Nervous about getting married because of job/financial stuff

[supermoth 0]

I'm sure I'm not the only one to have these worries, so here goes...

My fiance will be getting his visa in the next week or so, but I'm having serious concerns about how financial difficulties will play into our relationship. The job market in the US is terrible now, and he has no real job skills to speak of. A year ago, when we decided to marry, this wasn't a concern, there were always jobs available here. Now, not so much. I'm financially comfortable myself, but only because I live VERY modestly, and supporting another person indefinitely will be difficult. I could go on about my concerns, but I'll save it for later.

I feel terrible that something like money could possibly derail my plans for marriage, love, and happiness with someone. My heart wants to tell me that everything will be o.k., but my brain tells me I'm getting myself into a bad situation.

I hope that someone here can give me some good insight based on their own situation.

thanks.

[raymaga 25]

I am the immigrant, and I worried terribly about being a "burden" on my husband when I first came here. We had discussed in great detail what both of our expectations were and so I knew he only expected me to work part-time if I wanted to. If I wanted to work full-time, that was alright as well. He left that completely up to me. He made enough money for both of us to have a good life.

But when my daughter (K-2) came here a year after I did, then it became a bit of a different thing. He didn't feel like he should be responsible for her upkeep, so I began saving money from my bonuses at work to make sure that I could pay for her college books and the extra food, etc. while she lived with us for 2 years.

She had now moved to finish her Bachelors degree in a different city, but I still pay for a lot of her necessities. My husband understands that she is the only family I have here in the U.S., and he knows how important it is to me that I get to "spoil" her once in a while.

You should have some serious discussions with your fiance BEFORE he gets here so that you both know what your expectations of each other are. It will save a lot of heartache later.

Best wishes to you.

[Nikita2Charles 32]

It's a common concerns but what to keep in mind both of you are going to be together, and as a couple you can work those things out. One important thing to keep in mind, i don't know his situation back home, he has to explain to them when he gets to the us, he won't be able to support or send money home because he won't have a job for awhile, that way the pressure from home doesn't damper your relationship.

I know the market is rough at the moment, but pray and leave things in God's hand and you will go through it. At time things get rough then all of the sudden you have some good fortune popping up all over, and at time you're still amazed at how those situations came about, the only answer is GOD, and give praise and thanks.

Edited March 1, 2009 by Nikita2Charles

[Imua 0]

I'm sure I'm not the only one to have these worries, so here goes...

My fiance will be getting his visa in the next week or so, but I'm having serious concerns about how financial difficulties will play into our relationship. The job market in the US is terrible now, and he has no real job skills to speak of. A year ago, when we decided to marry, this wasn't a concern, there were always jobs available here. Now, not so much. I'm financially comfortable myself, but only because I live VERY modestly, and supporting another person indefinitely will be difficult. I could go on about my concerns, but I'll save it for later.

I feel terrible that something like money could possibly derail my plans for marriage, love, and happiness with someone. My heart wants to tell me that everything will be o.k., but my brain tells me I'm getting myself into a bad situation.

I hope that someone here can give me some good insight based on their own situation.

thanks.

I am in EXACTLY your same situation. My husband has his interview in 3 weeks and I am so afraid he won't be able to find a job because of this economy. He only has his HS diploma(SLC), no college degree, though he has been taking some courses in skills like computer repair, cooking, etc. I don't make a lot of money myself and cannot afford to support the both of us in our own apartment unless by some miracle we find a 1br for $900 somewhere. Sometimes I am so afraid that when Govi gets here, the combination of limited job prospects, our living situation, being away from family and the reality of living in NYC with no natural places he will just want to go back to Nepal - honestly the only thing that has kept me going here is the ability to save money and travel to Asia every year - I can take the urban jungle if I know I will be in the mountains in a few months and can look forward to that. If I didn't have a job I probably wouldn't be willing to put up with the expenses and general unpleasantness of living here. Until I met Govi my plan was to get into TEFL and teach in Asia.

[aidan80 9]

I wouldn't worry too much.. my wife supported both of us a small dog and a cat for the best part of a year on only $8 an hour! It was a year almost to the day since I left my job back home till I found another one over here in the US. Paperwork, filing fees.. we had to pay bills.. we hit a deer.. the garage screwed us because they didn't know what I was saying and instead of asking "what" they assumed things.. we ended up with a rential car for a month, we had no money for anything.. we only just paid the rent and bills. What little money we got, got ate up right away.

I wouldn't worry too much about being unskilled or semi skilled at the minute.. that could be a good thing, plenty of odd jobs to pick up here and there! Gardening, cleaning, painting, cleaning cars, refuse collection, dish washing, serving food maybe a themed restaurant make that accent bring in some $$.. Crappy jobs I know but working with some decent people would make them pass by faster! I've heard of people working in apartment complexes and getting paid plus a decent discount on rent as well not a bad option if it could be found!

We did it on $8 an hour and the very bare essentials living in a crappy house (like 600ft and no central A/C!) that I spent months patching up holes in. We moved on and upwards and I'm sure the both of you will too!

Good Luck!

Edited March 1, 2009 by aidan80

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I am self-employed, so at times my income is sporatic. My new bride was able to find a parttime job that has turned into a fulltime job. She does not make much better than minimum wage, but her steady income allows us to pay most bills with what she makes, and we bank what I make, supplementing the household account when we need to. I was surprised, thinking I was barely making it at the beginning, but being married changes your lifestyle for the better. Besides, the extra tax break really helps.

Don't worry! You are just getting the jitters. The jitters almost killed me a few times!