The Vent - Part 2

[Sprailenes 47]

I have no idea.. I don't get any child support. But I really don't like what she is doing to you guys Em.

[Autumnchik 6]

I really don't hate the guy, but I just can't look him in the eyes. It was just one of those situations that takes so much out of you that you can't bear to even think about the ones that caused the situation. I deleted my response, and I don't think i'm going to respond at all.

I used to be guilty of avoiding phone calls and just emailing, but have lost contact with a lot of friends because of it. I pick up the phone when it rings..... except when its a 603 area code calling. That is where the "This is your last chance to negotiate a lower rate on your credit card" scam calls come from.

Seriously? I live in the 603 area code. Oh wait, secretly it has been me calling ... that is is my side job

[Sprailenes 47]

I really don't hate the guy, but I just can't look him in the eyes. It was just one of those situations that takes so much out of you that you can't bear to even think about the ones that caused the situation. I deleted my response, and I don't think i'm going to respond at all.

I used to be guilty of avoiding phone calls and just emailing, but have lost contact with a lot of friends because of it. I pick up the phone when it rings..... except when its a 603 area code calling. That is where the "This is your last chance to negotiate a lower rate on your credit card" scam calls come from.

Seriously? I live in the 603 area code. Oh wait, secretly it has been me calling ... that is is my side job

[Carlawarla 1]

*sigh.. can I ask Mum's out there about child support payments? What happens when the non-custodial parent takes custody of the children for a period of time (say 2 month stints).. does the court (as we've read online tonite) typically award the custodial parent full child support payments during that time frame regardless of the fact that the non-custodial parent is occurring expenses of their own? So basically you pay full child support 12 months of the year if you are a non-custodial parent regardless of the time spent with the non-custodial parent.. Is it dumb of me to even ask that question?

PS I think I know the answer to the question based on what we read online tonite and if so I think this is aptly placed in the right thread

I would think it would be in the actual custody or divorce agreement wouldn't it? I would say that you wouldn't have to pay if the kids were with you for 2 months. The money you send for child support, is for their support, and if they're not living with the custodial parent, why would you pay them for those months. However, how is the money issue addressed? Does it specifically say "child support"? Perhaps it's all tied up in alimoney? I don't know Em. Please look to see if there is a State "Call - a - lawyer for free" program. I'm sure there is one in your State. They regularly have them here even for one night after the 5 pm news in the News Room for calls!

You said you saw something on-line as well? I'd print that off if it supports your thinking that you don't pay for that period of time, and send it, or email it to his ex. I really feel for you guys, and I know your husband doesn't like to rock the boat, and you don't either, but really Em...he has at least another 10 years of this and it's only going to get worse if he doesn't take a stand now. What is he afraid of really?

Some hard questions, I know. And whatever you guys decide, and what you do, I know that you two have talked about it, and prayed about it. I'm being judgemental I know. It's because I care, and my emotions get tied up into your situation and it breaks my heart.

Hugs

[Flames9_RN 358]

Damn it--here i sit at cosi's on their free wifi on my netbook, battery is only at 40% because i forget to charge it AND i left my power cable at home. car is now at mechanics, hopefully just the front brakes need replaced on the 2005 scion xb!!

[Udella&Wiz 325]

*sigh.. can I ask Mum's out there about child support payments? What happens when the non-custodial parent takes custody of the children for a period of time (say 2 month stints).. does the court (as we've read online tonite) typically award the custodial parent full child support payments during that time frame regardless of the fact that the non-custodial parent is occurring expenses of their own? So basically you pay full child support 12 months of the year if you are a non-custodial parent regardless of the time spent with the non-custodial parent.. Is it dumb of me to even ask that question?

PS I think I know the answer to the question based on what we read online tonite and if so I think this is aptly placed in the right thread

no good answer for you Em - we do alimony to the EX, but my husband also pays separately for all expenses for the boys (clothes, school fees, etc etc...). It does seem dumb that child support is paid regardless of where they're living. I guess you'd have to go back and redo the order - especially if they came to live with you permanently.

I didn't receive child support from my daughter's father so nothing personal to add

[Emancipation 2]

Thanks everyone for the thoughts.. I appreciate the input.. we're both in the dark here, and we just need to educate ourselves.. Last night I spoke with hubby on the matter and then we googled and found a website that basically said the courts don't dicker around and want to deal with one parent paying during some periods of time and another one paying at another moment in time so they just award all the payments to one parent and then count the expenses that the non-custodial parent makes when the children are with them as "gifts".

Which, in our case would include air fare, child care and food, clothing and medical expenses (hubby already pays 100% of premiums) for an entire summer while sending the lions' share of his income to his ex wife. It's simply impossible for him to do (we'd all have to eat KD for the summer months basically and I'd have to quit my job to stay home with them). It doesn't seem to add up to me, and makes me wonder if this is the reason so many fathers are not invested in their kids lives (if they live in a different state) basically because they can't afford to be.

[Sprailenes 47]

It's a tough situation.

On one hand I believe that a man should pay and support his offspring but there's a line and he shouldn't be dragged through the mud and punished for life because of it. I never asked Ethan's father for support, People ask me why a lot and I just couldn't be bothered. A lot of women are bitter and angry and I didn't want to go to court bitter and angry so I waited a few years and realized I was okay without his help.

But I understand some people need that help. However it's not fair that the men suffer, and even some women do too, especially ones who want to be a role model and a parent in their children's lives. The system here is really messed up in that sense.

All I ask of Ethan's fathers side is that if they like, they can help contribute to his college fund and they do... I appreciate that.

[Sprailenes 47]

I've got a vent.

So when I lived in Canada and lived in Midland, no one really came to visit me. I mean my close friends did but that's it. But I move down here and all of a sudden people I haven't spoken to in YEARS are telling me they want to come and visit me. TELLING ME. Not asking me, telling me! Um sure you can come down here, there are plenty of hotels... and I can't guarantee that I would make time for you seeing as we haven't spoken in a decade and I don't really know what I would talk to you about, but sure I can't stop you from coming down.

I don't live in a freaking frat house. I live in a home with a child and a husband and I do not exactly like couch surfers. Why didn't these people visit me when I lived in Midland? Oh because I didn't live near a cool city? Was Midland not "cool" enough for them? I mean people literally message me with: "Hey so I was thinking of coming down to Philly, how far away are you from NYC again? I was thinking of staying with you"

God I am glad I don't live in California or Floria who knows how many people would be telling me that they are coming down.

I just deleted and blocked two cousins because they were doing the same thing and I haven't seem them in 17 years because their mother was basically ostracised from the family... and they do drugs and are just gross so yea I don't want them to come down. But they kept messaging me with: "Oh I can't wait to see you, I'm going to take a train down there this summer!" Save your money and go buy some crack you dirty fiends.

Edited June 12, 2009 by Sprailenes

[Krikit 1,164]

Haha. I have some cousins in England whom I only see due to family obligations. Other than that there are no telephone exchanges, no Christmas cards, no birthday cards, nothing. We have nothing in common other than our genes. When I moved to Florida they all started asking where I lived and what my phone number was because they wanted to come and "visit".

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea I am sure there are others krikit! We can't be the only ones. It's so funny how many people come out of the woodwork when they want something of you. It really irks me.

[Emancipation 2]

I have the opposite problem.. can't PAY anyone to come down and stay with us.. the only visitors we've had from Canada was my bro & SIL over a year ago

[Sprailenes 47]

I don't mind having bona fide friends coming down. But people I don't really consider friends anymore... no thanks. It's just that they assume they can come down... and they assume I want them at my place. I don't.

About a month back my friends came down and I loved having them here. But they were the same friends that visited me while I lived in Midland too.

[JillA 2]

Yea I am sure there are others krikit! We can't be the only ones. It's so funny how many people come out of the woodwork when they want something of you. It really irks me.

Imagine if you became famous or won the lottery, how many "friends" would come out of the woodworks!

I have the opposite problem.. can't PAY anyone to come down and stay with us.. the only visitors we've had from Canada was my bro & SIL over a year ago

Awwww! CT seems like a lovely place.

[Emancipation 2]

Awwww! CT seems like a lovely place.

we live in the armpit.. but north of us is quite nice