MY LIFE IS AWAFUL IN AMERICA

[GueraKristina 1]

maybe i am missing something here but i dont see signs of abuse. did he hit you? i think you said he did not. after seeing you emailing other men he got angry and accused you of cheating. i dont see that as any type of abuse. it may be jumping to conclusions but i dont see it as abuse. then later you look at his phone and see text messages from a girl. you seem to jump to a conclusion that he is cheating on you. so basically you both did the same thing.

there definitely seems to be a communication problem. before just giving up on the relationship do you think it would be wise to try some type of counseling together?

She said he came close to hitting her, maybe pulling his hand back but not actually slugging her, that is border line abuse. He has jelousy issues and doesnt want her talking with her friends. Ok, i get that maybe he can be jelous, i kinda understand that part, but text messages and ####### on his cell phone from another girl that he was inviting out the day that she tried to leave him, the day he came home drunk, and pictures of girls on his cell phone, ummm... thats not fidelity in my book. If my husband came home with pictures of another female on his phone, hed be in some deep Sh**. I dont know, i think he is a scum bag, and enjoyed the IDEA of having a wife, maybe the IDEA of always having som1 in the house to cook, clean, make love to, but started to get cold feet when he realized that she was a person, and needed attention, and would not fit into his player ways. He isnt sure what he wants. Its a shame that they went through all of this before either 1 of them saw it. I the brazilian the best. Buena suerte!

[Giskat09 2]

Hello, all...

I´m wrting to get some help... I got in US in the end of january, and since then, my experiencce isn´t well. I am feeling very lonely and have no one that is able to understand me. Here is a short context of my relationship:

We met almost 6 years ago in my country,

Six months later, I moved in with him in California, in a tourist visa. I stayed there legal for almost 2 years, then I had to move back to my country , but we never ended up our relationship. After 2 years, we married and after that, I waited for my green card approval for a year.

While I was in my country, I lived in my bedroom, without going out and never hanging out with my friends... I juste worked, went to college and came home to wait for his call. He never lived with me. Just visited me every 2 months... it was very pleasent and we had great love to each other. my family loves him to death and his family came to visit me in my country. They do love me too. However, during the course of the Visa journey, I realized that he didnt have any interst on the visa situation even paying a lawyer to help me... and I didnt have anyone to share my steps- acomplkishments like NOA1, NOA 2... NVC... Interview.... I felt very lonely.

In this meanwhile, we had our first marriage anniversary and he forgot... he never called me. His mother called me, but he forgot.

I started getiing so frustrating because i had to deal with the pressurew by myself... my family were pretty scared wacthicn it, and one time, they asked kevin if he really wanted me... he was upset and felt insulted... one month before my interview appointment being schedule, I fell ill and I had nobody to share my deeply sadness, even with him calling me many times a day.

time went by, and I got my interview. I was all alone. And went I told him (so excited) that I have passed , He said, "OH, Okay! Good! I ´m very happy". Then, I thought I would meet him imediatly, and he setup my flight to US for 3 weeks later... he said he need time to set up some things for my arriaval: HE MOVED OUT FROM HIS OLD APARTMENT SUDDENLY AND DIDN GIVE A CHANCE TO CHOSE OUR HOME.

I was hurted, and had nobody to share. I felt terrible bad and didnt know what to do... I knew things werent right.

I landed in US, he picked me up with the coldest flower buquet ever....I was weard... I couldnt pretend every thing was fine, because it wasn´t.

The days went buy, and I tryied my best to make that workout, even, with no words from him about the real problem: there was something it wasn´t right, and both of us knew it. Then, by the time I started getting to know his new friends, things even more weard strated happening: most of them avoided talking about my husband´s past especially because they all were neighborns in the old apartment. They avoided showing me pictures, they made weard faces when by accident somebody mention any thing about him going out to parties and etc. Just to mention: I WOULD´NT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH HIM GOING OUT TO PARTIES IN THIS 3 YEARS WHILE I WAS GONE, SINCE HE HAD SHARE THAT WITH ME, AND NOT PRETEND HIS PAIN WAS SAME LIKE MINE. So, I eventually caught evidences he had a way funnier life then I...

Another weard thing happened also: he started getting into my e-mails and MSN and getting very jeoulous about my friends talk, and especially with my guy friends who I most of the time chat by internet because I was not social in my country at all. He became very aggressive morally, he yeal at me, he accused me of cheating him, he almost hit me..he used very bad words , things I never heard in my whole life. he humiliated me in front of my friend who was visiting me. he said painful words. and I never had done wnything bad to him. I never dated anyone, I never flirted, I never even got out of my room for 3 years.

So, he kept me humiliating me for 4 days straight.. and on the 5th, I told him I wanted to leave him. He freaked out, and trying to do everything was possible to changed my mind. Same day, He went out, acctually inveted me to go meet another friend, but there wasnt atmosphere for me, os course, and I said no, you go. He came back home, 3 am, extremely intoxicated screaming I was the love of his life. We ended up making up.

The next morning, his blackberry bipped, he didnt woke up, so I went to answer his phone, then I saw there was a woman message, I mean, over 20 txt message from him invitinmg her to go out with him same night after I said no, and 3 pictures of a girl in his file.

So, my heart was deeply hurted... I so myself in bed, shocked... frustrated, even more humiliated... This man almost hitted me after accusing me of having affairs with no eveidences of anythings, just because I have guy friends as any other person... and now, I caught pictures, chats...

WHAT ELSE DO I NEED, MY GOSH....

I dont know what to do... I have know idea how much a divorce would complicate my GREEN CARD SITUATION SINCE I AM CR1 and I am living with him only for a month...

If I divorce him, what is going to happen with me... Will I be forced to come back to my country....

I read something that for me to file for a divorce in California, I would be permanent residence for at leats 6 months.....

Please, anyone, help me.

I'm sorry for you but it would be better for you to stay there and move to a new place. This is an opportunity for you to have a new life and for sure you wil overcome all these problems that u are facing..

[Ana Paula 2]

If you need anything, pm me and ill give you my phone number and you can call me if you need to talk... about anything.

ok?

Stay strong!

And remember "sou brasileira e nao desisto nunca"

[Joan >3 Bob 20]

I don't know what to tell you. I'm so sorry you are going through this

Do you want to go home? Or you want to stay in America? I guess it depends on what you want to do, then people can give you advice.

If you came here in good faith and really loved him and it did not work out then why do you not want to go back??? Do you have close family here or relatives? After all you said you came here "because you loved him and to marry him". These stiuations send out red flags as "Green Card Seekers"

[^KK^ 3]

I wish you the best..my dear.

[Sandrila 1]

I know it is hard for you to know what to do. You dont have anyone here, if you do you may think about staying with them and refusing to go back if and until you receive some answers and some major changes. I dont think you can trust this man. Accusations often stem from someone who is committing the same offenses in which they accuse their SO of.

I hope you can gain the strength and confidence you need to get out of the situation to really evaluate it.

I hope there is at least ONE person you can trust and maybe can take you in, even temporarily.

[Sandrila 1]

I don't know what to tell you. I'm so sorry you are going through this

Do you want to go home? Or you want to stay in America? I guess it depends on what you want to do, then people can give you advice.

If you came here in good faith and really loved him and it did not work out then why do you not want to go back??? Do you have close family here or relatives? After all you said you came here "because you loved him and to marry him". These stiuations send out red flags as "Green Card Seekers"

That's pretty callous...would she be wrong if she wanted to stay? Even if it seemed difficult for her to thrive here without this garbage, she could do it.

Why should her hopes and dreams be cancelled because of his insincerity and dishonesty????? I believe she DOES have a right to stay on a CR1 and she can get divorced too!

[Fizz 1]

That's pretty callous...would she be wrong if she wanted to stay? Even if it seemed difficult for her to thrive here without this garbage, she could do it.

Why should her hopes and dreams be cancelled because of his insincerity and dishonesty????? I believe she DOES have a right to stay on a CR1 and she can get divorced too!

her hopes and dreams for a K1 should have been to start a new life with the man she loved, not to start a new life in a new country. the new country part should have been an incidental thing. if not then she was not being entirely honest in the K1 process, right? the K1 is not for people that want to live in america. its for people that want to get married to the person they love and dream of spending the rest of their life with.

i'm sure she would be welcome to go back to her home country and apply for an immigrant visa to start a new life in a new country if that was her hopes and dreams.

[Krikit 1,164]

When you have lived somewhere for years you set down roots and it becomes your home. To state that, because a marriage did not work out, the immigrant should just give everything up and return to their homeland.... where their former life and everything they once had is now gone.... is very callous indeed. It is always wrong to make assumptions about another person when you have no background information or personal knowledge. Judge not.....

[Ginger cat 3]

I love the change of speech.

AMAZING.

from the MYLIFEISAWFULISAMERICAIFELLABUSED to the IKNOWHIIMHEIDIDTHEBESTAFTERALLIHAVENORPOOF.

[Ginger cat 3]

and to be honest, I am afraid of it turns around agains myself. Remember: I am the foreign, I am the immigrant in this country.

Me.

..and so what?

you would lose what? MAYBE, the right to stay over there? i

going back to your country is nothing wrong...

I don't see why the ones who are getting married and immigrating are so freacking out to be back at their ocuntry.

I have been asked if that relatioship fell appart I just replied "well, if i have nothing (like friends, job) to hold me there..then i would simply be back In fracne...I am french after all!!! i know i can go back here at any time (lucky me)"

Edited March 31, 2009 by Ginger cat

[Caladan 19]

That's pretty callous...would she be wrong if she wanted to stay? Even if it seemed difficult for her to thrive here without this garbage, she could do it.

Why should her hopes and dreams be cancelled because of his insincerity and dishonesty????? I believe she DOES have a right to stay on a CR1 and she can get divorced too!

her hopes and dreams for a K1 should have been to start a new life with the man she loved, not to start a new life in a new country. the new country part should have been an incidental thing. if not then she was not being entirely honest in the K1 process, right? the K1 is not for people that want to live in america. its for people that want to get married to the person they love and dream of spending the rest of their life with.

i'm sure she would be welcome to go back to her home country and apply for an immigrant visa to start a new life in a new country if that was her hopes and dreams.

Or, you know, you could think that maybe if someone's moved thousands of miles, she might be in a better position to know what she's given up and what her options are than you do. "Just go home if your marriage fails" is not universally good advice, which is why the U.S. government has provided a legal route for people whose marriages fail to stay. Just because you'd want to go home, or because you'd want your spouse deported, does NOT mean that is someone else's best option.

[Fizz 1]

Or, you know, you could think that maybe if someone's moved thousands of miles, she might be in a better position to know what she's given up and what her options are than you do. "Just go home if your marriage fails" is not universally good advice, which is why the U.S. government has provided a legal route for people whose marriages fail to stay. Just because you'd want to go home, or because you'd want your spouse deported, does NOT mean that is someone else's best option.

actually, i am the one that moving thousands of miles. my spouse isnt applying for US citizenship because we dont plan on living here. i am doing it because i want to be with the one i love. that is my hopes and dreams.

the statement was "why should her hopes and dreams be canceled because of his insincerity and dishonesty?"

her dreams probably were to be with her husband and unfortunately that already didnt work out. if that wasnt her dream then she applied for the wrong visa or wasnt being honest in the visa process. this is the reason the K1 visa is so long and difficult for the rest of us that actually are going through this process for the right reasons.

[Caladan 19]

Or, she moved here and now has a life here independently of the original hopes and dreams. If C. and I were to divorce I'd expect that he would stay here, because he has a job and friends and is established here. He might decide instead to go home, but I could see why he might not want to quit his job and move back in a bad economy.

[Fizz 1]

Or, she moved here and now has a life here independently of the original hopes and dreams. If C. and I were to divorce I'd expect that he would stay here, because he has a job and friends and is established here. He might decide instead to go home, but I could see why he might not want to quit his job and move back in a bad economy.

she got here at the end of january!!