Help! He played me....

[shoshweetygaff 0]

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

That's the spirit, in fact, I'll add my tuppence to the above suggestion. Proof that he is not faithful would be moot a this point, in fact, it would cloud the issue of this marriage having been fraudulently induced. The regulations are clear as to the intent upon entering the marriage only. You don't wish to add any element of a scorned spouse into the mix. Be clear, concise and as factual as possible, without emotion, if possible. A timeline of events and facts to corroborate should demonstrate the scheme he had in mind.

Damn, diaddie, you iz cold. I like it.

You have a good attitude. And all of us here can really relate to your situation. Don't ever feel bad or used from this situation. You were truly in love and you can't blame yourself for that not seeing his true identity. So just try to kill this love inside you so you don't fall for any other attempts he might make in the future when he finds out no one can help him out of his situation but you.

Did you ever think of reporting him to the Dept of Homeland Security? Maybe they can see him as a different subject now....and go take care of his sorry azz in Vegas....if you felt like doing that. Then no money out of your pocket. Because there is only a few reasons why people want a visa to come to the USA? right?

Good luck and keep your beautiful smile. Things happen this way for a reason. And now you have shared with all of us to be leary and watch all the flags for our relationships.

[dmartmar 1]

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

I am sorry to say this, but you'll need more than just a notarized affidavit from someone he confessed to. Anybody can write an affidavit and have it notarized nowadays. Plus the fact that this affidavit was written by your ex of 20 years will make its contents doubtful.

I went through your same pain and believe me, it took a lot of things other than affidavits for me to get my fraudulent ex-wife sent back to her home country empty handed (w/o a GC).

Edited June 22, 2006 by dmartmar

[Wrenly 0]

Jen, I remember your posts from when we were applying. I think it took big-time guts to come on here and tell your story.

The real value in this thread, besides any thereaupeutic effects it might have for Jen, is the story itself.

She tells the story factually and honestly. She tells what the red flags were and how she was blind to them - how the game played out. And she doesn't lay blame.

If there are any members here who have had the SLIGHTEST murmur in their hearts of fraud, you need to read and re-read Jen's post. And then ask yourself HONESTLY if this could happen to you.

As far as what others think of revenge - in my opinion proving to USCIS that the marriage was fraudulent on his part from day one is not revenge. It is self-preservation because of the I-864. And we have Jen's mom on the hook as well as Jen for that.

I wish you peace, Jen. And I hope that your honesty and courage will not go unnoticed by others who travel this web community of ours.

I agree, but my question is this. Someone reads this and recognizes the red flags. What do they do then? What if they confront their SO and accuse him/her of fraud? If he is innocent, what does that do to a relationship?

I was thinking about this last night and I don't have an answer.

Jen, my thoughts are with you! Stay strong!

[Boiler 46,322]

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

That's the spirit, in fact, I'll add my tuppence to the above suggestion. Proof that he is not faithful would be moot a this point, in fact, it would cloud the issue of this marriage having been fraudulently induced. The regulations are clear as to the intent upon entering the marriage only. You don't wish to add any element of a scorned spouse into the mix. Be clear, concise and as factual as possible, without emotion, if possible. A timeline of events and facts to corroborate should demonstrate the scheme he had in mind.

To be pedantic I belive that it is not a case of demonstration, but of proof beyond reasonable doubt.

Personally I would be inclined to believe that this was his long term goal, but I do not see that there is enough evidence to support any action by USCIS.

Your best bet would be to hope he screws up, but unless he is stupid, he is here to stay.

The biggest concern is if he finds out about the I-864 issue.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

That's the spirit, in fact, I'll add my tuppence to the above suggestion. Proof that he is not faithful would be moot a this point, in fact, it would cloud the issue of this marriage having been fraudulently induced. The regulations are clear as to the intent upon entering the marriage only. You don't wish to add any element of a scorned spouse into the mix. Be clear, concise and as factual as possible, without emotion, if possible. A timeline of events and facts to corroborate should demonstrate the scheme he had in mind.

To be pedantic I belive that it is not a case of demonstration, but of proof beyond reasonable doubt.

Personally I would be inclined to believe that this was his long term goal, but I do not see that there is enough evidence to support any action by USCIS.

Your best bet would be to hope he screws up, but unless he is stupid, he is here to stay.

The biggest concern is if he finds out about the I-864 issue.

If I'm not mistaken, and the USC presents sufficient evidence to cause USCIS to look into the matter, the Service can issue a decision to revoke the GC. I agree, the impetus for USCIS to do that lies on the USC to make a compelling case, supported by facts. The affidavit from a person that the alien confided in would be only additional proof to corroborate those proofs and evidences that the USC can provide in her report. I may be mistaken, but I believe that reasonable doubt comes in if the alien then goes before the IJ to challenge a decision made by USCIS. Then, in the BIA, the Service would have to have substantial proofs to support their finding, otherwise the decision could be reversed in the alien's favour. However, and this is only an opinion, there are those that perpetrate fraud who are skilled in pulling off a scheme, but are not so inclined to challenge a negative finding. I'll agree, perhaps the percentages are smaller, but there's a chance that could come to pass.

Let's just say that were the USC capable of inciting the Service to take a look at this, through a well-drafted and compiled report of her allegations and corroborating ancillary evidence as in the affidavit of a comfession, and if he were to receive some negative action on his GC, he might ultimately prevail before the IJ, but it would cost him dearly in terms of immigration attorney fees to do so. Perhaps a little Shylock flesh measure, if nothing more

Edited June 22, 2006 by diadromous mermaid

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

That's the spirit, in fact, I'll add my tuppence to the above suggestion. Proof that he is not faithful would be moot a this point, in fact, it would cloud the issue of this marriage having been fraudulently induced. The regulations are clear as to the intent upon entering the marriage only. You don't wish to add any element of a scorned spouse into the mix. Be clear, concise and as factual as possible, without emotion, if possible. A timeline of events and facts to corroborate should demonstrate the scheme he had in mind.

Damn, diaddie, you iz cold. I like it.

Well I am a sea-dweller, by nature

Actually, this is a good exercise on two fronts. First, if Jen feels so inclined to report this matter, and it is her choice, then a cool-headed factual approach will carry more weight than one steeped in emotion, and secondly, to try to craft something like this will aid her in removing herself a little from the situation. Once she sees her ex-husband for what he has done, and not for whom she thought he would be, then the loss of her partner will be less painful for her (not discounting the impact of the betrayal which will live on for some time, no doubt, but at least the outpouring of emotion for a love she once cherished can stop) and the road to recovery from the hurt will be easier to navigate. Even if she does this with no intention to submit, placing the facts on paper can do nothing but help, in my opinion.

[mychelle 1]

I'd love to call momma in Egypt and tell her all and the truth. He'd be crushed at the thought of his mother being disappointed in him. Problem is.... she doesn't speak english.

His sister is in Sharm El Sheik (working) and is the only other person in the house who speaks english. There's no telling what he will tell her about us divorcing, etc.

Over there, if there's a divorce, it's assumed that the woman is at fault (no matter the circumstances) because she should have done more to make her husband happy and to make the marriage work. For instance, not argue with the husband.

Jen

You guys/gals are great!

just be cautious about your feeling/relationship with his mother. in my experience, no matter how great the girl's relationship is with the boyfriend's/fiance's/husband's mom...she is still the guy's mom will always be on their side. she may be your friend and she may be compassionate to you (i'm not saying she's gonna be fake) but really...when the dust settles...she's still her son's mother. also, since she doesn't speak English and you're not fluent in Arabic i don't know see how you can truly know her. i understand that the sister translates but something is ALWAYS lost in translation (i should know, i'm fluent in 2 languages and a couple of dialects and i have to admit that some words do not have direct translations and no matter how much you try to translate accurately, it's just not possible) well, it's just a thought.

i admire your courage. i wish you the best! this too shall pass...

[non 0]

hi,like others i'm sorry for what's happening to u,by the way i'm abderrahim and i'm moroccan,which means muslim arabic too,what ur husband did and does show the bad side of people who seek just visa,and i believe not just muslims arabic but others too,i'm not defending muslims or arabs,but what i can say is '' one bad fish make all the fish basket smelt bad'' like we say in here,i'm so sorry not just for u but also for us as dirty people make others think we r all same.i dont want to blame u but u said that from the begining he didnt want to put rings neither did a wedding in his place and so on,those things had to make u beng aware,anyway no use to regret.if he 's a good muslim and a real man he wouldnt did and do that to u,especially as he has a sister like u said, none wants his sister or daughter to face that,so why to do that to others?;anyway goes around comes around he will face things.one thing plz in ur posts u was talking like u tell women to be much aware like all r like ur husband,not all the fingers in the hand r same.i hope everything will be great with u,and dont give up u still alive and sweet things r still coming.

[jenprincess1 0]

Abderrahim,

Thank you for your words. I do realize that he is NOT representative of all muslims or arabs, Alhamdulilah!

I would like to clarify about the rings: We didn't get any initially, due to the it not being a big importance at the time to either of us, based on the understanding that we'd be getting them in Egypt. Economics was the simple factor there..... gold is cheaper in Egypt because the dollar goes further there than in Kuwait. When we did get them, it was just simple.

Regarding the wedding party: We didn't have any friends (he had some friends there) or family in Kuwait, so we were going to do it in Egypt. When we went to Egypt, we no longer had the funds we had two months before, so he said we'd do it later. When we went back this year, he didn't want to, citing economics at first and then admitting that his friends would laugh behind MY back for being older than him.

He did, however introduce me to many, many members of his extended family. That is part of why I am/was so confused about why he'd bother, if he didn't intend to stay with me anyway.

I am not anti-arab, by any means, because of him. I simply won't bring/sponsor another foreigner from ANYWHERE. That is because I will never be sure in my head that the visa isn't the only thing he'd be after, truly. I am however, still muslim...... which means he's changed that aspect of my life forever. Alhamdulilah. It also means it changes how I can ever remarry. (sigh)

Jen

Edited June 23, 2006 by jenprincess1

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I am however, still muslim...... which means he's changed that aspect of my life forever. Alhamdulilah. It also means it changes how I can ever remarry. (sigh)

Jen

Alhamdulilah! I hope you find a pious partner stateside inshaAllah ta'ala.

Of course, we all know that we're weak, vulnerable women that these arab men bully into converting to Islam *rolls eyes*

Edited June 23, 2006 by rahma

[AngelK96 0]

Dang Jen I am so sorry this has happened to you. I remember all the work you did just to get him here

Alot of people gave you some good advice here especially diadromous mermaid.

When you are in the moment where you feel like venting just msg me! Much love to you girl!!!!

Angel

[Boiler 46,322]

I am not wasting any more energy and money on him. I don't care if he's celibate. If a notarized affidavit from someone he made those statements to and the fact that he left me so very soon after getting here in the US (keep in mind that we were in Egypt from 02/02 til 04/13) aren't evidence enough, then immigration will never do their jobs properly. God knows we can't get them to do it now.

Jen

That's the spirit, in fact, I'll add my tuppence to the above suggestion. Proof that he is not faithful would be moot a this point, in fact, it would cloud the issue of this marriage having been fraudulently induced. The regulations are clear as to the intent upon entering the marriage only. You don't wish to add any element of a scorned spouse into the mix. Be clear, concise and as factual as possible, without emotion, if possible. A timeline of events and facts to corroborate should demonstrate the scheme he had in mind.

To be pedantic I belive that it is not a case of demonstration, but of proof beyond reasonable doubt.

Personally I would be inclined to believe that this was his long term goal, but I do not see that there is enough evidence to support any action by USCIS.

Your best bet would be to hope he screws up, but unless he is stupid, he is here to stay.

The biggest concern is if he finds out about the I-864 issue.

If I'm not mistaken, and the USC presents sufficient evidence to cause USCIS to look into the matter, the Service can issue a decision to revoke the GC. I agree, the impetus for USCIS to do that lies on the USC to make a compelling case, supported by facts. The affidavit from a person that the alien confided in would be only additional proof to corroborate those proofs and evidences that the USC can provide in her report. I may be mistaken, but I believe that reasonable doubt comes in if the alien then goes before the IJ to challenge a decision made by USCIS. Then, in the BIA, the Service would have to have substantial proofs to support their finding, otherwise the decision could be reversed in the alien's favour. However, and this is only an opinion, there are those that perpetrate fraud who are skilled in pulling off a scheme, but are not so inclined to challenge a negative finding. I'll agree, perhaps the percentages are smaller, but there's a chance that could come to pass.

Let's just say that were the USC capable of inciting the Service to take a look at this, through a well-drafted and compiled report of her allegations and corroborating ancillary evidence as in the affidavit of a comfession, and if he were to receive some negative action on his GC, he might ultimately prevail before the IJ, but it would cost him dearly in terms of immigration attorney fees to do so. Perhaps a little Shylock flesh measure, if nothing more

It may be cathartic for the OP to do this.

And none of us know the full details, just what has been posted here.

But I think we both agree its a long shot (nobody knows quite how long), and not something that would be sensible to rely upon.

The main 'evidence' that has been mention appears to be a 'confession' to the ex, a previous poster who has gone through this process stated he needed a lot more.

[Fandango 1,440]

The effort to get him here should be equal to the effort to get him out. IMO of course.

[ya falaha! 0]

My God I'm so sorry, Jen. My heart is breaking for you. I don't have any advice to give you other than to not let him get away with this. How can a human being do this? It's just heartless. I hope you can recover from this in the future and find a man who will appreciate the wonderful person that you are.

Hugs,

Kara

[Yodrak 7]

There's a VJer who should read this post, but I don't recall her name and her recent relevant threads have been removed (appropriately).

Yodrak

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been here in MONTHS. It is because I've been going through a LOT of pain and disappointment. I have had my husband here since October, '05. To cut to the chase, he has bailed in less than the 8 months he was here. He is under the impression that if he divorces me, he'll have to leave, but if I do it, he can stay. I know he's been advised by some of his buddies..... but I honestly have no idea.

I am so hurt by all the lies that I absolutely am of no mind to look it up right now. It took them so damned long to get him here (17 months), that they sent him a permanent resident card good for ten years, even though we were only married two years as of March of this year. I need to know consequences for myself. I need to know if he can stay? I need to know LOTS of stuff!!

I gave him all the opportunities to "fess up". My suspicions were based on his behavior and statements. However, I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. Anyone would like to keep believing that the person who keeps professing his love, really DOES love them. I know FOR SURE NOW, due to his confessions to my "ex" (daughter's father), made freely...... that his plan was to come and make me tired of him, so I would send him away or divorce him. However, it didn't work quite that way. He finally just told me (from Las Vegas) that he "wants to just be alone"..... I am in Missouri.

Well kids, that's the summary........ I will fill in details as needed (asked). Is there anyone who just already has some knowledge on this subject, either from experience or having read it here?? I am soooooooo sick of this heartache. I know I shouldn't feel foolish, but I do. I was completely honest. I always am..... I am most disappointed when others are not. Especially when the "others" use someone's heart/kindness in the process.

Thank you all. I am sorry I've been missing so long...... crises take MUCH attention.

Jen