Help! He played me....

[john_and_marlene 162]

I don't want to sound harsh or anything like that because my heart does well and truly go out to you, but at the end of the day this azzhole rode your coattails into this country, so you must do everything you can to see him removed.

I disagree. CYA, of course, let USCIS know what happened, but other than that just move on. From what Jen was saying he wasn't doing a good job assimilating. He'll fall on his ### sooner or later. Then she'll get the last laugh.

It's not as simple as "moving on". She is still on the hook for supporting him for a very long time unless he leaves the country. If he falls on his ###, he could ask for support from her and get it. If she waits until that happens and then claims fraud, then her claims might be viewed as just an attempt to avoid support.

[Carola 0]

Very sorry to hear. I remember when you were going through the process to get him here.

Me too, Jen I am so really sorry to hear the bad news I was wondering about you sometime ago.

As some one say work in having your happiness back girl! you're a BRAVE woman

[rclouse 0]

I admire Jen - she is not being vengeful despite her heart-break... vengeance is a self-destructive emotion... and she has risen above that... kudos to you Jen... you are an inspiration to all. Much love to you. ((((HUGS))))

I disagree. Vengeance is cleansing.

I disagree again. Watching someone fail is a form of revenge.

/loves me some schadenfreude

[Fandango 1,440]

I admire Jen - she is not being vengeful despite her heart-break... vengeance is a self-destructive emotion... and she has risen above that... kudos to you Jen... you are an inspiration to all. Much love to you. ((((HUGS))))

I disagree. Vengeance is cleansing.

I disagree again. Watching someone fail is a form of revenge.

/loves me some schadenfreude

but do you agree or disagree that it's cleansing?

[rclouse 0]

but do you agree or disagree that it's cleansing? devil.gif

It might make you feel good for a little bit, but it's far healthier to rise above such base emotions, IMHO. Protect yourself, certainly. Prevent yourself from being further taken advantage of, most definately. But intentionally causing harm? I don't believe in the long run it's the best course. What does that say about you?

Do the minimum required to be fair and then watch them fail from afar. I speak from personal experience that it can be quite satisfying.

[rebeccajo 14]

Jen, I remember your posts from when we were applying. I think it took big-time guts to come on here and tell your story.

The real value in this thread, besides any thereaupeutic effects it might have for Jen, is the story itself.

She tells the story factually and honestly. She tells what the red flags were and how she was blind to them - how the game played out. And she doesn't lay blame.

If there are any members here who have had the SLIGHTEST murmur in their hearts of fraud, you need to read and re-read Jen's post. And then ask yourself HONESTLY if this could happen to you.

As far as what others think of revenge - in my opinion proving to USCIS that the marriage was fraudulent on his part from day one is not revenge. It is self-preservation because of the I-864. And we have Jen's mom on the hook as well as Jen for that.

I wish you peace, Jen. And I hope that your honesty and courage will not go unnoticed by others who travel this web community of ours.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

but do you agree or disagree that it's cleansing? devil.gif

It might make you feel good for a little bit, but it's far healthier to rise above such base emotions, IMHO. Protect yourself, certainly. Prevent yourself from being further taken advantage of, most definately. But intentionally causing harm? I don't believe in the long run it's the best course. What does that say about you?

Do the minimum required to be fair and then watch them fail from afar. I speak from personal experience that it can be quite satisfying.

I agree. As the American Indian legend goes, a young Cherokee is brought before the tribal elders, concerned with his aggressive tendencies. One elder takes the young man aside and tells him that his anger is understandable, since all humans have two wolves residing within them. One wolf is good and peaceable (the white wolf); the other is evil and angry (the black wolf).

The two wolves are in constant battle with one another, since neither is powerful enough to destroy the other. The young man asks the elder "But if the wolves are of equal power, which wolf will win?" The elder replies, "The one you feed the most."

"Feeding the white wolf" means to do what is right, by reporting the situation to USCIS, and if it is well-documented and supported they will look into it. But once that is done, leave the matter in their hands and then turn your energies inward to try to heal from this. It will take energy and resources to deal with the emotional upheaval, believe me. Hugs!

[chili74 0]

Hi Jen- just wanted to add my words of support. Thank you for sharing your story in such an honest way. You are brave and I admire you. Be really kind to yourself!!

[Peggy 1]

Please dont put yourself down and call yourself names over this Jen.

He is the one that did the scam here.

I would report him for sure. He shouldnt be able to stay in the USA.

HUGS JEN

I admire you for sharing your story to try and help others.

Your a special girl.

[KarenCee 3]

It's over. Move on and Smile

Who are you??? It's not as easy as that....besides, unless you've walked in her shoes how can you be so blasé with your response.

Not in the mood for flippancy today

[iceyspots 0]

Jen, I remember your posts from when we were applying. I think it took big-time guts to come on here and tell your story.

The real value in this thread, besides any thereaupeutic effects it might have for Jen, is the story itself.

She tells the story factually and honestly. She tells what the red flags were and how she was blind to them - how the game played out. And she doesn't lay blame.

If there are any members here who have had the SLIGHTEST murmur in their hearts of fraud, you need to read and re-read Jen's post. And then ask yourself HONESTLY if this could happen to you.

As far as what others think of revenge - in my opinion proving to USCIS that the marriage was fraudulent on his part from day one is not revenge. It is self-preservation because of the I-864. And we have Jen's mom on the hook as well as Jen for that.

I wish you peace, Jen. And I hope that your honesty and courage will not go unnoticed by others who travel this web community of ours.

[almaty 19]

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been here in MONTHS. It is because I've been going through a LOT of pain and disappointment. I have had my husband here since October, '05. To cut to the chase, he has bailed in less than the 8 months he was here. He is under the impression that if he divorces me, he'll have to leave, but if I do it, he can stay. I know he's been advised by some of his buddies..... but I honestly have no idea.

I am so hurt by all the lies that I absolutely am of no mind to look it up right now. It took them so damned long to get him here (17 months), that they sent him a permanent resident card good for ten years, even though we were only married two years as of March of this year. I need to know consequences for myself. I need to know if he can stay? I need to know LOTS of stuff!!

I gave him all the opportunities to "fess up". My suspicions were based on his behavior and statements. However, I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. Anyone would like to keep believing that the person who keeps professing his love, really DOES love them. I know FOR SURE NOW, due to his confessions to my "ex" (daughter's father), made freely...... that his plan was to come and make me tired of him, so I would send him away or divorce him. However, it didn't work quite that way. He finally just told me (from Las Vegas) that he "wants to just be alone"..... I am in Missouri.

Well kids, that's the summary........ I will fill in details as needed (asked). Is there anyone who just already has some knowledge on this subject, either from experience or having read it here?? I am soooooooo sick of this heartache. I know I shouldn't feel foolish, but I do. I was completely honest. I always am..... I am most disappointed when others are not. Especially when the "others" use someone's heart/kindness in the process.

Thank you all. I am sorry I've been missing so long...... crises take MUCH attention.

Jen

It's over. Move on and Smile

####### type of comment is that....don't worry ..be happy...........give me a break

[jenprincess1 0]

Ok Ladies and Gents,

Thank you again for the support and hugs and positive comments. I really do appreciate them. I will ignore the seemingly flippant ones and move on. I will not waste time on revenge but I will do what should be done in reporting him to immigration. There are honest couples trying to be together and he shouldn't reap any rewards for false labors.

I do agree with both Melo and TMMA. I do/will report to USCIS to cover myself as much as I can it's up to them to do their jobs and God to handle the whole package. I also agree with rclouse that a certain amount of satisfaction will come from witnessing karma in action..... from afar. I will check to see if I can have the I-864 rescinded.

I am filing for divorce tomorrow. He is willing to sign it and a "waiver of service". It takes only a month to divorce here, in Missouri. I'm doing it and all the paperwork myself. No sense in paying a lawyer. I didn't pay one to get him over here.

It isn't as easy as "moving on", which I have to do anyway...... right? But I do have a certain amount of grieving to do. I am not dwelling on the pain and I no longer feel like crying over him. Our whole relationship was a lie. How can I cry about that? I am sad that I have lost/wasted 3 years of my life and waited such a long and painful (wait) to get him here.

I do feel sad about his family, especially his mother. I don't believe any woman would let her son do something like that to another woman. I just can't. I hope not. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. She seemed so sincere and loving in loving me. I don't know what he will choose to tell her. I cannot worry about that, I have to clean up and move on.

Thanks,

Jen

Ps..... I know some you feel I'm being brave. I don't feel very brave. I just wanted to help whomever could benefit from knowing how it happened. But thank you for thinking I am.

Edited June 22, 2006 by jenprincess1

[Chuckles 0]

Good for you jen!! It is great you have the best attitude possible considering the circumstances. Hang in there, you are doing everything right. Some day you will meet a real man who will appreciate you I am sure. Whatever happens, I wish you happiness in your future.

[mercuryroad 0]

Ok Ladies and Gents,

Thank you again for the support and hugs and positive comments. I really do appreciate them. I will ignore the seemingly flippant ones and move on. I will not waste time on revenge but I will do what should be done in reporting him to immigration. There are honest couples trying to be together and he shouldn't reap any rewards for false labors.

I do agree with both Melo and TMMA. I do/will report to USCIS to cover myself as much as I can it's up to them to do their jobs and God to handle the whole package. I also agree with rclouse that a certain amount of satisfaction will come from witnessing karma in action..... from afar. I will check to see if I can have the I-864 rescinded.

I am filing for divorce tomorrow. He is willing to sign it and a "waiver of service". It takes only a month to divorce here, in Missouri. I'm doing it and all the paperwork myself. No sense in paying a lawyer. I didn't pay one to get him over here.

It isn't as easy as "moving on", which I have to do anyway...... right? But I do have a certain amount of grieving to do. I am not dwelling on the pain and I no longer feel like crying over him. Our whole relationship was a lie. How can I cry about that? I am sad that I have lost/wasted 3 years of my life and waited such a long and painful (wait) to get him here.

I do feel sad about his family, especially his mother. I don't believe any woman would let her son do something like that to another woman. I just can't. I hope not. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. She seemed so sincere and loving in loving me. I don't know what he will choose to tell her. I cannot worry about that, I have to clean up and move on.

Thanks,

Jen

Ps..... I know some you feel I'm being brave. I don't feel very brave. I just wanted to help whomever could benefit from knowing how it happened. But thank you for thinking I am.

you are brave and your attitude is admirable

stand strong and let your God sort out the rest.....I believe that if you live right and continue on your course, not only will you move on, but you will move up.....closer to God.

revenge is an inadequate substitue for justice.....never mistake it for the real thing