Scandinavians

[LlamaInvasion 76]

Congratulations on approvals!!

I totally reserve the right to later change my mind and move back to Norway. I have lived in the states before and I have visited over 20 times the last 10 years and also for long periods of time. I know what's waiting me. But to live forever? I do not know if I want that. Time will tell.... I'm really looking forward to moving (and I know I would regert it if I didn't do it) but it also pains me to leave my family and friends and to take my son away from everything safe and secure.

I think we will be ok,but I don't know what's waiting me or how I will feel a few years from now....

LlamaInvasion can I ask what's making you want to move back?

It's a combination of fifty million factors. I don't have a college degree, nor do I have an interest in pursuing one (which is another really long story), so having a child here quite frankly, sucks ####. We don't have insurance. Medicaid has given us a massive run-around for our son (and I don't qualify at all, of course, so if I break a leg I'm ######). A retail job/McJob would bring in less income than child care would cost in my area. I've been here for years and can't make friends. I miss public transportation; I feel like I have a lot less independence because I'm completely dependent on a car. I hate the political systems (Norway's not perfect, but good grief, spare me the ###### sanctimonious bullshit that the ONLY two parties that matter over here spout off on a regular basis), the social justice extremists, the religious conservative extremists. I don't like how I'm considered an extremist liberal leftist socialist crazy person, because even the far left democrats are right of Norway's left. I strongly dislike how everyone's so nosy, and how I'm immediately perceived as rude if I don't want to hold a conversation with the cashier at Rite-Aid. I don't understand why people choose to keep their kids indoors in rainy or snowy weather.

A lot of it come from little annoyances re: child care and upbringing. Like the complete lack of strømpebukser over here. Why don't they exist? And why, when I do find them, do they have ruffles on the #### or lace bows at the ankles? I want to keep my son's legs warm, that's all. Why are the only hats in existence thick and for winter use? Why do all strollers come with carseat attachments, instead of bassinets? Why does the babygrøt look, taste and smell GROSSSSS. I spent the entirety of last year getting baby care packages sent from Norway, and it cost quite a pretty penny. If I'd had the good sense to, I would have bought a stroller from Norway, too.

I don't like that my husband is looking at a future of 12 hour work days, with added overtime occasionally (and during tax season it'll probably get crazy; he's an accountant). I really hate that he barely gets vacation time compared to home, so visits home are either infrequent or without him. And due to the exchange rate, visiting Norway on an American budget will always be harder and more expensive than visiting America on a Norwegian budget. I miss Norwegian dyner; we live in a place with seasons, yet the thickest dyne we've found is too thin to keep me warm at night, despite the heat being on. We have two of them, that I layer.

Basically, with the paycheck I made in Norway working at Subway, I comfortably owned a two-bedroom apartment, and had plenty of money leftover each month. Now I'm in the weird situation where I literally can't afford to work.

For my husband, who doesn't speak a lick of Norwegian and it set in his career path in America (personal accounting doesn't translate well to a Norwegian position, unless he were to go into auditing, which he hates more than words can describe), USA reigns supreme. For me, it used to, because I was able to work, and I didn't have a kid to worry about health care costs or strømpebukser for, and going home to visit Norway meant simply that - going home to visit Norway. It didn't used to mean "family vacation time." But situations change, and it's no longer the optimal choice for me.

Still, I stay because I'd rather be with my husband here, than in Norway without him.

[Alaska2012 462]

I got my alaska state driving license today!!! I'm so happy! I had 90 days to sort that out when I got here but of course I was putting it off way too long so I've been driving around illegally for half a month, but now I'm back on track!

[Eve&Josh 5]

For those of you who are already here on the other side of the puddle, I'd like to hear if you have a job here, and if yes, what you do and how you got that job. And if you like that job .

I landed a part-time job pretty fast after I started looking, and based on the job description I thought it sounded just wonderful and perfect! Of course the pay was(is) really bad, but I figured it's okay as long as I'm learning new things, what I do is even somewhat interesting and I'm getting to be a part of a work environment, and making friends.

Unfortunately, none of those things are happening. The office doesn't seem very welcoming and what I do there is beyond boring. No one talks there, not to me or with each other. People don't go out for lunch together. They don't even get up to have the lunch they brought with them together. I'm glad I have a place to go that gives me a sense of routine, but I'm even happier that I only go there three times a week. It almost makes me feel even lonelier when I'm there. And the learning aspect... Well, all I've been doing since I started is online research and data entry = I google, and type what I find into a simple excel sheet. I've been doing that for a month and a half now and I'm BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I'm even thinking of quitting and getting a bar tending or waitressing job where I could at least have a social and busy environment, but being a research assistant at a non-profit looks better on the resume and would hopefully prove helpful in the long run.

I was hoping to move up to do something more demanding fairly fast (which they told me at the interview is a good possibility), but now I'm thinking that even if they offered, I don't think I'd like to be stuck in a work environment like that full-time.

Am I being too demanding? I mean, based on what I've heard when asking around, this is not the normal workplace. But, then I think that I should just be happy that I've got something to do that pays me a little money. Sometimes I worry that I'm missing my old job in Finland enough that nothing's going to compare, ever. And that I might be sick with a permanent condition of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. Obviously, I'm still looking for jobs and have been sending out applications, but nothing's catching.

I had a pretty good career going on in the IT field back in Finland.

[rarasantiago 3]

You are most welcome.

Not quite yet I'm afraid. I'm putting my apartment up for sale. I've talked to a realtor who said that you can sign a form that allows someone else to sign the contract for you once someone has agreed to buy it, so I think I will get my dad to do that for me. I hope/think/want to be in Da Burgh in time for Christmas. I was hoping for Thanksgiving, and I still sort of am, but even if I am not ruling it out completely, I don't think that's going to happen.

Must be similar to a Power of Attorney here. That's three weeks and as we've all probably have learned here, in thre week anything is possible

[Alaska2012 462]

For those of you who are already here on the other side of the puddle, I'd like to hear if you have a job here, and if yes, what you do and how you got that job. And if you like that job .

Nope I don't have a job, I was thinking of getting a job, any kind of job when my youngest is a little bit older, but a placing at a daycare is between $700-900, hours 9-3. Which they call full time, hours before and after cost extra.. I was thinking getting a part time job just to get out of the house and for the baby to get some quality time with other kids, I would probably not bring home any money cause the day care bill would eat it all up but I was ok with that. However I got pregnant again....so 2 kids would be $1400-1800.... I doubt I will find a part time job that will pay me that much! I would actually lose money going out working! This is the number one system over here that needs a do-over....lose money on working, it's ridiculous!

[rarasantiago 3]

Embassy Review

Husband arrived to embassy at 8:20 am for his 9:00 appointment. Once inside he went to the “infamous” Window G. He got quite a scare from them when they asked for my 2011 tax return (he took a binder with copies of everything we sent during the process: I-130, AOS package and IV package) and medical exam (he had copies of the vaccination record from doctor). He was told to have a seat and wait. So he sat there going over in his mind how much longer he’d have to wait in Denmark until copies of the medical were re-sent and processed in Stockholm .

He was called up for the interview. Fortunately, by interview time they had found the medical exam file and said they didn't need the tax returns. But he offered the copies he had anyways.

The woman at the window started with what seem like odd questions: What's something your wife would like to change about herself? If I asked her what would she say? How do you share your domestic responsibilities with your wife? How do you think you'll adjust to life in the US? Followed by the typical where did you meet, get married, where are her parents from/living, etc. The interview was quick. When it was done she said “Congratulations, your visa is approved.” She also told him that after he entered the US he shouldn’t leave the country until he receives the green card. And that if he wanted to leave the country for an extended period of time up to 12 months he’d have to apply for an extended leave.

Except for the paperwork scare he said it was a pretty quick and easy experience and was out by 10:30. And echoing what others have mentioned, said he should’ve brought something to read.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I think it's hard to say how another person will adjust. I love living over here but I have my blue days, people are very nice and I' do talk to a lot of parents when I pick up my son from school but its been hard to meet friends. Sure I hang out with my husbands friends but that's not the same. I can miss having the phone ring and its a friend who just wanna see what I'm doing and chat for an hour. I do Skype with people back home but its not the same. So for me it's the social life, but than again I've only been here 3,5 months so I'm sure it'll all work out.

Where about in the us are you gonna move?

The house I'm inheriting is in CT in a very very rural area. I moved from shoreline CT with my mother to Denmark from a street where it seemed like every person was a first generation American with a Scandinavian parent. My mother called me to tell me another one of our neighbors actually speaks Danish...his daughter and my daughter were close friends and they came trick or treating and got into a conversation about me being in Denmark. My mother is actually thinking about just giving us that house or selling it at a reduced price. I think my husband would like it better than being all alone in the woods.

I agree with Alaska, it's difficult to say how someone will adjust, because it depends a lot on their background and personality. If he's career-driven, the harsh job market here in the US might be hard to take (of course, that depends on what field he's in). Also, having to start over with making friends and creating a social life of your own can be difficult. Most of all, for someone independent, that fact that you depend on someone else for everything, is a major adjustment. At least for me those things have been incredibly difficult to overcome - and which I am still working on after having been here for 13 months now. If you've had internships or any sort of work experience in the US that will make getting a job a lot easier, and also having friends, or acquaintances, some people you know, already in the area you will move to, will help a lot.

Although I'm sure you know all this as you are living in a foreign country right now yourself. For a guy it might be even more difficult, with having to stay home and having the wife be the bread winner for a while. And guys might have more trouble opening up about their feelings if they're missing home etc.

But, adjusting is different for everyone. I wish you guys good luck on moving!

Well, I don't ever anticipate being the breadwinner. My husband is pretty fluent in English and a huge blue collar guy. I'm hoping it won't be too hard to find a job for him. It helps that our soon to be house, truck, and car are all owned out right and the rental unit pays for property taxes and utilities. So, he wouldn't have to earn a whole lot of money to pay for food, clothes, and insurance.

I know he is uncomfortable with him not paying for housing, but our standard of living sort of demands that situation. I don't really know how to make him feel more comfortable in it?

Hi There,

Just wondering what made you guys decide to return to the US?

I don't want to go bashing Denmark, so I'll just be vague and say that I'm a pretty conservative and traditional person even in America, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. I think there are good things like the bus system and the bike lanes/paths. I could only dream of such a thing in America. However, for me, the lack of chivalry, the stigma against traditional SAHM with lots of kids (we'd like quite a few), the expense of owning a car which we could only dream of at this point, how late daycare starts especially if I want to continue my education and have more kids, the harshness of the way children are treated in school and the bullying (my 3 year old came home bruised and bloody this week after being assaulted by another kid), the lack of availability of jobs in anything but cleaning if you don't speak fluent Danish, the lack of selection in any supermarket, the dating/marriage social mores for my future children, and the expense of travelling outside of the city by public transport.

I think I also miss waving to all my neighbors and having conversations with strangers out and about in town. We couldn't even go for a walk with out being stopped and little kids waving out the window to my daughter in America. She's largely ignored here. People here don't talk to others in the line at the supermarket or introduce themselves at your apartment door with cookies.

Oh, and the weather. I crave the sun.

I think it is just the way our house/relationship runs is just really out of place here. We use natural family planning, I'm a stay at home mom, we wants lots of kids, my husband wears the pants, I do all the housework and childcare, and I tend to make European conservatives look a little to the left of Marx. Definitely doesn't fit in here at all. I think my husband has always had trouble with it too.

Anyways, I was getting incredibly depressed and despondent, which isn't like me at all especially because I've lived all over the place and not felt like this. My husband told me this week that we'd have to move to America, and to be honest, he is right. I have yet to meet an American who has lasted more than 5 years here, doesn't mean they don't exist, but I think they are a rare breed.

Having lived in the US on and off on various student visas for the last 10 years I'd say the hardest thing for a Scandinavian to adjust to is Christmas. It's all relative of course and varies by person, but I can manage fine in the US 364 days a year, but Christmas eve is rough. I need my white, Norwegian julaften! Other Scandinavian students I've gone to school with seem to always miss the public transportation and being able to simply walk to the grocery store. This depends of course where you're from and where in the US you'll be moving. I lived in socal where a car is a must. Suits me fine as I love driving.

My wife stayed with me in Norway for 4.5 months and turns out it was a lot harder for her to adjust than for me. I think the climate combined with the language barrier is a big one to overcome..

I've studied a few languages and tend to pick them up easily (cue me translating in Paris for my mother as a 9 year old). Danish is just so difficult for me. I try my best with it, I really do, but it just isn't taking

The public transportation really is better, especially on a city-wide and local level, but the price of a train ticket to Copenhagen is painful.

I haven't had my first Danish Christmas quite yet, even with all the decorations seeming to come out already. I'm still on Halloween/Thanksgiving mode. I guess I can try and make it as much like home as possible

Yes, the car - he is excited about that, I think. My truck is the first vehicle that he's driven that his knees aren't on the dashboard. It is a good thing that he hates taking buses and will do anything to avoid it!

I got my alaska state driving license today!!! I'm so happy! I had 90 days to sort that out when I got here but of course I was putting it off way too long so I've been driving around illegally for half a month, but now I'm back on track!

Congrats!

Nope I don't have a job, I was thinking of getting a job, any kind of job when my youngest is a little bit older, but a placing at a daycare is between $700-900, hours 9-3. Which they call full time, hours before and after cost extra.. I was thinking getting a part time job just to get out of the house and for the baby to get some quality time with other kids, I would probably not bring home any money cause the day care bill would eat it all up but I was ok with that. However I got pregnant again....so 2 kids would be $1400-1800.... I doubt I will find a part time job that will pay me that much! I would actually lose money going out working! This is the number one system over here that needs a do-over....lose money on working, it's ridiculous!

That is rough and is a really common problem in America, but I think it is 3500 dkk here for my daughter's school (that is after the 50% subsidy, we are actually really paying 7000 dkk a month). So here I pay $1200/month for a school that is a much lower quality than the one I paid $750/month for in America. That hurts, well not any more since I pulled her out this week to homeschool.

It might be cheaper to find an in-home daycare or another mother that needs money on the side?

I know in CT, they have subsidies for people making below a certain income so they can pay for daycare. That might be different in other states.

[jaycali 415]

Robhaa and Rarasantiago: congrats!!!! odd questions lol, was the CO nice and friendly though?

Everyone: My interview is on Tuesday, so far I'm bringing the following in a folder:

1. Copy of everything sent to USCIS (i-130, g-325a, copy of marriage certificate)

2. Copy of everything sent to NVC (wife's job contract, bc, police certificate) wifey didn't copy her tax return transcripts though before mailing them *fingers crossed nvc didn't lose them*

3. Proof of bona fide (photo album spanning 3 years, various boarding passes, Cruise ship tickets, joint insurance policy, skype screen shots)

4. Passport

5. Something to read

Am I missing anything crucial? I have a paper from the military stating I won't be called into service in peace time, in Norwegian (they won't issue in English) - given that it's in very formal writing and cites a bunch of laws regarding Norwegian draft laws, is this paper really necessary to get translated? The NVC didn't even ask for it.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Jay Jay

[robhaa 1]

Robhaa and Rarasantiago: congrats!!!! odd questions lol, was the CO nice and friendly though?

The CO was friendly, she was smiling and laughing a lot. The guy in window G who received all papers before the interview was nice too, but of course I wish he could have accepted my own "certified" translation of the police certificate...

I have a paper from the military stating I won't be called into service in peace time, in Norwegian (they won't issue in English) - given that it's in very formal writing and cites a bunch of laws regarding Norwegian draft laws, is this paper really necessary to get translated? The NVC didn't even ask for it.

That is weird, I was able to get a confirmation in English. It is not formal, and there are no laws on it. Basically just three paragraphs stating that I have done military service, that I was honorably discharged, and that I will not be called into service in peace time - although I might have to do "refresher" training if I am considered "essential". I had to present this before the interview, but I am not sure if it is absolutely needed. The name of the "Førstekonsulent" who signed it is Roger Nilsen, maybe you could try to call "Vernepliktsverket" and get hold of him?

Edit: And I did not need the proof of ongoing relationship. Such a bummer, I spent hours preparing it, haha...

Edited November 2, 2012 by robhaa

[Mr. Borkström 63]

Edit: And I did not need the proof of ongoing relationship. Such a bummer, I spent hours preparing it, haha...

Me too. But I think that's really a case of "better safe than sorry". I don't regret bringing all that stuff because how can you know ahead of time if you're going to need it at the interview or not? You can't so it's better to be on the safe side.

[MrsB2012 10]

I don't want to go bashing Denmark, so I'll just be vague and say that I'm a pretty conservative and traditional person even in America, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. I think there are good things like the bus system and the bike lanes/paths. I could only dream of such a thing in America. However, for me, the lack of chivalry, the stigma against traditional SAHM with lots of kids (we'd like quite a few), the expense of owning a car which we could only dream of at this point, how late daycare starts especially if I want to continue my education and have more kids, the harshness of the way children are treated in school and the bullying (my 3 year old came home bruised and bloody this week after being assaulted by another kid), the lack of availability of jobs in anything but cleaning if you don't speak fluent Danish, the lack of selection in any supermarket, the dating/marriage social mores for my future children, and the expense of travelling outside of the city by public transport.

I think I also miss waving to all my neighbors and having conversations with strangers out and about in town. We couldn't even go for a walk with out being stopped and little kids waving out the window to my daughter in America. She's largely ignored here. People here don't talk to others in the line at the supermarket or introduce themselves at your apartment door with cookies.

Oh, and the weather. I crave the sun.

I think it is just the way our house/relationship runs is just really out of place here. We use natural family planning, I'm a stay at home mom, we wants lots of kids, my husband wears the pants, I do all the housework and childcare, and I tend to make European conservatives look a little to the left of Marx. Definitely doesn't fit in here at all. I think my husband has always had trouble with it too.

Anyways, I was getting incredibly depressed and despondent, which isn't like me at all especially because I've lived all over the place and not felt like this. My husband told me this week that we'd have to move to America, and to be honest, he is right. I have yet to meet an American who has lasted more than 5 years here, doesn't mean they don't exist, but I think they are a rare breed.

I completely understand. I considered moving to DK after I was accepted to and received full scholarships to pursue my graduate degree at both CBS and Univ of Copenhagen. Of course the motivating factor behind me even applying was so that my now husband and I could finally be together after doing the long distance thing for three years. While I was visiting him for Christmas last year, I actually met up with some people I had met via Instagram, strangely enough. One was a Dane, one was Brazilian & married to a Dane and the other was Filipino and divorcing a Dane. I received some very candid and eye opening first hand accounts from all of them. At the time it was good to get perspectives of other people aside from just my boyfriend. I guess the idea of moving to Europe can seem awesome and romantic but the reality of it is so much different. Interesting enough, most of the things you mentioned above, they also complained about and my husband would also attest to it. I would bet to imagine it's pretty difficult to find any foreigner that has had an easy adjustment living in DK and just from my numerous extended visits to DK, I completely empathize with everything you mentioned above. Check out the site foreignersindenmark.dk I really like visiting Denmark, but I'm not so sure that I could handle living there.

While my husband said that the decision about graduate school was entirely my own, he definitely persuaded me not to move there. I knew that if I moved to CPH and committed to 2 years of graduate school, I would have put him in a situation where he felt even more trapped. Even though our situation isn't ideal at this very moment, especially waiting on his AOS case, I'm grateful that we're in So. California and that we're together.

He's now been here since June and we only were married the middle of Sept. He's really having a hard time not being able to work and is pretty much bored out of his mind. It's also hard for him that I'm basically supporting us and he's not able to contribute. I'm hoping that because of his level of education, experience (he's an engineer) and the fact that he speaks perfect English, that he'll be able to find a job relatively easy once he receives his work authorization. I have a feeling that once he actually starts working, things will be much different for him, especially his psyche. Still he insists that he rather be here than there. I hope that for you and your husband's sake, that he'll also feel the same way after some time of adjusting.

Btw- I understand how you feel about trying to learn the Danish language. I speak both English and Spanish fluently and a little Italian and French, however I REALLY struggle trying to learn Danish. Don't feel bad, you're definitely not alone, it's a very difficult language to learn.

[rarasantiago 3]

Robhaa and Rarasantiago: congrats!!!! odd questions lol, was the CO nice and friendly though?

Everyone: My interview is on Tuesday, so far I'm bringing the following in a folder:

1. Copy of everything sent to USCIS (i-130, g-325a, copy of marriage certificate)

2. Copy of everything sent to NVC (wife's job contract, bc, police certificate) wifey didn't copy her tax return transcripts though before mailing them *fingers crossed nvc didn't lose them*

3. Proof of bona fide (photo album spanning 3 years, various boarding passes, Cruise ship tickets, joint insurance policy, skype screen shots)

4. Passport

5. Something to read

Am I missing anything crucial? I have a paper from the military stating I won't be called into service in peace time, in Norwegian (they won't issue in English) - given that it's in very formal writing and cites a bunch of laws regarding Norwegian draft laws, is this paper really necessary to get translated? The NVC didn't even ask for it.

He said they asked friendly, just caught him off guard. He didn't take any extra proof of a bona fide relationship, the only proof was the copy of the photos in the I-130.

[jaycali 415]

Me too. But I think that's really a case of "better safe than sorry". I don't regret bringing all that stuff because how can you know ahead of time if you're going to need it at the interview or not? You can't so it's better to be on the safe side.

Absolutely. I'm spending this weekend preparing lol, just in case. In general, and in immigration especially, a "worst case scenario approach" seems to always be the best way to prepare.

For you Danes and Norwegians - What do you with stamps? I fly to Stockholm on Monday afternoon, my interview is Tuesday morning. Can I buy Swedish stamps here in Norway? Can I use Norwegian stamps? Can I just bring the postage fee in Swedish cash? How much is the postage fee? Doubt I can make it to a Swedish post office on Tuesday morning.. I'm staying at a hotel at Arlanda and I don't even know how to get from Arlanda to the embassy on Tuesday morning!

Too much time preparing papers, I have barely even thought of the logistics of everything

Edited November 3, 2012 by Jay Jay

[robhaa 1]

For you Danes and Norwegians - What do you with stamps?

I bought my stamps at the airport as soon as i landed, you can get them at a news agent. I ended up buying 50 stamps worth 6 SEK each since those were all he had - Try to avoid that, and get stamps that are worth more, haha... The envelope was covered in stamps I do not think Norwegian stamps will work. You need 295 SEK in total, if my memory serves me right.

[robhaa 1]

I bought my stamps at the airport as soon as i landed, you can get them at a news agent. I ended up buying 50 stamps worth 6 SEK each since those were all he had - Try to avoid that, and get stamps that are worth more, haha... The envelope was covered in stamps I do not think Norwegian stamps will work. You need 295 SEK in total, if my memory serves me right.

And no, you can not bring cash, stamps only.