LAND DOWNUNDER, Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You guys are starting to make me think that my guy is going to hate it here. All I hear from everyone who comes over here from Australia (Ham has a friend who did the k3 process last year that I talk to about it) is about how they hate America.

Did any of you guys explain to your husbands and their family what the Australian traditions are? Maybe then you would have gotten some eggs. Here Easter is for the kids. You give them their Easter basket and then they go hunting for eggs. Then you have a nice dinner. You don't really do anything for the adults for easter. Which is probably why no one got you anything because they didn't know to do it.

I've already asked Ham about the holiday traditions from Aussie that he likes to do so we can try and incorporate them into the ones we do here. Because I know that trying to find a balance between the two is important but as I didn't grow up there I won't know what he usually does unless he tells me. Though at the same time once he gets here we're going to have our own family who can have our own new traditions just for us. It doesn't have to be what his family does or my family does but what our family does.

I don't mean to sound rude or anything but I'm one of the very few American's in this group here. And it bothers me hearing about how much everyone thinks America sucks. The way I see it...you guys had a choice to either have your guy move there, you move here, or to break up. You guys chose to move to a different country to be with your S/O. So now you have another choice....to make the best of it and try to merge the two cultures so both of you are happy or to constantly say how much you hate it here until you slowly begin to resent your S/O.

Maybe it's just the military brat in me with having grown up in about five different countries so I've learned how to adapt to different cultures. I don't see the point in stressing all the things you don't like about where you're at. I think it's better to look at all the things you love about your new place.

Again....sorry if this bothers anyone. I'm just saying how it would feel from the American side of this whole Aussie/American connection.

Honestly, American is pretty much like Australia, which is why I think when things don't go how they're "supposed" to (how I'm used to it) I can honestly say I'm surprised. I never knew and never guessed that Easter would be different. Honestly, never entered my head that the "egg thing" wasn't just how Easter is everywhere... especially given I know how into holidays American's tend to be, especially one's involving chocolate/sweets.

I never said "America sucks" or "I hate it here". IF I ever did say "I hate it here" I would be specifically referencing living with my in-laws... like I said the US is just like living in a random town in Australia I've never lived in. Things are different... stores, roads, the people, occasionally the food but basically it's a Western country so it's pretty easy to get used to. That said, it doesn't mean there aren't things about home I don't miss... family and friends for one. Not having to explain myself when I use an "Aussie" word... various foods, the health care, driving on the left , Macca's frozen coke!... mmm lots of things.. doesn't make me HATE America for not having those things though.

I "chose" to come to the US because my husband has school loans he would like to pay off first and at the time he was still finishing school and we obviously didn't want to break up. I had no issue "moving countries" because I have travelled a bit, I honestly have no issue living here... and in time he will come and stay in Australia and we hope to get him an Aussie passport. The US was the first "place to conquer" for us... and as for the "other cultures" things... I am a dual UK/Aussie. It's nothing to do with cultures for me. The cultures are the same, it's the traditions and way of life that are different. I suppose to some people that's the same thing but to me it's not...

I understand how upset you must be, and worried given everything you read, but I would look at it more as a "learning" thing rather than concern he's going to hate it. Like now you know that our Easter is different so you can talk to your man about what HE does at home.. honestly Easter was a huge shock.. who doesn't want chocolate given to them any chance they get??

Also, I feel the need to mention that for me personally... I am almost at 8 months here in the US. For 8 months I have been unable to work (no money for AOS due to.. well.. issues... we did initially have it saved up), couldn't drive, basically "chained" to the apartment. 8 months... it's a hugely long time to not do anything. I REALLY truly feel that I would have assimilated easier and faster had I been able to get my greencard quicker, start driving and working and actually feeling productive.

I really wouldn't worry that he's going to hate it here in the US. I honestly don't think he will.. BUT there will be a lot for him to get used to. I'm telling you right now that a few of the mains for me were:

- your "high fructose corn syrup" and other preservatives

- bread (awful.. honestly.. so bad. I want a bread maker)

- cheese (your manner of classification is different, that was weird)

- your artificial flavours.. that cherry stuff tastes like cough syrup...

I'm sure that to you WE sound like spoilt brats. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we don't HATE living here, nor do we want you to think that the US is inferior to Australia. BUT there will be a few adjustments. I know we're lucky to be given visas and greencard to be here. I know that we're with our loved ones at the moment while other couples are not, but that doesn't mean that during the "adjustment period" that I'm not allowed to "grieve" for all I have given up which unfortunately includes "bitching" about how Australia does it better Also, please try not to take it personally WHEN and IF Ham says "Australia does this better". It's part of the grieving process. Honestly now the chocolate doesn't taste AS bad as it once did, and even the bread is getting easier to stomach..

Oh and p.s. Easter wouldn't have been such a big deal if it wasn't for the fact my MIL is not the most "welcoming" person the majority of the time so I assumed it was a personal slight and a familial trait BUT on coming on here and discussing it I now know that this is indeed the tradition here so now I know to "fix" it for next year and I'm not worried about it anymore... and it did open the door to discussing OTHER traditions. Australia for example doesn't do thanksgiving or Halloween (some towns do but it's not like here), that sale day, black Saturday or whatever.. we have a black Saturday, but it's the day over 100 Victorians died in a bad bushfire.. it's a day of mourning for us. We don't have the 4th July, you don't have Australia day, you don't have the Melbourne Cup, we don't have so many car racing events, we have cricket and netball (among others) but you guys have never heard of them. I have never had to dig my car out of the snow and this winter I will have to. The names of my fave chocies are different here too... lots of little things here and there.. it does take time...

Edited May 2, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[kaffy 2]

I don't hate it here... in fact I disliked living in Australia more than anywhere else I've lived (5 countries and counting) and couldn't wait to get the heck out of there for good

America has treated the two of us far better than Australia did. For one I've never experienced any sort of discrimination here whereas I'm quite sad to say, my (American) husband did when we were living in Australia.

[alex and astrid 38]

You guys are starting to make me think that my guy is going to hate it here. All I hear from everyone who comes over here from Australia (Ham has a friend who did the k3 process last year that I talk to about it) is about how they hate America.

Did any of you guys explain to your husbands and their family what the Australian traditions are? Maybe then you would have gotten some eggs. Here Easter is for the kids. You give them their Easter basket and then they go hunting for eggs. Then you have a nice dinner. You don't really do anything for the adults for easter. Which is probably why no one got you anything because they didn't know to do it.

I've already asked Ham about the holiday traditions from Aussie that he likes to do so we can try and incorporate them into the ones we do here. Because I know that trying to find a balance between the two is important but as I didn't grow up there I won't know what he usually does unless he tells me. Though at the same time once he gets here we're going to have our own family who can have our own new traditions just for us. It doesn't have to be what his family does or my family does but what our family does.

I don't mean to sound rude or anything but I'm one of the very few American's in this group here. And it bothers me hearing about how much everyone thinks America sucks. The way I see it...you guys had a choice to either have your guy move there, you move here, or to break up. You guys chose to move to a different country to be with your S/O. So now you have another choice....to make the best of it and try to merge the two cultures so both of you are happy or to constantly say how much you hate it here until you slowly begin to resent your S/O.

Maybe it's just the military brat in me with having grown up in about five different countries so I've learned how to adapt to different cultures. I don't see the point in stressing all the things you don't like about where you're at. I think it's better to look at all the things you love about your new place.

Again....sorry if this bothers anyone. I'm just saying how it would feel from the American side of this whole Aussie/American connection.

I've never said that I hate America, nor has anyone else that I am aware of. But, I am sorry if you feel offended, because that is not our intention at all. I definitely get where you are coming from though.

With the easter thing....I can see how we sounded a bit bratty. But, I know a lot of us probably don't tell everyone what we do and want for holidays and such because Australians aren't the type to make everyone bend to our will, and we are more than happy to try new things and all that. My first easter over here was a big family do, and it was the first time I met the majority of Alex's family, including his parents. It was a confusing and overwhelming, and not being somewhere familiar was just plain weird. I was only 19, as well. So, being away from all our loved ones on special occasions contributes to how we are feeling. The next easter for me wasn't that bad at all...it gets easier, it's just the first time that is jarring.

There are lots of things that I love about America, for sure. I love having a new start of sorts and that Alex and I finally get to really make a live together without thinking about the next time I have to go back home. We complain about the food, but there are also lots of foods that I miss like crazy when I go home! I think it's a bit black and white to say that we had to pick a country or break up though. I am sure that each couple on here weighed up what would work better for them, just like Alex and I did. For us, it was way easier for me to move because I didn't really have anything tying me to Australia apart from family. Alex would have had to have got rid of all his debt, paid off his car, he would have lost his stable job and he probably would have had to start his education all over again. He was the one that would be able to support me, not the other way around. By the time we filed the K1, we had been together four years. That is a lot of time to think. I don't regret moving here at all and I think we made the right decision for this point in our lives. Having said that, once we get older I am lobbying for us to go back to Australia

I think it is important to try and respect the traditions of both our countries. I jump in head first and help with thanksgiving, I celebrate Fourth of July, and I try and learn about US history and how you guys 'work'. Alex celebrates Australia day with me (Listening to the Triple J hottest 100, of course!) and I make a lot of aussie food so he can experience that too. He asks about our slang words and uses them, and he even learned AFL for me (GO GEELONG!)

Bacon, you have to understand that this is pretty much the only place we can vent and commiserate, and yeah, do a little bit of 'grieving', apart from our spouse or fiance. The Aussies on here understand where we are coming from and aren't going to judge us for feeling the way we do. This is our support network, because no one else understands what this whole process is like except them. Again, we don't HATE it here. We're happy to be here. We just have off days where we need to get things off our chest.

[Deb+Steve 13]

I don't dislike the US. It's a great travel destination. It was never (and still is not) my choice of where to lay my hat for a permanent home. I dislike the chocolate, the bacon and the bread. BUT those are not deal breakers. I can live without those things.

I just love my life in Australia. I would not change it because I have no reason to change it. The ONLY reason I am doing this process is because my husband is in the military. That was a choice we made together. We get married and I give him the next 3 years until he retires then we can either move back - or by that time I may not want to move back to Aus. So, we shall see. I am approaching it with an open mind. Unlike a few others, it always has just been a holiday destination for me. I've never lived there so I try to not comment on that aspect of it. I also have to say (after reading a few other posts), my in laws (even the MIL) are fantastic. I don't think I could this if I had half the problems of others!

That's my 2c ...

[Bacon 0]

Yeah, sorry. That's just my biggest worry about this whole thing. So when I hear you guys say all the things you don't like then it makes me start thinking that Ham won't be happy here. With the time for him getting here coming so much closer than it's even worse about how much I worry. It's just a worst fear type of thing that tends to flare up at times.

As a peace offering then here's something for you guys. Ham found it when he was doing his many searches about Atlanta, Georgia.

www.australianbakerycafe.com

It's shops are only located here in Atlanta but they'll ship foods to a bunch of the southern and some northern states. They'll do all other states but it's a bit more expensive since it's air mail.

So if any of you are craving your tim-tams and vegemite then here's the best place to go.

[TerriandEric 4]

Ok so maybe I am still int he cheery happy stage but I am not finding much about where I am that I dont like. Sure driving on the wrong side of the road is bizarre but overall its been a great adjustment phase. Do I miss much from Aus? Sure MY KIDS! I ache like crazy for my 3 children who are still in AUS but you know what...my boys chose not to come and wanted to stay there...one for schooling & medical reasons the other for his girlfriend. Bek has adjusted better then any of us had any right to expect. She has had to adjust to whole new way of schooling and has jumped in boots & all with it. She has made friends, learning to socialize in different environments that were not available to her in AUS. Me -- I have not a single complaint.

Yeah I was going absolutely insane not being able to drive myself ANYWHERE!!! Eric works nights which is a whole new set of box & dice to deal with. He gets home as Bek leaves for school..I cook breakfast & he sleeps...I tiptoe downstairs..when not driving it meant waiting until he woke to run to the store for anything we need....now I can take myself...THANK GOD FOR GPS!! LOL The traditions we have discussed & as Bacon said we are going to meld the two cultures for that to make our own family traditions.

Would I want to move back to AUS...NOPE! Here in America we can have a lifestyle that I could only dream of in AUS. The cost of living is so much more affordable here in America as opposed to AUS. We have an amazing house on a large property that we can do whatever the heck we like too (well within township guidleines dang it!) We are building a deck onto the back of our house that in AUS would have crippled us for a while to afford...here it is a small project that is easily affordable. The foods are different to get used too but we are managing...a bit at a time. The bread is different that is for sure but nothing that can not be gotten around -- if anything I am eating less carbs so losing weight YAY!

I guess it could be that it is all so new still for us but we are happy & contented with our life here. I have no desire to live back in AUS anytime soon...life here is all we dreamed it would be.

[alex and astrid 38]

Maybe Alex and I should move to Ohio.....Loa Angeles = $$$$$, though the area we are in isn't so bad. If you want to buy a small house in my area though, you'll need at least a million dollars.

Thinking about home improvement stuff...My dad is always building stuff at home and has no problem with cost or permits. But then again, where we have lived (country Victoria and now Brisbane) may have had very different rules to Sydney.

I'm glad you are so happy Terri, we all deserve some happiness after dealing with USCIS and all that separation!

[Bacon 0]

Maybe Alex and I should move to Ohio.....Loa Angeles = $$$$$, though the area we are in isn't so bad. If you want to buy a small house in my area though, you'll need at least a million dollars.

Thinking about home improvement stuff...My dad is always building stuff at home and has no problem with cost or permits. But then again, where we have lived (country Victoria and now Brisbane) may have had very different rules to Sydney.

I'm glad you are so happy Terri, we all deserve some happiness after dealing with USCIS and all that separation!

Yeah, it is a lot better in the smaller towns and smaller states like Ohio. I used to live there and the price of living is so much cheaper. With the move to Atlanta then it's a lot more expensive. But one good thing is Atlanta and all the surrounding counties (or suburbs) are on a mass transit system called MARTA. So there's buses, trains and subways all over the place to take people anywhere in the whole area. It'll make it easier for Ham to get around at least. Plus, I made sure to pick an apartment where a lot of stuff is within walking distance for him since it'll be a while until we can afford a car for him.

Maybe it won't be so bad for him then since we've both spent the last year trying to cover everything to make the move over easier. He's just told me all the things he'd like to have here and I've tried to find the stores for them. So far the only thing I haven't been able to find is a pub that sells Aussie beer....I found one that boasted having 100's of beers from all around the world. All they sold for Aussie was Fosters.

[Bacon 0]

We didn't get the visa.

Ham messed up and told them that we started dating in 2007 and not 2008. He also told him how we'd been friends and visited prior to that.

He just went rambling and got all confused on the whole freaking time line. So now they want added proof of a relationship prior to 2009.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

We didn't get the visa.

Ham messed up and told them that we started dating in 2007 and not 2008. He also told him how we'd been friends and visited prior to that.

He just went rambling and got all confused on the whole freaking time line. So now they want added proof of a relationship prior to 2009.

It's okay. It's not a denial. Proof of relationship should be fine right? Emails? Phone calls? Letters (physical ones), bday cards, stuff like that? Photos together...

It WILL be okay. I'm sorry its not right now but it will come I'm sure. Good luck!

Edited May 4, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Bacon 0]

It's okay. It's not a denial. Proof of relationship should be fine right? Emails? Phone calls? Letters (physical ones), bday cards, stuff like that? Photos together...

They want it from 2006 to 2008. We were broken up during that time so most of our emails are arguments or us talking about whoever we were dating at the time. Ham told them we started dating in 2007 when we started dating again in December of 2008.

I emailed them photos from his visit here the first time but they're not time stamped. And I sent an email of us talking in 2006. But that's about all I have.

Edited May 4, 2010 by Bacon

[VanessaTony 3,567]

They want it from 2006 to 2008. We were broken up during that time so most of our emails are arguments or us talking about whoever we were dating at the time. Ham told them we started dating in 2007 when we started dating again in December of 2008.

I emailed them photos from his visit here the first time but they're not time stamped. And I sent an email of us talking in 2006. But that's about all I have.

Okay.. is there anything you have from around December showing you guys starting dating? Can he not explain that he had the "dating" year stuffed up and it was actually 2008? I would do that and say that you were FRIENDS in 2007 and he just plum forgot because he liked you at that time too while you were friends... I would try and sift through the emails (if you still have them, maybe he does..) and find some "lovey" ones. They don't look at LOTS of it. Maybe some phone records? or MSN chat records?

Edited May 4, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Bacon 0]

Okay.. is there anything you have from around December showing you guys starting dating? Can he not explain that he had the "dating" year stuffed up and it was actually 2008? I would do that and say that you were FRIENDS in 2007 and he just plum forgot because he liked you at that time too while you were friends... I would try and sift through the emails (if you still have them, maybe he does..) and find some "lovey" ones. They don't look at LOTS of it. Maybe some phone records? or MSN chat records?

I sent an email that I sent him in 2006 and some pictures. I just don't know if he can go back and say that he messed up on the year or if they'll say that he lied. I'm just so paranoid about this whole process so I don't know what he can do. I mean, our choices now are to either try and find stuff from 2007 or 2008 or to go back and try to explain that he is obviously completely terrible with dates.

It's just so frustrating cause every step of the way we're getting screwed over and delayed. Why can't it go easy like every one else's did? Why does it have to be so freaking hard? Like waiting 7 freaking years hasn't been hard enough let's just keep pushing more ####### in the way to make it even harder.

[Deb+Steve 13]

Hi Bacon,

I'm sorry but like Vanessa's written - it's not an outright denial. Hang in there!!

[Bacon 0]

I know it's not an out right denial now. Ham said that he saw our file and it was stamped with Approved on it. It's just that he messed up on the question so now the guy is telling him that we need more evidence.