Scandinavians

[Mr. Borkström 63]

Thanks guys. It was a very good weekend.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

We've scheduled our medical. Wheee.

It might be a little presumptuous without the NOA2, but it seems to be something you have to schedule out far in advance (6 weeks).

[Alaska2012 462]

We've scheduled our medical. Wheee.

It might be a little presumptuous without the NOA2, but it seems to be something you have to schedule out far in advance (6 weeks).

Well it's valid for quite some time and hopefully London will speed ur case up!!

Today I got my secured credit card, gonna build up a credit of my own! It's a well strange system here, you can't get a good credit if you don't buy stuff on credit....But they won't give you a credit card with no credit either!

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Well it's valid for quite some time and hopefully London will speed ur case up!!

I hope so otherwise we are just going to give up and stay in DK or live in a border town. Immigration is such a PITA.

Today I got my secured credit card, gonna build up a credit of my own! It's a well strange system here, you can't get a good credit if you don't buy stuff on credit....But they won't give you a credit card with no credit either!

The wonders of the system, right? I think a lot of Americans get to piggy back on their parent's credit, at least I did when my mother put me joint on the credit cards, which is sort of unfair advantage.

[Moomin 292]

I hope so otherwise we are just going to give up and stay in DK or live in a border town. Immigration is such a PITA.

The wonders of the system, right? I think a lot of Americans get to piggy back on their parent's credit, at least I did when my mother put me joint on the credit cards, which is sort of unfair advantage.

If your medical expires before you have the visa in hand, the embassy will usually just ask you to have a new medical done. This happens alot to couples put in AP. The medical is valid for up to, but usually 12 months. I did my medical 3-4 months prior to interview and no questions asked.

[izola 1]

I did DCF before they took it away last time we moved. Same process just a lot faster and a lot more information available on how to work on it. Or rather the embassy were just very good at informing me of what I needed to do and by what time. The things I have found added this time I assume are added to DCF too.

Happy belated bday Bork!

[jaycali 415]

I have barely been on VJ the last couple of months. Thought I'd give you guys an update. Wife had an affair last summer while we were waiting for the NVC to generate a case number. I found out a little less than 2 months ago - 6 weeks after I arrived here. We've been trying to work things out so I haven't really said much, but this is a big mess. Not 100% sure what we're doing still, but we've pretty much agreed that separation is a very likely possibility. We're going to try for another month or two. but things aren't the same anymore. For a month and a half we've been living this slightly awkward married life with an elephant in the room that won't go away. I love this woman to death, and I wish the elephant would just disappear. Plus, our families are so intertwined it's a very scary thought to separate. It's a last resort, but it seems more and more likely that's the direction we're going.

This is a small island though, and there are very few places "to run to." Neither of us can afford a place of our own, and I definitely can't afford a plane ticket back to Norway, or anywhere else for that matter without having a set job first. A catch-22 since it's really difficult to get a job anywhere without an in-person interview first. So for the past week or two I've been playing with the idea of looking up Hawaii-based companies with branches elsewhere (my current company offered me Guam). Got a call back today from one of them if I might be interested in San Francisco, and I've started to seriously look into it.

Hope all of you fellow Scandinavians are doing much better in your marriages!

Edited March 1, 2013 by Jay Jay

[Moomin 292]

Wow.. Element of surprise. Am sorry about the amount of hurt/stress you're going through and having to deal with.

If you don't know where to stand or how to make that elephant either go away or address it, then go to marriage councelling asap so you're not letting it build up every day - already; 2 months is a long time. Don't go determined to stay together or split up but to become more clear about your situation.

Some are good at solving it on their own one way or the other. Reaching out might be good for you if you feel like you have to get it out to think more clearer or just share it. If your families are close I can imagine not many people would know about the situation.

Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I have barely been on VJ the last couple of months. Thought I'd give you guys an update. Wife had an affair last summer while we were waiting for the NVC to generate a case number. I found out a little less than 2 months ago - 6 weeks after I arrived here. We've been trying to work things out so I haven't really said much, but this is a big mess. Not 100% sure what we're doing still, but we've pretty much agreed that separation is a very likely possibility. We're going to try for another month or two. but things aren't the same anymore. For a month and a half we've been living this slightly awkward married life with an elephant in the room that won't go away. I love this woman to death, and I wish the elephant would just disappear. Plus, our families are so intertwined it's a very scary thought to separate. It's a last resort, but it seems more and more likely that's the direction we're going.

This is a small island though, and there are very few places "to run to." Neither of us can afford a place of our own, and I definitely can't afford a plane ticket back to Norway, or anywhere else for that matter without having a set job first. A catch-22 since it's really difficult to get a job anywhere without an in-person interview first. So for the past week or two I've been playing with the idea of looking up Hawaii-based companies with branches elsewhere (my current company offered me Guam). Got a call back today from one of them if I might be interested in San Francisco, and I've started to seriously look into it.

Hope all of you fellow Scandinavians are doing much better in your marriages!

[LlamaInvasion 76]

I'm sorry to hear that, Jay. :/

If it's any consolation, I hear SF is pretty awesome? Do you have any friends/family in Norway who could loan you the money for a ticket home if it comes to that?

I'll never understand cheaters.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

*hugs* Jay, always hard to hear of something like that. My immigrant cousin and her immigrant spouse just moved there this fall and they love SF. A clean slate is always good.

I did DCF before they took it away last time we moved. Same process just a lot faster and a lot more information available on how to work on it. Or rather the embassy were just very good at informing me of what I needed to do and by what time. The things I have found added this time I assume are added to DCF too.

Stockholm is on their game. We just got our email this afternoon from them and it seems things are going to move quickly. We totally weren't expecting it to be this quick, so we need to move up the medical hopefully, get the police certificates, and my mother is express mailing her I-864 over.

Now, we've just got to figure out when we are going to leave.

Oh and my MIL cried her eyes out today. I feel awful, she is so sweet and awesome.

[Alaska2012 462]

Oh JayJay I'm so sorry to hear all this. I hope you can figure out a solution that is good for you! Too bad she didn't tell you earlier, would have been more fair on you deciding to move or not with all cards on the table...

[jaycali 415]

Wow.. Element of surprise. Am sorry about the amount of hurt/stress you're going through and having to deal with.If you don't know where to stand or how to make that elephant either go away or address it, then go to marriage councelling asap so you're not letting it build up every day - already; 2 months is a long time. Don't go determined to stay together or split up but to become more clear about your situation.Some are good at solving it on their own one way or the other. Reaching out might be good for you if you feel like you have to get it out to think more clearer or just share it. If your families are close I can imagine not many people would know about the situation. Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Thanks. This all has opened up a Pandora's box of underlying issues. So from being a fight about an affair, it has blown up every little issue as well. We've agreed on one thing - We're married, so "packing up and leaving" just like that isn't an option. At the same time, what we had is irretrievable.

I'm sorry to hear that, Jay. :/If it's any consolation, I hear SF is pretty awesome? Do you have any friends/family in Norway who could loan you the money for a ticket home if it comes to that?I'll never understand cheaters.

My parents would loan me money for a ticket if it came to that - But they've already helped me a lot in the moving process, and spent a great deal of money to bring my wife on a good old Norwegian charterferie with us last summer. Plus, a plane ticket is not the only issue, there's also the issue of being jobless for a certain amount of time, with bills coming in. I just began working full-time here a month and a half ago, and this is the first month I've actually gone in plus (by a couple hundred dollars) since September! Bills from Lånekassen will start arriving in May - I cannot afford to quit my job, get a plane ticket and another month or two of unemployment. Plus, if I went back to Norway at this point it means moving into my little sister's old room - not appealing for someone closing in on 30 with marital issues!

But yes, if it came down to it, I do have that backup.

Oh JayJay I'm so sorry to hear all this. I hope you can figure out a solution that is good for you! Too bad she didn't tell you earlier, would have been more fair on you deciding to move or not with all cards on the table...

She told me she wanted to tell me "face to face" and not while I was visiting. I still had to dig to find all the answers.

I wish I would have found out earlier, but in a way I'm glad I didn't find out when I was going crazy waiting for the visa - I at least got to settle a little bit before I found out.

Thanks for the good wishes guys!

Edited March 1, 2013 by Jay Jay

[Alaska2012 462]

I'm trying to be ahead of my game here......when it's time to do whatever I need to do to get the 10 year green card and eventually the citizenship i know we have to prove we live together. And everywhere i read people say they show it with different utility bills that they both are on. Now I have called the gas company, the water&waste, the electric company and our phone carrier and they all have put me on the accounts but my name never shows up anywhere but in their data bases. Only my husbands name will appear on bills and statements , so what the heck do i do? We have the lease in both our names but that is it. My husband refuses to have a bank account we don't have a joint account either.

When time comes do you guys think a couple of mutual kids and a lease will be enough to prove an ongoing relationship or whatever they are looking for?

[LlamaInvasion 76]

Refuses to have a bank account? o.O ...what the hell? Why?

We just files for ROC. We have some utilities in my name and some in my husband's. The electricity is in his name, the cable is in mine; we just submitted copies of each, showing they're going to the same address. We also added me to the car insurance, and we have joint renters insurance (homeowners if we'd owned). We also submitted copies of our son's birth certificate, a few photos, copies of our lease (and past lease agreements), and we do have a joint bank account.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Refuses to have a bank account? o.O ...what the hell? Why?

I saw on Alaska State Troopers that that is kind of common in Alaska.

I think you would probably want to include statements from both of you clearly saying that you don't have a joint bank account or any bank account at all otherwise some IO is going to send you an RFE, because yah know for a marriage to be bonafide people have to have joint accounts.

@Izola or anyone else who has gone through DCF, they ask for $230 at the embassy. How did you pay that? Swedish money equivalent? American cash? I think I only have $30 of American money sitting around the house...

Also, I don't know if any Danes have had this problem, but we are ending the lease before the first year is up on our apartment. My silly husband took out a loan from the municipality to pay for the deposit that he seems to think we have to pay back immediately when we move out, except that that is a lot of money. Can we not split the payments or something? Or just move to America and just do it in parts without asking? I just don't know how long it will take for him and/or me to find work.