I want to go back home

[raymaga 25]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been here for almost 5 years now, and I STILL miss my family and friends in Canada.

It is much easier now that I have made a life in the U.S. and have a job and some friends. Believe me when I tell you that it does get easier, but it won't happen overnight. Give yourself some time and understand that you have made a very big sacrifice leaving Canada and moving to the U.S. to be with your fiance.

Lean on your fiance for support and comfort.

Best wishes to you.

[GiGii 4]

You've only been in the US 1 week... wouldn't you go on vacation for 2 weeks every? Would you be so homesick that you couldn't take it?

Being homesick does suck... I have a husband that has been here for a couple years and still misses home and talks about it every single day.

Its just the beginning, give it time and it will get better.

On a side note... I think some people just never adjust, some just stay because its for the love of their life.

[clairehair 0]

hello folks..so I got here in the U.S. last Wed (Feb 25) but i've been crying ever since....I really miss my family in Canada, my sister and her kids. My sister have been crying too ever since I left. We were so close that It hurts to think that we are far away from each other now..We are like that show on TV "Hope and Faith". Exactly like that except I get along with her husband really good. We've been living together ever since we were kids until I got here. She always saves my butt and stand by me whatever...

Weather is nice in here but I don't mind freezing in Canada as long as I am with my warm, sweet and loving family..But i feel so bad for my fiance, he is doing everything he can to comfort me and please me because he doesn't want to see me crying...I love him so much and I don't know what I'm gonna do..The only thing I like in here is my fiance, nothing else..

I hope things will be better for me here...sorry guys...just wanted to share my feelings

Oh how I remember what this felt like! All of us that went through immigration remember something like this to some sort of degree. Statistically people who immigrate without something to keep them in the country when they move don't stay and go home after the first year , so not making it through the worst of homesickness is more the norm. However, like me and many others you have a reason to stay and that is the person you moved there for. He will be the main thing that will get you through this. I came from a very close family and I will never forget watching my ex Parachute Regiment , Army boxing champion Father, weep like a baby the day I left for America, it haunts me to this day. My Mum told me my Dad hid in his room weepng for a whole week when I left and actually they never really entirely got over it, my parents and I adored each other. I can cry just thinking about that even now 6 years later. Luckily, praise God my dear old parents have agreed to come here to the US live and now as a US citizen which is actually why I am on this forum, I petitioning the both of them to come here. Luckily I have a husband who not only loves my parents too but loves me enough to agree to have them to live with us . I am extremely lucky.

I was so badly homesick for the first year or more if I am honest that I often felt like I was caught in a nightmare and I wanted to go home nearly all the time, not I must point out because I missed England but because I missed those I loved like you miss your sister, people are the thing you really miss, homesickness for a country goes away quickly. My marriage nearly failed as a result. I hated America but that was only because I was homesick. If you are homesick, it doesn't matter where you are, you will find a way to hate it. My husband did his best but I often resented him and blamed him for my misery. I had also left the British Army to be with my husband because he was too homesick when he was in England and He didn't make it and wanted to go home and I agreed and gave up everything to go with him. I loved the Army with a passion and so not only was I homesick I was mourning the loss of the military lifestyle and a very successful career. I was due for promotion to the rank of Major when I left and I resented him for it.

However, 6 years later America is my home and I don't want to go back to England. It does go away and you do settle down but if I told you it was going to be easy I would be doing you a disservice. On a practical level, the way to get through this is to take just one day at a time and never think too much ahead which feeds the homesickness. Take pleasure in every small moment of fun you get and do lots of fun stuff as well and if the homesickness gets really bad you might want to consider what my husband did and that is to put me on a plane periodically and send me home for a visit with my family and friends, its hard to come back again but it definately helps and might get you through the worst of this. I also made sure that my family and friends came to visit me as well, I always felt worse for while when they went back but bit by bit it helped me get over it. I once met a poor woman who had immigrated from the UK and married a US citizen and she had not been back for 20 years and was still homesick and sad because she said she wouldn't come back if she did go home and so had never actually went home. I told her that I as a fellow immigrant and of course as a fellow Brit that she would come back and she must go and see her family and not to avoid the pain of having to return because it was worth it and necessary to the healing process and she said she would. I hope she did because certainly she had not made any progress otherwise. You have to find a way to see your family. A life without seeing someone from home periodically would still be unacceptable to me even now.

I consider this level of homesickness to be like the greif you suffer when you lose someone , its intense but it will go if you ride it out. Time is a great healer and if you can make it through the worst of it , it will slowly become less intense. Just like if a loved one dies in actual fact. I don't relish those early days but I don't regret them either because if I had not stuck it out I would be missing out on my happy 7 year marriage and a life with someone I was clearly meant to be with. Don't let homesickness get the better of you. You can do this but you need a plan of action. Sit down with your Fiance and tell him what you need to do and how you are going to do it in order to get through this, tell him you want to go home for a week or two or have someone from home come to see you or whatever you need to do, less leaving and going home permanently and don't forget to ensure your fiance doesn't confuse you being homesick with you not loving him, he needs lots of reassurance too. We had very little money back then but we always found a way to scrape the money together for a visit home, so don't forget that home is only ever a plane ride way and you can see your family in hours if you need to.

I wish you peace , happiness and strength.

[LDora 7]

For my first six months or so here, it seemed like all I talked about was Canada -- the friends I had back home, the places I used to go to, the things I used to do. I was even nostalgic for my old job, which I'd hated! I didn't cry, but I did feel "displaced" for the longest time, and I felt like everyone I met knew I wasn't from this country and I didn't "fit in", so I became painfully shy.

As it turns out, for me it was just nerves. It was a big change to make. I found that I started feeling better as soon as I started working on making the house feel more like "mine" -- it made such a huge difference in how at home I felt just to put up my books, or a favourite photo and painting. I also started to feel better once I took to going for walks to learn the neighbourhood and surrounding area better. It's a small thing, but having a local library card and being called by name when I walk into the little coffee shop down the street makes it feel so much more like home.

I still miss Canada, of course, since that's where I grow up, but I no longer feel like I don't belong here. Take some time to make yourself feel at home by decorating things to your taste, or even just going for walks. You'll find once you really make an effort to get to know your area and become part of it, you'll realise you're not as far from home as you think.

If you haven't already, you may want to get a phone plan that gets you unrestricted calling to Canada. (We use Verizon) Even if you e-mail family everyday, just being able to pick up a phone and hear a familiar voice whenever you want to (or just knowing that you can) can really help. If you ever need an ear, I'm willing to lend one.

Edited February 28, 2009 by LDora

[angie007 0]

hello folks..so I got here in the U.S. last Wed (Feb 25) but i've been crying ever since....I really miss my family in Canada, my sister and her kids. My sister have been crying too ever since I left. We were so close that It hurts to think that we are far away from each other now..We are like that show on TV "Hope and Faith". Exactly like that except I get along with her husband really good. We've been living together ever since we were kids until I got here. She always saves my butt and stand by me whatever...

Weather is nice in here but I don't mind freezing in Canada as long as I am with my warm, sweet and loving family..But i feel so bad for my fiance, he is doing everything he can to comfort me and please me because he doesn't want to see me crying...I love him so much and I don't know what I'm gonna do..The only thing I like in here is my fiance, nothing else..

I hope things will be better for me here...sorry guys...just wanted to share my feelings

it will take time to adjust....im sure you will be fine

how long did your process take?

i hope I it won't take a long time for me to adjust...coz im having a hard time now..

it took a year since we filed the I 129F to my interview

[angie007 0]

Thank you so much guys for the wonderful advice and suggestions..you all got me crying again but I feel better reading all these experiences from you..I haven't called my sister for a day because it's harder for both of us..( we have vonage for u(((nlimited calls) when we hear each other's voice we cry and cry on the phone..she even told me that everytime her front door opens , her kids would run towards the door and shout " Tita(that's how they call me)is here!!" and would be disappointed that it wasn't me..it breaks my heart..

I will take every suggestions and advice you guys gave me and try to be busy..the hard part is at night because I am alone (my fiancee is graveyard shift) but I will try to my best not to be depressed..

Again, THANK YOU ALL...the VJ community has always been a great help...

[raymaga 25]

Have you started to plan your wedding? Wedding planning will give you something to do, as well as make you happy and excited about the next phase of your life here in the U.S.

Best wishes.

[angie007 0]

Have you started to plan your wedding? Wedding planning will give you something to do, as well as make you happy and excited about the next phase of your life here in the U.S.

Best wishes.

yeah i did..we actually bought our wedding ring today and it really helped like you said..i guess like everyone said, it will take time to adjust..and i'm just so thankful that i am a part of this VJ community which is a really big help in every step we take on our journey here in the U.S.

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

Take a look at this thread in the UK forum. Some people gave good links to the emotional process of life changing events like immigration. There's some graphs showing feelings one may experience. Maybe it will help you understand it's a normal process to experience the feelings you are having. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=181492