The Vent - Part 2

[Danu 19]

My mom does that all the time too. The house across the street is for sale, and she keeps telling me we should just move in there. It hard to break her heart but it hurts me too when she says it like I dont want to be here. She makes comments about me just up and leaving and stuff which stab my heart too. I know she doesn't realize what shes doing, but it sucks.

*steals some pie*

She thinks it was easy for me to leave, but it wasn't. So she feels it should be easy for me to come back, but it isn't.

*gives you some whipped cream for your pie*

Its good pie huh? I loves it.

I definately know the feeling. My mom makes comments like the second I have the visa I will be gone....it won't be the second I have it but I'm also not waiting forever...duh..what would be the point to that? I think its just hard for them to see their babies go off and be so independant. They just want us around and in a way, even though they will never admit it, that they want us to rely on them, and for us to have gone so far and to another country leaves them feeling helpless.

And yeah, the pie is delicious...tastes like...pixles... *stops licking the computer screen*

[SapphireDreams 71]

Leaving my Mom is going to the hardest part about leaving. My Mom doesn't really say anything about things either, so I feel like it's making it even harder. She doesn't tell me to stay or make me feel guilty.. she just keeps it all in and I know inside she's really sad... but what can I do? I know that I'll visit often and so will she...I know it won't be the same having my kids grow up in a different country especially since I was so close to my grandmother. Breaks my heart. I'm not even gone yet, and I'm already sad.

[JillA 2]

Nev, Just out of curiosity, could you sponsor your Mom as a perm GC holder? To move to the US? I'm asking because my Mom often says when she gets old, she wants to live near me so I can look after her. She said I'll be a better caregiver than my sister

Edited March 25, 2009 by JillA

[Sprailenes 47]

Nev, Just out of curiosity, could you sponsor your Mom as a perm GC holder? To move to the US? I'm asking because my Mom often says when she gets old, she wants to live near me so I can look after her. She said I'll be a better caregiver than my sister

My mom has a native status card and therefore has dual citizenship thanks to the Jay treaty.

But I have heard of others sponsoring their parents, I think you can do that yes.

[Flames9_RN 358]

(Besides Cdn natives with status) I belive one has to be a USA citizen to sponsor a family member, and from what I have read on VJ, it is a slow process.

[Emancipation 2]

Leaving my Mom is going to the hardest part about leaving. My Mom doesn't really say anything about things either, so I feel like it's making it even harder. She doesn't tell me to stay or make me feel guilty.. she just keeps it all in and I know inside she's really sad... but what can I do? I know that I'll visit often and so will she...I know it won't be the same having my kids grow up in a different country especially since I was so close to my grandmother. Breaks my heart. I'm not even gone yet, and I'm already sad.

Oh Sapphire.. I hear you gal.. My mum & I are extremely close.. she acted very similar to how you describe your mum acting. My mother bawled when I left.. it broke my heart and I cried from PEI to St. Stephen (4 hrs) just aching for the pain I had caused her.. and she was wounded for probably 4 months after that... but hubby was patient and knew that it was going to be difficult for us and arranged for vonage, so I could call her anytime I felt like it (which was a lot in the early days) and we started a blog.. now we take pics wherever we go and she loyally logs on and watches all our adventures and feels a part of what we are doing. Sometimes I do entries just for her, of a flower bed I saw or something she would be really interested in. We also MSN when we can and I send cards in the mail.. It's worked for us, and I know that she still misses me bunches (and I her), but we've come through on the other end okay, and when we are back together again its like there is no distance at all..

Last summer I surprised her with JUST a mother daughter weekend, I told no one I was coming home and literally spent the whole time with her.. that really really made her summer.

[SapphireDreams 71]

Leaving my Mom is going to the hardest part about leaving. My Mom doesn't really say anything about things either, so I feel like it's making it even harder. She doesn't tell me to stay or make me feel guilty.. she just keeps it all in and I know inside she's really sad... but what can I do? I know that I'll visit often and so will she...I know it won't be the same having my kids grow up in a different country especially since I was so close to my grandmother. Breaks my heart. I'm not even gone yet, and I'm already sad.

Oh Sapphire.. I hear you gal.. My mum & I are extremely close.. she acted very similar to how you describe your mum acting. My mother bawled when I left.. it broke my heart and I cried from PEI to St. Stephen (4 hrs) just aching for the pain I had caused her.. and she was wounded for probably 4 months after that... but hubby was patient and knew that it was going to be difficult for us and arranged for vonage, so I could call her anytime I felt like it (which was a lot in the early days) and we started a blog.. now we take pics wherever we go and she loyally logs on and watches all our adventures and feels a part of what we are doing. Sometimes I do entries just for her, of a flower bed I saw or something she would be really interested in. We also MSN when we can and I send cards in the mail.. It's worked for us, and I know that she still misses me bunches (and I her), but we've come through on the other end okay, and when we are back together again its like there is no distance at all..

Last summer I surprised her with JUST a mother daughter weekend, I told no one I was coming home and literally spent the whole time with her.. that really really made her summer.

I'm getting a bit teary reading your post post E. It's funny because everywhere I go when I tell people I'm moving they ALWAYS ask, what does your Mom think? And it's hard ot answer, because she doesn't really act upset, but I know she is. I live at home and my Mom and I were always very close. I have a sister and a brother, who are both close to home so I know she won't be alone, but it's just hard because I was always the one around and my Mom and I were closer than my other sister was. I actually plan to start a blog as well to keep in touch with my family and try to ensure they are still part of my life. Knowing that I'm only an hour flight away makes things a lot easier, but I just still feel soooo guilty for the heartache that I know I'm going to cause my Mom. I know she'll forgive me, but it just hurts. I'm so glad that you have been able to overcome the distance. I think your idea of a mother-daughter weekend is fabulous. I actually would really like to take my Mom on a yearly vacation when things settle down. We could never afford vacations growing up so I know that she'll love getting away together.

Anyways, I'm just blabbering now. I'm really looking forward to moving, but the one thing I'm dreading is saying good bye to my Mom. I guess I really need to cherish our time together for the next couple of months!

[Emancipation 2]

Leaving my Mom is going to the hardest part about leaving. My Mom doesn't really say anything about things either, so I feel like it's making it even harder. She doesn't tell me to stay or make me feel guilty.. she just keeps it all in and I know inside she's really sad... but what can I do? I know that I'll visit often and so will she...I know it won't be the same having my kids grow up in a different country especially since I was so close to my grandmother. Breaks my heart. I'm not even gone yet, and I'm already sad.

Oh Sapphire.. I hear you gal.. My mum & I are extremely close.. she acted very similar to how you describe your mum acting. My mother bawled when I left.. it broke my heart and I cried from PEI to St. Stephen (4 hrs) just aching for the pain I had caused her.. and she was wounded for probably 4 months after that... but hubby was patient and knew that it was going to be difficult for us and arranged for vonage, so I could call her anytime I felt like it (which was a lot in the early days) and we started a blog.. now we take pics wherever we go and she loyally logs on and watches all our adventures and feels a part of what we are doing. Sometimes I do entries just for her, of a flower bed I saw or something she would be really interested in. We also MSN when we can and I send cards in the mail.. It's worked for us, and I know that she still misses me bunches (and I her), but we've come through on the other end okay, and when we are back together again its like there is no distance at all..

Last summer I surprised her with JUST a mother daughter weekend, I told no one I was coming home and literally spent the whole time with her.. that really really made her summer.

I'm getting a bit teary reading your post post E. It's funny because everywhere I go when I tell people I'm moving they ALWAYS ask, what does your Mom think? And it's hard ot answer, because she doesn't really act upset, but I know she is. I live at home and my Mom and I were always very close. I have a sister and a brother, who are both close to home so I know she won't be alone, but it's just hard because I was always the one around and my Mom and I were closer than my other sister was. I actually plan to start a blog as well to keep in touch with my family and try to ensure they are still part of my life. Knowing that I'm only an hour flight away makes things a lot easier, but I just still feel soooo guilty for the heartache that I know I'm going to cause my Mom. I know she'll forgive me, but it just hurts. I'm so glad that you have been able to overcome the distance. I think your idea of a mother-daughter weekend is fabulous. I actually would really like to take my Mom on a yearly vacation when things settle down. We could never afford vacations growing up so I know that she'll love getting away together.

Anyways, I'm just blabbering now. I'm really looking forward to moving, but the one thing I'm dreading is saying good bye to my Mom. I guess I really need to cherish our time together for the next couple of months!

It's always a great deal of heart tugging when change happens.. this is a new chapter in your relationship for sure.. but know that your mum might be wounded but there's nothing for her to forgive you for.. you found love and are following it (love..)... there is nothing wrong with that I know that deep in her heart she's thrilled that you have found the one your heart has been longing for gal...

[Krikit 1,164]

Oh my God, I feel horrible now.

[Emancipation 2]

Oh my God, I feel horrible now.

*passes tissue.. u okay?

[Sprailenes 47]

Leaving my Mom is going to the hardest part about leaving. My Mom doesn't really say anything about things either, so I feel like it's making it even harder. She doesn't tell me to stay or make me feel guilty.. she just keeps it all in and I know inside she's really sad... but what can I do? I know that I'll visit often and so will she...I know it won't be the same having my kids grow up in a different country especially since I was so close to my grandmother. Breaks my heart. I'm not even gone yet, and I'm already sad.

Same with my mother, she didn't want to talk about it at all, so the day I left we kind of just left eachother bawling and it all hit us there. I am an only child and my son is her life. She compared me leaving to her father dying. She was really close with my grandpa. We had a hard time for my first few months here too. We were very on again and off again. She would tell me she didn't want to come to my wedding and all that stuff. My entire family was against me too, all of them took my mothers side and fueled her anger. My family is extremely close knit, cousins are like brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles are like second parents. So having all of them angry with me was really hard.

Sooner or later my mother accepted it though. Or seemed to.

Except with this recent visit she offered me a job, a well paying job back home. Its not that I am super qualified for this job, its not that they think I am best suited for this position, its that they created this job in hopes of getting me to return. Not saying I couldn't do what they are asking me to do. I am just saying they could have found someone more local yanno?

[thetreble 19]

I really don't care if I am 30 years old and a grown woman but...

I really miss my mom. I have been crying silently off and on since she left. Everything just feels better when I have both her and Mike together in one place, I hate this distance. Doesn't matter where I go, I'll end up hurting someone.

The grass is also always greener on the other side.

Awwww I totally feel your pain, and it doesn't matter your age. I often wish so bad I lived in the same city as all my family and friends AND husband... It would be so wonderful, and cheaper! When my Mom left at Christmas I was in a funk for a bit, I felt so sad and cried because I missed her so.... I talk to her literally every day on the phone and it helps, but it's not the same as sitting down for a cuppa tea and the wonderful hugs she gives. I just want to be able to drop by for Sunday dinner and not have to make travel plans just to see her.

I call my mum EVERY DAY after work and we talk for an hour. I need her. I need to hear her voice. I find it really comforting. It's the most I have ever called her in my life.

She's on vacation with my dad for two weeks since Monday and I miss her already haha

[BermyCat 1]

It's interesting and hard for me to read all of your experiences with leaving your mom's in a different country for the first time. My mom and dad actually sent me to a different country for boarding school when I was fourteen. The education system in Bermuda is really bad at the high school level, so it was necessary. They sacrificed a lot and really scrimped and saved for my future. At the time, I was so busy moping about being sent away, I never really thought about how hard it must have been for them to do the sending. I think I called Mom every second day for the first two terms. Phone charges between Bermuda and Caanda were over a dollar a minute at the time, but she never asked me to limit how often I called.

It's been almost two years now since she passed away and I still miss her every single day.

~ Catherine

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I feel the same way about my Dad- I'm not close to my mum and never have been...she bugs me Ultimately we are 2 very similar people who butt heads.

Now my dad on the other hand, I miss him dreadfully (for anyone from Kitchener...he taught at Cameron...Mr Kauk). Back home, I spoke to my dad at least once a day, if not 2 or 3 times by the evening. If we had a thought, we phoned one another about it. We did grocery shopping together every Thursday and market on sat morning most weeks. he was known to pick up croissants before dropping by on Saturday morning. My dad has alway been heavily involved in my daughter's life...taking ehr along with him everywhere and to swimming lessons and the like.....she misses him horribly too

Now I speak to him every few days - but there was no anger involved in me moving, just sadness I would say - I had moved out from my parents house back when I was 20 so maybe slightly different.

My take on parents who are acting in the manner spoken about here is that they're being immature to a certain degree, shouldn't they be happy and not make us feel guilty? As a parent, I KNOW that I will be sad when my daughter moves...but how can I hold her back when she's ready to fly? You don't have children in the hope that they will stay with you forever. It's one thing to miss someone, but another to be selfish

Edited March 25, 2009 by Udella&Wiz

[Krikit 1,164]

Oh my God, I feel horrible now.

*passes tissue.. u okay?

Yes. Just reading this Mom stuff is really hard, you know? Both from a child's and a parent's perspective. It's stuff that I try to keep in the hidden recesses of my mind so I don't have to deal with the pain.

It's been almost two years now since she passed away and I still miss her every single day.

~ Catherine

I am so sorry for your loss, Catherine.

(F)