love-marriage-divorce-hate

[SMOKE 1,426]

hijacking a thread, making derogatory remarks about a posters spouse & giving your view on post etiquette is helpful to the OP how?

Edited March 6, 2009 by SMOKE

[*julez* 124]

Unlike you, I did actually offer my support to the OP. It is you and Charles who are hell bent on derailing this thread. Neither of you has offered anything of value to this thread, and more importantly, to the OP.

[Ban Hammer 12,921]

Unlike you, I did actually offer my support to the OP. It is you and Charles who are hell bent on derailing this thread. Neither of you has offered anything of value to this thread, and more importantly, to the OP.

sure, posts #21-#25 offer so much help to the op and don't derail the thread either.

[Jasman0717 8]

I am so thankful I found Claudeth

What does this have to do with the OP's situation?

We'll never know since jasman is a notorious drive-by poster. But it is TOTAL BS.

I didn't know we were on this personal of a relationship. Coming from you I will accept that as a compliment, thanks.

[truebrit 4]

ive posted here before about our woes. so i guess it is about time i filled in the few who were interested in how this turned out.

i returned to the UK, to a cave (as it is so sweetly described) on saturday morning, with my dog.

my husband, although a sweet man, has different ideals to myself and i thought that the threat of me leaving would shock him into doing something about his wayward kids...but no...it just pushed him to book the flight and throw money at the situation...money wasnt what i wanted or needed...understanding and a little bit of respect and consideration was...talking was just words...short lived...

i made the mistake of saying i wanted a divorce because he wouldnt back me up in front of the kids or his family and freinds, who never tried to help and just sat back and watched our relationship crumble...knowing what was happening...never once calling and trying to help, after all is said and done, the kids were their family and they just stood and watched.

it took me a while to adjust to america...but i did and i was...and i tried my hardest with different ways of dealing with the kids...but now it turns out that anything i tried wasnt good enough, they didnt want a new mom...they wanted someone who was a picker up'er and a spend dads money on them type...

numerous times i tried to tell my husband i wasnt happy about the way they were treating me and he just only saw or heard what he wanted to hear...i was just complaining all the time...until a few months ago, easter, i thought that this just might work...and then it all started again...

im not bitching my husband but it would have been nice to be accepted as the 'one who runs the house' instead of the one who complains that the kids are lazy and inconsiderate...any kind of complaint fell on deaf ears...i was out of turn complaining that i was being tret like a skivvy, i was expected to shut up and take it...and now im told i should have said something sooner...this is my side and i am sure my husband sees it all differently...two sides and all that...

he refused to put me on the health insurance and every day i felt i was soon going to have a heart attack or stroke because all the stress of the kids and other things was getting to me...if i said there was something wrong with me it was like i was making it up...my health went down hill and i went off food...ive never been a big eater and yes...ive read the posts about american food dislikes...and yes...compared to the uk, a lot of food is yukky...(im booking myself with bupa asap so i can have a complete overhaul and find out just how much the past 18 months has affected me...i know it has affected the kids...but they seem to be happy now...the older one moreso because she just didnt like the idea of sharing her dad...with anyone.)

he refused to complete his side of the AOS...and couldnt work out why i felt so insecure...i could have been deported at anytime as far as i know...and he just sat there and threw money at getting rid of me...he tells me now he loves me and only wanted me happy, but his kids and the attitude of his freinds and family was making me unhappy...everything was my fault.

i regret one thing, which was going over there prior to the visa stuff and meeting the kids and his family...maybe i would have looked at things differently...

he was quick to file the divorce papers...and the lawyer could only keep getting it wrong...i understand my husband was only 'covering his back' but with one of the papers they expected me to sign someone elses papers and he kept adding that i agreed that i had the oportunity to seek legal advise when i didnt, i couldnt, i asked him to remove it and he just placed it deeper in the papers...and the final papers i had to be accepting...after 3 attempts at trying to get it right it included a clause which said i hadnt been 'bullied' into signing...yet my husband could only shout at me and drive irratically in terrential rain, scareing the ####### out of me, and had the boot been on the other foot...and the papers were wrong and i was wanting him to sign...he would have acted just the same...he gave me the chance of choosing my witness and i chose the one person in the whole of america...the guy who married us...also 'divorced' us in a fashion.

im not a gold digger...and i didnt go to america for his stuff...but i did give up everything in my world to be with him...from my freinds and family...to all my possestions...barring a few things that stayed in boxes the whole time i was there, because i was wrong to move anything and make space for my things.

now i am back in the uk, with my dog, and drinking tetley tea till it comes out of my ears...i have nothing and i am broken and all my husband can think about is how all this has cost him so much, when in comparison it has cost him not that much really...money isnt everything although it seems to be everything to 'most' americans (and no i am not generalising, i am just explaining how it looked to me) stuff is replaceble...but marriage should be forever...i feel so let down and lost.

i wish my 'ex family' all the best and i only did my best the only way i knew how...without the help of them that mattered.

i do need to know what i must do now...do i inform anyone? i need to get my life back on track.

Edited June 14, 2009 by truebrit

[trillium13 84]

Your story is new to me, just read your last post. It sounds like you're in the right place now.

I don't have much to offer except to acknowledge to you that divorce is hard, no matter the circumstances. I know this personally. Even those in really crappy marriages go through a lot of grief at the loss of what they thought they would have. It will take you time to get over it all and to get your life together. It will be hard sometimes, and you will go through dark places. But you will get through it, and you aren't alone. Everyone who has been divorced goes though a lot of #######. You will be ok. You will be glad that you have had this opportunity, though that won't make sense now. Take this time to reconnect with friends, family, anything else you've missed. Hug your dog.

Good luck to you!

[*julez* 124]

I am very sorry that things didn't work out for you for the best here in the US. It sounds like you were in a no-win situation.

Regarding your immigration status, you need do nothing. From the USCIS perspective, you were an overstay since you never adjusted status. You will be facing a ban of 3 - 10 years, depending on how long your overstay was.

I hope that you will be able to rebuild a new life for yourself in the UK. I do wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

[Kiv 32]

Sad to read how things ended, I hope you feel better soon.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I'm so sorry that things didn't work out the way you had hoped. It sounds like you are better off now, though, even though you need to start over. You did your best but a relationship requires both partners and it seems like you were the only one trying to make it work. Good luck to you and may life become easier and happier for you soon.

[luckymom 0]

The OP needs some of the best advice that people in the forum can give. I am happy that she is able to go back to her home country. I guess the USC husband's plan of having her is not really to have a wife - to be with him for the rest of his life, but to get a house maid (sorry for the term I used)/nanny. I feel that the USC ex has an agenda. I can't imagine that for that long period of time, the USC never even tried to file for the AOS. Maybe they also have good times before but the OP suffered a lot in that house. She may not be a perfect wife but she tried to and she also tried her best to be a stepmother (which I'm sure didn't worked out). I wonder why the ex can be so insensitive to his supposed to be lifetime partner. The USC just let her go back to UK like that, my idea of the hidden agenda is reinforced, because if not he should at least tried hard to fix his relationship with the OP first before anything else. God bless the OP and keep your faith alive. God has every reason why things we don't expect are happening, for sure there will be more better things to come. Good luck and be happy with your dog - she is the only one who will be faithful to you and of course your family there.