Question for those working with Syrian Relatives

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Hello all,

I have been lurking in these forums for quite some time now, don't post much...since it seems a bit clique-ish but maybe that's just me

I guess USCIS doesn't really tell you everything you need to do in regards to your case right?

Well, I am hoping that someone here is sponsoring a spouse from Syria and can help me answer some of the following questions I have:

Would it be better if I went to Syria and lived there for a bit and then did this DCF process? Would it be faster? Mind you, I am jobless right now (well, working as a temp for a law firm, but the job stinks and will end soon), but do have a sponsor who is going to help me. My main concern that kept me from considering this was an issue I had years ago from high school, (I can't really go into detail here) but now I just don't care anymore. I am sick and tired of the waiting. I got married November 2007, came back here to work like mad, thinking we can go to Dubai and live together, but everything fell apart in regards to the current economic turmoil the world is facing right now. With that having happened, I had no choice but to start here again from scratch and come back. My husband in the meantime went back to Syria, where he has been putting up with a lot of BS lately

At this rate, I am just looking for a place, ANY PLACE, where we can be together. I've seriously considered moving to Europe and other places, but I am not sure if this is a smart move. I've even considered moving to the North Caucasus, where we are both from, since we have connections there and can get jobs, even if they will pay $200 a month lol.

I've been through an awful lot of pain and terrible times these past few months/years and it's made me realize that I really couldn't care less for the cookie cutter lifestyle that has been forced upon me for so long. No, I don't want a 3 bedroom suburban home, don't want a lot of kids (not even sure about this to be honest, I'm definitely not interested right now), and don't want really anything but to be with him and to have a simple life where we have the bare necessities and a few luxuries and that's it.

I am wondering whether it is worth going through all this BS to wait and wait and wait...and now after reading some of your posts, I feel that there's no doubt that his case will go through AP hearings as well, which annoys me to death. I understand it's the Middle East and all, but come on...I'm saying this because I wish they knew who we were, they would see they have nothing to worry about. But I guess everyone else can say the same thing?

So, I'm basically annoyed because it seems that I will have to spend my third wedding anniversary alone (did not even get to my second yet), and am wondering if this is worth the headache.

'

I had been in communication with one member here who suggested I go, but as I said, I have some concerns about going to the ME that I'm worried about. I barely made it through Jordan this summer, and that was because it was a launching point for Dubai.

Sorry about the incessant ranting, but I'm really pissed off and sick of all of this, and I'm not even halfway through yet!

If anyone can offer some ideas or words or whatever, I'd appreciate it a lot.

Regards,

Kat

p.s. that's us when we visited Petra this past summer.

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Sorry, I don't have any words of encouragement. Unfortunately, there's no country you can go to to escape the economic downturn. As someone that's lived in both Europe and Dubai (Now I'm in Turkey.) you aren't any better off in either of those places. The economy of Dubai is in the gutter and even if unemployment weren't as high in Europe as it is stateside it is not that easy for Americans to get work/residency in much of Europe. Just like foreigners wanting to come work in the states, Americans wanting to work in Europe have to prove they can do something a local can't. Do you have some kind of in-demand skill, ie. IT or medical training? Any European employer will have to prove that you have skills they need and that they couldn't find in a local after advertising the vacancy for several months. Secretarial skills won't cut it. Also it would be hard for your husband to get a visa for Europe. You could try Turkey where it's a bit easier to get a visa but the standard of living isn't that high while the unemployment is. You could get a TEFL certificate to teach English. That's probably your best route. Then once you have a job/residency your husband can apply for residency as your husband. Check out where your husband can go without needing a visa to travel and that will help you narrow down a bit the places that are easier for him. Hell, I'm in Turkey only because my husband needs a visa even to go to Mexico! And when we went to northern Cyprus for a visa run they almost denied him. They only let him through because I assured them he was my husband so they decided he wasn't likely to be trying to escape to Europe through Cyprus if he's waiting on a greencard. If you have relatives in the Caucasus that can hook you up as you say then that is probably your best bet.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

thanks for the kind words, i am a bit mortified about some of my comments, didn't mean to go that much in detail, but i guess i'm really pissed off/frustrated at this point. i've even considered Oz to move to, as a friend of mine has been living in NZ for a while now and loves it...but i guess i should just have patience and wait...

hope things go quickly for you as well!

regards,

k.

Edited March 19, 2009 by enraptured

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Personally, in my case, I worked my behind off here in the US to prepare a home for the husband once he arrived. It's all well and good to spend time together and do DCF, but then you both arrive on US soil scrambling to secure a footing.

Moving to the US was a big transition for him, and having an apartment all set up, and having to worry about money too much made it a lot easier for him. Granted, it was in no way easy, but I can't imagine what it would have been like if I didn't have a job and an apartment already.

[Donna A 4]

my info is old as its been 5 years since my husband came here but we asked about dcf when i was there to get married and they told us that our marriege is new so they couldnt do it. if it was an old marriege and i had been living there with him a long time then yes we could do it.

[jpaula 20]

One note about DCF. New ruled went into effect about two years ago and in order to do DCF you now must be a resident of the country for at least six months. This means not just living there, but having legal residency. So, before you make any decisions, be sure you know what is required to gain residency in Syria and how long that might take.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

I kind of looked into it already and it seems sort of complex. I guess (no big surprise) I am tired of the wait (I had to wait 5 months to even get the I-130 form sent it...) and I realize I may have to wait up to a year now for my husband to be with me...and that stinks. Thanks for your responses....

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Hi there Kat. Welcome to the VJ clique where we're all encouraged to share our story. Thanks for sharing yours! Don't worry about your comments being in detail. You're on the journey now like we all are and it's not for the weak of heart. We're all here to support each other so we're glad you came out of the wood work. Everyone is unique and special and has something to share that might help others as we all go through this process and our daily lives. I was just telling Donna that she was the only one who petitioned from Syria in the VJ-MENA forum that I know of and then I just saw your posts today and read them and see you too are petitioning for Syria as well. What are the odds?

From my experience I don't think I could have done this without VJ and the people on it. So keep coming back and sharing. We all learn from each other and eventually you'll find those you mesh with and share with more. I know it's rough being in Phase I and the new person. I was there too once. Before VJ I didn't know very much about the visa process or immigration and it was a bit overwhelming at first just like you are expressing now. Don't let the fear monsters invade your butterfly dreams. I too have read those horror stories on VJ and I can't tell you how many problems it caused when I'd take it back to my Hubby. lolz! Live and learn it's a rollarcoaster ride, especially being apart like this. Not everyone gets to be with their SO's during this wait which has it's own challenges maintaining a marriage over seas, but we make the choice and we're adult about it and we make it work somehow. We each have our own path and hearts to follow.

With VJ you have to learn to sort the good from the bad and what information you need and what information you don't need and don't take it personal when it's not necessary. It is good to get advice and support for the long hall but do your own research as well and verify your facts. Bureaucracy can be frustrating to navigate but they are also there to verify the information if you really need solid answers. We are just people here not immigration lawyers. Remember you are your own person having your own experience and of anyone you are the only person that knows what is best and right for you and people should respect your decisions once you've made it.

I wish you the best and that you continue to share your immigration visa journey through Syria.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Hi Far2Long, and thanks for the long and emotional response I do hope the same for you as well, that things will go fine.

I guess I am sort of sick of dealing with bureaucrats, hence why I was drawn to this site, because there are real people who are experiencing the same turmoil I am living with right now. Calling USCIS at this point has become a dreaded task, as they never seem to really be happy to help (Well, I can understand this, it must be annoying to do this after a while) and they never seem to know the complete answers to any of my questions.

I basically want to make sure I look at every angle of this and make sure that everything is taken care of, as I do not want to waste any more time than I have to apart from my guy.

It doesn't help that I have vivid dreams of him constantly coming to me at the airport....sometimes I feel angry about this, as if my sub conscience was taunting me....

I wonder if any of you have ever asked yourselves if it was worth going through all this headaches to be with your guy/girl. While I am having a very hard time, and miss him...I'd say yes...I'd go through this just to be with him... I just wish I could go to their offices right now and tell me "look, he's a good guy, please don't delay this any longer, just let him come to me!"

Anyways, happy Friday and thanks for your replies....

Kat

[Sandrila 1]

WELCOME KAT!

I wonder if any of you have ever asked yourselves if it was worth going through all this headaches to be with your guy/girl. While I am having a very hard time, and miss him...I'd say yes...I'd go through this just to be with him... I just wish I could go to their offices right now and tell me "look, he's a good guy, please don't delay this any longer, just let him come to me!"

I dont know about anybody else but I definitely asked myself that question. I know how much I love this man and I want to do anything to be with him but at times it is so much work, money and patience. I felt like "oh please GOD, just let him come!" I felt so helpless and even hopeless.

I couldnt understand what the hold up was or how to convince the CO that my husband was alright, he was good, and we needed to be together.

WOAH, thank god that time is past for us now. And your time will come too, believe me. It isnt easy and isnt even a bed of roses when they get here.

We are having alot of adjustment issues here and even though I am married I still pray that we keep the patience, love and respect to make it forever.

Keep your chin up and PRAY! GOD WILL HEAR YOU!

[meowmeowmeow 1]

I try to pray, as often as I can, daily....I admit I'm not very devout, maybe that is my problem..

There have been times when I literally wouldn't get out of bed for a week from numbing depression..and I hate that. I guess I need to just shut up and buck up!

Thanks for allowing me to vent ......hopefully this will pass... and hope you all find happiness in this short life.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I try to pray, as often as I can, daily....I admit I'm not very devout, maybe that is my problem..

You mean spending years on islamica doesn't make you a better muslim? I'm shocked shocked! lol.

If you'll excuse my religious tangent, there is a hadith that says:

"Faith has two halves: one half is patience (sabr); and the other half is thankfulness (shukr)."

I think this applies very well to the immigration wait. We must have sabr in the wait, and have shukr for the blessings we do have. Otherwise, we go crazy.

[morocco4ever 63]

I wonder if any of you have ever asked yourselves if it was worth going through all this headaches to be with your guy/girl.

Some of us have been through hell and back. Our case was denied. It took an additional 15 months after his initial interview before he was finally issued the visa. We spent that entire 15 months thinking that he wasn't going to get it. We would argue, cry, climb into our shells, then back to each other day after day. Was it worth it? He is here with me now, and has been for over 2 years. Yes it was worth it, and I would do it again, even if I knew all of the additional challenges we were going to face. Just take it one day at a time...that's all any of us do.

[meowmeowmeow 1]

Patience is a virtue, I guess

I'm like everyone else...a work in progress...I have faith, but I guess I need to work on not lapsing into sadness Hopefully one day at a time....

I'm planning to go back to school soon, so hopefully that will be something to keep me distracted for a while...especially in this economy, why not take advantage of the situation....

[childress_london 3]

Hang in there. Eventually he WILL be here! I don't question myself as to whether or not it was worth it, because in a year, two years, three years, living together or apart, I know we will be married and committed to each other. I just hold on to the hope that one day, no matter what, we will be together somewhere. :-p It's hard, it will drive you both crazy, it will cause fights and disagreements because of the distance and it will not be easy. But it will not be forever. One more year out of the hopefully many years you will be together is actually a short time in a comparative view. I experience a lot of ups and downs every day. Some days I wake up happy and the next I'm all sad because he's not here. It's definitely a roller coaster ride.