MY LIFE IS AWAFUL IN AMERICA

[PlatyPius 5]

maybe i am missing something here but i dont see signs of abuse. did he hit you? i think you said he did not. after seeing you emailing other men he got angry and accused you of cheating. i dont see that as any type of abuse. it may be jumping to conclusions but i dont see it as abuse. then later you look at his phone and see text messages from a girl. you seem to jump to a conclusion that he is cheating on you. so basically you both did the same thing.

there definitely seems to be a communication problem. before just giving up on the relationship do you think it would be wise to try some type of counseling together?

This is the only post I've seen that makes any sense.

He isn't abusing her. He seems like a distant sort, and she comes across as needy. Neither one is considered abuse. Why do so many people immediately scream "Abuse!" when the marriage doesn't work in the first few months? If everything that was called abuse on VJ actually WAS abuse, we would each abuse several people per day, from the guy at McDonalds to our kids when they don't listen.

And for the reply in all caps.... STFU and stop screaming.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Another weard thing happened also: he started getting into my e-mails and MSN and getting very jeoulous about my friends talk, and especially with my guy friends who I most of the time chat by internet because I was not social in my country at all. He became very aggressive morally, he yeal at me, he accused me of cheating him, he almost hit me..he used very bad words , things I never heard in my whole life. he humiliated me in front of my friend who was visiting me. he said painful words. and I never had done wnything bad to him. I never dated anyone, I never flirted, I never even got out of my room for 3 years.

Sounds like abuse.

Leave him. You can file for yourself. However, if you life is so bad here, go back to your family and friends.

maybe i am missing something here but i dont see signs of abuse. did he hit you? i think you said he did not. after seeing you emailing other men he got angry and accused you of cheating. i dont see that as any type of abuse. it may be jumping to conclusions but i dont see it as abuse. then later you look at his phone and see text messages from a girl. you seem to jump to a conclusion that he is cheating on you. so basically you both did the same thing.

there definitely seems to be a communication problem. before just giving up on the relationship do you think it would be wise to try some type of counseling together?

This is the only post I've seen that makes any sense.

He isn't abusing her. He seems like a distant sort, and she comes across as needy. Neither one is considered abuse. Why do so many people immediately scream "Abuse!" when the marriage doesn't work in the first few months? If everything that was called abuse on VJ actually WAS abuse, we would each abuse several people per day, from the guy at McDonalds to our kids when they don't listen.

And for the reply in all caps.... STFU and stop screaming.

Abuse can be mental. If the person thinks it's abuse, it probably is, no matter what we think.

[cassi9879 20]

Abuse can be mental. If the person thinks it's abuse, it probably is, no matter what we think.

Mental abuse can also be harder to determine but I agree it's there in this case.

[Fizz 1]

Abuse can be mental. If the person thinks it's abuse, it probably is, no matter what we think.

i think you are abusing me by not agreeing with me. by your definition that would mean it is actually mental abuse?

there is a large difference between not liking what somebody does to you and the legal definition of mental abuse. generally, the definition for mental abuse is a situation that affects a person's emotional and rational thinking.

[Prawninator 138]

Not all abuse is physical, this sounds to me like mental and emotional abuse, considering he's been close to ignoring or neglecting her for a while.

Also, I forgot who you are, but you're the one with the Union Jack on your country icon. Not everyone is a native English speaker, just so you realise.

Edited March 9, 2009 by P&K

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Abuse can be mental. If the person thinks it's abuse, it probably is, no matter what we think.

i think you are abusing me by not agreeing with me. by your definition that would mean it is actually mental abuse?

there is a large difference between not liking what somebody does to you and the legal definition of mental abuse. generally, the definition for mental abuse is a situation that affects a person's emotional and rational thinking.

Yes, if you think that is abuse, then for you, it is. Now proving it, and getting a court to agree with you, is another thing.

And you don't think, by what the OP has written, it hasn't affected her emotional/rational well being?

[Fizz 1]

And you don't think, by what the OP has written, it hasn't affected her emotional/rational well being?

i think she is being rational. you disagree?

[bounrith 0]

I am so sorry to read of your predicament. But remember one thing, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" and with that knowledge, I believe you should do what a lot of people suggested here and that is 1) to be safe and 2) communicate with this man, somehow, to an amicable end. It is tough all the way around.

But I am against you going back to your country. I am an immigrant here myself and I believe the US has a lot to offer...when we get out of this economy. The opportunities are there for the picking. You said that you are a student...I say complete the last legs of your education somehow and let's the future falls where it may.

Good luck and we are rooting for you.

[NatPatBen 3]

theres a time and place for everything.. when someone's life is falling around them in tatters there's no need..

if youre not an english speaker why are you writing in english?

ARE YOU SERIOUS! Of all the things to say!

Trelawny, I see you've also noticed the strange tangents people go on, especially in these threads about major family changes.

OP: Good luck with your situation. I second the comment someone made about seeking counseling before going straight to a divorce.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

What's up Nat; I've noticed...people come here for advice (good or bad)...just try and stick to what the person was asking about...if she wanted English lessons or help with writing or even help with writing her post, I'm sure she would have asked...but a so it go some people no ave no rass sense mi a tell u (mek mi see if ar rass ago karec wah mi jus bclaat type)

People do not understand that there are different forms of abuse, for those of you that know that (thank you) ...

ABUSE comes in many forms...you don't have to be bruise or battered or bleeding to HURT!

[LofeandLive 0]

Hi SADBrazil....am Brazilian too and if you wanna talk please PM me and we can talk, okay? Am living in Indiana and I could call you anytime to talk...

[Prawninator 138]

I wonder if she's okay.. >_<

[SADBrazil 0]

Hi, All

Thanks for all replies. I´m fine,it seems my husband got back to normal person as I know him, but , of course, my pain is still there.

We do have a strong relationship, our families are very well connected, but as someone in this forum said, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GO THOURGH A LONG DISTANCE FOR SO LONG WITHOUT ANY KIND OF CHANLLENGE. In my case was worst because we were living apart not 8 months, but almost 4 years.

I think we both are 2 people who have 2 lives and any of us has the right to decide for whatever we need and want to.. and if he did some other choices while I was away and even though kept the relationship with me, it was because OUR MAIN PROJECT WHICH IS TO BE TOGETHER was kept too. Remeber: HE DIDNT NEED TO BE WITH ME FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS AT ALL, AND HE CHOSED THAT. This man came to my country to be with me 27 times in 4 years....he paid 27 times 10 thousand dolars each time.... this man, spent a big wedding in a Castle for me...

So, I know money is material, but, let´s just be honest: How come someone thinks that would be easier for me just to analize the situation (which were happening during 5 months out of 6 years together) and see the "signs" and figuered out that there is no love from him.....sorry, but I am a serious person, and I don´t play with my life like that... I had a commitment with him and so did he to me. it was never a joke... it was never fake.

Above all, what I think all of us should deal with is, after eventually moving in together, there is a possibility of the couple having difficults to get along or to deal with the past issues which fidelity, fear are all included.

How Are we able to deal with that after visa journey.......

He hurted emotionally very deeply for over 5 days... as another VJ said, I never caught him doing anything, what I have is the same what he had about me: no evidences...

Counseling is a good option especially about this verbal abuse which is awaful and should never happen. We gotta remain respectful to each other, no matter what. That´s is my point. And if he can´t deal with that... Then, I´ll say: it is his problem and I wont be able to help him out.

My husband knows I met the attorney... and he got desperatley. It didnt change my opinion about what happened, and I feel stronger and colder to give more time for this relationship, under the respect of course. On the other hand, I wont leave my marriage without any substantial evidence. and to be honest, I am afraid of it turns around agains myself. Remember: I am the foreign, I am the immigrant in this country.

................

For the ones, who were wasting their times correcting my english, just one information: in my country, we are used to say America relating specificly to US, so that´s why I did it.

Thank you.

Me.

[justashooter 430]

Good to hear that you are trying to work this out with your husband. It's tough enough to get married, but living together can be even more difficult. Adjusting our lives one to another is a daily work that gets much easier after the first year. Don't put down the shovel, yet. The fun has just begun.

[Prawninator 138]

Yay you're okay!!

I'm glad you guys are trying to work it out. You should talk it out with him though, about what turns you on and ticks you off, on top of marriage counseling. Spending so much time away from each other is really tough, most of us here would understand your plight in that situation. Time and distance has really taken a strong toll on your relationship, but once the foundation is laid, there's nowhere to go but up!

However, you can only do the "I went to see the attorney" thing maybe once or twice more before he'll grow immune to it, even if you DID see the attorney. I'm not saying to find another way for him to become desperate, but to find out WHY he becomes desperate every time, it sounds like he's in need of help, too.

Well, good luck to the both of you!