2005 - 2007 UK Filers *Only*

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Love it!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I'm hearin a ton of advice too, which kinda annoys me....but I try to understand that they think they are helping, so eh, no use making a big deal about it.

You're more gracious than I am! I assume that most people dispensing "advice," especially if you don't know them very well, just want to pontificate, vent, and/or feel important.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Your response was priceless Uh yeah I'm a little surprised to hear a guy say that - makes me wonder if his wife's body image issues put a damper on their 'late night' activities...!

I just can't get over all this armchair advice. I will not do that to first time moms going forward unless they specifically ASK me for it...

Jon and I talked about it afterward and agreed that it was probably just poor word choice. Toni (the mom) had mentioned that she wasn't really prepared for the giant belly she had in the last few weeks. She's on the small side and carried sort of straight out, so she was bumping into things. She mentioned that she went maternity clothes shopping at one of those places that have the prosthetic bellies in the dressing room so you can see how clothes will fit at different stages. When she tried on the later-stage ones, she couldn't imagine that she'd ever get that big--and she ended up even bigger than that. I think that's what her borderline boneheaded husband was referring to. In any case, it makes for a good story! A more sensitive person might have told him to f^ck himself.

[Fandango 1,439]

My response wasn't that appropriate, given the fact that I was kinda in shock so I just stepped backwards and didn't say anything.

Most of my friends are really helpful....two of my friends 'get off' on saying how horrible childbirth is pain wise....they have me as some sort of 'diva' and they are kinda getting a kick outta me getting pregnant. I had said that I wanted a c-section because I 'didn't wanna push' (and that is true)...then I went to work after an appt stunned because the doc said ins wouldn't cover an optional c-section. They were like 'what's wrong?' and when I told them....they seemed to revel in that (haha gotta push like the rest of us). They mean well, but it's annoying.

*shrug*

[TracyTN 237]

The 'advice' doesn't upset me - everyone's an expert. I learned fast just to let it roll off my back. I just find it funny how overwhelmingly negative most of the 'advice' is.

[KaiserD 12]

Oh...I forgot to mention that Jon's mum has procured baby's first blanket. She went to some outdoor film festival and they were giving away Stella (Artois) blankets. So, little Limita so far has a beer-themed blanket and a demented lamb.

I wonder what else she will acquire!

How are you feeling now btw?

I'm hearin a ton of advice too, which kinda annoys me....but I try to understand that they think they are helping, so eh, no use making a big deal about it.

But someone touched my belly the other day. Me no likey.

I'm so glad nobody did that to me, people getting in my personal space makes me nervous.

You're more gracious than I am! I assume that most people dispensing "advice," especially if you don't know them very well, just want to pontificate, vent, and/or feel important.

But! But! I need to give meaning to all the crazy things that happened I try to keep my big mouth shut but sometimes sh*t just slips out Feel free to tell me to shut up at any time!

It seems weird now that I was quite that big, especially after being sickly thin after the HG. Boy that shirt was ugly but it was the only thing that fit

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I wonder what else she will acquire!

How are you feeling now btw?

I'm so glad nobody did that to me, people getting in my personal space makes me nervous.

But! But! I need to give meaning to all the crazy things that happened I try to keep my big mouth shut but sometimes sh*t just slips out Feel free to tell me to shut up at any time!

It seems weird now that I was quite that big, especially after being sickly thin after the HG. Boy that shirt was ugly but it was the only thing that fit

Awww! (re: the pic)

I'm not feeling too bad, thanks for asking. The usual ups and downs (good days and not-so-good days). Overall, there has been great improvement over a few weeks ago. I'm finally putting on weight and can stomach healthy food. Yay!

Re: complaints about unsolicited advice, perhaps I shouldn't have included "vent" on my list. People should be allowed to vent, especially about such a strange experience as pregnancy. I think it's the manner and tone that can be annoying. For example, "Man, I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for the level of exhaustion I'm experiencing!" is an acceptable vent-based comment, but something like, "Believe me, you'll completely forget what it's like to get a full night's sleep!" falls squarely in the annoying category. I think the annoying aspect of it is that the speaker assumes that you'll have the same experience. In fact, she's probably hoping that your experience will be even worse.

Speaking of annoying, an old friend of mine from childhood just had her first kid about six weeks ago. Although she's quite a nice person and not nearly as lame as her numerous Facebook updates would suggest, I'm finding myself cringing on a daily basis because of her continuing need to post updates related to the most mundane aspects of baby care. She did the same during her pregnancy. For some reason, I can't bring myself to "hide" her. She'll have an update for a 4 a.m. feeding. And it will say, "Another 4 a.m. feeding!" And the same thing the following night. I mean, I get that caring for a newborn can be an isolating experience and Facebook is a great way to engage, but gee whiz!

OK, I've officially turned into bitchy pregnant chick.

[Gemmie 142]

I totally get the Facebook updates from new mothers. Everything from "Up at 4am again" to "She's got hiccups, awww". And over the months, you get every single update possible from a new tooth to a new syllable spoken.

While we're talking about annoying advice and comments though, I'd just like to say that just because I haven't HAD a child yet, I can understand at least the concept of the unbelievable, unconditional love for your child. I may not feel that way yet, but I can fathom how it must feel, and look forward to feeling that one day. I pretty much want to pummel the heads of people that tell me I can't possibly understand what it's like to love until I have a child. My brother and his girlfriend had their first baby last year, and all I was hearing about afterwards was how I could NEVER know what it was like, not until my time comes... and how I can't imagine carrying and pushing out a baby until my time comes. And although I get their point, it's highly annoying to be told that my thoughts (even when I'm trying to empathize and agree with them) are irrelevant until I've given birth. Just to let you know how annoying they can be, one time we were discussing them having a second baby soon, and I had said to her "so soon? you're a stronger woman than I am" and was promptly told "well yes, you haven't given birth"...

[TracyTN 237]

I've never gotten this concept of 'haves' and 'have nots' when it comes to kids. Sure, you can't relate to what you ACTUALLY go through until you've had a baby, but to suggest that means you have no ideas about it just puzzles me.

[KaiserD 12]

I'm glad you're generally feeling better, it's much easier to enjoy the rest of an impatient journey that way!

Awww? Awww? Lady I looked rough as hell and got bigger than that before the end. Got asked on more than one occasion "so it's twins then?" and the aghast looks when I answered no...fun fun.

Yes, there's definitely a rudeness in assuming someone's experience is going to be the same as yours, the one that always gets me angry (even though it's long over!) is "oh you're going to get that epidural, trust me!". Plenty of people get through without epidurals, just because they didn't it doesn't mean that everyone else can't. Likewise someone who had one isn't some sort of failure either.

Like you said about birthing stories before, it seems like an okay thing to do if it went fine but telling a pregnant woman a birthing horror story is just cruel. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer about someone you knew who died of it after a long or painful struggle, you just wouldn't.

LOL Facebook updates. I have this friend from college, she is such a sweetheart but she is one of those people who goes on and on and on about their child. I save all the useless anecdotes for my mother and MIL who are the only people who want to hear them, but hers are "Tegs and I went for a walk in her new pram today!" "Tegs is playing with daddy, awww" "Tegs just had a bath", I'm sure Tegan would object to her mother broadcasting her life in so much detail if she could talk! I will choose to continue boring people with my nerdly activities just as I did before pre-child.

I can't possibly understand what it's like to love until I have a child

It seems like people love to say this to people who can't have children too

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I wonder if this sentiment withstands the misunderstood teenage years?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

While we're talking about annoying advice and comments though, I'd just like to say that just because I haven't HAD a child yet, I can understand at least the concept of the unbelievable, unconditional love for your child. I may not feel that way yet, but I can fathom how it must feel, and look forward to feeling that one day. I pretty much want to pummel the heads of people that tell me I can't possibly understand what it's like to love until I have a child. My brother and his girlfriend had their first baby last year, and all I was hearing about afterwards was how I could NEVER know what it was like, not until my time comes... and how I can't imagine carrying and pushing out a baby until my time comes. And although I get their point, it's highly annoying to be told that my thoughts (even when I'm trying to empathize and agree with them) are irrelevant until I've given birth. Just to let you know how annoying they can be, one time we were discussing them having a second baby soon, and I had said to her "so soon? you're a stronger woman than I am" and was promptly told "well yes, you haven't given birth"...

Yeah, that's really annoying. I think most people who say stuff like that are lacking imagination and need some self-worth inflating. You hear it all the time: "When you become a parent, you realize that it's not all about you!" Uh...if you ever really thought it was all about you, perhaps you were a selfish ####### to begin with?

[Gemmie 142]

Yeah. And what you said about getting the impression that they hope you have a bad experience too... the same people I just talked about, they know someone now who is pregnant. She found out she was expecting a boy and they laughed about it, because they (wrongly) believe that she'll have a harder labour, and she had it 'too easy' with her girl last time. Really? Who would wish a horrible birth experience on someone else? Please get over yourself.

[Krikit 1,164]

Whoops! I've mistakenly entered the expectant mothers thread. *backs away slowly*

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Whoops! I've mistakenly entered the expectant mothers thread. *backs away slowly*

Wise move.