia and visit my (ex) family there. I married into a wonderful family who loves me like a son or brother. I still talk with my (ex) mother-in-law every 2 - 3 weeks and she always tells me, "Mi casa es su casa para siempre!" (My house is your house forever!) So, I lost at one episode of love with Karina. But, I gained the love of her family and I have many friends there too. She lost more...her family threw her out and castigatd her severely....they have not spoken to her in over a year. Plus, she got pregnant with her boyfriend and now has a baby boy to raise. I am somewhat thinking about speaking with Karina in person to clear the air and have some closure. I guess I'd be seeking an answer as to "Why?" she did these things to me. And, I intend to pardon her and wish her well with the rest of her life. Also, I will plead with the family to open their hearts to her once again. Maybe I will be successful with that...maybe not. (I suspect that her "disownment and castigation" from the family had some prior occasions of poor choices made by her.) But, if God pardons sinners...why can't I?

Love and Peace

Captain Craig

PS I did receive a letter of apology from Karina months (Sept, 08) ago. It "seemed" very sincere and I responded accordingly. Then, I received three short letters asking me for money a few days later. So, it "appeared" that her apology was to "butter me up" for asking for more money. I said, "No mas, Karina... no mas." and that's the last I've heard from her. I'll post it for all VJ'ers to read and you can give me your opinions...ok? I have to translate it from Spanish to English.

[Krikit 1,164]

Post removed for TOS violation.

[rlogan 2,036]

It does take guts to put yourself out for abuse by others in telling your story. I could not agree more that we have to really look at those warning signs. If you have any doubts at all then there is something seriously wrong.

I've been through a bad situation with one more than 20 years younger, and I have been through an amazingly wonderful relationship with my wife 30 years younger. The first gave signs I should have heeded. But eventually there was an insult I could not conscience and I bolted immediately. There was no forgiving or listening to pleading.

Because of that experience I was pretty paranoid about my wife after meeting her. I came close to leaving her over something people might think of as trivial. But it was very early on and I had no record like I do now to weigh its importance. Glad I did not over-react.

Heh. We were both paranoid about each other, I guess. Read each other's email accounts, snooped in cell phones, - I created a fake personality on friendster and contacted her. Filthy rich, much younger, used a picture from a heart-throb in the 60's... She very sweetly rebuffed my advances and tried to introduce me to her sister.

There is nothing you can say or do with one that doesn't work out like Karina. She didn't love you. The letter is insincere. She is the kind of person that will do this sort of thing without remorse. I realize we wish for closure, to be vindicated, but you just have to move on. They don't view it as having ruined their life because while you were (still are) looking at what could have happened for them if they had stayed with you, they never looked at it that way in the first place.

The way she looks at it, she did not ruin her future because there never was a future with you. There was only the present, and her present was made better with money. Party on!

I am so grateful for what I have now - and yes you can have a much younger wife that loves you. There are countless numbers of such relationships.

But to stay on point: the warning signs. In general when they do something you question, ask yourself if it is something you would do to them. Is this something I would do to someone who I love? Lying is a huge red flag. If you discover one then there will be more.

You can't work harder to overcome a liar, a manipulator, a cheat - and goodness gracious there are so many out there with good hearts that want to find someone who will treat them kindly. Think about them. Think about the girl out there who longs for you. She is out there.

Go find her.

[Antonio y Olga 1]

Captain Craig, I fully identify myself with your situation, without necessarily having met women through the internet I’ve seen my good will, generosity, love and hope for the future taken advantage of, that can happen anytime, anywhere. And this came from other “Karinas” because these women fit her description to a great extent, particularly the education level you noted.

You come across as being kind-hearted, honest, intelligent and having loved Karina beyond words; I was so sorry to see that the failure of this marriage brought about other woes too especially the financial ones; I can imagine how much you’ve cried.

You’ve come here to open up your heart, there are times when we are so hurt we just want someone to hear us; each situation is different so while I’m sure a number of people will take note of your experience there will always be a factor that makes their situation different, people deeply in love don’t listen, or see for that matter.

Karina lost, unquestionably, the chance to be with a good man that would have loved her forever and she has instead the total opposite; but her daughter lost even more; if she had just done it for the future of her child …but this would have needed the common sense she obviously lacked.

I frankly deplore the negative comments I’ve seen around your story, particularly the ones calling your behavior “foolish”; love has that consequence very often, one can sometimes abandon sense because one is fully overtaken with emotion, but that is our bones and flesh nature.

I am positive there is someone out there for you, you deserve it, time will bring her to your side, perhaps without your even looking for her.

Allow me to sincerely shake your hand, figuratively speaking and wish you the best of luck, your story was fascinating in that it was very well written, it was a short novel to me, I wish the ending had been happier but that the final word has not been said yet; you will find someone, rest assured of that.

[FrancElsie 6]

Captain Craig, I fully identify myself with your situation, without necessarily having met women through the internet I’ve seen my good will, generosity, love and hope for the future taken advantage of, that can happen anytime, anywhere. And this came from other “Karinas” because these women fit her description to a great extent, particularly the education level you noted.

You come across as being kind-hearted, honest, intelligent and having loved Karina beyond words; I was so sorry to see that the failure of this marriage brought about other woes too especially the financial ones; I can imagine how much you’ve cried.

You’ve come here to open up your heart, there are times when we are so hurt we just want someone to hear us; each situation is different so while I’m sure a number of people will take note of your experience there will always be a factor that makes their situation different, people deeply in love don’t listen, or see for that matter.

Karina lost, unquestionably, the chance to be with a good man that would have loved her forever and she has instead the total opposite; but her daughter lost even more; if she had just done it for the future of her child …but this would have needed the common sense she obviously lacked.

I frankly deplore the negative comments I’ve seen around your story, particularly the ones calling your behavior “foolish”; love has that consequence very often, one can sometimes abandon sense because one is fully overtaken with emotion, but that is our bones and flesh nature.

I am positive there is someone out there for you, you deserve it, time will bring her to your side, perhaps without your even looking for her.

Allow me to sincerely shake your hand, figuratively speaking and wish you the best of luck, your story was fascinating in that it was very well written, it was a short novel to me, I wish the ending had been happier but that the final word has not been said yet; you will find someone, rest assured of that.

Hello Anthony & Olga,

I was re-reading my posts today and wanted to thank you sincerely for your very kind words. Yes, I am a very kind and generous man. I even forgave Karina for what she did to me. She is very sorry now as evidenced by this e-mail which I received from her in March, 2010. She said:

Hola Craig, muchas gracias por tu regalo de cumpleaños para mi hijo, que buen detalle, porque estoy ahorrando dinero para comprarle su cama...y a todas las personas que quisieron darle su regalo la verdad fue en dinero para poder hacer esta compra que el lo necesita esta durmiendo con Maria y duermen un poco incomodos....Nuevamente gracias por ser tan especial.

Se que tienes planes con tu novia de llevarla a tu pais, espero que todo salga bien y esta vez puedas encontrar una mujer que realmente valore tus esfuerzos, porque como yo estaba tan ciega hace 3 años, mi oportunidad de vida la tenia en mis manos y la deje pasar por bruta.....esto es una experiencia grande en mi vida que cuando hablo con la gente que me conoce y ve en mi una mujer con oportunidades les digo que no dejen que las cosas que Dios tiene para cada uno de nosotros las dejemos pasar por espejismos que el Diablo ofrece que nunca van a hacer verdad, a mi me mintieron y yo te menti y todo fue una cadena de sufrimiento, porque Craig todo lo que empieza mal termina mal......pero sabes algo la vida en pareja como tu y yo la teniamos a la distancia solo nos falto vivir como una verdadera familia todos los dias, saber tolerar los problemas y nuestras costumbres porque yo me case contigo queriendo hacer una vida a tu lado y al lado de mi hija, pero cuando Carlos supo que mi vida estaba a tu lado, me enredo con muchas mentiras y mas mentiras y yo siempre le crei, y no pense en las consecuencias tan terribles que todo esto me iba a causar, tres años despues estoy tan arrepentida de todo lo que paso, que solo me queda la madurez adquirida por los problemas y la oportundad de demostrar a mi familia que me equivoque pero que quiero ser una buena mujer, madre, hija, hermana....una buena persona, tengo que salir de muchas cosas pero hay un Dios que me ha dado todo lo que tengo ahora y solo tengo agradecimientos para El, por creer en mi y por sacarme de ese infierno en el que yo vivia con mis hijos, Quiero recuperarme y estar mejor que antes.

Gracias nuevamente por todo, gracias por estar ahi siempre

Un abrazo fuerte de Karina y de mis hijos

If you cannot read Spanish...here is the translation... Jajajaa

Hi Craig, thank you very much for your birthday present for my son, good detail, because I'm saving money to buy his bed. Everyone who wanted to give me a gift. The truth was your money helped me to make this purchase because my son has been sleeping with Maria and sleeping a little uncomfortable .... Again thanks for being so special.

I know you have plans with your girlfriend to take her to your country, I hope everything goes well and this time you will find a woman who truly values your efforts, because as I was so blind 3 years ago, my chance of my lifetime I had in my hands and lost it for being so gross. This is a big experience in my life when I talk to people who know me and see a woman who had my opportunities, I say to them, don't let the things that God has for each of us go through the illusions that the Devil offers. They will never happen really. I lied and I lied to you and everything since was a chain of suffering, because Craig, everything that begins badly... ends badly.** I didn't know anything about married life like you and I we had a far distance between us. We needed to live like a real family every day, knowing the problems and tolerate our lifestyle because I wanted to marry you make a life by your side and beside my daughter. But, when Charles learned that my life was with you, I became entangled with many lies and more lies and I always believed him. I didn't think about the terrible consequences that this would cause me. So, now three years after I'm very sorry for everything that happened, I only have been left with the maturity gained by this opportunity. I've had many many problems and to show my family that know that I've been wrong but I want to be a good woman, mother, daughter, sister .... a good person. I have had to leave many things but there is a God who has given me everything I have now and I have only gratitude to Him...for believing in me and getting me out of this hell in which I lived with my children, I want to recover and be better than before.

Thanks again for everything, thanks for always being there

A big hug from Karina and my children

Karina

**Emphasis mine (Craig)