March filers 2009

[TayRivers 4]

I wonder if we will get our interview date this week???

[No-Where-Man 147]

I wonder if we will get our interview date this week???

i really dont know

its frustrating ...i need it to adjust when exactly my wife come to me , do the medical ..arrange many other things as well ..

so i must tell im on hold for doing manythings waiting for this ...

well ..lets see ..days go by .

[Giskat09 2]

I wonder if we will get our interview date this week???

it takes a week or two

[tnguy21809 0]

Personally, I do frown upon people who do not have any time or friendship behind them in their relationships. It just doesn't seem real to me. (I'm not saying it isn't real but I simply cannot fathom it.) I've seen so many people that have met online then meet in person 5 or 6 months later, then tie the knot during that same trip. It's too rushed in my opinion and too unreal. And then you see them get approved quicker than a person with say, 3-4 years relationship with their spouse.

But, everyone is different and some people don't have a problem with going so fast, but I am personally happy because I was friends with my husband for ages before we even dated. In my opinion, it doesn't matter how much you talk about things online, because there are some things that can only be realized and seen when you've been together physically for a certain amount of time.

This whole ''rant'' was my opinion. I don't mean any offense nor harm to anyone.

Since this is your rant and I fall into the category you describe as "too rushed and unreal" let me tell my story please condensed version.

Wife #2 Ivy, From the Philippines. I sent her an email on Sept, 14th 2008 she answered 5 hours later, we sent 2 more emails then added each other to yahoo messenger and began chatting that way. I drive truck and she was going 4 nights a week to college to be an attorney. within a week were were spending all of our awake moments chatting in ym. she didn't have a webcam but i did so she got to see me and i would put the pc on the dash so she could feel like she was riding along with me. She sent me pictures and videos of her house, trips to town , etc to prove to me she was for real. within 3 weeks she had a webcam and we were spending almost 24 hours a day together.

We had webcam meals, we talked through ym we chatted, a few weeks later I added phone in to her ym account so i could use my cell phone and call her when she was at the pc. I set the pc by my bed and she could check to see when i was awake or asleep and she could watch me sleep if she wanted to. We had many nights while i drove that we talked for 8 to 10 hours. We talked about everything. I didn't lie to or hide anything from her or her from me. I would sleep with the headset on and she could see me sleep and hear me snore. I was absolutely sure after 3 weeks that if she would have me I wanted to marry and be with her. I asked 5 or 6 times and got the same response! " you have to ask proper" I wasn't sure what her idea of proper was and she wasn't ready to tell.

She did tell me that we would have to wait for 2 years for her to finish school before we could marry or be together. I had said that I was sure she was the right one for me and I would wait as long as I had to wait. I decided to meet and get all of the pictures and proof that i needed to come back and file for the fiancé visa. I would save it until right before her graduation and then file.

I made the trip over there the end of January to meet her in person and had full intentions of getting all of the required documentation. She was the perfect host. She arraigned the hotel, transportation to the hotel, met me at the airport, had everything ready and planned out! Everything was going GREAT I was more sure than ever that I made the right decision and we would marry someday somewhere. Then disaster struck, I met her mother and things went really bad. For reasons I wont say here but the parents were not as sure about me as Ivy was. Then the next day more bad news. A phone call from home informed me that my father had fallen 2 days earlier had had just passed away as a result of the fall. It was too late to travel home, his wishes were for cremation and no service so I stayed where I was.

Her parents wanted her to forget about me and come home. For the FIRST time in her life she stood up to them and defied her fathers wishes. She chose to stay with me and be my guide for the duration of my stay. They got the message that she was an adult, knew what she was doing, and decided to get to know me and keep peace. We explained to them what we were going to do with the fiancé visa and according to Chinese tradition (or superstition) if a family member dies during and engagement you have to marry within the next 100 days or wait 1000 days. Her mom had already gone to the temple and found the best date for us to have a lasting marriage we would have to marry on the 18th of February so we discussed things and decided we were going to marry eventually and this way we could honor their wishes of tradition and also allow the parents to attend the wedding of their only daughter.

SO, if it sounds rushed and unreal, let me say that we have spent as much time together via web, phone, email, chat as most couples do who only talk and see each other a few hours a day for years.

Now the rest of the story, again very short version.

Marriage number one. I met, (seen her, talked to her, asked her out,) my first wife on July 31st 1995, We went out on our first date that night, and spent everyday from that one forward together. I moved in with her and her mom on August 12th 1995, We were married December 21st 1995. We were married for 18 years!!!! Rushed and unreal?? Same timeline, it lasted 18 years. Without going into lots of personal details, If I had been a different person and really bent over backwards and not given up, we would still be married. I left her in 2003 and more or less forced her to divorce me in 2005

All I am saying here is don't judge a book by its cover. There may be 10,000 rushed, and seemingly unreal marriages but if there is just ONE that is real then you have to consider that maybe there really are a lot more. You always hear about the bad, the frauds, and it makes you believe they are all like that but I assure you they are not. I know couples who dated and knew each other for years, spent actual time day in and day out with each other who married and then the marriage lasted less than 5 years.

Things are not always what they seem.

Only your heart truly knows what its made of.

Edited June 1, 2009 by tnguy21809

[Jeanycnd 0]

Personally, I do frown upon people who do not have any time or friendship behind them in their relationships. It just doesn't seem real to me. (I'm not saying it isn't real but I simply cannot fathom it.) I've seen so many people that have met online then meet in person 5 or 6 months later, then tie the knot during that same trip. It's too rushed in my opinion and too unreal. And then you see them get approved quicker than a person with say, 3-4 years relationship with their spouse.

But, everyone is different and some people don't have a problem with going so fast, but I am personally happy because I was friends with my husband for ages before we even dated. In my opinion, it doesn't matter how much you talk about things online, because there are some things that can only be realized and seen when you've been together physically for a certain amount of time.

This whole ''rant'' was my opinion. I don't mean any offense nor harm to anyone.

I want to share my story also.Before I meet my husband I have American boyfriend.He statrted writing me when Im 18 years old.Every year he always promise me to visit me.But he don't.He call,we chat,we email each other for about 8 years.I don't hide him everything and I think he don't hide and lied to me too.I think hes my life and hes my world.I believe him and I trust him.But one time I found out that I'm not the only one he chatted and emailed.Then now"Yes Tnguy is right we cant judge the book by its cover.Cos even how long you know each other you cant really tell if the person you love really love you..That's why when I meet Warren I really ask him if he want to marry me or not.Cos the reason why I want him to marry me in rushed time cos I don't want to wait,to expect and believe for nothing. again...And I really love my husband very much. He always appreciate me in front of other people and he always correct me when I did wrong.Even my husband is not really romantic like other guy but I love him just the way he is...

Edited June 1, 2009 by missyouhun

[No-Where-Man 147]

seems to me tht theres some not nice talks here

well , time for bed to me ..

Night everyone ...................

[Bern. 3]

I never said rushed marriages weren't possible, I merely said the odds are against them. That is all. For all the rushed marriages that have worked, I am happy for them and for people whose rushed marriages didn't work, I feel no sympathy.

On a brighter note, I got a touch! Hope everyone is doing great. ^ ^

[chinese_mutt 11]

Wow!! Gone for a few days and I see lots of not so nice post.

FOR me, the bottomline is.. LOVE is love. Cannot define it, cannot put time limit on it, and you definitely cannot judge it by your standards alone.

The problem as I see it is that some of us here keeps comparing themselves to other people's progress in USCIS, that is okay to a certain point... but to believe that your marriage is more "valid" because you've spent more time courting/dating each other than the rest of us here who got married quickly is just offensive and judgmental to me. Just because you married after a long time of courtship doesn't mean you'll end up happily ever after (Not saying you won't either); and it definitely does not mean you should get your approval faster... sometimes, it might even slow you down coz you are sending in tons of paperworks to review.. so they have lots of things to check (just my thinking - no valid USCIS study to back up). Furthermore, it is not our fault that we got approved so quicklyAND most importantly it is not our fault that you decided to wait 3-4 years; that was your choice - own up to it. Don't brandy about how great your relationships are coz you waited 3-10 years or whatever... who's to say? I have a friend who dated 10 years, got married, and had an annulment after 2 years?! Think that's a valid relationship? Hell! Who knows?! I certainly will not stick my nose in and say it's not. On the other hand, think back before the internet age, people write to their penpals, get married by proxy without even seeing each other, and they end up living happily married. Not valid marriages? Again, I will not stick my nose in to say yes or no.

You are so used to hearing marriage that didn't work out, of course you are used to it because they cry the loudest! They lament on their misforturnes and tell people how sad their lives are, that's the way of the world, that's human nature. Those who have happy marriages go about their lives calmly without the need to proclaim how happy they are and they don't feel the need to revisit how they met and how long they dated coz they are HAPPY - they are just thankful for finding each other and not letting go. People who have failed marriages want to tell people how badly it ended and put the blame on the short courtship, or whatever and they never want to look at themselves and see that if they adjusted their way of thinking, if they gave more of themselves to the marriage, or if they have been less selfish, more giving that it could've worked out.

It's not about the time of courtship, it's the QUALITY of courtship. You can date a person for 10 years and still not know the person, trust me.. I've seen this in a lot of my friends.... you know why? Because most of us put our best foot forward when dating. Truth is you'll never really completely know a person until you're living with them day in and day out, until you've seen them sick as a puppy, or they're having the worse day of their lives (Hubby and I went through 2/3 of this already). And that's the truth. As for me, I'm quite secured about my own marriage, we've had more QUALITY time than the average couple. I know my husband's faults and his good qualities... we never made any pretenses from the start because it has been our policy to tell the truth no matter how ugly the truth is. I know about his past, I know about his mistakes before, he knows me for the brat that I am. We never pretended to be somebody we're not. We even fart in front of each other *Yuck* but it's the truth, that's how open we are to each other. I'm not here to defend my marriage, I just HATE people who thinks that their marriage is a lot better than the rest of the population.

I've learned not to judge a relationship. PERIOD. Whether time, race, age... whatever... I do not quantify or qualify love. Because there are different versions of love depending on the persons involved.

Wasn't it a fact that when you filed your petition, you knew that it wasn't going to be easy? You knew that there is a chance that you'd have to wait for a long time?! I always complained before... but I NEVER ever felt the need to say that my marriage is more "valid" than other couples relationship (including k1, which seems to go much faster) therefore I should get an approval first. In fact, this never crossed my mind. I know what frustration is all about, these posts lately are just plain jealousy and envy... don't let it get to you. Don't let this USCIS process cloud your thinking. I know that you all are good persons and this process just took toll on your mind, spirit and heart.

I think I'm going to quit this place... whether permanently or not I don't know yet... but this place have become a bit toxic. As No_where_man puts it, not so nice talks. I have my own visa problems... and we have it in mountains... but I've never attacked anyone for having better luck than me nor have I kept on complaining about my situation. I'm dealing with the consequences of my own choices. I'm happy for those who are moving along.. even those who will finish long before us. That's life, that's my fate, that's my path... I won't pick on other people's luck just because I'm not being dealt a nice hand by fate.

Goodbye for now, I don't want to sound know-it-all, holier than thou person, but I can't stand this place and all the people who judges other people. They're not opinions, opinions are okay but to start 'validating' your marriages by comparing yourselves to the rest is just not an opinion anymore.. it's judging other people's relationship. Hurtful to say the least. I hope everybody won't think that I'm being mean, but I grew up in a really horrible judgmental environment and I've done my best to leave that behind and I choose not to be part of any group that does so.

[simps 2]

I never said rushed marriages weren't possible, I merely said the odds are against them. That is all. For all the rushed marriages that have worked, I am happy for them and for people whose rushed marriages didn't work, I feel no sympathy.

On a brighter note, I got a touch! Hope everyone is doing great. ^ ^

Wow that sounds good.. atleast they are working on CR1 now.

Good luck dear.

[simps 2]

i would say not good talk either.. lets not argue or compare each others relation. I think each couples are more different then others and they have their own life and own privacy. I know We all tried to write our own relation and try to make like wow my spouse is better then others. I guess everyone think the same for their loved ones. Lets not fight and be friend again now. Lets make our this journey easy.

[simps 2]

No where Man is rite, Not a nice talk here so i would be taking rest.

[Bern. 3]

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Nerves are getting the better of me it seems. Now let's just get through this so we can be with our spouses again. =)

As well, I'm still quite young compared to all of you. I've still much to see and experience. I apologize again, specifically to tngirl and tnguy. I'm quite jaded, it seems. I will definately work on that.

Edited June 2, 2009 by Ber + Ter

[tnguy21809 0]

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Nerves are getting the better of me it seems. Now let's just get through this so we can be with our spouses again. =)

As well, I'm still quite young compared to all of you. I've still much to see and experience. I apologize again, specifically to tngirl and tnguy. I'm quite jaded, it seems. I will definately work on that.

NOW YOUR CALLING ME OLD??????? Hahahahahaha Just kidding! There is no need to apologize to me. I was merely making a statement that time knowing each other is not a basis as whether a relationship will or will not work out. I have seen them go all ways. short date fast marriage, long date short marriage, etc. but I do agree with my wife that this whole site seems to be more about who is faster who is better who can pick on who instead of helping the new ones through the process.

I read a thread yesterday where someone was upset with the way she was treated by customs and she got attacked by some for being a crybaby and not knowing that customs can do what they want. I see no need for anything like that to go on. We are all supposed to be adults and do all of that kid stuff when we are in grade school then grow up and learn the difference between children and adults.

So I have a pretty good handle on the whole process thank you everyone who has answered one of mine or Ivy's questions and thank you to all of those who posted guides which have given us very valuable and useful information but I don't see a need to continue to come here and see all of the personal attacks on everyone for race, color, religion, smarts, and so on. I am not upset with anyone in particular here as all of you have been great unless i said in a post that i didn't like you than you can assume I liked you Take Care and I wish everyone a smooth and happy journey. Feel free to look me up through my links I am leaving on here if I can help with anything. TA TA! :waving bye bye:

[Bern. 3]

Yes, you're quite old ! Kidding.

But no, I sincerely apologize. And I hope you and Ivy are together soon. Nail that interview please.

[tnguy21809 0]

Yes, you're quite old ! Kidding.

But no, I sincerely apologize. And I hope you and Ivy are together soon. Nail that interview please.

Apology not required but accepted. Thank you. I will honk and wave next time I am going thru Calgary. look for my red truck.