The Rest of the Story...a year later!!!

[TonyS 0]

Sorry Craig for your misfortune. My heart goes out to you. I remember reading some of your posts last year and I felt it was going to end badly. I also felt the same about Ken's previous story. I agree with some of the things you say. You must trust your gut and it is a risk. But there are good women in Colombia. It takes patience and common sense and even then it is not a given. A Colombian man can easily pick out a bad women but when you don't have a command of the language and culture it is a tougher job. One must cancel out the beauty and charm and really pay attention to all the little things. We are all complicated people. I know about six Colombia/Gringo couples and only one was bad women. I think you are a good person and if you chose to have a relationship with a Colombiana or any foreigner you would find someone. Some one who is a good person. I also understand if you don't want anything to do with them again. I wish you best of luck in your life whatever your decision is.

[FrancElsie 6]

that's untrue. there are plenty of posts about men and women whose relationships failed, they were used, etc. there are also plenty of people on here who are regulars whose spouses have been here for quite some time and are living successful marriages. both exist.

That's true, very good point. And I also think that just because a marriage fails doesn't always mean it was because of a "scam". A lot of marriages fail just because they fail and not because either spouse had plans to use the other. I think in a lot of cases the cultural differences are too much for the couple to handle. Yes there are scams, but there are also real marriage break downs too.

Gentlemen... and ladies,

Really? I haven't read very many postings of this type and I was a member for the 7 - 8 months it took to get the process completed in 2007 - 2008. I respectfully disagree with your statement that "a lot of marriages fail just because they fail." There ALWAYS has to be a reason or reasons. As I've said...the language of love is universal and you should know whether a person is in love with you no matter what the language or culture. I "explained away" many of my doubts (initially) to "cultural differences." IF you didn't expect cultural differences...why in the world would a man or woman search for a person living in another country???? I'm talking about "immediate or nearly immediate" failures of marriages/relationships in the real world of Visa Journey members. And, I know there are scammers and real marriage breakdowns. Also, I know some regulars who have been here a long time and they're quite happy. Kudos for them...they overcame whatever obstacles, "cultural differences" or whatever to have a good marriage.

Another point...most of us met our mate/wife on one of the dating sites so prevalent on the Internet. These sites are rife with women (& men) from POOR, 3rd World countries who are seeking a way out. (I can't fault them for wanting a better life...but, at OUR expense???) They can't get a tourist visa due to restrictions so...the alternative is??? You guessed it...an American/European/Canadian man for marriage. These sites...ColombianCupid.com, LatinAmericanCupid.com, FilipinoCupid.com and the list is endless...they prey on women from these countries by offering FREE memberships to them...while WE must pay a monthly fee because we are from the USA/Canada/Europe, etc. By searching for true love on these sites you are entering at your own risk. Did you think you would meet a self-supporting, educated, independent woman with a home, nice newer car and money in the bank and a US VISA? If so....good luck because I didn't meet any. They were ALWAYS poor, needy, some with a young child, unemployed, young and so forth ... but, they were pretty!! They use the few assets that they have...beauty/sex.

IF you are a man and reading this, you need to ask yourself WHY would a pretty, young, sexy girl/woman of 25 or 30 want to "date" a man who is 15 - 25 years older than her??? Go ahead....convince yourself..."their culture is different and they are more accepting of an older man!" Don't worry...this was my argument too. If you are a 45 year old American man...how many 20 year old American women are going to be willing to "date" you??? Let's be honest and realisitic...the answer is probably very, very few. I am not trying to offensive or cynical....just realistic. The U.S.C.I.S. knows that the chances of immigration fraud are much higher when there is a huge age difference between the men and women...and women and men. I compliment the men and women examiners at the US Embassies who have to screen these applicants and pass judgement. Instead of crying the blues about 'My baby won't be here for 127 more days," "My NOA-2 is delayed...again," "I just got another RFE"... that we support the efforts of these people and realize that they deal with this situation every day....not just once (or twice) like we USC's ...waiting for our honey's to make the trip to the USA.

We should be lauding the efforts of the system that protects many of us from possible harm...financially, in some cases... physically and of course, emotionally. Our legal system is what needs MUCH reform!!!!!! We (USC's) are basically "screwed" once the spouse is in the USA with us. They can allege abuse and our system will support them. They can be abusive to us and the system will support them. They can leave us and we must support them for a great length of time. IF they apply for financial aid after leaving us for "alleged abuse"...we're responsible to pay it back the the US Government!!!! That said, I welcome any other comments...and, please direct me to some others who have had similar experiences...AND posted about them on this forum. I'd like to read their stories.

Respectfully,

Captain Craig

PS My sincere CONGRATULATIONS to all of the happily married people on this forum. God Bless You!!!

[amberdima 6]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=186099

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=184217

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=184215

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=182589

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=183387

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=179804

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=183402

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=183552

i could keep doing this for days, but i won't waste more than the 3 minutes i already have. visit this forum and you will see all these and more. happy reading!

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...r=all&st=15

[FrancElsie 6]

Sorry Craig for your misfortune. My heart goes out to you. I remember reading some of your posts last year and I felt it was going to end badly. I also felt the same about Ken's previous story. I agree with some of the things you say. You must trust your gut and it is a risk. But there are good women in Colombia. It takes patience and common sense and even then it is not a given. A Colombian man can easily pick out a bad women but when you don't have a command of the language and culture it is a tougher job. One must cancel out the beauty and charm and really pay attention to all the little things. We are all complicated people. I know about six Colombia/Gringo couples and only one was bad women. I think you are a good person and if you chose to have a relationship with a Colombiana or any foreigner you would find someone. Some one who is a good person. I also understand if you don't want anything to do with them again. I wish you best of luck in your life whatever your decision is.

Thanks Tony...and I remember you too. I sincerely hope everything is EXCELLENT with you!! Yes, it did end very badly and I was crushed. But, the consequences were much more severe for Karina...she lost her family, her job, her nice apartment that I was paying for, the respect of her community and friends...everything!! Plus, she got pregnant with her boyfriend who (I'm told) is a very lazy man, a drunk and a womanizer. Plus, she lost the opportunity for she and her daughter to live in the USA with a nice man...me??? Jajajaaja

About your comments:

1) There are good women in Colombia...I wholeheartedly agree!

2) Patience and common sense...I was impatient and did not use my common sense. My fault there because the signs were there but I explained them away to "cultural differences."

3) A Colombian man can easily pick out a bad woman...How can they do that? They have a horrible reputation with the Colombianas that I'm acquainted with...the most unfaithful men on the earth!

4) When you don't have a command of the language and culture it is a tougher job. I can speak, understand and write in spanish nearly fluently. I (now) maintain that in matters of love, the language/culture is universal!!! It's pretty simple...she loves you or she doesn't love you. You should be able to tell the difference in any culture.

5) Cancel out the beauty and charm and look at the little things...I wholeheartedly agree. And, "eventually" I came to my senses and actually LISTENED TO MY BRAIN...fortunately, in time to avert a complete disaster in my life.

6) Complicated people...no argument there, my friend!! Jajajajaa

7) Happy Colombiana/Gringo couples...I know many too. I was not trying to paint all Colombianas as bad women.

Honestly, I am a very nice person...even if I must say so myself. Jajaja <wink> This fiasco affected me in ways that I cannot describe. So much so that I had to take six-months off and disappear from the United States to collect my sensibilities. I went to Costa Rica and found a job teaching English...poor pay but just about the only thing a gringo can do for work in Costa Rica. I had a great time there...learned a lot more Spanish and got acquainted with many honest, hard-working, sincere women... and men. In my final months there, I did meet a nice woman and have remained in contact with her. We dated exclusively for those months and when I left, I told her that she was free to date anyone else she desired...but, she was not interested in anyone else. It's been 3 months since I returned and we talk twice a week and she is always thrilled to take my call, hear my voice and talk for 30 minutes or so. And, she's called me several times too...something my ex-wife rarely did...3 times in over a year, I recall. This woman is also poor but she's never asked me for a nickel...much less a dime!!

She wants me to return to Costa Rica and spend time with her and meet her family. But, at the moment, my father is dying of cancer and I just cannot leave my dad at this time in his life. So, Elsie must wait until the inevitable occurs and then I may take a trip for a week or two and visit her. But, this Karina fiasco took its toll on me in other ways too. I could not concentrate on my business and it went belly up. That...plus the economic situation in the US and the mortgage crisis caused me to lose my beautiful condominium in Ft. Lauderdale, Corvette, PT Cruiser, Honda motorcycle and everything I owned. But, I am in recuperation mode now and everything is doing fine. That's more of the rest of the story!!

Regards,

Captain Craig

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum.

[TonyS 0]

Sorry Craig for your misfortune. My heart goes out to you. I remember reading some of your posts last year and I felt it was going to end badly. I also felt the same about Ken's previous story. I agree with some of the things you say. You must trust your gut and it is a risk. But there are good women in Colombia. It takes patience and common sense and even then it is not a given. A Colombian man can easily pick out a bad women but when you don't have a command of the language and culture it is a tougher job. One must cancel out the beauty and charm and really pay attention to all the little things. We are all complicated people. I know about six Colombia/Gringo couples and only one was bad women. I think you are a good person and if you chose to have a relationship with a Colombiana or any foreigner you would find someone. Some one who is a good person. I also understand if you don't want anything to do with them again. I wish you best of luck in your life whatever your decision is.

Thanks Tony...and I remember you too. I sincerely hope everything is EXCELLENT with you!! Yes, it did end very badly and I was crushed. But, the consequences were much more severe for Karina...she lost her family, her job, her nice apartment that I was paying for, the respect of her community and friends...everything!! Plus, she got pregnant with her boyfriend who (I'm told) is a very lazy man, a drunk and a womanizer. Plus, she lost the opportunity for she and her daughter to live in the USA with a nice man...me??? Jajajaaja

About your comments:

1) There are good women in Colombia...I wholeheartedly agree!

2) Patience and common sense...I was impatient and did not use my common sense. My fault there because the signs were there but I explained them away to "cultural differences."

3) A Colombian man can easily pick out a bad woman...How can they do that? They have a horrible reputation with the Colombianas that I'm acquainted with...the most unfaithful men on the earth!

4) When you don't have a command of the language and culture it is a tougher job. I can speak, understand and write in spanish nearly fluently. I (now) maintain that in matters of love, the language/culture is universal!!! It's pretty simple...she loves you or she doesn't love you. You should be able to tell the difference in any culture.

5) Cancel out the beauty and charm and look at the little things...I wholeheartedly agree. And, "eventually" I came to my senses and actually LISTENED TO MY BRAIN...fortunately, in time to avert a complete disaster in my life.

6) Complicated people...no argument there, my friend!! Jajajajaa

7) Happy Colombiana/Gringo couples...I know many too. I was not trying to paint all Colombianas as bad women.

Honestly, I am a very nice person...even if I must say so myself. Jajaja <wink> This fiasco affected me in ways that I cannot describe. So much so that I had to take six-months off and disappear from the United States to collect my sensibilities. I went to Costa Rica and found a job teaching English...poor pay but just about the only thing a gringo can do for work in Costa Rica. I had a great time there...learned a lot more Spanish and got acquainted with many honest, hard-working, sincere women... and men. In my final months there, I did meet a nice woman and have remained in contact with her. We dated exclusively for those months and when I left, I told her that she was free to date anyone else she desired...but, she was not interested in anyone else. It's been 3 months since I returned and we talk twice a week and she is always thrilled to take my call, hear my voice and talk for 30 minutes or so. And, she's called me several times too...something my ex-wife rarely did...3 times in over a year, I recall. This woman is also poor but she's never asked me for a nickel...much less a dime!!

She wants me to return to Costa Rica and spend time with her and meet her family. But, at the moment, my father is dying of cancer and I just cannot leave my dad at this time in his life. So, Elsie must wait until the inevitable occurs and then I may take a trip for a week or two and visit her. But, this Karina fiasco took its toll on me in other ways too. I could not concentrate on my business and it went belly up. That...plus the economic situation in the US and the mortgage crisis caused me to lose my beautiful condominium in Ft. Lauderdale, Corvette, PT Cruiser, Honda motorcycle and everything I owned. But, I am in recuperation mode now and everything is doing fine. That's more of the rest of the story!!

Regards,

Captain Craig

Hey Capt. I agree with you man. I would like to believe that it was all my experience dating foreigners that gave me a advantage in picking a good woman. I guess the true is more like gut instinct and pure luck. The first time I went to Colombia I didn't know any spanish, not even hola. The women there were so beautiful and charming, I felt like a rock star. I had to slap myself and focus jajajaja! I know how you feel. I dated a European and it went wrong. I was bad shape, dropped 20 lbs in 1 month and couldn't get out of bed. I finally went to my doctor. He put me on anti-depression. I started hitting the gym hard and sharing my feelings with my best friend. I wanted to take a 6 month leave of absence from my job but I couldn't swing. Finally settled for 3 weeks and took off to travel Asian. Ya know sometimes we must travel to find ourselves. It was the best trip I have ever done. Bummer about your business but one thing I noticed about successful businessman, they are like Magyver. Give them a piece of string and a hairpin and they will build from the ground up. You know how to be successful, so you will do it again.

[nycgirl 13]

Close call. Could she not have come over here on a tourist visa for three months first? Instead of just doing a k1 for that reason you should be sure before you even get to that stage. Find another way to spend time together.

Lauren and I spent only a few days together in our initial meetings as we were both backpacking around the the world. However we went back and forth several times over the next year before I decided to come out here for a 3 month stint on visa waiver. That time living together, while still short by many standards, convinced me she was the one. Without that I would not have proposed and would not be here now. (Her parents were not best pleased at the time but have now welcomed me as a member of their family!)

It is very unlikely that she would have got a tourist visa to come over for 3 months. You are in a very fortunate position of coming from a Visa Wavier country so all you have to do is get on a plane fill out a I-94w during the flight and as long as you dont raise red flags at the POE you will be admitted to the US for 90 days.

For those who do not come from a Visa Wavier country it can be almost imposible for them to come and vist before they have their visa.

Every country CAN get a visa to visit the US. If there are red flags maybe that would be it's own warning, no?

What freaking planet are U on Fozzie? And yes, I read your follow up that said Visas can be obtained except in VERY FEW CASES. Seriously, do your research before making a statement like that!!!!!!!

[Nelly228 0]

Hello Fellow "VJ'ers"

Over a year ago, I was excitedly waiting for my beautiful wife (Karina) to get her K-3 VISA approved at the Bogota Embassy and move to the USA to live happily ever after. BUT, during the time period from our wedding date of 5/18/07 and the approximate interview date of 8 - 9 months later....many things just did not seem "kosher" from a love and marriage point of view. So, I will attempt to tell you a little about the situation...then, tell you what I would have done differently. IF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME saves one of you fellow VJer's from a huge mistake...then, this post will be worthwhile reading for you.

(I don't remember what "name" I was using on this forum but I think it was "Craig&Karina" or something...Monokoke28 will remember me. I posted several times and related stories of situations which made me suspicious of my wife and her true intentions.)

I fell in love too quickly. Meeting a prospective spouse on January 1st and getting married on May 18th ... just 4.5 months later was really stupid on my part. But, I swear to this day... I was crazy in love with Karina! Anyway, 4.5 months and three visits to Colombia is NOT sufficient time to know someone as a person...certainly not enough time to make a lifetime commitment. But, love is blind, deaf and stupid ... sometimes.

Pay attention to everything your fiance'/spouse "says" BUT... particularly pay attention to the way he/she ACTS! It is said that "Actions speak louder than words!" Believe it... their actions will tell you what is true and what is not!! ACTIONS...not words make the difference in a marriage/relationship. IF something does not "feel quite right," trust your instincts! Do not allow your heart to overrule your brain...as I did!!! Do NOT sweep this "gut feeling" under the rug and eliminate your suspicions because you think there is a "cultural difference" or "misunderstanding." Permit me to tell you something.... THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE IS THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE OF THE WORLD!

IF your brain is telling you to go cautiously and investigate everything....PLEASE LISTEN!!!!!

During my short marriage (we're now divorced) I discovered my wife lying to me a number of times. Also, I found that she was spending my money which I was sending (to support her and her daughter) on fun, frivolity, clothes and going out on the town. I was very generous with her...because I wanted her to be happy. But, my money was to be spent on necessities...not frivolity. I found it very unusual that when I called her on Saturday or Sunday mornings at 11am, 12 noon or 1pm...she'd still be sleeping! I had to ask myself..."Why would a healthy, active, 31 year old woman be sleeping until those hours every weekend?" Answer: Because she was going out on Friday and Saturday nights and partying until the wee hours of the morning!!

Fortunately, I made friends with some people at our wedding and kept in contact with them by way of the Internet. Once in awhile, I'd get a comment from them saying..."Oh, I saw your wife at a nightclub last night and she was drinking, smoking and dancing ... and, when I left the club at 2:30am...your wife was still there." Of course, I spoke with my wife about it and she didn't deny being there...but, she did deny being out past midnight. (She knew that the friend of mine had seen her...and, she claimed that the man/woman was just trying to "make trouble" between us.) Or...another time...a friend told me, " Craig, I saw your wife on the motorcycle that you bought for her...and a guy was driving it."

Another time when I was there on a visit, my wife got drunk and we had a "discussion" which prompted me to shorten my visit by a week. Something told me to change my password on my savings account that we used as the means for her to receive her monthly budget money...(presupuesto). It was a good thing that I did because upon my arrival at the Bogota Airport, my cell phone text messaged me that an attempt had been made to remove $1000 from the account...and a minute later, $900. So, that little voice inside that tell you things....LISTEN TO IT!!! Of course, I called and informed her that I suspected she might make a run for the money and that I'd changed the passcode! She was contrite and apologized saying, "It was an action of rage and I'm sorry!" Sure, it was an action of rage...but, what IF she'd gotten the money????? Then what would have been said or done????

There are several more instances of lying and mistrust that I posted about that I will not relate in this posting. But, the final straw was when I found out that she had a boyfriend...a boyfriend that she had for a number of years. How did I find this out? Wellllll....I am not really proud of this but I had to resort to some subversive tactics. I gave her my old laptop computer so we could talk more often and see each other every night on MSN Messenger. On that computer was a spy program which allowed me to see, read and retain EVERY piece of correspondence, conversation, e-mails, etc. which came from that computer!!!! Well, it didn't take long for me to read several intimate e-mails between Karina and her boyfriend!! Honestly, that didn't feel very good and I didn't like it one bit!! The last one, I will always remember because it said, "Remember that I love you very much and I know that in the end we will be together and very happy. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!" That was just about a week before I was to take Karina to Cartagena for our "second honeymoon." That "honeymoon" was anything but a happy reunion!!!

Karina's interview was scheduled for February 12th or 15th, 2008...I don't remember the exact date but... upon passing through Bogota on my way back to the USA, I made a personal visit to the U.S. Embassy and delivered a "Withdrawal of Petition for K-3 VISA" for Karina and her daughter. Then, I FAXed it another time...just to be completely sure that my wishes were honored. So, just 12-15 days before her scheduled interview, her plans and dreams went up in smoke!! Once my withdrawal letter and FAX were read by the Embassy, her file was pulled out of the rotation and sent back to the USA forever. Sooooo....I "dodged this bullet" by about only two weeks!!!!!

For the next few months, she attempted to win my favor with promises, e-mails, pleading and tears... professing her "love for me." I almost relented and changed my mind as I went to talk with her another time during Easter Week, 2008. But, she treated me badly in front of her family and I knew it was over. The last day I saw Karina, my beautiful Colombian wife was Easter Sunday night of 2008. Her family was appalled at her actions and they disowned her and banished her from the family!!! Initially, I thought this was a "little strong reaction" but later my sister told me that "the family must know more about her than you do....and, they were probably sick of her using other people for her own benefit.

It must be "true love" between Karina and her boyfriend (Carlos) because I found that she was pregnant in May, 2008 (1 year after our marriage) and she just had a baby boy at the end of February, 2009. Our divorce was final in August, 2008 and she was already 3 months pregnant at that time. Thank God that I had enough sense and trusted my instincts enough to put a stop to the charade BEFORE she made it to the United States!!! For those of you who don't know it...YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your wife and family that you bring to the US on a K-3 VISA...for a LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG time. BEWARE OF A WOMAN/MAN WHO ISN'T GIVING YOU THE RIGHT "SIGNALS" AND "FEELINGS" IN YOUR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP.

Again, I urge you to build your relationship on love, respect and trust. BUT, be realistic and sensible. Do you really think a beautiful 30 year old woman is going to fall in love with a man 25 years older than her? Do you think this woman who has lived in poverty all her life will love you if the chips are down? They have a perception in many foreign countries that U.S. Citizens are ALL MILLIONAIRES and their lives will be immensely improved by marrying one of us. Wake up and smell the coffee my fellow VJ'ers. One final comment...IF they get pregnant and claim it is your child...do a DNA test for proof!!! Many of these women are not beyond getting pregnant to "reel you in" because you are a big delicious catch for them!

What would I do differently: 1) Take more time and not rush to marriage. 2) NEVER marry the woman in "her country" and bring her here on the K-3 Visa!! A MUCH BETTER course of action is the K-1 Fiance' VISA. Give yourself 3 months to get to know the person and live together. In that three months....OBSERVE and test them and find out who they really are and their character.

Please don't think that I am painting all foreign women with the same brush. I am simply telling you of my own personal experience. I'm not bitter about what happened...ok, maybe a little bit...but if I can save one of you from making the same mistake, this letter is worth it!!!!

Sincerely,

Captain Craig

United States of America

What would I do differently: 1) Take more time and not rush to marriage. 2) NEVER marry the woman in "her country" and bring her here on the K-3 Visa!! A MUCH BETTER course of action is the K-1 Fiance' VISA. Give yourself 3 months to get to know the person and live together. In that three months....OBSERVE and test them and find out who they really are and their character.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

What would I do differently: 1) Take more time and not rush to marriage. 2) NEVER marry the woman in "her country" and bring her here on the K-3 Visa!! A MUCH BETTER course of action is the K-1 Fiance' VISA. Give yourself 3 months to get to know the person and live together. In that three months....OBSERVE and test them and find out who they really are and their character.

Im sorry, but I have to comment.

k-1 visa's really arent supposed to be treated as a trial visa. That's why there is the whole "intent to marry" step. It's not a "get to know you" visa.

Edited March 23, 2009 by Y's_habibitk

[filamer 0]

Thanks Tony...and I remember you too. I sincerely hope everything is EXCELLENT with you!! Yes, it did end very badly and I was crushed. But, the consequences were much more severe for Karina...[she lost her family, her job, her nice apartment that I was paying for, the respect of her community and friends...everything!! Plus, she got pregnant with her boyfriend who (I'm told) is a very lazy man, a drunk and a womanizer. Plus, she lost the opportunity for she and her daughter to live in the USA with a nice man...me??? Jajajaaja About your comments:

1) There are good women in Colombia...I wholeheartedly agree!

2) Patience and common sense...I was impatient and did not use my common sense. My fault there because the signs were there but I explained them away to "cultural differences."

3) A Colombian man can easily pick out a bad woman...How can they do that? They have a horrible reputation with the Colombianas that I'm acquainted with...the most unfaithful men on the earth!

4) When you don't have a command of the language and culture it is a tougher job. I can speak, understand and write in spanish nearly fluently. I (now) maintain that in matters of love, the language/culture is universal!!! It's pretty simple...she loves you or she doesn't love you. You should be able to tell the difference in any culture.

5) Cancel out the beauty and charm and look at the little things...I wholeheartedly agree. And, "eventually" I came to my senses and actually LISTENED TO MY BRAIN...fortunately, in time to avert a complete disaster in my life.

6) Complicated people...no argument there, my friend!! Jajajajaa

7) Happy Colombiana/Gringo couples...I know many too. I was not trying to paint all Colombianas as bad women.

Honestly, I am a very nice person...even if I must say so myself. Jajaja <wink> This fiasco affected me in ways that I cannot describe. So much so that I had to take six-months off and disappear from the United States to collect my sensibilities. I went to Costa Rica and found a job teaching English...poor pay but just about the only thing a gringo can do for work in Costa Rica. I had a great time there...learned a lot more Spanish and got acquainted with many honest, hard-working, sincere women... and men. In my final months there, I did meet a nice woman and have remained in contact with her. We dated exclusively for those months and when I left, I told her that she was free to date anyone else she desired...but, she was not interested in anyone else. It's been 3 months since I returned and we talk twice a week and she is always thrilled to take my call, hear my voice and talk for 30 minutes or so. And, she's called me several times too...something my ex-wife rarely did...3 times in over a year, I recall. This woman is also poor but she's never asked me for a nickel...much less a dime!!

She wants me to return to Costa Rica and spend time with her and meet her family. But, at the moment, my father is dying of cancer and I just cannot leave my dad at this time in his life. So, Elsie must wait until the inevitable occurs and then I may take a trip for a week or two and visit her. But, this Karina fiasco took its toll on me in other ways too. I could not concentrate on my business and it went belly up. That...plus the economic situation in the US and the mortgage crisis caused me to lose my beautiful condominium in Ft. Lauderdale, Corvette, PT Cruiser, Honda motorcycle and everything I owned. But, I am in recuperation mode now and everything is doing fine. That's more of the rest of the story!!

Regards,

Captain Craig

I'm sorry this had happened to u.but have u ever thought that although you gave her everything to make life easier for her if she was happy with that?did u ever give her all your support and understanding?Life is not just giving all what she wanted,it's like two persons as one.Marriage is a two way traffic.We already heard your side of story,all the bad things that she did to you but did it occur to u what's the reason behind why she chose that person over you?I can only sympathize with you and from reading all your posts,i can say that you've been badly hurt.I pray that you'll heal from the wounds that she inflicted on you.You must relax and take your time in finding a new love.Timing is everything.

Good luck

[Imua 0]

What would I do differently: 1) Take more time and not rush to marriage. 2) NEVER marry the woman in "her country" and bring her here on the K-3 Visa!! A MUCH BETTER course of action is the K-1 Fiance' VISA. Give yourself 3 months to get to know the person and live together. In that three months....OBSERVE and test them and find out who they really are and their character.

Im sorry, but I have to comment.

k-1 visa's really arent supposed to be treated as a trial visa. That's why there is the whole "intent to marry" step. It's not a "get to know you" visa.

Tell that to the 'third K-1' guy.....

[*JG* 2]

I'm so sorry, Captain Craig. You deserve so much better then that.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

To the OP:In all honesty --- get over yourself and move on with your life. The way you are posting says more about you than it says about your ex-wife. Grow up and stop generalizing.

[KIMCORENE 0]

I'm so sorry, Captain Craig. You deserve so much better then that.

I agree. Nobody deserves to be used and mistreated. A lot of people seem to be judgmental, but remember, it could happen to anyone. People want to do all they can to make their partner happy when they are in love, and unfortunately, there are people out there who will take advantage of that. At least Captain Craig was honest enough to take responsibility and point out certain things- like the age disparity and the fact that many people go overseas to get with partners, who, if they had been in the U.S., would not have given them the time of day and many women do so, too, only to end up being hurt, as evidenced by many of the scenarios we see here on VJ. The possibility of migrating to the U.S. would increase even Quasimodo's attractiveness factor for some people.

[Ladylethal 12]

My only comment on the OP's post is that the K1 visa is NOT to be used to know your fiance. So your suggestion of using the K1 instead of a K3 is just as bad. I agree on taking time to know the person before any immigration process at all, I agree to that even if it's your neighbor you're dating, so it certainly is true to LDRs.