Pissed off at Husband

[almaty 19]

I agree.the pattern of behavior is certainly alarming and demontrates a lack of empathy and understanding on the basic level

[Nagishkaw 510]

what makes people like that, I wonder?

[sara..... 371]

wow sounds like a two year old refusing to share

[EtherealVocalist 0]

what makes people like that, I wonder?

Who knows? My husband is German too, although he's VERY gentle and thinks of me first - but I think that maybe the way that German families raise their children is very different than how families are in the USA. My husband is wonderful, however, he came from a family that did everything for him - from cooking to clothes being washes and put away, money given... I think ( thats just from my limited experience ) that it comes to the world evolving only around 1 person and forgetting that there are others around that needs help lol. When my hubby came here, he quickly understood that what he experienced and lived in Germany is not like this here, and he quickly switched his thinking and behaviour to what it is when you are "married". It's not only 1 person that matters now, but 2.

wow sounds like a two year old refusing to share

my thoughts EXACTLY !!!!

When you are married - its a 2 way street. Give and receive... Seems like he still doesnt know and/or what it is to"give". Hopefully he wakes up soon - I do know men and women for that matter that are still not understanding this, and they are well into their 50ies... so there is still hope!

[cassi9879 20]

I have no energy left to fight with him...I don't feel I can stay here at work and do my job...I'm just at a loss.

[EtherealVocalist 0]

I have no energy left to fight with him...I don't feel I can stay here at work and do my job...I'm just at a loss.

I wish you all the strength in the world to at least communicate at how disapointed you are in his behaviour. It wont get better by itself.

I am a big advocate when it comes to say how you feel and tell it like it is. you are "his" family now, and he should do all that he can to make sure that your needs are taken care of. I dated my husband for 3+ years before we got married, I knew the in and outs of our relationship - I am glad it took this long cause there is no surprises. I am not saying that you should have dated longer, what I am saying is that perhaps these things surfacing now will take a while to get adjusted to or for him to try to change these behaviours to a level that is acceptable to the both of you...

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

I think you've let this go on for far too long. You need to show him this thread and have a sit-down talk with him about his selfish and immature behavior. He won't last long in America if he maintains this German welfare-ish behavior. You're supporting him and he can't even obtain welfare handouts here which pale in comparison to what you get in Germany anyway. So he needs to show some consideration for his bread-winning wife. Seriously. I would never tolerate this from my husband but mine would never behave like this.

[HannahP 119]

He paid for the car at the county auto auction.

Right, even - a married couple is a team and he's not being a team player here.

My husband did something of that sort a while back when he washed HIS laundry and left mine aside - he didn't "feel" like washing mine...

When i cleaned the dishes a couple days later, I cleaned up mine then took his dirty ones, piled them up in a bucket and put that bucket on top

of his laptop, wrote a little note stating: "I didnt feel like washing yours either".

He got the idea...

omg! My husband does this all the time; he'll do his laundry but not mine. Or he'll bring home dinner, like a frozen pizza or something, but nothing for me! (I'm a vegetarian.) He's even ordered food without asking me if I wanted anything, several times. In the eight years that we've been together, I don't think he's ever randomly surprised me with anything. Even when I say "I want a surprise for my birthday" -- it just throws him into a complete tizzy. He's a good man, but I think he might be mildly autistic or something.

/threadjack

[Ladylethal 12]

Wow, my husband will ask me a billion times if I need anything, then if I say no he'll stand there waiting for me to change my mind, or he brings something anyway ' cus he knows me all too well.

We never order out if it's just for one, and I take care of all the laundry and dishes around here but that's ' cus right now I don't work and he works a lot.

[LoriLawless 0]

I have no energy left to fight with him...I don't feel I can stay here at work and do my job...I'm just at a loss.

If he's acting like a child, treat him like one. Telling him he's being selfish will only put him on the defensive. If he doesn't consider your feelings, ask him how he would feel if you were to do the same thing to him. That's the best way to get him to understand.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I agree.the pattern of behavior is certainly alarming and demontrates a lack of empathy and understanding on the basic level

A serious question, doc: When do you call the cops?

[almaty 19]

I agree.the pattern of behavior is certainly alarming and demontrates a lack of empathy and understanding on the basic level

A serious question, doc: When do you call the cops?

i think, when the situation goes from neglect to abuse ..

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Right after you run him over in the dark.

[himher 634]

"Percussive maintenance" aka beating something until it starts working - is an old, tried, and effective repair technique. A short list:

Car starters

Any and all electronic devices

Any and all mechanical devices

Husbands

The starter was just replaced last year; I can't remember if it was a new or rebuilt one. The battery keeps testing at 14v (I think) which is over what it's rated at. When you try to turn on the car you can hear it spin but it's not catching. The "hard to start" condition started when I went to start the car Thursday morning.

I sense tension.

That's an understatement.

Tap on the stater first, then see if it catches. Whoever installed the starter may have left out a shim.

Ha, tap on the starter with what, a sledge hammer? Does that fix the problem if that is indeed the problem? The Japanese consider the Americans idiots, even too stupid to clean a tape head with a cotton swab, so they give us a very ineffective head cleaning tape instead. You know what? I agree with them, too many Americans are idiots.

Sometimes the solenoid sticks. Tapping it with a hammer can free it up. It's an old fix, but temporary if you have to keep doing it. If the starter is remanufactured, they often supply a shim so the drive gear will properly engage the ring gear. It could also be a worn spot in the ring gear, or a worn drive gear.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

"Percussive maintenance" aka beating something until it starts working - is an old, tried, and effective repair technique. A short list:

Car starters

Any and all electronic devices

Any and all mechanical devices

Husbands

The starter was just replaced last year; I can't remember if it was a new or rebuilt one. The battery keeps testing at 14v (I think) which is over what it's rated at. When you try to turn on the car you can hear it spin but it's not catching. The "hard to start" condition started when I went to start the car Thursday morning.

I sense tension.

That's an understatement.

Tap on the stater first, then see if it catches. Whoever installed the starter may have left out a shim.

Ha, tap on the starter with what, a sledge hammer? Does that fix the problem if that is indeed the problem? The Japanese consider the Americans idiots, even too stupid to clean a tape head with a cotton swab, so they give us a very ineffective head cleaning tape instead. You know what? I agree with them, too many Americans are idiots.

Sometimes the solenoid sticks. Tapping it with a hammer can free it up. It's an old fix, but temporary if you have to keep doing it. If the starter is remanufactured, they often supply a shim so the drive gear will properly engage the ring gear. It could also be a worn spot in the ring gear, or a worn drive gear.

I do it all the time! It tells me if something is sticking, or if there if a loose connection. Then I can go ahead and fix the problem.

Mechanic Rules:

1) If it don't fit, force it!

2) If you can't force it, hit it with a hammer.

3) If it still don't fit, get a bigger hammer.

4) If it breaks, it probably needed to be replaced anyways.