descrimination!!

[luckymom 0]

Just prove to him that he married a wonderful girl from the country that he doesn't like. Personally, the Philippines is still the best country to be with. Does your husband had a bad experience in our country? If the answer is yes, he still should not generalize. Every country has its own good and bad side. I understand your embarrassment and as a woman who's also married to a USC, I will not tolerate my husband doing that to me. Make it known to your husband that you don't like what he's doing because if you will be passive about that, he will think it's fine with you.

To the people who are thinking that we filipinas married a USC regardless of the age difference, they are NARROW MINDED. LOVE knows no age, no cultural difference, and no boundaries. This is just my personal viewpoint

[AaronM 0]

hello everyone im a newbie here! im not sure if what forum i should post this , but anyway things bother me when i got here its been difficult at start but im happy coz im with my hubby but sometimes he's the reason why im upset,i remember one time we attend at a party which i met most of his friends he talk about so much stuff about phil.but instead of good things and memorable places weve travel when he's there, he mention all the negative stuff and his friend gave me a weird look after hearing this horrible stuff maybe his thingking how poor and gross philippines which really make me feel embarassed.i try to explain to him how it made me feel but he keep doin that everytime he introduced me to his new friend and i think thats one of the reason why i feel outcast everytime were hanging out with his friends.bcoz most of his friends were saying that filipinas marrying americans no matter what the age differences so that thaey can go to U.S and experience a good life.i cant help thinking my husband downgrading me and discriminate me sometime

I can see where both are you are comming from , i have had many bad experiences in the Philippines when i visit my fiancee . And i can tell you 2 things right now (1) Having $3,500.00 stolen from my wallet on a bus from Davao City to Samal Islands area (2) Being possibley kidnaped by NRA , slowing down in their army jeep and all pointing their guns at me . I think if not for my fiancee , pull me back and taking my hand . They could of got me , and hold me for ransom . I have done the same thing with my fiancee , think of the bad things , that happened when i was there . But did you tell him how it makes you feel , not too tell others about it . Just let him know it hurts you , when you tell others about those things . There has to be some good things that both of you shared in Philippines , have him think about those things not the bad .

[ProudWife 0]

REQUEST THIS TO BE MOVED. IN WRONG FORUM.

Sounds like your husband may be insensitive. He also may feel superior to others. That usually stems from feeling inadequate. Hope he shuts his mouth before he ruins your marriage.

Edited February 26, 2009 by Lisa Momeny

[Mrs.J06 4]

as long as he's talking about the actual place and not the people, i wouldn't worry too much. maybe he just doesn't like it there. maybe he is being sarcastic. the canadians will jump on me, but i don't say much good about newfoundland canada (where my husband is from) cept maybe nice to look at, but really, it just wasn't for me. my husband doesn't seem to be offended, i think he's just happy to be out of the snow almost as much as i am

I think I would take it personally if my Husband's friends stated that people from my country will marry an American - regardless of the age difference - just to come to the States - I don't know if you read the whole post? I'm also sure that they wouldn't be friends of ours anyway, but if they were they wouldn't be anymore.

Sorry you are feeling homesick as well charisse.

As for your view on NFLD wowswift, I can't see any Canadian's jumping on you about that. I am sure you have seen the posts about different places in the U.S. in the Canada forum - Canada is not for everyone

bcoz most of his friends were saying that filipinas marrying americans no matter what the age differences so that thaey can go to U.S and experience a good life.i cant help thinking my husband downgrading me and discriminate me sometime

That's exactly the point. Also, the fact that the OP told him about how it hurts her if he says these things, and he still does it, tells me he is an insensitive moron in that respect. He should at least have the decency to NOT air his private opinion when introducing his new wife to his circle of "friends".

[SamM223 0]

when i tried to discuss him bout this issue he said that he was just re evaluate what other people might think about it!! but for me no matter how people think i really dont care!!! i appreciate philippines ,my country and im proud that im filipino .coz filipino traits is far apart from americans i miss the warm hospitality and courteousness of filipino and how resourceful and appreciative they are.i miss home:(

I take offense at that comment. If you have not met ALL Americans, then I would appreciate you not making such comments about us. In fact, what you are doing is EXACTLY what you are upset at your husband for doing.

The truth is, and I'm sure many people will admit it, that many women from Third-World countries DO marry men they have met only once to get to the U.S., regardless of the age difference. You see the pictures all the time, even on this board, of young, pretty women with men who could be their grandfathers.

This may not be your case, but hopefully we won't see an e-mail from you in the future saying you cannot take it anymore and how can you get a divorce and stay here in the U.S.

You even see the posts from these women all of a sudden wanting a divorce right after they get their conditional green card. They have endured what they claim to be "years" of verbal or physical abuse and all of a sudden, now that the green card is in hand, they "cannot take it anymore". I was in a similar situation myself and a few months was all it took for me to hightail it out of there.

So anyway, I am sorry that your husband is so uncouth, but that shows that he does not respect you. Perhaps you do not respect his American culture either, since you imply that we Americans are not "warm, hospitable or courteous).

Think about your own actions and words in relation to what your husband is saying. Maybe he is being passive-aggressive because he has heard you complain about how you think Americans are rude?

[SamM223 0]

"Personally, the Philippines is still the best country to be with.."

Well, if it is indeed "the best" I'm sure your husband would be willing to go back with you then. Unless of course there are too many American immigrants bogging down the Phillipines' immigration offices.

As a proud American, I am always going to defend my country, even if I come off sounding angry or bitter. If this country wasn't so great, why are so many people trying to get (and stay) here?

Edited February 26, 2009 by SamM223

[trailmix 77]

"Personally, the Philippines is still the best country to be with.."

Well, if it is indeed "the best" I'm sure your husband would be willing to go back with you then. Unless of course there are too many American immigrants bogging down the Phillipines' immigration offices.

As a proud American, I am always going to defend my country, even if I come off sounding angry or bitter. If this country wasn't so great, why are so many people trying to get (and stay) here?

It may be a case of a Husband and Wife probably having these conversations - Phillipines vs the U.S. which has now translated in to it being vocalized in social circles - including VJ.

I can't speak for the OP, but I think she was just saying that in her view her country is a better place to live. She is also having a hard time and is obviously homesick - your jumping all over her isn't really helping.

The U.S. is a pretty nifty country - I think most people think that - however you do the country a disservice by sounding angry and bitter.

[SamM223 0]

Well that is my opinion and I already recognized that I may sound bitter and angry to some who can't read between the lines.

This is a forum so everyone is free to say what they like. So I choose to play the Devil's Advocate.

I, for one, will always defend my country. I am not saying the U.S. is the best country on earth, because every country has their share of problems.

One thing about Americans that people often take the wrong way is that we speak our minds; I am not going to coddle this person so her feelings are not hurt. She implied that Americans do not have the same values as Phillipinos (sp?), so I have every right to defend myself. Whenever there is any kind of crisis in the world, American people are always at the forefront, donating time and money to help out.

Any Americans care to step up or are you going to just try to be "politically correct"?

[trailmix 77]

Well that is my opinion and I already recognized that I may sound bitter and angry to some who can't read between the lines.

This is a forum so everyone is free to say what they like. So I choose to play the Devil's Advocate.

I, for one, will always defend my country. I am not saying the U.S. is the best country on earth, because every country has their share of problems.

One thing about Americans that people often take the wrong way is that we speak our minds; I am not going to coddle this person so her feelings are not hurt. She implied that Americans do not have the same values as Phillipinos (sp?), so I have every right to defend myself. Whenever there is any kind of crisis in the world, American people are always at the forefront, donating time and money to help out.

Any Americans care to step up or are you going to just try to be "politically correct"?

And you absolutely have a right to your opinion (I don't think I implied that you don't)?

[SamM223 0]

You claimed I was doing a "disservice to my country". That is one thing that is great about America, for the most part, we are free to speak our minds. So if someone's feelings get hurt in the process, that is too bad. My feelings have been hurt many times, I got over it. I feel I am standing up for my country, not doing it a disservice.

And FYI: I was not replying to the OP on that particular post, I was replying to another respondent from the Phillipines.

See? If there was no one to stir things up a bit and say the things that some people are thinking, but don't want to say, this would be a really BORING board!

I enjoy a vibrant dialogue. If everything were peaches and cream and all soothy-soothy, people wouldn't keep coming back to the board.

Well, gotta run. Anyone else who wants to bash me, feel free. I'll read it later.

Edited February 26, 2009 by SamM223

[raymaga 25]

Im in Charlotte N.C ,didnt meet any filipino here yet .my husband pushing me to bond with his home girls but i dont want to hang out with them coz there just different i cant stand their behavior

When you move to another country to live, you have to be willing to accept the way the people of that country live and act.

Your comment is exactly the same kind of comment your husband made, except in reverse.

Trying to meet and befriend ONLY Filipino people isn't realistic if you're going to live in America. That would be like me only wanting to associate with Canadian people in the U.S.

Edited February 26, 2009 by raymaga

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

I agree that it isn't fair to attack the US as a whole; I've travelled a great deal and I went to an international school, and no matter where people are from, you're going to get the bad with the good. He should respect the country that you're from, and putting it down when he's likely as patriotic about the US as you are about the Phillipines is wrong. However, it's wrong to apply one person's ignorance to the rest of the country. My fiance, Knight, is the most understanding of the background I came from (though I did reject it, considering the circumstances I'm in and what I had to endure for most of my life) and he's incredibly open-minded about all people, regardless of where they're from.

I, for one, like the frankness you get from the States (see, I'm generalizing now -- oops!) because I'm relatively straightforward in the same way. I'm not going to be dishonest about something, and I will be direct, but there's a fine line between directness and being brutal. The OP's husband sounded like he had crossed that line, which was wrong, and he can't have been miserable for the entirety of the time he was there. If I didn't love the US culture, the patriotism, and most of all, my fiance, I wouldn't be going there anyhow.

So. Away with the negative generalizations, or acknowledge that they can be just as applicable to everyone else in the world as one country. There are wonderful people everywhere as much as bad.

Magpie.

Edited February 26, 2009 by KnightAndMagpie

[Shad and Dani 3]

Im in Charlotte N.C ,didnt meet any filipino here yet .my husband pushing me to bond with his home girls but i dont want to hang out with them coz there just different i cant stand their behavior

I live in Charlotte as well! I'm sure my fiancee will be looking for some very decent girlfriends when she arrives here. Add me as a friend!

[charisse 0]

I'am not trying to offend anyone here im just sharing my awkward and embarassing situation my difficulties in these area and the people. each of us belongs to a multiple cultures that give us message about what is NORMAL, APPROPRIATE and EXPECTED!!and i think showing appreciation of another culture can have especially positive effects.people from diff.cultures have are diff.also in a variety of ways. acknowledging one's culture and to deal with the conflicts in my own my perception i know i can get over it!!

[wowswift 3]

as long as he's talking about the actual place and not the people, i wouldn't worry too much. maybe he just doesn't like it there. maybe he is being sarcastic. the canadians will jump on me, but i don't say much good about newfoundland canada (where my husband is from) cept maybe nice to look at, but really, it just wasn't for me. my husband doesn't seem to be offended, i think he's just happy to be out of the snow almost as much as i am

I think I would take it personally if my Husband's friends stated that people from my country will marry an American - regardless of the age difference - just to come to the States - I don't know if you read the whole post? I'm also sure that they wouldn't be friends of ours anyway, but if they were they wouldn't be anymore.

Sorry you are feeling homesick as well charisse.

As for your view on NFLD wowswift, I can't see any Canadian's jumping on you about that. I am sure you have seen the posts about different places in the U.S. in the Canada forum - Canada is not for everyone

bcoz most of his friends were saying that filipinas marrying americans no matter what the age differences so that thaey can go to U.S and experience a good life.i cant help thinking my husband downgrading me and discriminate me sometime

ahh yeah, i missed of skipped that part. id be a little mad too.

and i was being sarcastic about you canadians lol. i like the people there, just not the small town in nfld lol.