Seperated from pending wife

[Minya's wife 24]

Merrillizer--

I take the law very seriously and I am still going to urge you to think hard before reporting illegal aliens. I bet that after any initial satisfaction, you'll soon realize you have made things much worse not just for them but also for your wife and yourself. Any action you take against them will further reduce any chances of you and your wife reconciling. And you may say that you won't reconcile anyway, but in that case, you still don't achieve anything (other than maybe some schadenfreude) by trying to make other people's life more miserable.

You may blame these people for some of the actions of your wife but your wife is an adult and chooses to be influenced by them. It's easier to blame others for interfering with your marriage, but my position is that the only thing that really matters is that the person you married, for whatever reason, doesn't seem to feel the marriage is worth fighting for. That's a hard pill to swallow, and I wish you the strength you need to get yourself back together.

Trying to get the immigration police to chase someone is not a minor thing. Regardless of what you think about illegal immigrants, as someone else said, they are first and foremost people trying to make a living in difficult circumstances. You say you understand why your wife doesn't want to go back to her country and that you want to do anything to help her stay, yet you're going to try to get others deported?

Please, don't do anything rash. You'll have to live with yourself the rest of your life, and after all this has passed, you may find that trying to hurt people who are in a vulnerable position is not something to be proud of.

Yes lets not get the illegal immigrants in any kind of trouble. So what if a a lot of us on this forum are busting our arses off trying to get our wives, husbands, children, etc.. visa's the legal way. Let us all start promoting illegal immigration on this board from now on.

be careful...self-righteousness has been known to cause asphyxia

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Merrillizer--

I take the law very seriously and I am still going to urge you to think hard before reporting illegal aliens. I bet that after any initial satisfaction, you'll soon realize you have made things much worse not just for them but also for your wife and yourself. Any action you take against them will further reduce any chances of you and your wife reconciling. And you may say that you won't reconcile anyway, but in that case, you still don't achieve anything (other than maybe some schadenfreude) by trying to make other people's life more miserable.

You may blame these people for some of the actions of your wife but your wife is an adult and chooses to be influenced by them. It's easier to blame others for interfering with your marriage, but my position is that the only thing that really matters is that the person you married, for whatever reason, doesn't seem to feel the marriage is worth fighting for. That's a hard pill to swallow, and I wish you the strength you need to get yourself back together.

Trying to get the immigration police to chase someone is not a minor thing. Regardless of what you think about illegal immigrants, as someone else said, they are first and foremost people trying to make a living in difficult circumstances. You say you understand why your wife doesn't want to go back to her country and that you want to do anything to help her stay, yet you're going to try to get others deported?

Please, don't do anything rash. You'll have to live with yourself the rest of your life, and after all this has passed, you may find that trying to hurt people who are in a vulnerable position is not something to be proud of.

Yes lets not get the illegal immigrants in any kind of trouble. So what if a a lot of us on this forum are busting our arses off trying to get our wives, husbands, children, etc.. visa's the legal way. Let us all start promoting illegal immigration on this board from now on.

be careful...self-righteousness has been known to cause asphyxia

Kind of like your post just now?

Save it. Anyone condoning illegal immigration on this board is nothing more than a law breaking hypocrite in my eyes.

[justashooter 430]

+1000

It's called "aiding and abetting a felony".

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I did take responsibility, still do. And I will never be able forgive myself for not being the husband I should have. Yes, I shouldve worked less and given her more time. But what does she expect when I am sole earner because she cant work? Her expectations are unnattainable in todays world and economy. But I can no longer hold on to this, I have to let it all go. She left, not me. She should've thought about the dire consequences of defaulting before she made such an extreme decision to completely move out. Time apart was an option, she decided not to accept that. What can I do now? It's over. She will have to return home.

It's a sad situation, but I tried, I tried for a week to do all the right things, makes changes, fix things, but its just gotten so far beyond that point. There is no return, and I am so sad it had to be this way. But the fact still remains, she should've thought longer about this, before just simply packing and moving out. She went to the extreme of all extreme, and I'm sorry to say, she just wasn't making the right decision and now she has to face the fiddler. I wanted NOTHING more in the world than to resolve our issues and make things work. There was absolutely no give to her, no leeway. My hands are tied......

Merillizer, ONE week determines the future of a marriage? If she needed time and space what does it matter where she chose to take it? No offense intended, but it sounds more to me like you must be in control. I think there's more to this than meets the eye.

[Merrillizer 0]

I wanted more than one week. But only after 4 days, my wife told me still no chance, it's over, never coming back, EVER. She even said yesterday, "YOU CANNOT GET ME BACK". I was willing to take a few weeks apart, she didn't need it. So it's not about reconciling anymore, it's protecting myself from identity fraud and having to financialy support someone who has deserted me. Same goes for my brother-in-law who sponsored her. It's about us now, not about her, her decision has been made and it is clear.

I refuse to aide & abet known felons and criminals. I cannot knowingly aide illegal immigrants. How could I live with myself if one of them got drunk, went drinking and driving in their car and smashed into someones mother and killed her? So in knowing they were ILLEGAL, being told they were ILLEGAL, I decide not to take proper action, and someone else has to suffer the consequences?

I'm sorry, but I believe in consequence & repurcussion. Truth & justice. These people knowingly made the decision to overstay their visas and become illegal immigrants. They commit fraud to survive. And they knowingly volunteered help to my wife which in turn raised too many flags. They brought this attention unto themselves. If they were smart illegal immigrants, they would've stayed out of it and not gotten involved in someone elses business. Time to pay the piper.

So it's over, and the process of protecting myself and our sponsor has begun.

Edited March 13, 2009 by Merrillizer

[diadromous mermaid 36]

You can't protect the sponsor or joint sponsor, unless you can satisfactorily prove that the alien's intentions upon entering the marriage were not genuine. It sounds to me as if you are attempting to characterise your wife's intentions by way of the company she is keeping. Not good enough!

I wanted more than one week. But only after 4 days, my wife told me still no chance, it's over, never coming back, EVER. She even said yesterday, "YOU CANNOT GET ME BACK". I was willing to take a few weeks apart, she didn't need it. So it's not about reconciling anymore, it's protecting myself from identity fraud and having to financialy support someone who has deserted me. Same goes for my brother-in-law who sponsored her. It's about us now, not about her, her decision has been made and it is clear.

I refuse to aide & abet known felons and criminals. I cannot knowingly aide illegal immigrants. How could I live with myself if one of them got drunk, went drinking and driving in their car and smashed into someones mother and killed her? So in knowing they were ILLEGAL, being told they were ILLEGAL, I decide not to take proper action, and someone else has to suffer the consequences?

I'm sorry, but I believe in consequence & repurcussion. Truth & justice. These people knowingly made the decision to overstay their visas and become illegal immigrants. They commit fraud to survive. And they knowingly volunteered help to my wife which in turn raised too many flags. They brought this attention unto themselves. If they were smart illegal immigrants, they would've stayed out of it and not gotten involved in someone elses business. Time to pay the piper.

So it's over, and the process of protecting myself and our sponsor has begun.

[Merrillizer 0]

You can't protect the sponsor or joint sponsor, unless you can satisfactorily prove that the alien's intentions upon entering the marriage were not genuine. It sounds to me as if you are attempting to characterise your wife's intentions by way of the company she is keeping. Not good enough!

We can revoke our I-864's. The process is under away. Abandonment is cause for action. The Sheriff will now be serving her the divorce petition in hand.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I usually don't take a position on matters like these, but in this case, I have to say, I think your wife did the right thing!

In my opinion, you are punishing her for having the gall to leave you within the first 6 months of marriage. Abandonment, in the legal sense, can't occur in a week or two. Annulment, hmm, good luck! You;ve admitted that you both married for love. I sense this a knee-jerk reaction to a woman who has her mind made up.

You can't protect the sponsor or joint sponsor, unless you can satisfactorily prove that the alien's intentions upon entering the marriage were not genuine. It sounds to me as if you are attempting to characterise your wife's intentions by way of the company she is keeping. Not good enough!

We can revoke our I-864's. The process is under away. Abandonment is cause for action. The Sheriff will now be serving her the divorce petition in hand.

[Merrillizer 0]

You're allowed an opinion. But I am not punishing her, I am doing what is necessary to protect myself. It was about her, but now its about me. I have to protect myself. It sounds selfish, but this is my life. I made so many changes and made so many sacrifices for this girl, and she threw it all away. Now that its clear its over, I just have to move one and protect myself.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

You're allowed an opinion. But I am not punishing her, I am doing what is necessary to protect myself. It was about her, but now its about me. I have to protect myself. It sounds selfish, but this is my life. I made so many changes and made so many sacrifices for this girl, and she threw it all away. Now that its clear its over, I just have to move one and protect myself.

It was all about her, you say. You claim she loved you like no other. She threw it all away...but only after you had cancelled the joint bank account...and prepared a quickie divorce document and ALL within 7 days of her going to stay with her friend?

[Merrillizer 0]

What are talking about? LMFAO. We never even had a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT. I told her to get one last October, she refused. She got her own checking account. Her decision, not mine. I was always curious why she did that. But she said it was so she could make sure she saved money for her papers. In the past 2 months, she had mentioned finally doing a joint bank account, but never took the time to do so.

So, tell me, who's cuckoo now?

And at least get the facts straight before coming to judgement. I have done nothing wrong, except take my wife for granted sometimes. And if she believes leaving the marriage instead of talking with a counselor etc is just punishment for this, then so be it. Her rightful and conscious decision to leave. Now she must suffer the consequences of her actions. I wanted nothing more to make our marriage work. But instead, my wife sought comfort and advice from illegal aliens. Her pride was too much to see a counselor. Her actions were detrimental to not only her marriage, but her AOS package.

Obviously, she didn't think of every ending that could possibly happen after walking out.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I usually don't take a position on matters like these, but in this case, I have to say, I think your wife did the right thing!

In my opinion, you are punishing her for having the gall to leave you within the first 6 months of marriage. Abandonment, in the legal sense, can't occur in a week or two. Annulment, hmm, good luck! You;ve admitted that you both married for love. I sense this a knee-jerk reaction to a woman who has her mind made up.

You can't protect the sponsor or joint sponsor, unless you can satisfactorily prove that the alien's intentions upon entering the marriage were not genuine. It sounds to me as if you are attempting to characterise your wife's intentions by way of the company she is keeping. Not good enough!

We can revoke our I-864's. The process is under away. Abandonment is cause for action. The Sheriff will now be serving her the divorce petition in hand.

And what should he have done? Have you been through a divorce? And if you have then I'm sure you know that if he doesn't cover his #######, he can get screwed big time. She made the decision to leave...which is "abandonment" ...look it up.

+1 to the OP for doing the right thing in this case.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

What are talking about? LMFAO. We never even had a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT. I told her to get one last October, she refused. She got her own checking account. Her decision, not mine. I was always curious why she did that. But she said it was so she could make sure she saved money for her papers. In the past 2 months, she had mentioned finally doing a joint bank account, but never took the time to do so.

So, tell me, who's cuckoo now?

And at least get the facts straight before coming to judgement. I have done nothing wrong, except take my wife for granted sometimes. And if she believes leaving the marriage instead of talking with a counselor etc is just punishment for this, then so be it. Her rightful and conscious decision to leave. Now she must suffer the consequences of her actions. I wanted nothing more to make our marriage work. But instead, my wife sought comfort and advice from illegal aliens. Her pride was too much to see a counselor. Her actions were detrimental to not only her marriage, but her AOS package.

Obviously, she didn't think of every ending that could possibly happen after walking out.

Just going by your own words, here

I still love my wife and care for her. I originally thought to divorce her and she would be sent home. But I have to help her with the papers. I guess what I am asking is if this type of arrangment can work? Cuz we no longer have joint bank accounts, live together, etc.

How old are you? I would say under 19, if I jumped to conclusions from the comment you made about your mother's 19 year wedding anniversary coinciding with your marriage, but I also realise that people can re-marry. So exactly how old are you? And, yes, it is pertinent.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

What are talking about? LMFAO. We never even had a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT. I told her to get one last October, she refused. She got her own checking account. Her decision, not mine. I was always curious why she did that. But she said it was so she could make sure she saved money for her papers. In the past 2 months, she had mentioned finally doing a joint bank account, but never took the time to do so.

So, tell me, who's cuckoo now?

And at least get the facts straight before coming to judgement. I have done nothing wrong, except take my wife for granted sometimes. And if she believes leaving the marriage instead of talking with a counselor etc is just punishment for this, then so be it. Her rightful and conscious decision to leave. Now she must suffer the consequences of her actions. I wanted nothing more to make our marriage work. But instead, my wife sought comfort and advice from illegal aliens. Her pride was too much to see a counselor. Her actions were detrimental to not only her marriage, but her AOS package.

Obviously, she didn't think of every ending that could possibly happen after walking out.

Just going by your own words, here

I still love my wife and care for her. I originally thought to divorce her and she would be sent home. But I have to help her with the papers. I guess what I am asking is if this type of arrangment can work? Cuz we no longer have joint bank accounts, live together, etc.

How old are you? I would say under 19, if I jumped to conclusions from the comment you made about your mother's 19 year wedding anniversary coinciding with your marriage, but I also realise that people can re-marry. So exactly how old are you? And, yes, it is pertinent.

Maybe you should explain to him (OP) why his age is "pertinent" eh. I'm curious as to why his age is "pertinent" myself seeing how you asked the question yet failed to explain in your post as to why it is "pertinent".

Edited March 13, 2009 by Why_Me

[diadromous mermaid 36]

And what should he have done? Have you been through a divorce? And if you have then I'm sure you know that if he doesn't cover his #######, he can get screwed big time. She made the decision to leave...which is "abandonment" ...look it up.

+1 to the OP for doing the right thing in this case.

Well, consulted with the New Hampshire divorce laws, for one.

Fault Based Grounds:

1. Impotence.

2. Adultery.

3. Extreme cruelty of either party to the other.

4. Conviction of felony and imprisionment.

5. When either party has so treated the other as seriously to injure health or endanger reason.

6. When either party has been absent 2 years together, and has not been heard of.

7. When either party is an habitual drunkard, and has been such for 2 years together.

8. When either party has joined any religious sect or society which professes to believe the relation of husband and wife unlawful, and has refused to cohabit with the other for 6 months together.

9. When either party, without sufficient cause, and without the consent of the other, has abandoned and refused, for 2 years together, to cohabit with the other. (New Hampshire Statutes - Chapters: 458:7, 458:26)