The Rest of the Story...a year later!!!

[FrancElsie 6]

Hello Fellow "VJ'ers"

Over a year ago, I was excitedly waiting for my beautiful wife (Karina) to get her K-3 VISA approved at the Bogota Embassy and move to the USA to live happily ever after. BUT, during the time period from our wedding date of 5/18/07 and the approximate interview date of 8 - 9 months later....many things just did not seem "kosher" from a love and marriage point of view. So, I will attempt to tell you a little about the situation...then, tell you what I would have done differently. IF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME saves one of you fellow VJer's from a huge mistake...then, this post will be worthwhile reading for you.

(I don't remember what "name" I was using on this forum but I think it was "Craig&Karina" or something...Monokoke28 will remember me. I posted several times and related stories of situations which made me suspicious of my wife and her true intentions.)

I fell in love too quickly. Meeting a prospective spouse on January 1st and getting married on May 18th ... just 4.5 months later was really stupid on my part. But, I swear to this day... I was crazy in love with Karina! Anyway, 4.5 months and three visits to Colombia is NOT sufficient time to know someone as a person...certainly not enough time to make a lifetime commitment. But, love is blind, deaf and stupid ... sometimes.

Pay attention to everything your fiance'/spouse "says" BUT... particularly pay attention to the way he/she ACTS! It is said that "Actions speak louder than words!" Believe it... their actions will tell you what is true and what is not!! ACTIONS...not words make the difference in a marriage/relationship. IF something does not "feel quite right," trust your instincts! Do not allow your heart to overrule your brain...as I did!!! Do NOT sweep this "gut feeling" under the rug and eliminate your suspicions because you think there is a "cultural difference" or "misunderstanding." Permit me to tell you something.... THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE IS THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE OF THE WORLD!

IF your brain is telling you to go cautiously and investigate everything....PLEASE LISTEN!!!!!

During my short marriage (we're now divorced) I discovered my wife lying to me a number of times. Also, I found that she was spending my money which I was sending (to support her and her daughter) on fun, frivolity, clothes and going out on the town. I was very generous with her...because I wanted her to be happy. But, my money was to be spent on necessities...not frivolity. I found it very unusual that when I called her on Saturday or Sunday mornings at 11am, 12 noon or 1pm...she'd still be sleeping! I had to ask myself..."Why would a healthy, active, 31 year old woman be sleeping until those hours every weekend?" Answer: Because she was going out on Friday and Saturday nights and partying until the wee hours of the morning!!

Fortunately, I made friends with some people at our wedding and kept in contact with them by way of the Internet. Once in awhile, I'd get a comment from them saying..."Oh, I saw your wife at a nightclub last night and she was drinking, smoking and dancing ... and, when I left the club at 2:30am...your wife was still there." Of course, I spoke with my wife about it and she didn't deny being there...but, she did deny being out past midnight. (She knew that the friend of mine had seen her...and, she claimed that the man/woman was just trying to "make trouble" between us.) Or...another time...a friend told me, " Craig, I saw your wife on the motorcycle that you bought for her...and a guy was driving it."

Another time when I was there on a visit, my wife got drunk and we had a "discussion" which prompted me to shorten my visit by a week. Something told me to change my password on my savings account that we used as the means for her to receive her monthly budget money...(presupuesto). It was a good thing that I did because upon my arrival at the Bogota Airport, my cell phone text messaged me that an attempt had been made to remove $1000 from the account...and a minute later, $900. So, that little voice inside that tell you things....LISTEN TO IT!!! Of course, I called and informed her that I suspected she might make a run for the money and that I'd changed the passcode! She was contrite and apologized saying, "It was an action of rage and I'm sorry!" Sure, it was an action of rage...but, what IF she'd gotten the money????? Then what would have been said or done????

There are several more instances of lying and mistrust that I posted about that I will not relate in this posting. But, the final straw was when I found out that she had a boyfriend...a boyfriend that she had for a number of years. How did I find this out? Wellllll....I am not really proud of this but I had to resort to some subversive tactics. I gave her my old laptop computer so we could talk more often and see each other every night on MSN Messenger. On that computer was a spy program which allowed me to see, read and retain EVERY piece of correspondence, conversation, e-mails, etc. which came from that computer!!!! Well, it didn't take long for me to read several intimate e-mails between Karina and her boyfriend!! Honestly, that didn't feel very good and I didn't like it one bit!! The last one, I will always remember because it said, "Remember that I love you very much and I know that in the end we will be together and very happy. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!" That was just about a week before I was to take Karina to Cartagena for our "second honeymoon." That "honeymoon" was anything but a happy reunion!!!

Karina's interview was scheduled for February 12th or 15th, 2008...I don't remember the exact date but... upon passing through Bogota on my way back to the USA, I made a personal visit to the U.S. Embassy and delivered a "Withdrawal of Petition for K-3 VISA" for Karina and her daughter. Then, I FAXed it another time...just to be completely sure that my wishes were honored. So, just 12-15 days before her scheduled interview, her plans and dreams went up in smoke!! Once my withdrawal letter and FAX were read by the Embassy, her file was pulled out of the rotation and sent back to the USA forever. Sooooo....I "dodged this bullet" by about only two weeks!!!!!

For the next few months, she attempted to win my favor with promises, e-mails, pleading and tears... professing her "love for me." I almost relented and changed my mind as I went to talk with her another time during Easter Week, 2008. But, she treated me badly in front of her family and I knew it was over. The last day I saw Karina, my beautiful Colombian wife was Easter Sunday night of 2008. Her family was appalled at her actions and they disowned her and banished her from the family!!! Initially, I thought this was a "little strong reaction" but later my sister told me that "the family must know more about her than you do....and, they were probably sick of her using other people for her own benefit.

It must be "true love" between Karina and her boyfriend (Carlos) because I found that she was pregnant in May, 2008 (1 year after our marriage) and she just had a baby boy at the end of February, 2009. Our divorce was final in August, 2008 and she was already 3 months pregnant at that time. Thank God that I had enough sense and trusted my instincts enough to put a stop to the charade BEFORE she made it to the United States!!! For those of you who don't know it...YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your wife and family that you bring to the US on a K-3 VISA...for a LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG time. BEWARE OF A WOMAN/MAN WHO ISN'T GIVING YOU THE RIGHT "SIGNALS" AND "FEELINGS" IN YOUR MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP.

Again, I urge you to build your relationship on love, respect and trust. BUT, be realistic and sensible. Do you really think a beautiful 30 year old woman is going to fall in love with a man 25 years older than her? Do you think this woman who has lived in poverty all her life will love you if the chips are down? They have a perception in many foreign countries that U.S. Citizens are ALL MILLIONAIRES and their lives will be immensely improved by marrying one of us. Wake up and smell the coffee my fellow VJ'ers. One final comment...IF they get pregnant and claim it is your child...do a DNA test for proof!!! Many of these women are not beyond getting pregnant to "reel you in" because you are a big delicious catch for them!

What would I do differently: 1) Take more time and not rush to marriage. 2) NEVER marry the woman in "her country" and bring her here on the K-3 Visa!! A MUCH BETTER course of action is the K-1 Fiance' VISA. Give yourself 3 months to get to know the person and live together. In that three months....OBSERVE and test them and find out who they really are and their character.

Please don't think that I am painting all foreign women with the same brush. I am simply telling you of my own personal experience. I'm not bitter about what happened...ok, maybe a little bit...but if I can save one of you from making the same mistake, this letter is worth it!!!!

Sincerely,

Captain Craig

United States of America

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Craig,

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. Someone told me as a rule of thumb, you should never make serious promises or plans until after at least a year of knowing someone. I had the same BS fall upon me with my last marriage.

I was 23 when I married my Turkish ex. Immediately after our wedding ceremony, he took off the mask and turned abusive. It took me another year to see through all his #######. Literally one week before he was scheduled to go to the embassy for the interview to get his visa, we had an argument over the phone in which he accidentally blurted out that he had married me to get the green card anyways. The embassy and USCIS was awesome in that they acted quickly to withdraw my petition and shut the case. I divorced him legally a year later because I could not find the right jurisdiction to do it in. (I finally got it done in Virginia, when I was a legal resident of the state then.)

When I met my current husband, saddled with all these issues from the past, I put him through 2 years of grilling, repetitive asking of things, questioning his intentions, etc. But in the end, I finally relented and let my heart open up to receive his love and to love him. I can say with total confidence that he is the one. He initially did not want to come here and wanted me to move overseas just because of my past experiences, he said he didn't want me to think that he was using me too....well, now that we're in this scenario, I kind of wish I just went and did it anyways when I was working because he could be here by now. Oh well...

I hope this doesn't dissuade you from finding love again, whether in the US or overseas. Although if you can, just to make life easier, try here...

My situation is weird...I come from a small minority in Russia and my parents have always asked that I marry within my group because there are so few of us left...I am proud of my background, so I followed their wishes...there aren't too many of us here in the States, hence why I had to look overseas anyways. When I met my baby, I was backpacking in Turkey...and definitely was not thinking of any kind of romantic relationship with him, much less anyone. But it happened...that is fate. Sometimes these things just hit you. And one day I am sure love will come in your life again...just don't look for it because it doesn't come when you want it, it comes when you are ready to receive it and deal with it.

Be strong....be courageous....we only have this one life, live it to the fullest, as much as you can.

Regards,

Kat

[amberdima 6]

forget time and every other precautionary measure you speak of...it seems obvious to me that you should have ended things before they began. i'm sorry for your misfortune, but good lord---if you needed to give her a spy laptop, that should have been a clue. you let too much slide before the end. regardless, i'm glad you ended it before bringing this person into the country. use this as a lesson to prevent you from letting someone go this far again. good luck!

[FrancElsie 6]

forget time and every other precautionary measure you speak of...it seems obvious to me that you should have ended things before they began. i'm sorry for your misfortune, but good lord---if you needed to give her a spy laptop, that should have been a clue. you let too much slide before the end. regardless, i'm glad you ended it before bringing this person into the country. use this as a lesson to prevent you from letting someone go this far again. good luck!

Trust me...I gave her every opportunity and the benefit of every doubt. I did not want to believe the worst and it only came to that after a series of deceit, lies and misunderstandings. The time went very rapidly and there is a whole lot more that I could have posted...but, in the end...things are the way they should be. Thanks for your good luck wishes...I will NEVER let things happen this way again. Craig PS The laptop was given to her at the end because I could not believe this was happening and I wanted HARD, COLD PROOF...not conjecture, supposition or anything else.

[MrsCat 6]

I think she found Ken, after being done with you.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...here+did+she+go

Seriously though, you're lucky to have finally stopped the BS when you did.

[FrancElsie 6]

I think she found Ken, after being done with you.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...here+did+she+go

Seriously though, you're lucky to have finally stopped the BS when you did.

Actually, she never "lost" Ken....I found that this was her "novio de siempre"...that they had been seeing each other for about 5 years, on and off again. Also, I found that he is a lazy man, a drunk and a womanizer too. So....she has her work cut out for her!! Hahaha Truly, I was shocked to find that she turned out to be such a liar and cheat. Her family is excellent and I maintain a great relationship with them...my ex-mother-in-law, father-in-law and brother/sisters-in-law along with uncles, aunts and other members of her family. In the end, things turned out for the best.

I hope the best for others going through this VJ process. But, I think many (of us) are somewhat blinded by love and act stupidly. So, IF my post saves another person from making the same mistake...it was worth posting my embarassing experience.

Regards, Craig

[fozzie 41]

Close call. Could she not have come over here on a tourist visa for three months first? Instead of just doing a k1 for that reason you should be sure before you even get to that stage. Find another way to spend time together.

Lauren and I spent only a few days together in our initial meetings as we were both backpacking around the the world. However we went back and forth several times over the next year before I decided to come out here for a 3 month stint on visa waiver. That time living together, while still short by many standards, convinced me she was the one. Without that I would not have proposed and would not be here now. (Her parents were not best pleased at the time but have now welcomed me as a member of their family!)

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Close call. Could she not have come over here on a tourist visa for three months first? Instead of just doing a k1 for that reason you should be sure before you even get to that stage. Find another way to spend time together.

Lauren and I spent only a few days together in our initial meetings as we were both backpacking around the the world. However we went back and forth several times over the next year before I decided to come out here for a 3 month stint on visa waiver. That time living together, while still short by many standards, convinced me she was the one. Without that I would not have proposed and would not be here now. (Her parents were not best pleased at the time but have now welcomed me as a member of their family!)

It is very unlikely that she would have got a tourist visa to come over for 3 months. You are in a very fortunate position of coming from a Visa Wavier country so all you have to do is get on a plane fill out a I-94w during the flight and as long as you dont raise red flags at the POE you will be admitted to the US for 90 days.

For those who do not come from a Visa Wavier country it can be almost imposible for them to come and vist before they have their visa.

[fozzie 41]

Close call. Could she not have come over here on a tourist visa for three months first? Instead of just doing a k1 for that reason you should be sure before you even get to that stage. Find another way to spend time together.

Lauren and I spent only a few days together in our initial meetings as we were both backpacking around the the world. However we went back and forth several times over the next year before I decided to come out here for a 3 month stint on visa waiver. That time living together, while still short by many standards, convinced me she was the one. Without that I would not have proposed and would not be here now. (Her parents were not best pleased at the time but have now welcomed me as a member of their family!)

It is very unlikely that she would have got a tourist visa to come over for 3 months. You are in a very fortunate position of coming from a Visa Wavier country so all you have to do is get on a plane fill out a I-94w during the flight and as long as you dont raise red flags at the POE you will be admitted to the US for 90 days.

For those who do not come from a Visa Wavier country it can be almost imposible for them to come and vist before they have their visa.

Every country CAN get a visa to visit the US. If there are red flags maybe that would be it's own warning, no?

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Close call. Could she not have come over here on a tourist visa for three months first? Instead of just doing a k1 for that reason you should be sure before you even get to that stage. Find another way to spend time together.

Lauren and I spent only a few days together in our initial meetings as we were both backpacking around the the world. However we went back and forth several times over the next year before I decided to come out here for a 3 month stint on visa waiver. That time living together, while still short by many standards, convinced me she was the one. Without that I would not have proposed and would not be here now. (Her parents were not best pleased at the time but have now welcomed me as a member of their family!)

It is very unlikely that she would have got a tourist visa to come over for 3 months. You are in a very fortunate position of coming from a Visa Wavier country so all you have to do is get on a plane fill out a I-94w during the flight and as long as you dont raise red flags at the POE you will be admitted to the US for 90 days.

For those who do not come from a Visa Wavier country it can be almost imposible for them to come and vist before they have their visa.

Every country CAN get a visa to visit the US. If there are red flags maybe that would be it's own warning, no?

No not every country CAN get a Visa to visit the US there are a few that do not have a US embassy or there is a ban on people from that country entering the US.

Even if the country you come from has a US Embassy that does not mean you will be approved for a B1/B2 tourist visa.

Most people who have to apply for a B1/B2 visa have to show very strong ties to their home country to even get considered for a Visa. If they are single and do not have property and a on-going employment or children that they are going to leave in their country then there chance of being approved is very slim.

Just have a read in the regional forums about the 1000's of people who apply for a tourist visa and get denied time and time again. That does not mean that they are a bad person or that they are trying to scam anyone it just means that the US Embassy staff feel they will fail to return to their home country is they are allowed to enter the US.

It is US policy to assume that every person who applies for a tourist visa or who enters the us has immigrant intentions and it is up to the person to prove they do not.

Also have a look at the numbers of people who try to enter the US on a visa wavier and they get denied entry at the POE and put on the first flight back to their home country at their own expense. The CBP officer at the POE does not even have to prove you had intent to remain he just has to have a suspicion that you might remain.

So it not just a simple case of applying for a tourist visa and coming to stay for 90 days.

[NatPatBen 3]

For those who do not come from a Visa Wavier country it can be almost imposible for them to come and vist before they have their visa.

Every country CAN get a visa to visit the US. If there are red flags maybe that would be it's own warning, no?

No, Fozzie. The government is quite strict about people visiting from poor(er) countries. My team lead at work lives in Ecuador. It was a hassle for him to come to the US for a week for a workshop... and he works for a Fortune 5 company!

Be very grateful that your fiance is from a country whose citizens the US welcomes.

Edited March 21, 2009 by NatPatBen

[rebeccajo 14]

Couples without Visa Waiver privileges do indeed have a harder time of it. Much harder.

But that being said....visa waiver or not.....if you are sending money to someone you have known for brief period of time...........that's just foolish.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Couples without Visa Waiver privileges do indeed have a harder time of it. Much harder.

But that being said....visa waiver or not.....if you are sending money to someone you have known for brief period of time...........that's just foolish.

Before I say this, I never asked Justin for money or did he send me any money or did I need him to do that, BUT...

The way I see it, if they are married, she's entitled to half of that money anyways. It's hers by right.

Saludos,

Caro

[fozzie 41]

Close call. Could she not have come over here on a tourist visa for three months first? Instead of just doing a k1 for that reason you should be sure before you even get to that stage. Find another way to spend time together.

Lauren and I spent only a few days together in our initial meetings as we were both backpacking around the the world. However we went back and forth several times over the next year before I decided to come out here for a 3 month stint on visa waiver. That time living together, while still short by many standards, convinced me she was the one. Without that I would not have proposed and would not be here now. (Her parents were not best pleased at the time but have now welcomed me as a member of their family!)

It is very unlikely that she would have got a tourist visa to come over for 3 months. You are in a very fortunate position of coming from a Visa Wavier country so all you have to do is get on a plane fill out a I-94w during the flight and as long as you dont raise red flags at the POE you will be admitted to the US for 90 days.

For those who do not come from a Visa Wavier country it can be almost imposible for them to come and vist before they have their visa.

Every country CAN get a visa to visit the US. If there are red flags maybe that would be it's own warning, no?

No not every country CAN get a Visa to visit the US there are a few that do not have a US embassy or there is a ban on people from that country entering the US.

Even if the country you come from has a US Embassy that does not mean you will be approved for a B1/B2 tourist visa.

Most people who have to apply for a B1/B2 visa have to show very strong ties to their home country to even get considered for a Visa. If they are single and do not have property and a on-going employment or children that they are going to leave in their country then there chance of being approved is very slim.

Just have a read in the regional forums about the 1000's of people who apply for a tourist visa and get denied time and time again. That does not mean that they are a bad person or that they are trying to scam anyone it just means that the US Embassy staff feel they will fail to return to their home country is they are allowed to enter the US.

It is US policy to assume that every person who applies for a tourist visa or who enters the us has immigrant intentions and it is up to the person to prove they do not.

Also have a look at the numbers of people who try to enter the US on a visa wavier and they get denied entry at the POE and put on the first flight back to their home country at their own expense. The CBP officer at the POE does not even have to prove you had intent to remain he just has to have a suspicion that you might remain.

So it not just a simple case of applying for a tourist visa and coming to stay for 90 days.

Okay I was a little dismissive of how hard it is to get tourist visas from some countries, however they are there to be had (except in VERY few instances). Meeting the criteria may not be easy and the US is naturally suspicious of people coming to "visit". From past experience the US has found they have to be careful who they let in as they know there is a strong possibilitiy they will try to stay. Should all USC who are marryng a foreign spouse not be just as careful? If for no other reason than not being burned.

Marriage is not a game, living together is a whole different animal than visiting for a week at a time. I was nervous after coming here for just 3 months, I still felt like you cannot possibly know everything about a person in such a short space of time.

[rebeccajo 14]

Couples without Visa Waiver privileges do indeed have a harder time of it. Much harder.

But that being said....visa waiver or not.....if you are sending money to someone you have known for brief period of time...........that's just foolish.

Before I say this, I never asked Justin for money or did he send me any money or did I need him to do that, BUT...

The way I see it, if they are married, she's entitled to half of that money anyways. It's hers by right.

Saludos,

Caro

I get what you are saying.

But there's no such thing as "community property" (half and half) in many states now. And many states will recognize what a party possessed before a marriage, especially in dissolving very short marriages.

From a "perfect world" standpoint, I understand what you mean Caro. But the law recognizes inequity among marriage partners and rightfully so, I believe.