The Rest of the Story...a year later!!!

[John&Juvy 36]

To the OP:In all honesty --- get over yourself and move on with your life. The way you are posting says more about you than it says about your ex-wife. Grow up and stop generalizing.

[G&A 1]

Captain Craig sorry to hear this happened to you. I remember you from you from out K3 thread. All the best. Nex time stick to Canadian women....you cant go wrong with us Eh.

[TonyS 0]

Captain Craig sorry to hear this happened to you. I remember you from you from out K3 thread. All the best. Nex time stick to Canadian women....you cant go wrong with us Eh.

Yeah just gotta love hockey, curling and say "about" funny :-). Just kidding. I love Canada.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I think she found Ken, after being done with you.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...here+did+she+go

Seriously though, you're lucky to have finally stopped the BS when you did.

We hope Ken can chime in soon here, and give his report. The fact that she "disappeared" from him for several days recently raises concerns as well.

People in love do NOT "just disappear" for several days or weeks at a time. This is just not normal!!! IF there is a reason for being gone, this can be communicated by e-mail or telephone calls. People with love, honesty and respect for their other partner... they communicate daily. This is a difficult journey (Visa Journey) and unfortunately there is little that can be done from a continent away. To repeat what I said before...the language of love is universal!!! The ACTIONS of a Colombian/Asian/Japanese/Chinese/Vietnamese woman will be NO DIFFERENT from an American woman in love with you.

You must do whatever is necessary to assure yourself that your overseas partner is loyal, honest and truly in love with you.

Have you noticed that this website has about 90%+ MEN who are/were (me included!) waiting to bring their girlfriends/wives to the USA, Canada or another "first world" country??? Do you think there is a Ukranian Journey, Iraq Journey, Nepal Journey or a Burundi Journey program>>>??? Not many of us US Citizens would be willing to give up the comforts and conveniences of the United States to live in a third world country!!! (Much less their jobs!) I am NOT saying that American women have more sense than we men in matters of love...BUT, there is a VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE of women waiting for their foreign husbands. AND...I've heard some "horror stories" from women who are attempting to bring their boyfriend/husband to the USA.

Think about it....time for a reality check folks!!!!!

Captain Craig

I have to disagree with you on the 90% comment. Go to MENA and take a look at all the women waiting for their fiances/husbands. And read some of the horror stories.

[ivona 0]

David and I talked online for 4 months and saw each other once for a week before we decided to file for K1. We are happily married for 3 years and counting.

Stop generalizing and move on....

[Marina-Del 10]

First let me say that I didn't read every word of the last page, so forgive me if I'm repeating something here.

I'd like to see where you get your statistics. You say that 90% of the people on this site are men trying to bring in women and only 10% are women bringing in men. I don't know what the real statistics are, but I must say that I think that one is WAY off.

I agree with you on needing to get to know your partners before you get married. But, as others have pointed out, there are happy marriages between people who hardly knew each other (lots of examples on VJ, but here is a personal one). My grandparents knew each other for 6 weeks and then got married. They were married for 53 years, until my Grandfather died 2 years ago. You might argue that they were from the same country and therefore didn't have to deal with the differences of cultures, but go to the off topic forum and take a look at

this

Most people here said that they could not think of any cultural differences that made them fight with their SO. At least not fight with the capacity to ruin a relationship. Sure, lots of people have disagreements because of being raised differently; whether this is a cultural difference or not. And while I am not arguing that couples like us here on VJ don't have added problems because of our different countries, I'm simply saying that usually these differences do not ruin the relationship. If a relationship is ruined because of these, then most likely that relationship was doomed from the beginning. Not because of the different countries of the parties...but because of the different personalities of the people!

Also you mentioned that most of the people on VJ met on some sort of international dating side (like columbiacupid.com), I'd also like to see stats for that! I agree that lots of people on VJ met online, but I was not under the impression that most of these were through dating sites (even if you consider facebook a dating site!). I've read about lots of people meeting on forums -where they had common interests- or through common friends (online or off), ect. These are pretty general statements for someone to make and I don't think you can find the stats to back it up!

Edited March 25, 2009 by Marina-Del

[chispas 0]

We (USC's) are basically "screwed" once the spouse is in the USA with us. They can allege abuse and our system will support them. They can be abusive to us and the system will support them. They can leave us and we must support them for a great length of time. IF they apply for financial aid after leaving us for "alleged abuse"...we're responsible to pay it back the the US Government!!!! That said, I welcome any other comments...and, please direct me to some others who have had similar experiences...AND posted about them on this forum. I'd like to read their stories.

Respectfully,

Captain Craig

PS My sincere CONGRATULATIONS to all of the happily married people on this forum. God Bless You!!!

Hola Cpt.

I'm a woman who went through the K-1 process, was abused etc. during the green card process. My SO had been committed while here for psychological reasons, but that didn't stop him from trying to ruin my reputation or extort money and the green card from me. What you say about the legal system is correct. Once here in the US much damage can be done and the user does have rights that seem to override the rights of the sponsor. To me a user is a user and he/she will use our own laws against us and also have the benefit of having agencies to help for free. I don't want to go into lengthy details about my situation, but I feel I have brought shame, poverty and violence into my household. Unfortunately, I sponsored this man here and I feel that was a bad decision. However, there were many clues along the way that should have alerted me to his personality, but I was so in love with this man that I brushed them aside. I didn't have the courage nor strength to take a solid stand when I felt that I might be used for that green card. I felt compassion, love, understanding and truly tried to "help". It doesn't feel good to know you were duped and I would give my pinky finger to have him have to answer for his actions and make restitutions to me for what he took. But that doesn't look like it will happen soon so all I can do is write USCIS and pray that my letters fall into the right hands.

Ciao

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

David and I talked online for 4 months and saw each other once for a week before we decided to file for K1. We are happily married for 3 years and counting.

Stop generalizing and move on....

People aren't generalizing. They are just telling their stories as they see them. Be a little more compassionate, please. Especially if you have never been in this sort of situation. Until then, you don't understand what it's like.

[Marina-Del 10]

David and I talked online for 4 months and saw each other once for a week before we decided to file for K1. We are happily married for 3 years and counting.

Stop generalizing and move on....

People aren't generalizing. They are just telling their stories as they see them. Be a little more compassionate, please. Especially if you have never been in this sort of situation. Until then, you don't understand what it's like.

Maybe I'm the one reading your post wrong, but I don't think that Ivona was saying that many posters were generalizing so much as the OP. I think I speak for everyone when I say we feel bad for what happened to the OP, but that has nothing to do with what IMO Ivona was saying. If you go back and read a couple posts back when I ask the OP to clarify some of the stats that he said, I think this is the type of generalizing that Ivona was referring to.

Maybe I'm wrong though...

[Ranchris 0]

Captain Craig .....It took a lot of courage to do that in a public forum.....and I'm sincerely sorry your marriage/relationship did not work out. Per your request......I have linked my USC fiance to your post. I'm hoping in time your sorrow will turn to joy. Take care.

[FrancElsie 6]

Captain Craig .....It took a lot of courage to do that in a public forum.....and I'm sincerely sorry your marriage/relationship did not work out. Per your request......I have linked my USC fiance to your post. I'm hoping in time your sorrow will turn to joy. Take care.

Fellow VJ'ers,

Thank you for the comment about "courage"... and I did have to think for a year before posting this failure to the Visa Journey forum. My intent in posting was to see if I could HELP any other people to avoid the mistake/s that I made with my Colombian wife. Truly, I was deeply in love with her...but, I guess she wasn't in love with me....only using me. Someone told me today that there is a common joke in the foreign countries..."What is a U.S. Citizen?" Answer: "A transportation vehicle from <blank> (you add the country) to the United States!"

The readers must realize that a poster on VJ is sharing his opinion, story or advice to assist others who may be in a similar situation. I must have "opened a can of worms" because I received MANY, MANY, Private Messages from members expressing doubt in the sincerity of their significant other. As I said..."WE" tend to ignore these "signs" and dismiss them by saying..."I love him/her so much! It's just because we're apart. He/she'll change!" and the list goes on and on!!

Take a look at the timelines for many VJ'ers and you'll see that there is a very short timespan between meeting and engagement/marriage. (And, my grandparents met in the 1800's on the boat coming from Germany and were married 67 years and had 13 children...so what? We all can cite one or two examples of longstanding marriages between two people who were not well acquainted.) My point is/was that we VJ'ers are "chomping at the bit" to get our new girlfriend or wives to the USA as fast as possible AND (possibly) walking blindly into a situation which will ruin us emotionally, perhaps physically and financially. I said it once and I will repeat it again...ONCE THE PERSON IS IN THE UNITED STATES...the laws are in their favor. Especially in terms of the spousal abuse laws..."the abuse does NOT ACTUALLY" have to occur....they can ALLEGE that it occurred, cut themselves, bruise themselves and whatever to make a case look good in our court system...and a good ole' American lawyer will assist them all the way!!! And, who pays?

Gentlemen and ladies of VJ...these people in other countries are NOT STUPID!! They ARE INTELLIGENT and can read, write and they chat among themselves in their country. THE BIGGEST GOAL THAT SOME OF THEM HAVE IS TO GET TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!! We provide that transportation...with OUR money, OUR time and OUR hearts. I apologize if anything that I posted offended you or opened your eyes to anything that might be "strange" in your relationship. Many people who PM'd me were sincerely appreciative AND they had some honest concerns about their SO's from many countries.

About my 90% vs 10% statistics...I was citing an approximation (my opinion) of what I felt was the male to female ratio of spousal importation by men versus women from Colombia and South America. And, I do not think that I am very far off base with those numbers. Honestly, I never bothered to read much in the MENA-NoAFRICA forum. And, when I checked it out...you're right!! I found American women bringing these gentlemen to the USA!!!! (And, I got a lot of PM's from them too...many with serious doubts about their SO!) And, interestingly...the age differential between these folks is generally a younger man with an older American "cougar" woman. (Don't go into attack mode at me, please!! We men...are the opposite...preferring younger women. Other than @**holes...what are we called?)

Truthfully, I can see why this is a "BIG RED FLAG" for the USCIS and the people at the Embassies!! There are hundreds of postings about this very issue...and it is REAL!!! Now, do I honestly think that a beautiful, sexy, 30 year old latina is going to love me...25 years her senior? I was naieve and believed it ONE TIME...NEVER AGAIN. So, I've done my part in giving some "starry-eyed & in-love" VJ'ers a look at the real world. IF I SAVE JUST ONE OF YOU FROM MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE BY OPENING YOUR EYES TO THE SIGNS WHEN THEY APPEAR...my embarassment and courage to make this post was worth it!!

Peace and Love to All of you Fellow VJ'ers,

Captain Craig

[Nicoxcx 1]

Don't let that one horrible experience put you off Love Captain Craig, many people are experts at conning others but I know that my Husband (USC) would never doubt my actions & love for him, for a second.. its all fine and dandy to be sure before you enter the Visa process but don't jump to conclusions that your foreign fiance/e is only after your money and a greencard to the USA, we aren't all bottom feeders .

My husband and I waited 5 years to get married, and being apart was hell... it is perfectly understandable why people get married quickly, and start the process quickly take a chance on love.

It is sad that you got so many PM's, I hope there is no truth to those peoples doubts.

You are indeed a brave man, I am interested to know how life has changed for you?

[SuperDuper! 230]

Hola Cpt.

I'm a woman who went through the K-1 process, was abused etc. during the green card process. My SO had been committed while here for psychological reasons, but that didn't stop him from trying to ruin my reputation or extort money and the green card from me. all I can do is write USCIS and pray that my letters fall into the right hands.

Ciao

I dont think USCIS will do a damn thing if we report a beneficiary who conned us. Anybody else think differently?

[Nicoxcx 1]

I think you mean Petitioner right?.

Beneficiaries without Greencards who get divorced are usually booted out of the country.

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

To the OP:In all honesty --- get over yourself and move on with your life. The way you are posting says more about you than it says about your ex-wife. Grow up and stop generalizing.

So true.. I was thinking the exact same thing...

To Capt. Graig: you really should stop it.. you said you opened a can of worms but who knows, you might actually be stopping people from marriages which are actually sinsere and in good faith from both sides.

The way you post really looks like you are currently very bitter about what happened. You are not helping anyone in any way with your posts, in fact, you are telling people, in a certain way, to actually stop doing what they are doing. In my opinion you are actually doing more harm than being helpful here.

I am very sorry for you what happened, but look at yourself for a second... there's always more than one person to blame in situations where there are more than one person. You should have opened your eyes a bit more. When you caught her and her daughter lying, or when you heard from others that she was seen with some other dude, that should have ring the alarmbells already.. You have no-one to blame but yourself, only you have let it come that far.. she never forced you to do those things and to continue with it, you did it yourself so you can only blame yourself. Yeah, I agree that she should not have done what she has done but she did and there were signs enough and therefor it is that you can only blame yourself. It is always easier to blame another but, seriously, most of the times people should only blame themselves.

Stop trying to stop others from their actions and choices. What about age? My father was 30 years older than my mother and they lived together up until my dad died a few years ago, and they still loved each other very much.. It was for money? Nah, not really, my dad was not rich or anything.. .they actually LOVED each other.. can you imagine that? Two people loving each other without looking at each others ages? It actually exists and happens frequently.. So you found a rotten apple, it doesn't mean everyone has found a rotten apple all of the sudden. And so what for some people being poor.. I had nothing when I came to the US, I married my wife because I love her, not because she was richer than me.. if we actually break up some day, first thing I would do would be to return to my own country where I come from, not every foreign spouse wants to be here because of the country, there are LOADS of them who actually only are here because of their SO's.

It is really sad that this happened to you and I feel sorry for you and anyone else to whom something like this happens, but like the person said who I quoted: Get over it and go on with your life, you only make it sound like you are a bitter old man who is taking this thing way too far.