Question about adjusting to life in America

[jsand78 0]

Hi everyone,

This is a question to everyone who successfully passed the test of having their loved one immigrate to the U.S. How have they adjusted to life in America? My SO will have his interview next month, and I am praying that he will be here with me soon. Just wanted to get some feedback on others experiences.

[a&o 4]

I think it took O a full two years to really feel comfortable. We haven't lived where there were any other Ghanaians, and some people think that actually helps. I don't know. He went back to Ghana for a trip after one year, and had culture shock when he got to Ghana and then all over again when he came back to the US after eight weeks.

What really helped us is that I lived in Ghana for three years, half of which was with him. So we feel like we both have a home there and a home here, somewhat, and the option to one day go back there. If being with me meant that he HAD to live in the US, I think there would be trouble. When he gets really homesick and frustrated here (it's all work and bill paying, no fun, too cold, too orderly, too isolating, no one understands him like his own people: these are the attitudes on bad days), I always remind him I miss and love Ghana too and he can say the word and we'll find a way to make a life there instead. So far things haven't made him feel like he wants to abandon the chance to save money and take advantage of all that the US has to offer, but it might happen one day. I'll try to be ready!

Other helpful things: frequent Skype calls to friends and family, listening to Ghana radio online, playing Ghanaian music on car trips, going on weekend day trips to explore the things to see and do around our town (to make it feel more like an adventure).... I try to use as much of his language as I can, too (but I've been lazy about learning more).

It also helps that I cook a good groundnut soup.

[reeses16 8]

My hubby is adjusting pretty well. Notice I said adjustING. Its a long process. The beginning is filled with waiting...waiting to get a green card/work permit, waiting for job etc. Help your so find productive activities with his time, studying for driver's license test in advance. Enrolling at a local community college (it doesn't have to be an English as Second Language program, just something interesting (or brush up on job related skills) where he can meet new people that aren't part of your circle).

Also, spend that time working on his resume and job skills. When he is ready to apply for jobs. Apply to only a few at a time. I think when you're looking for a job there is temptation to just apply apply apply. If you're applying in one area/industry, you may exhaust his opportunities in one shot. Better to do a few 2-3. Follow up, get feed back and revise your resume/presentation.

Regardless of how you share your finances, until he gets a job I think its a good idea to give him spending money/debit card without waiting for him to ask. It doesn't have be a lot, just something so he can go get coffee or buy a phone card while you're at work.

Really there is so much to talk about with adjustment. There an adjustment to being married and your SO's adjustment to the US. The key is just to talk often be supportive of each other in the process. When things get overwhelming, talk about it then and focus on one thing at a time. Celebrate the small accomplishments along the way.

Let me know if there is a specific adjustment topic you're interested in.

[His Glory 25]

my husband thinks people here are too analytical. he says we are too complicated and why dont we say what we mean and not everything has to be read between the lines. he loves the us but as the others say it will take awhile to adjust. the way things are phrased here sometimes throw him off. we know what pushing up daisies means but they dont and if someone is talking to them and uses it they will get a lil confused, as anyone would. the english is diff here. it takes awhile to get used to it. he will adjust dont worry, enjoy each other and the funny moments you will have watching him adjust.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

my husband thinks people here are too analytical. he says we are too complicated and why dont we say what we mean and not everything has to be read between the lines. he loves the us but as the others say it will take awhile to adjust. the way things are phrased here sometimes throw him off. we know what pushing up daisies means but they dont and if someone is talking to them and uses it they will get a lil confused, as anyone would. the english is diff here. it takes awhile to get used to it. he will adjust dont worry, enjoy each other and the funny moments you will have watching him adjust.

we are very far from this stage, but just had to comment on you talking about, "pushing up daisies", it is so true the different sayings we have in the US that he just doesn't understand. I brought a DVD of a play my son was in and he used the phrase, "kick the bucket" and I could see the not understanding look on his face . Also I brought the DVD, "Bill Cosby, Himself" which I find very funny but there were many things SO "didn't get" - like the whole monologue about dentists and what it's like to sit in their chair - he has never been to see a dentist so none of it made any sense, I spent more time explaining it to him than the length of the movie LOL, I don't mind at all, but just making the point there are so many things we take for granted that seem so "normal" to us that will be difficult for our SO's at first. I live on an island that is 95% caucasian - I KNOW this is going to be a HUGE adjustment for SO. Someone mentioned small weekend trips, that sounds like a GREAT idea a way to "rediscover" your own area with your SO.

[Zee Bee 61]

I think that my husband is adjusting well to life here. I think that everyone has their own experience in adjusting. I am not sure there is ever a point where one is fully adjusted.

Speaking for my husband, I know that he is a lot more comfortable being here now that he has been here for a few months. Even though he still kind of looks to me to guide him, he has taken the initiative to find out things on his own, and do them by himself, which I think has helped him get used to life here.

Its all about how open you are to the differences and accepting them and embracing them. I know that there are always going to be things that they do not understand (there are some I do not understand ) but all in all, its a learning process.

You can tell them as much as you want about life here and you can hear "Don't worry, I know, I know" until the cows come home, but it is a TOTALLY different when they actually get here and see it for themselves.

I would say that you need to be patient with him and help him in a way that he finds useful. That will make the transition much easier.

[His Glory 25]

"You can tell them as much as you want about life here and you can hear "Don't worry, I know, I know" until the cows come home, but it is a TOTALLY different when they actually get here and see it for themselves."

"

Exactly! he thought he knew and its like watching a newborn son discover things on his own and Im so proud when he takes the iniative in doing things on his own. he was a afraid to drive and now to see him you wouldnt believe it.

[Perseverance 1]

"You can tell them as much as you want about life here and you can hear "Don't worry, I know, I know" until the cows come home, but it is a TOTALLY different when they actually get here and see it for themselves."

"

Exactly! he thought he knew and its like watching a newborn son discover things on his own and Im so proud when he takes the iniative in doing things on his own. he was a afraid to drive and now to see him you wouldnt believe it.

This I COMPLETELY relate too!!!

To the OP, dont focus too much on it, just know that what ever is thrown at you, you will get through it and figure it out. It is pretty rough until they start to work and feel like they have some independance from you, as much as they love you this is important.

It takes a lot of patience and reminding of yourself that they are WAY out of thier comfort zone. No matter how much we love our country, it is not thier country and there is so much to adjust to.

My husband has been here for 2 years+ and sometimes it was rough but we figured it out

[goobies 79]

Thanks for starting this thread and to everyone who shared. My husband is having a VERY trying time. It has been 2 months since we got to the USA and he has been on the edge of leaving about a dozen times. It breaks my heart. I miss his country, too. And we plan to live there after buliding our home and business there. But he is having such a hard time opening up here. I wish I could make it easier for him.

I wish he would read this to see that most people feel the same and do eventually get over it so that he can have some hope for the future. 

Keep strong you guys! I know it will all get easier and better.