Filipino fiancee never arrived and is missing

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

13 pages of good hardrive wasted!

ooooops 14

[*Robert* 2]

13 pages of good hardrive wasted!

ooooops 14

aww now... why you gotta be a hater?!!!

[DREXEL1 0]

Here is a total listing of my postings and comments thus far for people that hate to read .....

1st Posting) I was wondering if anyone could help me. Give me advice or suggestions or tell me if this story of any kind that they have heard of before, or even where I might post something like this.

I will start by saying that I have used this site for information, searching and curiosity. I know there are people here that might be able to at least help me have more piece of mind as to what has happened. I have done research, understand, and also understand the Philippines are not always the easiest place to live. Her location at the time was Cebu, but she was from Zamboanga where her parents still lived or so I was told, and Catholic.

This is my story.

I have known my fiancée for a year and half. We had completed our paper work. She made it to the Detroit airport, made it through customs, and then never rechecked her bags. I now honestly think that she is gone, and has left to whatever destination that she had planned, but I am still praying she is alive and ok.

The story so far. I knew her well, or at least thought I did. We talked on the phone for the last year several times a day (10 to 20 minutes a day) plus e-mails. We are only 9 years apart in age and she is 25, so there is not a big age difference. In our conversations there might have been 3 occasions that I felt something was not right, but being so far apart, and for different cultures I wrote that off as just me, differences, or just me maybe getting cold feet. She never slipped up or changed her story (this is the part that is hard since I listen for thing like that). She was not suppose to have friends or family here, and had never been to the states.

She was confirmed to have arrived at Detroit, but then never rechecked her baggage for the connecting flight. Once she arrived, she called me as planned, she seemed upset, talked for a few minutes, never said goodbye and we got disconnected. The number appeared to be from an abandon apartment that no has lived at for over a year, but yet the number was still working, and it was off airport grounds. Why did she call? She was out, and free so I do not understand that part either which leads me to think how deep or conceived a plan it was.

I have filed a missing persons report, and talked to all the correct agencies that I need to as far as I know (I do not want to spell that out), and doing what I need to do to protect myself and my future.

Has anyone ever heard of anything like this before? If it was a scam it was very well though out, and planned, and I do come from the streets so to say so I know a scam when one has happened or being used. Maybe some of this is just to vent and get my story out there, but that does not change that I am scared, upset, worried (for her and myself) and confused.

Since I was her sponsor could she just marry someone else? Is this something that really happens to people or is a strange kind of luck? We seemed to have so much in common, and it was not me saying oh I like this and her agreeing. I would find out what she liked, and then if say it was the same kind of show or book, be like wow me too.

I have always given a person every chance to leave and get out, and she was very intelligent so I know if I did not meet her at the landing airport she still had everything that she would need to make to me. I would have done that for anyone I have ever dated, and it always ends up the same. I believe that everyone should have the last minute of choice, but this one has cost me time, money, paperwork, and maybe even a chance to try again in the future. I hope I do not come off wrong, I am worried, but all signs point to the fool and the mistake. Thank you for reading my post. Thank you for taking the time, and thank you for any ideas that might help.

I am not sure what else I can do. They say there is not much that can really be done. Maybe I should just list a set of questions and see what people have to say.

1) Is this something that anyone has heard of before?

2) Could she marry someone since I was her sponsor?

3) Am I still responsible for her since I have contacted all the agencies?

4) What agencies should I have contacted? (To confirm that I have done all I could do)

5) What does this do for my chances in the future if I ever try something like this again?

6) Can you file a prenuptial agreement before you are married on a K visa? (This is for future reference)

7) Where might I find more information on what I should do?

I have not given up on the idea as a whole, but I am at a loss of words, and feel if I ever do this again I need to make sure that I am protected. As for Anne, I pray, feel remorse, and hope she is ok. My dreams and ambitions have died more than I ever though possible since I decided to give that last open door. I hope I will at some point forgive myself and her for everything that has happened.

Thanks for reading, and just make sure if you are going through with a K Visa you are sure and give them the choices they need.

2nd Posting) All,

I wanted to thank you for your comments so far. I would have replied sooner, but if you notice I posted really early and even people that are having problems sleeping do fall a sleep. The 1st post was very long and there is more to the story since I could not post it all so please read it a second time and it will answer some of the other questions that I have got. As I stated I have been to the site before to look around and read, but never thought I would need to post. Maybe I also did it to protect myself in case something like this did happen, I didn’t want to the crazy store at the end of the long process.

Yes, I meet her in the Philippines as far as I know you have to now for your paper to get approved. No, I am not trying to slander or make any one nationality look bad. I just needed to get my story out there and just see what people had to say.

As for her parents all I have is an address that I can remember, and I will write them to ask if she is ok. I have also e-mailed her in case she ever checks that again.

She lived in a different city than her parents since she said she wanted to try and make a living and did not appear to like Zamboanga city because of the status of the state of affairs there, so I never had need to call or have their number. I did talk to her mother once when she was on vacation there or at least someone that sounded like her mother, and she was very nice, and kind. She was suppose to be and only child and did not know anyone in the states. That is one of the hard parts of the story is that she never slipped up in conversation if she did know or had someone else here.

The number was tracked down by the police since I have filed a missing persons report. I have contacted the Police, the Embassy, USCIS, Homeland security, and US Homeland Security in the Philippines. I feel that I have done about everything that I can do except now I have to lock all my credit and life down since she has and had access to all my information from the process.

I would say the verdict is that I was scammed, but as I stated it must have been a very well though out plan, and maybe the phone call was just to say she was alive and let me know, but she never even said goodbye. I would think that she is too smart to want to work a low paying illegal job, I told her she could do whatever she wanted her including work so I do not think it was about the money. If it was about that she had a person that lived next door that worked in Japan at a Brothel 6 months out of the year, so she could have went there instead if that was a case. I guess this means it would have be family and friends or another man I guess I will always have to think that was the choice, and maybe never know. I wish I could do more, I wish I knew, but I really do not think I ever will.

As a side note my life and not always been easy, and I have stories that make people say “There’s no way! That’s not real or true!” I though that was behind me, but it was always there in the back of my mind, and was the reason I gave her that last choice. I really though that luck or that life was behind me, but maybe god has bigger, funnier plans for me that I would have ever though.

No one has answered my questions

1) What does this do for my chances in the future if I ever try something like this again?

2) Can you file a prenuptial agreement before you are married on a K visa?

Thank you I do have to work so if I do post one last time it will be very late, but I will check the posting one more time.

3rd Posting) To Steve Thank you for your honest approach after the bit of realizing I was a real person. I will respond to you again at least to say thank you. I though this place was for people looking for help, support, or just information. So what if never joined I always found the information I was looking for by researching here along with the government offices. I just wanted to post here looking for like minded people or people that might have heard of something like this before. Not for be bash and having to defend myself, my choice, her, or every detail of our relationship.

So many of the comments have been just wrong, and I mean really wrong. I though people on here might understand or respect my choices for choosing someone for another country. Isn't that why everyone is on this site for one reason or the other? It seems like there are people no matter where you go on forums just to BASH and trash someone else, and try to impress their option of what they consider right or wrong.

My heart is crushed and will be for sometime, but I think after today this posting has hurt more, and just opened everything even more and made it more painful. For those that were honest and kind THANK YOU for your support and for the support of her in case something has gone seriously wrong. I do not think there is much more I can say. How do you post a year and half worth of a relationship with someone so that everyone has every little detail? That is a book or journey not something I could put out in a few posts. Sorry I could not reply in seconds or minutes, as I tried to continue with my life, keep my head up and my job not to mention my sanity.

For those that have bashed me and trashed what I had to say and feel. What is really worse????

IF WHAT I AM SAYING IS A LIE AND NEVER HAPPENED?

OR YOU IF IT IS TRUE

FOR BASHING SOMEONE IN PAIN THAT JUST LOST HIS FUTURE, DREAMS AND SOMEONE THAT MIGHT REALLY BE MISSING?

Nice karma and if you are unhappy with your choice of whom you have married or are trying to, or even was, I am sorry. I though I was on the right path for me, her, and a happy future. That’s all you can ask in this world and something most people dream about I guess. I was hoping I would be one of the few that reached that goal.

4th Posting) The update from the Police office is this.

Him - Sir it happens all the time, you are not the 1st.

Me- I am confused about the phone number how could she get into the apartment?

Long story short he told me this

The number is registered to an elderly lady. I can not confirm if the line is in the old apartments she has moved and is living with her daughter and I do not have an address. The line can be open for several reasons, but without a sepena I can not have the phone company turn over the billing address or the address of where the land line is located now, if it is not still at the apartment. This is just a missing person’s case and she is an adult.

ME - ????? Total confusion. So you can not find out where that land line is now?

Him - No

Me - Did you check video footage?

He - Not knowing what she was wearing that would take to much resources and time.

Me - So there is nothing at all that I can do or say?

Him - No sir there is not, this kind of thing just happened two months ago almost say story.

Me - Um, I, but...... Ok thank you for your time officer

5th Posting) It's not that I was looking or am looking for someone from the Philippines per say. One of the reasons that I have chosen to date outside the country is that I like to travel, I like Asia, I would even live there and have looked into it. It is really hard to find someone here and say, "Well I have a chance to move to Japan are you ready?" That is something that makes dating in the states even harder.

Another reason is money. I have a good job yes, but that does not lead to a lot of money I am not going to make millions, I might not be able to have the big house. Someone that understands money is not what makes you happy and would be happy just living and being with you. If you have traveled to many Asian countries I found or at least like to think they understand that. Were here it's always, bigger and better.

The values that say I wanted to move and live there or have a house there at some point and they are happy to move there too. Right now most of my dreams and even my aspirations have changed and that is to be expected I guess. I am not sure were I am going from here but after everything it is clear that I need to stop, and accept there is nothing that I can do which I have. I have to look at it as she knew what she was doing.

Saying that and knowing she is educated and smart, why choose a life where you can never get a real job? Questions that will never be answered. I have E-mailed her at least asking are you ok. I do not think I will be posting to this anymore. If there is ever an update maybe, but I have to move on. I have to do whatever it is that will make me at least feel a little better about myself and life, and what is in my heart. Every time I read these I just get more upset, and that can not be good for me.

Right now.. Yes, I love her, miss her, and hope she is ok, and care the world for her.

Later in life - I will always think about her, and miss her in some degree. I will always love her and have a place in my heart that will always be hers.

But for now I have to close that off, and shut that door. I can not stand feeling like this, and do not want to be hurting anymore. Thank you all one last time for your comments and concerns. I will be back on here if there is ever an update, or if and when I might find someone else. I do not see why I should not look where it is in the world that I might find true and honest love. I have tried here most of my life and it has been lacking.

I wish everyone that has found their someone the best life has to offer or at least real happiness.

Other comments

1) Because I like to know what might be head in my future. I would like to know the things that might lay in store. I am trying to look at this in a different angle saying I haven't given up on the process, but what if. I want to think about my future which could be years down the line. Am I sad, hurt, confused, lonely, upset, stressed, worried, and keep cry? YES I AM. I am trying to think of it another way. If you've ever been lonely, and scared your whole life, but have to go through as nothing is wrong, and everything is as it should be maybe you would understand. So I hope that doesn't come off as mean, its life. There’s nothing more I can do, and it would be nice to at least find someone to be a friend and start over. I am not talking about getting married or starting the process next week.

2) As for the crazy life thing and why. I dealt with that years ago. It was the life style, beening a teenage and young adult. I changed everything so those things would not happen to me and that was 12 years ago. It took me that long to say maybe it's time to give love and life another chance.

3) Bars are great places to meet people well I really do not agree with that. Some of it for me was family values, standards, true commitment, and not having the American values of we have to have a bigger house, better car, we never go out enough, There’s a lot more to it than that as most people will agree everyone has there own reasons for doing what they do, I though I was taking a chance with someone that held a different set of beliefs about life and love.

4) Read all my posts YES I MEET HER IN PERSON. AS FAR AS I KNOW YOU HAVE TO 99% OF THE TIME OR THEY WILL DECLINE HER VISA.

5) I verified all her flights till the time she disappeared

I talked to the airport police they have their own department I would think that is something they would do I should not have to tell them to look at surveillance.

I do have a missing report filed, called Homeland Security, USCIS as well

YES I am very heartbroken and Frantic

6) I was saying there is a connecting flight we both knew that. She worked for an airlines so she understands how airlines work. I was waiting at the final destination with a funny big sign, my sister and brother and law, and flowers.

Thanks, for the support.

7) The point if reading the whole post and what I have said is, I have done all that, followed and the channels, and steps. It was not easy and help was not friendly. I was told by 7 of 10 people you are SOL she is an adult. After 3 days someone was nice enough to say if you print your info and hers out, have it notarized, and fax it to us then we can do something for you. THREE DAYS LATER

The point was maybe to vent, maybe to see if this kind of thing really happens, maybe to see if I just have that kind of luck, maybe for just honest people to hear my story and know it happens.

8) My concern is for her but the main fact is this.....

She had no reason to leave the airport at all for NO reason. To call and say she was at a payphone at the airport and the police say she was not. She worked in the airlines as a ticket agent at one point, and dealt with people all the time, if something was going to happen I would think she would have yelled, or something.

Am I worried for her yes I am, but at what point does common sense take over?

9) NWA was the flight. The police say she never booked then or later under that name

[DREXEL1 0]

steven be very careful of what you are involving yourself & your family in. VERY CAREFUL

I have thanked Steven for any help that he could give and asked that no one is put in harms way or anything like that. We have talked and most should just be a phone call or two I hope and nothing more. I am going to try once more to leave this behind me, but I was drawn back one more time. Steven Thank You once again. For those that have shown honest concern for both of us, thank you once again as well. To anyone that has had anything like this happen to them. I wish you the best, and I hope this posting as helped or will help anyone in the future that might have something like this happen to them.

[DEDixon 39]

the op wants his post be to be longest ever... he still hasn't sent anyone anything which can without a doubt verify his story....

[DEDixon 39]

hey moo foo, send me the police department's phone number so i can call and confirm... no harm in putting her information out there, for God's sake, she is MISSING and that's is what people do when people are MISSING!!!!

[spookyturtle 9,466]

How long ago did this happen?

[Sailor Moon 2]

OP, have u ever worked for some kind of news papers,magazine ect,if not it won't be bad idea to look for a job there as u very good in fiction stories , cuz i think u have no job and u need to get off the lazy boy chair watching UNSOLVED MESTRY ..look for a job

dude, enough of this #######.

[estrella 14]

the op wants his post be to be longest ever... he still hasn't sent anyone anything which can without a doubt verify his story....

He sent his info to Steven, just because he didn't send it to you doesn't mean is not real. Steven already confirmed it and is helping him.

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

I wouldn't spend too much more time worrying. Sounds like you were scammed.

My suggestion to anyone going to Philippines to "Wife Shop" is don't get one over 25 years old.

If you do start over, maybe you should find a girl a little younger, Make sure she has some type of degree so she can come to USA and make you lot's of money, and I like girls from the provinces.

Stay out of the big cities like Manila and Cebu.

Lots of pretty girls in Mindanao Region

[tallcoolone 102]

I have grown tired of this thread

Wake Me when it's over

[almaty 19]

good..you offer nothing useful except...go to the PI and wife shop for your very own Pinay f##K doll....

you are a total waste and a dickweed

[raymaga 25]

The fact still remains that a woman is missing. Let's not lose sight of this. There are numerous things that could have happened to her after she got off her first flight, being in a foreign country and perhaps being a little too trusting.

I hope that the OP can at least find out that she is safe, even if it means she deliberately did not show up at her final destination.

That is the ONLY way he will be able to move forward. Otherwise, he will always wonder what happened to her.

[Nessa 23]

Bars are not known as places to meet quality, responsible people. Why dont you just recommend he go to Manila and get a bar girl there? Do you understand bola bola bar girl? He should go where there are responsible honest people. Bars are near the bottom of the list for that. So itz ok to marry an alcoholic as well? Better stay single than with a needy, dishonest, immature, unfaithful, unappreciative person. Who told you bars are good places to meet a future spouse anyways?

so only irresponsibles alcoholics go to bars? I thought bars were places were single people hang out. and that was just one example, if he is looking for someone that is one of the places he might find.

and did u read my post? mentioning going to manila is totally out of context.

[Marina-Del 10]

why on earth would u be worried about if u can apply for a k1 visa again in the future? i still fail to understand why people would go look for a foreign spouse on purpose. i would never do that. it's extremely difficult to engage in a relationship with someone from another country, it happened to me, i don't regret a second, but i'd never on purpose do that.

go to a bar, start dating, forget about her, move on.

Bars are not known as places to meet quality, responsible people. Why dont you just recommend he go to Manila and get a bar girl there? Do you understand bola bola bar girl? He should go where there are responsible honest people. Bars are near the bottom of the list for that. So itz ok to marry an alcoholic as well? Better stay single than with a needy, dishonest, immature, unfaithful, unappreciative person. Who told you bars are good places to meet a future spouse anyways?

Dude... not that Nessa can't speak for herself... but she wasn't talking about going to a bar in PI!!! And NO, she doesn't know about bola bola bar girl, because she's from BRAZIL!!! She was saying to stay in his home town, and go to a "local" bar, to meet women. NOW, if you are going to say that all women who go to "bars" or local taverns are all "alcoholic"... best put your flak jacket on!

Is there some link in the PI forum to this thread that is drawing all the Noobs here?!!!

All they are saying is that bars are not the best place to meet people. Its an opinion, one I agree with. Some people do not feel comfortable approaching a woman in a bar. Unless they are wasted, in which case you won't be at your best anyway. No body that I know that is married or in a long term relationship met their other half in a bar, they met them while pursuing a hobby, being introduced by friends or at work. Hell, my parents met when my dad sold his car to my mother.

A good place to meet people is work, obviously. Another way is to take a hobby that involves gathering with like minded individuals.

What if you met at work AND at a bar? Me and my SO were both working as bartenders in London when we met. So, where do we come in? Lots of people work in bars in London and lots of them are alcoholics but lots of them are not as well! We worked for a HUGE bar/company in London and they had huge parties for the staff all of the time. Most people got complety wasted at before mentioned parties. We had a staff of 100 people and at one noteable party a bar tab of 2,500 pounds (that's about $4,500!). Point is, there are lots of different types of people. From my experience, there are those that go to bars (as you mentioned) that drink ALL the time and seem to care more about their drink than anything else, but there are also those that just want to go out with their friends and have a good time (have a glass of wine or two, which personally, I see nothing wrong with!).

Don't hate on everyone that goes to bars. I agree that in general, a bar is not the best place to meet people. But it's not the worst! And I would beg to differ about not knowing any friends or family that have been in long term relationships/marriages and have met in bars! Depending on the bar and depending on the people, you CAN meet people in bars!

Edited March 20, 2009 by Marina-Del