The Rest of the Story...a year later!!!

[Kiv 32]

Gentlemen and ladies of VJ...these people in other countries are NOT STUPID!! They ARE INTELLIGENT and can read, write and they chat among themselves in their country.

WOW...! Surprising isn't it?.... Can the next victim write and read?

[Sandrila 1]

sorry you had to endure all that but thank GOD you were able to heed the signs and in the end you burned her

it is so hard to finally break it and I commend you for your strength

may GOD bless you and bring you happiness in the future

[Sandrila 1]

Hola Cpt.

I'm a woman who went through the K-1 process, was abused etc. during the green card process. My SO had been committed while here for psychological reasons, but that didn't stop him from trying to ruin my reputation or extort money and the green card from me. What you say about the legal system is correct. Once here in the US much damage can be done and the user does have rights that seem to override the rights of the sponsor. To me a user is a user and he/she will use our own laws against us and also have the benefit of having agencies to help for free. I don't want to go into lengthy details about my situation, but I feel I have brought shame, poverty and violence into my household. Unfortunately, I sponsored this man here and I feel that was a bad decision. However, there were many clues along the way that should have alerted me to his personality, but I was so in love with this man that I brushed them aside. I didn't have the courage nor strength to take a solid stand when I felt that I might be used for that green card. I felt compassion, love, understanding and truly tried to "help". It doesn't feel good to know you were duped and I would give my pinky finger to have him have to answer for his actions and make restitutions to me for what he took. But that doesn't look like it will happen soon so all I can do is write USCIS and pray that my letters fall into the right hands.

Ciao

You are brave in sharing your experience with others.

I am relieved, for your sake and sanity, that you finally managed to seperate yourself from him.

Although there are many happy endings on this journey it is good for us all to call to attention the signs and experience that may help others become more aware and strong when disillusion and disappointment rears it's head.

You are not alone and most people probably are ashamed to admit when they have misjudged and have had the same situation happen to them.

Good luck in the future and stay strong!

Edited March 26, 2009 by sandrila

[Sandrila 1]

Hey Capt. I agree with you man. I would like to believe that it was all my experience dating foreigners that gave me a advantage in picking a good woman. I guess the true is more like gut instinct and pure luck. The first time I went to Colombia I didn't know any spanish, not even hola. The women there were so beautiful and charming, I felt like a rock star. I had to slap myself and focus jajajaja! I know how you feel. I dated a European and it went wrong. I was bad shape, dropped 20 lbs in 1 month and couldn't get out of bed. I finally went to my doctor. He put me on anti-depression. I started hitting the gym hard and sharing my feelings with my best friend. I wanted to take a 6 month leave of absence from my job but I couldn't swing. Finally settled for 3 weeks and took off to travel Asian. Ya know sometimes we must travel to find ourselves.It was the best trip I have ever done. Bummer about your business but one thing I noticed about successful businessman, they are like Magyver. Give them a piece of string and a hairpin and they will build from the ground up. You know how to be successful, so you will do it again.

I couldn't agree more

Edited March 26, 2009 by sandrila

[nycgirl 13]

To the OP:In all honesty --- get over yourself and move on with your life. The way you are posting says more about you than it says about your ex-wife. Grow up and stop generalizing.

So true.. I was thinking the exact same thing...

To Capt. Graig: you really should stop it.. you said you opened a can of worms but who knows, you might actually be stopping people from marriages which are actually sinsere and in good faith from both sides.

The way you post really looks like you are currently very bitter about what happened. You are not helping anyone in any way with your posts, in fact, you are telling people, in a certain way, to actually stop doing what they are doing. In my opinion you are actually doing more harm than being helpful here.

I am very sorry for you what happened, but look at yourself for a second... there's always more than one person to blame in situations where there are more than one person. You should have opened your eyes a bit more. When you caught her and her daughter lying, or when you heard from others that she was seen with some other dude, that should have ring the alarmbells already.. You have no-one to blame but yourself, only you have let it come that far.. she never forced you to do those things and to continue with it, you did it yourself so you can only blame yourself. Yeah, I agree that she should not have done what she has done but she did and there were signs enough and therefor it is that you can only blame yourself. It is always easier to blame another but, seriously, most of the times people should only blame themselves.

Stop trying to stop others from their actions and choices. What about age? My father was 30 years older than my mother and they lived together up until my dad died a few years ago, and they still loved each other very much.. It was for money? Nah, not really, my dad was not rich or anything.. .they actually LOVED each other.. can you imagine that? Two people loving each other without looking at each others ages? It actually exists and happens frequently.. So you found a rotten apple, it doesn't mean everyone has found a rotten apple all of the sudden. And so what for some people being poor.. I had nothing when I came to the US, I married my wife because I love her, not because she was richer than me.. if we actually break up some day, first thing I would do would be to return to my own country where I come from, not every foreign spouse wants to be here because of the country, there are LOADS of them who actually only are here because of their SO's.

It is really sad that this happened to you and I feel sorry for you and anyone else to whom something like this happens, but like the person said who I quoted: Get over it and go on with your life, you only make it sound like you are a bitter old man who is taking this thing way too far.

Oh, pleeeeease!!!!! Like someone is going to read OP's posts and NOT get married based SOLELY on his experience? What are you smoking? Not bloody likely! He experienced something, TOOK THE BLAME, and talked about it. He is just trying to open other's eye to the possible red flags. VJ is a forum for folks to learn and share. Learn the laws, learn the process, and LEARN from others' experiences (good or bad). If he opens the eyes of even ONE person in a similar situation, then his posts are fruitful. Who are YOU to be telling him that his post are "NOT HELPING ANYONE IN ANY WAY" How would you know that? I don't agree with some of the generalizations on his posts, but people are smart enough to discard what they don't need and absorb what they do need from another member of the forum. This website is not a cheering section internet dating, fast tracking immigration and starry eyed lovers who hardly know each other, but it sure seems like it sometimes.

[ivona 0]

David and I talked online for 4 months and saw each other once for a week before we decided to file for K1. We are happily married for 3 years and counting.

Stop generalizing and move on....

People aren't generalizing. They are just telling their stories as they see them. Be a little more compassionate, please. Especially if you have never been in this sort of situation. Until then, you don't understand what it's like.

OP is plenty generalizing, just read his posts...

OP is not asking for compassion, instead he is attempting to "warn" people about these horrible users from other countries how will do whatever it takes to get in the US... Please!

[KIMCORENE 0]

David and I talked online for 4 months and saw each other once for a week before we decided to file for K1. We are happily married for 3 years and counting.

Stop generalizing and move on....

People aren't generalizing. They are just telling their stories as they see them. Be a little more compassionate, please. Especially if you have never been in this sort of situation. Until then, you don't understand what it's like.

OP is plenty generalizing, just read his posts...

OP is not asking for compassion, instead he is attempting to "warn" people about these horrible users from other countries how will do whatever it takes to get in the US... Please!

Are you denying that there actually are "horrible users from other countries how will do whatever it takes to get in the US"?

[ivona 0]

David and I talked online for 4 months and saw each other once for a week before we decided to file for K1. We are happily married for 3 years and counting.

Stop generalizing and move on....

People aren't generalizing. They are just telling their stories as they see them. Be a little more compassionate, please. Especially if you have never been in this sort of situation. Until then, you don't understand what it's like.

OP is plenty generalizing, just read his posts...

OP is not asking for compassion, instead he is attempting to "warn" people about these horrible users from other countries how will do whatever it takes to get in the US... Please!

Are you denying that there actually are "horrible users from other countries how will do whatever it takes to get in the US"?

Oh please! My original post said to the OP to stop generalizing.... I was then told that people aren't generalizing, and yet making sweeping statements about groups of people is defined as....... *drumroll please* generalizing....

Let's not turn this into yet another bickering session.

[KIMCORENE 0]

Hmmm... I was simply asking a question based on my interpretation of the tone of your previous post...internet arguments are really not my style. I asked because some people seem to be so defensive, as if everyone in the world has good intentions...which we can see is not the case, as evidenced by different situations we hear about on VJ and in real life. That's my two cents.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Please dont hate on The Captain. He is doing a great public service by telling us how his lady scammed him. Men are reluctant to come out in public and admit a failure like this. It happens more often than we know, cuz people just like to post how happy ever after in love they are. But the reality is much different statistically, where in the US, 50% of all marriages fail. So sometimes it is better that a relationship fail before tying the knot, if both partners dont have honorable intentions. Cheers! B)

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

Oh, pleeeeease!!!!! Like someone is going to read OP's posts and NOT get married based SOLELY on his experience? What are you smoking? Not bloody likely! He experienced something, TOOK THE BLAME, and talked about it. He is just trying to open other's eye to the possible red flags. VJ is a forum for folks to learn and share. Learn the laws, learn the process, and LEARN from others' experiences (good or bad). If he opens the eyes of even ONE person in a similar situation, then his posts are fruitful. Who are YOU to be telling him that his post are "NOT HELPING ANYONE IN ANY WAY" How would you know that? I don't agree with some of the generalizations on his posts, but people are smart enough to discard what they don't need and absorb what they do need from another member of the forum. This website is not a cheering section internet dating, fast tracking immigration and starry eyed lovers who hardly know each other, but it sure seems like it sometimes.

In short: he said it himself in one of the posts that many people are sending him PM's because they felt insecure about their relationship.. he sounds very bitter to me and that doesn't make him help people, but more the other way around. You say people are smart enough to discard what they don't need and absorb what they do need? How do you know that? When I look left and right then I see a lot of people who actually do base their descisions on the advice of other people.

I would agree with you what you say here if he just sticked to one post but he is generalizing and repeating over and over what he believes... if you repeat a lie a lot, then people will automatically start to believe it also. I would believe in the good nature of it all if it was just the opening post and answers on it later on but he keeps saying the same, like, for example, that it is impossible for people with a big age difference to have a decent relationship, which is just not true.

Because he experienced a bad situation doesn't mean that all situations are bad but he sure make it sound like every VJ'er now, all of the sudden, should distrust their loved ones and that is something that I don't think is right. Sharing a story is one thing, trying to make people believe other things is a whole other.. He should just stick to sharing the story, not try to make people believe that they should have no trust in their loved ones.

Again, I feel sorry that he had to go through this all but it has happened and there is not much he can change about now, he should go on with his life instead.

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

Are you denying that there actually are "horrible users from other countries how will do whatever it takes to get in the US"?

Oh, I agree that there are people who try that.. and there are also a couple of these people here on the forums.. for example when I read that someone had to break up with their fiance but wants to marry someone else asap, just to stay here in the US, then I already know enough. And this is just one example.

Thing is, the OP started to generalize people here, he made it sound as if 90% of the people who have a long distance relationship, and follow one of the K routes, are actually abusing the system and that is simply not true. I know lot's of people here on VJ by now who are in it for the right reasons, not the wrong and that alone shows already that it is oh so well possible to start this and bring it to a good end.

Just because he had a bad situation doesn't mean all people from foreign countries are bad.

[Sandrila 1]

FOZZIE says:

Marriage is not a game, living together is a whole different animal than visiting for a week at a time. I was nervous after coming here for just 3 months, I still felt like you cannot possibly know everything about a person in such a short space of time.

agreed

Edited March 27, 2009 by sandrila

[SuperDuper! 230]

Just because he had a bad situation doesn't mean all people from foreign countries are bad.

Do we really have to waste time stating the obvious? If you have to spell this out for someone, it means they are 4 years old.

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

Just because he had a bad situation doesn't mean all people from foreign countries are bad.

Do we really have to waste time stating the obvious? If you have to spell this out for someone, it means they are 4 years old.

Apparently we do