marriage proposal

[rodney22 0]

The others that I'm aware of are from Kenya, Czech Republic, China, and Jordan.

Don't forget England.

[PlatyPius 5]

The others that I'm aware of are from Kenya, Czech Republic, China, and Jordan.

Don't forget England.

No.....there aren't any British people at my work who have married a US citizen for immigration purposes. If there are, they haven't talked about it like others have. Of course, they hide very well too, since I've yet to see a British person at my company.....

[rodney22 0]

Cian,

No I am serious. People from England also are after that ever elusive Visa. It's ok I hate to generalize but since you mentioned 4 other countries I decided to add a fifth.

[PlatyPius 5]

Cian,

No I am serious. People from England also are after that ever elusive Visa. It's ok I hate to generalize but since you mentioned 4 other countries I decided to add a fifth.

I'm sure that's true, but I was only referring to the countries of people at the place where I work who have done this, not the population as a whole.

[Optimystic 0]

Although I don't doubt that there is scamming going on with men and women of all countries, I half to add that I have had my share of ex boyfriend loosers / scammers from the good old USA. Sure the scam is a different type, but hurts all the same.

Also, just a comment. It never fails for someone to connect Nigeria with Scam. If I had a nickle...........Romance scammers are from many different countries.

EXACTLY what I been saying..Hurt is hurt...regardless, its no difference whether its for a green card or a new car, money a house..and they come in all colors and countries, sexes and ages...just gotta use common sense, instinct and wisdom regardless..Guard you heart, pray and enjoy life..So yeah im feeling ya sistah on that comment.

Yeah, true nuf! But just remember that sometimes common sense, instinct and wisdom are over powered by love...people just don't always see it.

.................Until it's too late...

[joej 0]

Cian,

No I am serious. People from England also are after that ever elusive Visa. It's ok I hate to generalize but since you mentioned 4 other countries I decided to add a fifth.

I'm sure that's true, but I was only referring to the countries of people at the place where I work who have done this, not the population as a whole.

I'm just wondering of the ones you mentioned, if they admit that their marriage was a scam or if they married in good faith, and found out later that it wasnt ment to be?

It would be nice to see some facts on what percent of internet relationships end in divorce, along with the countries the participants are from. I would bet it is comparable to the divorce rate in general. I tried to google it, but no luck.

To the OP, sorry for going so much off the topic, but I hate generalizations.

[rodney22 0]

joej,

I was being sarcastic to Cian. I did not appreciate his generalizing some individuals and applying what they did to whole countries. It really made me question his knowledge of the topic with his stating of things that were not facts. Sorry to go off the topic and it was meant to show his lack of facts.

[joej 0]

joej,

I was being sarcastic to Cian. I did not appreciate his generalizing some individuals and applying what they did to whole countries. It really made me question his knowledge of the topic with his stating of things that were not facts. Sorry to go off the topic and it was meant to show his lack of facts.

It was my first thought as well,from reading Cian's reply. Funny though.

[idocare 3]

I've been going thru the divorce process since August, 2005, and let me tell you ladies and gentlemens, it's not easy, especially when a child is involved. Once we bring these men into the US and marry within the ninety day period, or even worse, marry these men or women abroad then file paperwork, they have certain rights. For instance, for those who went the K-1 route, the US citizen files the adjustment of statis paperwork, then the letter for a interview, ( if you receive one ) is addressed in your husbands name. Not you, as my husband coldly told me, " the immigration office invited me not you to come " At this point, depending on the Country they came from they have options, they can file an I-360 saying that you abused them, so watch for them trying to always flip out on you, or start arguments saying your harrassing them, and by no means get into a physical fight with these people because that's what they are looking for in a attempte to build their case against you, they need a paper trail in order to file an I-360, police reports are included , so keep your cool.

Our foreign spouse's can also file for Aslyum, this they must do within being here one year and without your signature, so this also becomes their case, and they don't need their U.S. spouse to file or to be approved. If they don't file for Aslyum within one year of being in the US they must have a good reason for not doing so.

Finally before closing, I have to say , that these internet people that we meet from many different Countries, we take a risk, many of us me included, have brought spouses that we only know thru the internet , besides the brief visits that we share when we spend our hard earned monies to go be with this person that types such loving words. Anyhow we believe their every word, we bring these people into our homes, amongst our children and don't really know them. We go to work and leave our kids at home alone with them, and our valuables. The sad thing about a scam, is that if the person plays it just right, you will be too late, you will have been scammed before you know it.

Even today I can tell you all that I trusted in my husband , but now my husband and I are going thru a heated divorce and the communication is gone, but ofcourse when he was trying to get here he told me that we would work on our problem together, now that's not the case, he just wants his freedom from me in this country. I do believe that you can pray and fast over a situation, but you also have to have the ear to hear what God is trying to tell you. Now looking back I can see some signs that I was just so blinded to see before spending all those thousands of dollars to get him here. Yet this man left me at a very vulnerable time(our son was only 3-weeks old ) his kind words weren't there no more.

I'm typing all this so some of the newbies on this board can see my drama and be very cautious in their picking, however like this one Nigerian man told me " he already beat you, he's there in america " he told me not to waste my money but to forget about him and just raise my son. Some may not have kids , but have followed their hearts like me, I'm just here to say once they want to pull away, there's really nolthing you could do especially if they chilled until they received their papers. THE SCAM WOULD BE THAT YOU BROUGHT THEM HERE, AND PROBABLY PAID ALL THEIR EXPENSE'ES, NOW THEY WANT TO BE ON THEIR OWN. ( MOST AFTER THEY RECIEVE THEIR GREENCARD )

[Optimystic 0]

I've been going thru the divorce process since August, 2005, and let me tell you ladies and gentlemens, it's not easy, especially when a child is involved. Once we bring these men into the US and marry within the ninety day period, or even worse, marry these men or women abroad then file paperwork, they have certain rights. For instance, for those who went the K-1 route, the US citizen files the adjustment of statis paperwork, then the letter for a interview, ( if you receive one ) is addressed in your husbands name. Not you, as my husband coldly told me, " the immigration office invited me not you to come " At this point, depending on the Country they came from they have options, they can file an I-360 saying that you abused them, so watch for them trying to always flip out on you, or start arguments saying your harrassing them, and by no means get into a physical fight with these people because that's what they are looking for in a attempte to build their case against you, they need a paper trail in order to file an I-360, police reports are included , so keep your cool.

Our foreign spouse's can also file for Aslyum, this they must do within being here one year and without your signature, so this also becomes their case, and they don't need their U.S. spouse to file or to be approved. If they don't file for Aslyum within one year of being in the US they must have a good reason for not doing so.

Finally before closing, I have to say , that these internet people that we meet from many different Countries, we take a risk, many of us me included, have brought spouses that we only know thru the internet , besides the brief visits that we share when we spend our hard earned monies to go be with this person that types such loving words. Anyhow we believe their every word, we bring these people into our homes, amongst our children and don't really know them. We go to work and leave our kids at home alone with them, and our valuables. The sad thing about a scam, is that if the person plays it just right, you will be too late, you will have been scammed before you know it.

Even today I can tell you all that I trusted in my husband , but now my husband and I are going thru a heated divorce and the communication is gone, but ofcourse when he was trying to get here he told me that we would work on our problem together, now that's not the case, he just wants his freedom from me in this country. I do believe that you can pray and fast over a situation, but you also have to have the ear to hear what God is trying to tell you. Now looking back I can see some signs that I was just so blinded to see before spending all those thousands of dollars to get him here. Yet this man left me at a very vulnerable time(our son was only 3-weeks old ) his kind words weren't there no more.

I'm typing all this so some of the newbies on this board can see my drama and be very cautious in their picking, however like this one Nigerian man told me " he already beat you, he's there in america " he told me not to waste my money but to forget about him and just raise my son. Some may not have kids , but have followed their hearts like me, I'm just here to say once they want to pull away, there's really nolthing you could do especially if they chilled until they received their papers. THE SCAM WOULD BE THAT YOU BROUGHT THEM HERE, AND PROBABLY PAID ALL THEIR EXPENSE'ES, NOW THEY WANT TO BE ON THEIR OWN. ( MOST AFTER THEY RECIEVE THEIR GREENCARD )

Idocare,

I admire & appreciate your courageousness in coming forth to share your story. (Initially, I thought you were just a bitterly scorned woman that was trying to throw salt on anyone involved w/a Nigerian because of your experience... Today, I view & accept your personal experience from a totally different perspective. Yeah, so often we create our own world and paint the picture perfectly flawless. I wonder is this due to the fact that we come under so much scrutiny from the various members in the home quarters, and friends that we feel the pressure to prove that our relationships are sincere, invincible, and of course GOD sent... We enter our partnerships giving our total 100% and trusting that our sig. others are doing likewise. Sure, all of us has or will experience some tough moments during the course of our relationships...

I have learned more recently that God in fact has 2 wills... His "Perfect" will, and his "Permissive" will. For those of you that don't know the difference, let me break it down for you... God's "Perfect" is what God intended... God's "Permissive" will is what God allows... When we are walking in the Spirit and obedient to God's will we know that we can ask for anything and it shall be granted. However, I liken this to a teenager pestering and/or begging a parent for a car. While the parent really believes that his/her child is more than well deserving of the car, he really doesn't want the teen to have the car due to the possible problems that can occur (accident, skipping school,sex etc..)as a direct result of purchasing an auto for a teenager. The parent would much rather wait and give the teen a much better car as a graduation gift. However, the teen's relentless pestering causes the parent to finally give in.

Now, I believe that is exactly how it works with us in our relationships. God knows what is best for all of his children. He may have someone special in store for us, but we beg him to link us up with whom we select, then justify our rational for behaving contrary towards family & friends, when in essence they are only looking out for our best interests. Its so easy to cry, "You don't understand! ", but it's important to remember that the person standing outside looking in, is giving a critical assessment and more than likely is exercising sound judgement, while your head is out to lunch in laa-laa land...

I love my husband, don't get me wrong, but when I look back on how we handled our relationship in the beginning stages, I KNOW WITHOUGHT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, that I would have done things a bit differently. (Hind sight is 20/20)

*RED FLAG* Whenever you are in a situation in which either side of the fiance's family aren't in support, or they aren't even aware that you are going to have a wedding ceremony....Then, you need to pump the brakes and STOP before preceding, cause something ain't right with that scenario. God wants everything done in decency & in order-not 1/2 a$$ed. Trust me, if you ignore your road signs and keep on going down the road w/o caution, don't get mad when your car ends up in the ravene! You either pay attention now, or you pay later! (In some shape, form, or fashion). I'm speaking from my own personal experience on that one!

I agree, anyone can put up a good front for a few weeks visit, but like you said, the shield comes off when you are actually living together

Our visa journey took longer than most, but I honestly thank God for the interim. I got pissed off with the visa process and wondered if God was trying to show me something, thus the reason for so many delays? Was he giving me extended time to seriously rethink my decision? Sometimes I wondered if I was going through w/ the process out of love or was it out of obligation to my marital vows instead? (a little of both ) These are the things that only come to your mind after a seriously long seperation. Because when you are *NEW* in love, you would never fathom questioning such a thing. Instead your only mission is to divide and conquer by any means necessary! Anyway, the seperation allowed me the opportunity to really see what he was all about. Would he get tired & just give up on waiting so long and bail out? (Umh, no such luck... He's still hanging around For how much longer I don't know ?)

I'm currently in the process of conducting a research project which focuses on online dating practices, w/the target group being Nigerian males (various ages). So far I have managed to get 6 "I love you's" and 3 marriage proposals in the course of 1 whopping week!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, one gentleman wants me to travel in August so that we can seal the deal... Is this true love or is this a prelude to marriage fraud????????????? You gotta be careful-o!!! I'm so tired of people running around on the planet using the word "love" so loosely. However, many of these men are aware of our cultural dating practices via. family/friends that live here, that have schooled them on what to say to an American woman. Remember, that unlike American culture, love is not a prerequisite for marriage in many African cultures-as it is assumed that you will grow to love the person over time.

O.K. thats just my $0.02 worth... Love it or hate it

[PlatyPius 5]

joej,

I was being sarcastic to Cian. I did not appreciate his generalizing some individuals and applying what they did to whole countries. It really made me question his knowledge of the topic with his stating of things that were not facts. Sorry to go off the topic and it was meant to show his lack of facts.

It was my first thought as well,from reading Cian's reply. Funny though.

What lack of facts? What are you talking about? I am talking about a small number of people who work for the same company as me. I did not generalize about whole countries. What the hell is your issue? What I stated was fact - related to the 9 people I originally discussed. How can I have a lack of facts about something that I *KNOW*? One of the people in question told me - directly - that he married a woman from Indiana specifically to get here. He told me that 8 others from his town did the same. How can you know more about this "fact" than I do? Did I say that everyone from Nigeria does this? No, I related what I know about 9 SPECIFIC CASES. When the question of other countries was brought up, I related what countries the other people that I know to have done the same thing were from. I didn't say that all people from those countries do that - merely that I work with people from those countries who used marriage as a way to get to the US.

How you know more about something related to where I work than I do really perplexes me.

Edited June 30, 2006 by Cian

[lisaf 0]

[

What lack of facts? What are you talking about? I am talking about a small number of people who work for the same company as me. I did not generalize about whole countries. What the hell is your issue? What I stated was fact - related to the 9 people I originally discussed. How can I have a lack of facts about something that I *KNOW*? One of the people in question told me - directly - that he married a woman from Indiana specifically to get here. He told me that 8 others from his town did the same. How can you know more about this "fact" than I do? Did I say that everyone from Nigeria does this? No, I related what I know about 9 SPECIFIC CASES. When the question of other countries was brought up, I related what countries the other people that I know to have done the same thing were from. I didn't say that all people from those countries do that - merely that I work with people from those countries who used marriage as a way to get to the US.

How you know more about something related to where I work than I do really perplexes me.

Cian I got where you were coming from.

Ladies, I would like to add an experience of a friend of mine who entered a relationship with a Nigerian. Girls he didnt even make it to the alter! He went out to meet with some of his ' buddies" shortly after arriving and was never seen again. I don't say these things to put a downer on your relationships.( I just hate to see people taken advantage of ) Ive lived in SE Asia for almost 15 years.( there are many , many Nigerians living here, FWIW Ive not met one who wasn't already married!).Ive got stories coming out the wazoo, from all nationalities I also know couples in great marriages but sadly they are very few. Im not going to post endless statistics because that's not what newly in love peope want to hear..People who post have already decided on a course and want re-assurance.

I guess I just want to echo the thoughts of BE CAREFUL... And for the record , I have Nigerian friends who are totally ashamed of the behaviour of their fellow countrymen, will not associate with them and will be the first to warn unsuspecting women away from them.

[Kanyiri 0]

I'm currently in the process of conducting a research project which focuses on online dating practices, w/the target group being Nigerian males (various ages). So far I have managed to get 6 "I love you's" and 3 marriage proposals in the course of 1 whopping week!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, one gentleman wants me to travel in August so that we can seal the deal...

OK, I'm apparently not up on how this whole online dating thing works. How did you even find that many Nigerian men online?! Is there I certain website that they flock to? Is there a chat room specifically designed for Nigerian men?

[Optimystic 0]

I'm currently in the process of conducting a research project which focuses on online dating practices, w/the target group being Nigerian males (various ages). So far I have managed to get 6 "I love you's" and 3 marriage proposals in the course of 1 whopping week!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, one gentleman wants me to travel in August so that we can seal the deal...

OK, I'm apparently not up on how this whole online dating thing works. How did you even find that many Nigerian men online?! Is there I certain website that they flock to? Is there a chat room specifically designed for Nigerian men?

Not just Nigerian men either.. Just like we have country specific forums here, they have sites that allow you to set your preferences to select prospects from set countries as well.

[uchegirl 0]

hello everyone

i read all posts and i have to say that i received so much good advice. Especially, molly, sweetee, cian, idocare and optymistic. i just want to let everyone know that i have really really thought about this whole marriage proposal and my relationship with uchenna. as much as this man tells me he loves me and i do him, i have decided to slow this whole thing down. i know i did accept the proposal but i will tell him that i will not be able to come for my first visit until sometimes next year. i want to communicate for some time before going there. i have also told my mother about him and she was not too happy about me meeting a man online. however she did reassure me that the posts of those i mentioned above should play a big role in my decision to go through with this relationship. ( i printed the posts for her to read.)

I agree with her totally. I thnk it is also too soon. So I just want to thank everyone for their well wishes and inputs. Its good to know a person can come to a website where so many people actually do care and are willing to post their experiences (whether good or bad) and also share their thoughts and ideas. Im glad to be a part of this site. I will keep you guys informed of what his reaction is to my suggestion about making a trip there next year. Thanks again everyone

Uchegirl