The Vent - Part 2

[trailmix 77]

Yes. Just reading this Mom stuff is really hard, you know? Both from a child's and a parent's perspective. It's stuff that I try to keep in the hidden recesses of my mind so I don't have to deal with the pain.

Yeah.

[Krikit 1,164]

Yes. Just reading this Mom stuff is really hard, you know? Both from a child's and a parent's perspective. It's stuff that I try to keep in the hidden recesses of my mind so I don't have to deal with the pain.

Yeah.

[Emancipation 2]

Oh my God, I feel horrible now.

*passes tissue.. u okay?

Yes. Just reading this Mom stuff is really hard, you know? Both from a child's and a parent's perspective. It's stuff that I try to keep in the hidden recesses of my mind so I don't have to deal with the pain.

(F) (F)

[Sprailenes 47]

My son goes home every summer too. But I know there's going to come a day where he is going to want leave me and move somewhere. I have it in my mind that I'll just move where he moves when it's time for college (crazy mommy here!)

Treasure every moment you have with your loved ones. And never take ANYTHING for granted.

[JillA 2]

(Besides Cdn natives with status) I belive one has to be a USA citizen to sponsor a family member, and from what I have read on VJ, it is a slow process.

Maybe by the time my Mom is old and gray, I'll be naturalized and I can sponsor her

[SpiritAlight 1]

Awwww so sweet, all the mother stories/loving-relationships.

It brings a tear to my eye....more because I have never had that type of connection with my mama.

A slice of my life:

My mother, an immigrant from Greece, had me in Montreal, and then almost 4 years later, my brother.

Our parents were brutally strict, and so I had my own secret life outside the home.

Nothing that would be considered a "bad" child, it's just like that for first generation Canadians of old European parents.

I became extremely good at school (mostly math and sciences), and also a "super" athlete...almost none of which my mama agreed with.

I even would try to discuss with her why I disagreed with going to church and why would god care if I dressed up...when I was 8!

(Funny when I think of it...we are who we are from teeny tiny.)

That was okay, even as a child I understood that she could not understand, what with her old world values of a girl should wear skirts and learn kitchen stuff.

Needless to say I did neither...a veritable tomboy.

Always pushing the envelope.

Long story short(er): needless to say it took me into my 30s before she and I started to really talk.

I appreciate her more and more as I get older...it was a long time ago (around 17 yrs old or so) that I forgave (accepted) my parents for any tools they may have been missing to raise us in more of a "Canadian"/relaxed/open way.

A few years ago, when I called her in between flights to my next sailing adventure, she asked me where I got my courage from to do what I do.

I didn't answer...just giggled and had to go.

I thought (felt) about it on the flight.

I called the moment I landed to tell her: "Mama, you got on a boat when you were just a kid and came to a country you knew nothing about and did not speak the language. Now that was courage. I got my spirit from you!" She and I both started crying...tears of joy....it was so wonder-full to connect (for real), finally.

I used to think that we were so different, opposites; and although we are still quite different, there are definitely some of her in me. Obviously.

It's still challenging to discuss with my parents (language barrier, as I talk to them in Greek, and I am not so proficient with the deep stuff), and yet in the end, it doesn't matter whether they agree or not with my life choices. What matters is love...and there is plenty of that. (L) even without the deep understanding.

I don't miss my parents as much as I just need to know how they are and they need to know how I am.

And funny that when they leave for Greece for 5 months each year (from Montreal), I feel their absence more.

It would happen even when I lived in Vancouver all those years.

It's unexplainable.

As they get older, I need to figure out how to be with them more often.

And that's do-able.

[TheATeam 0]

I feel like a terrible child now. My mom and I have never been close. My dad was an a$$ that only cares about himself. I don't miss them, not really. Every once in awhile I miss my mom and my 7 year old sister, but none of us, all 8 siblings, have ever been close. It makes me a little sad that you all are so close with your families, but happy for you at the same time! Everyone should get to experience that at least once in their lives.

[SpiritAlight 1]

I feel like a terrible child now. My mom and I have never been close. My dad was an a$$ that only cares about himself. I don't miss them, not really. Every once in awhile I miss my mom and my 7 year old sister, but none of us, all 8 siblings, have ever been close. It makes me a little sad that you all are so close with your families, but happy for you at the same time! Everyone should get to experience that at least once in their lives.

Oh no, no, no...you are not a terrible child in the least.

That is a huge family....and as I said, I have never been close to my parents either.

As a first born, I became accustomed to carving my own path, without guidance, much to my detriment at times.

And so...you are not alone TheATeam. I have always wished my mother and I could be "firends" like I saw my friends were with theirs.

I feel like I missed out.

Our telephone conversations are a few minutes long...weather, health, everyone okay....okay bye.

A check-in kind of thing.

[TheATeam 0]

Thanks Spirit! It helps to know I'm not alone. My conversations with my mother are usually hours long. She likes to inform me how the rest of the family is doing and then gripe. I listen because I'd like to think that one day we could be friends. We don't talk often though cause I can't handle that much negativity on a daily basis!

[Autumnchik 6]

Wow, I am a bit teary (in a good way) reading everyone's stories. I'm the USC. Left home at 17 to go to college and really only came back for visits since then. I'm from CT, went to college in Washington DC, then grad school in West Virginia. Both were easily driveable to CT in a day and I did visit often. Then I moved to California and visiting became a bit harder. I moved to Georgia because I wanted to be back on the East Coast, but didn't want to move up north at that time. Driving home took me 2 days, but I made the trip several times a year. What complicated things for me is that my father, as he got up in age (he is 71 now), started hating to travel distances and he only visited me in GA 2 times in the 6 years I was there. My mother, who loves to travel, was dealing with marital issues (parents are divorced, mom remarried). Her husband was extremely controlling and even though they drove through Georgia to get to their place in Florida, coming to visit me was "out of the way" so they never did. I also used to offer to drive to the other side of the state to meet them for lunch on their way through, but he also nixed that idea (and at the time, my mom didn't have enough strength to stand up for herself). So, after some soul searching, I decided to move closer to CT to be able to spend more time with my parents. It was a hard decision because I loved where I was living in GA and had such a great circle of friends. However, I found a job in NH (about 4 1/2 hours away from CT) that repaid student loans, so that was good. It's been hard being here though, because hubby has been laid off since August and carpentry work here is nonexistant right now. We have come to the realization that we really do need to move somewhere else. Hubby wants to move to Virginia, as his friend thinks he can get him on with his company. I really don't want to move, and Virginia would be further away from my parents (who I have seen zillions of times in the past few years since I have lived in NH). However, it might turn out that moving is what is best for us. So, I feel torn, as I want to live closer to my family, but also have to remind myself that I have to do what is best for my own family. Argh!

[SpiritAlight 1]

Dear Autumnchik, your life is so full of challenges.

I encourage you to take care of yourself first, immediate family second, and everybody else third.

If your decisions go through that filter, then it might make sense to stay where you are.

(F) (F)

[thetreble 19]

A few years ago, when I called her in between flights to my next sailing adventure, she asked me where I got my courage from to do what I do.

I didn't answer...just giggled and had to go.

I thought (felt) about it on the flight.

I called the moment I landed to tell her: "Mama, you got on a boat when you were just a kid and came to a country you knew nothing about and did not speak the language. Now that was courage. I got my spirit from you!" She and I both started crying...tears of joy....it was so wonder-full to connect (for real), finally.

My mum and I were NEVER close. In fact, we are exact opposites. I never truly valued her properly until the past few years. Now I understand her and her faults. I can let some things she does go. She lost her mum when she was only 36 and she never really got over it. I think, in some ways, us being close now helps her.

She isn't really my friend, she is still my mum. But our discussions are pretty much wide open. (except for my relationship with my husband. haha there is much that i feel is my business and no one elses)

I want to make every minute with her count, as I'm deathly afraid of losing both my parents. I don't know how I will be able to deal with that grief.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I've enjoyed reading about the relationships everyone here has with their moms. My Mom and I had a much better relationship after I became an adult than we did while I was growing up. I lived at home while going to University then moved to Ottawa after that. Coming home for the summers I had to deal with a mother who still wanted to mother me while I was an adult with a life on my own. Once I moved out on my own for good things got a lot better for us. She said it was easier not to worry about me so much when I wasn't under her roof (although she still worried, don't forget that!) and we were able to become adult friends more than mother and daughter.

We always talked on the phone several times a week and I know she missed me as I was not an easy drive home ( about 7 hours drive) so weekend visits weren't common. She died 6 years ago - far too young at 70 - and I still miss her very much. I miss being able to call her up and talk about my day or what is going on in her life. I miss her advice and I miss her love. She was a great mother and a great lady. I am so pleased she was a part of my life and I got to know her as a person.

My Dad is still around and doing well - he will be 80 this year and still goes downhill skiing in the winter. He is actually coming down for a week's visit early April and I am looking forward to that (although don't like the fact that he is driving) - it is a 2 days drive - but he is healthy, spry and 'with it'. I'll worry until he is safely here and then worry again until he is safely home. He is clearing out some things from the family home and he wants to deliver them here personally instead of shipping them.

Edited March 25, 2009 by Kathryn41

[thetreble 19]

We always talked on the phone several times a week and I know she missed me as I was not an easy drive home ( about 7 hours drive) so weekend visits weren't common. She died 6 years ago - far too young at 70 - and I still miss her very much. I miss being able to call her up and talk about my day or what is going on in her life. I miss her advice and I miss her love. She was a great mother and a great lady. I am so pleased she was a part of my life and I got to know her as a person.

Shame. I'm glad you have a positive outlook on it though. I'm so worried about how I will feel and how I will go on when this happens to me.

It's awesome your dad is still young at heart at 80! Good for him!

[Krikit 1,164]

Wow. That's awesome that your Dad is still so active, Kathryn! (And sorry about your Mom. ) My parents are still really super active..... I can't keep up with them. But my inlaws, who are a little younger than my parents, are not active at all. They're very old seniors, as my Mum says. lol.