DINNER IN MENA LAND

[Sandrila 1]

teach him about the 5 major food groups in the usa:

instant, take out, frozen, microwaved, and canned.

believe me he is quite aware

btw charles

It's possible he thinks that because you are female, you are responsible for the meals, regardless of your other obligations. He needs to learn that both men and women are capable of cooking and making the meal and who does it depends on what the situation is for the day. Out of love and respect for you, he should be considerate of you and if you are tired or stressed from working or whatever that he should want to help you. Have you communicated to him these things? He probably is totally unaware and has no clue. He just thinks things are normal.

Oh, and Crockpots/slow cookers are awesome!

love those crockies!

[Ahmeds Girl 0]

Sandrilla.....my husband prefers a home cooked meal over any meal butttttttttttt he had a time at home when he didn't work and I did. When he went to work as many hours as I did I challenged him once. You come home, take care of the baby, do homework with the bigger kids and clean and fix dinner. Tell me how you have time for anything else? He did it, twice. He survived but he had a newfound respect for me. He then started helping more with the dishes and helping me cook in the kitchen.

Also, once, I want to tell you we were eating dinner out with my mother and my mother actually said do you get up and fix Ayman breakfast before he goes to work? Ayman said no this is just a different generation. I looked at him and said for the many months that you weren't working how many times did you fix something for me? He looked shocked and said never. I said see there you go...I had the male role of providing and you sat on your lazy bum and didn't help me out.

I'd try and talk to your guy and say hey, listen baby I work too. I'll cook dinner a x amount of nights a week, one night we can eat out and the other night you either cook for me or we eat sandwiches. Its just a fair thing...I'm a tired working momma and if you want some lovin' at night then you have to give me a break once in a while.

Great reply!

]This point is especially interesting

I had the male role of providing and you sat on your lazy bum and didn't help me out.

Sad that some women let men forget this. Many women on this site are the main providers. Some men readily accept that difference in culture but also want to make their wives into maids. Men do help here and are expected to. It's not only decent to help out, it's necessary when you are trying to make each other happy. If one is exhausted and stressed all the time, nobody wins. Baby a man and all you get is a big, useless baby. Doesn't matter if he is American or Egyptian.

Edited February 25, 2009 by Ahmeds Girl

[Sandrila 1]

My husband comes in very late from work, and I often feel as you do, just not inspired to start cooking from scratch, especially late at night. I lived alone for a long time, and I'm used to the quick, one-person cooking,[/color] whereas he likes to use fresh veggies -- imagine that! -- and prefers something that doesn't come out of a box, can, or frozen bag. He's a good cook and will cook for himself without complaint if the ingredients are there and I'm too tired, but I know it makes him feel good to walk in the door to a hot meal.

I don't know the answer to your dilemma, but I'm gradually adapting to our schedule by making sure certain staples are always on hand and rotating a just few easy, from-scratch meals that we both like. That way, I don't have to be particularly inspired or creative. I hope to gather more recipes and use my crock pot more often, because I can do the prep when I do have the energy and then just let it cook itself until he gets in. My goal (not there yet) is to plan meals one day a week and do some prep (like chopping veggies) in advance. When everything works out, I spend maybe 15 - 20 minutes actively preparing a meal and another 30 to 60 waiting for it to cook, so I can do other things during the waiting time. The routine makes all the difference for me, and in the long run, we sure are eating healthier than when I try to save time with the preprocessed stuff. That stuff really doesn't save any time in the long run, and it costs a lot more.

It's an adjustment, for sure, especially for Americans who are so used to convenience food. Good luck.

i highlighted some very good points!

thank you and i am happy to see some response as most of us women, not all, try to find the solution to juggling the many duties we have and gaining appreciation and help from the men in our lives. I realize it is an adjustment that is not going to come easy. I thank you for your suggestions

and it is just hard when I have been alone and not having to worry about eating really. I want to satisfy him but I dont like for men to whine.

I know what my "duties" are but just feel it should go both ways. I will take a stab at your ideas! Thanks for your support my friends

[caybee 21]

My husband comes in very late from work, and I often feel as you do, just not inspired to start cooking from scratch, especially late at night. I lived alone for a long time, and I'm used to the quick, one-person cooking,[/color] whereas he likes to use fresh veggies -- imagine that! -- and prefers something that doesn't come out of a box, can, or frozen bag. He's a good cook and will cook for himself without complaint if the ingredients are there and I'm too tired, but I know it makes him feel good to walk in the door to a hot meal.

I don't know the answer to your dilemma, but I'm gradually adapting to our schedule by making sure certain staples are always on hand and rotating a just few easy, from-scratch meals that we both like. That way, I don't have to be particularly inspired or creative. I hope to gather more recipes and use my crock pot more often, because I can do the prep when I do have the energy and then just let it cook itself until he gets in. My goal (not there yet) is to plan meals one day a week and do some prep (like chopping veggies) in advance. When everything works out, I spend maybe 15 - 20 minutes actively preparing a meal and another 30 to 60 waiting for it to cook, so I can do other things during the waiting time. The routine makes all the difference for me, and in the long run, we sure are eating healthier than when I try to save time with the preprocessed stuff. That stuff really doesn't save any time in the long run, and it costs a lot more.

It's an adjustment, for sure, especially for Americans who are so used to convenience food. Good luck.

i highlighted some very good points!

thank you and i am happy to see some response as most of us women, not all, try to find the solution to juggling the many duties we have and gaining appreciation and help from the men in our lives. I realize it is an adjustment that is not going to come easy. I thank you for your suggestions

and it is just hard when I have been alone and not having to worry about eating really. I want to satisfy him but I dont like for men to whine.

I know what my "duties" are but just feel it should go both ways. I will take a stab at your ideas! Thanks for your support my friends

I can certainly identify. And every situation is different. My husband works more hours than I do, plus he has a much longer commute. So I do have more "free" time than he does when it comes right down to it. That's certainly not true for every woman here. Each couple has to find their own balance.

[Imua 0]

teach him about the 5 major food groups in the usa:

instant, take out, frozen, microwaved, and canned.

believe me he is quite aware

btw charles

It's possible he thinks that because you are female, you are responsible for the meals, regardless of your other obligations. He needs to learn that both men and women are capable of cooking and making the meal and who does it depends on what the situation is for the day. Out of love and respect for you, he should be considerate of you and if you are tired or stressed from working or whatever that he should want to help you. Have you communicated to him these things? He probably is totally unaware and has no clue. He just thinks things are normal.

Oh, and Crockpots/slow cookers are awesome!

love those crockies!

I've thought about buying one - are they good for cooking curries?

[sereia 0]

Sandrila I'm sure a lot of us can relate. In Morocco the mom's usually don't work and they spend their days cooking and cleaning. My husband's home in Morocco is SPOTLESS. His mom washes the floor, bathrooms, dusts, changes the couch cushions, laundry, makes the beds, etc everyday! AND makes a fresh, home cooked meal with multiple courses. I don't see why our husband's should expect that of a working wife here in America but most of them grew up with that as their example of what a wife should be.

I suggest you try to make some simple things like others have said. Plan your meals ahead, pick easy to do/quick meals, freezable, crockpot types, etc. There are lots of resources online for those kinds of meals. If he expects tagines and such everyday well.......that's just too bad!

Honestly I think it will just get better over time. He hasn't been here that long right? Eventually he'll have to get used to it that life is just different here!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

we eat fairly simple, still trying to find what all he likes but no problems and he is learning some and called to ask if there was something he could start for dinner tonight

[Martiniolive 0]

I try to make enough of everything so I cab freeze some for another meal. Also I make harsha and millui breads and freeze them and the dough freezes good also. Huge batches of garlic bread, cookies, whatever he likes so when I am exhausted it's easy to throw meals together. We work together so luckily my husband knows if I am really tired. But he does not cook at all. And I admit the first month I wanted to send him back a few times when it was clear he was waiting for me to prepare every single meal. But now it's month 2 and I am adjusting. I think we will be ok in a year LOL. Good luck girl!!!!!!

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I think I'm one LUCKY lady! While I get ready for work in the morning H makes me coffee and toast... he never expects me to cook at night and always tell me to rest and he will make me something....which motivates me to get up and make something before I have to eat scrambled eggs AGAIN!

And to think he comes from a family where not a single female has EVER worked! Ma'sha'allah I'm blessed... I do have some tricks that I use to keep him fed... but I don't know what Moroccans eat... so not sure it will be helpful...

I make a BIG pot of rice on Sunday and keep it in the fridge. I also make a big pot of braised beef cooked with spices and onions and garlic and a little tomato sauce. I divide it up in 2 cup servings and freeze it. When I come home from work I put a container of the beef (with it's sauce) in a small pan and add some crushed tomatoes and either green beans, okra, black-eyed peas, or peas and carrots and warm it through. I make a chopped salad and then nuke the rice that I've sprinkled with some water in the microwave covered with plastic wrap... and Voila I have dinner! Pretty typical Egyptian meal... well OK not his Mom's typical meal, but still, he's happy!

We've been making steaks or marinated chicken breasts on the George Foreman grill. He thinks that's pretty slick... and I made a big batch of "mini-meatloafs" in muffin tins and froze them. I spiced them like Kufta/kefta and he sauced them American style... and he was IN HEAVEN... Also take tilapia fillets and put them in foil with a little oil and spices on them and a few slices of lemon and just toss the packets in the toaster oven while I make "red rice" (which is just like spanish rice) while they cook. (Egyptians have to have red rice with fish.) If I want to make him happy as a clam I batter the tilapia and fry it and make some oven baked (frozen) french fries..

I don't do anything that takes more than 30 minutes MAX. And without ever even asking he cleans the kitchen TOTALLY after EVERY meal. (love that OCD he's got!) My kitchen has never been cleaner!

He made a cake mix all by himself last night! Gotta start somewhere! I'm going to "let him eat cake" when I travel tomorrow for business...

His Mom asked me what will I do when he's here and I'm working to make sure he's fed. I told her don't worry we have Pizza everywhere in America... she said, "BUT he doesn't LIKE Pizza!" I said, he will..... (when he gets hungry enough!) Just kiddin'

Good luck and Good Eating!

[childress_london 3]

I think I'm one LUCKY lady! While I get ready for work in the morning H makes me coffee and toast... he never expects me to cook at night and always tell me to rest and he will make me something....which motivates me to get up and make something before I have to eat scrambled eggs AGAIN!

And to think he comes from a family where not a single female has EVER worked! Ma'sha'allah I'm blessed... I do have some tricks that I use to keep him fed... but I don't know what Moroccans eat... so not sure it will be helpful...

I make a BIG pot of rice on Sunday and keep it in the fridge. I also make a big pot of braised beef cooked with spices and onions and garlic and a little tomato sauce. I divide it up in 2 cup servings and freeze it. When I come home from work I put a container of the beef (with it's sauce) in a small pan and add some crushed tomatoes and either green beans, okra, black-eyed peas, or peas and carrots and warm it through. I make a chopped salad and then nuke the rice that I've sprinkled with some water in the microwave covered with plastic wrap... and Voila I have dinner! Pretty typical Egyptian meal... well OK not his Mom's typical meal, but still, he's happy!

We've been making steaks or marinated chicken breasts on the George Foreman grill. He thinks that's pretty slick... and I made a big batch of "mini-meatloafs" in muffin tins and froze them. I spiced them like Kufta/kefta and he sauced them American style... and he was IN HEAVEN... Also take tilapia fillets and put them in foil with a little oil and spices on them and a few slices of lemon and just toss the packets in the toaster oven while I make "red rice" (which is just like spanish rice) while they cook. (Egyptians have to have red rice with fish.) If I want to make him happy as a clam I batter the tilapia and fry it and make some oven baked (frozen) french fries..

I don't do anything that takes more than 30 minutes MAX. And without ever even asking he cleans the kitchen TOTALLY after EVERY meal. (love that OCD he's got!) My kitchen has never been cleaner!

He made a cake mix all by himself last night! Gotta start somewhere! I'm going to "let him eat cake" when I travel tomorrow for business...

His Mom asked me what will I do when he's here and I'm working to make sure he's fed. I told her don't worry we have Pizza everywhere in America... she said, "BUT he doesn't LIKE Pizza!" I said, he will..... (when he gets hungry enough!) Just kiddin'

Good luck and Good Eating!

WOW I'm impressed! You got Rachel Ray beat!

[Sandrila 1]

Last night while cooking I said to the husband "can you come help me please" his responce was "why thats a woman's job", then starts laughing about it. Needless to said I didnt find it to funny.

If my husband said that to me, I would have put aside what I was cooking, slowly put my coat on and drove to the nearest applebees by myself and have dinner there I don't do well with snotty remarks like that.

besides, my husband is a fab cook. He's the best and he would never say "that's a woman's job". that infuriates me and wont take that from anyone.

he knows better.

This is really the way men from MENA think.....

THIS IS WHAT I THINK

ladies the ideas are great and thank you

i mean i guess it comes down on me either way

i am an excellent cook and cooked up a storm before he came, but i guess it was when I wanted to or had the extra time, usually on weekends

the freezing thing is a great idea and i am looking into that crock pot

hubby doesnt mind left overs for then next day

he does love tuna and mac n cheese and the easy stuff just not much for "dinner"

to him a sandwich is not a meal

I just told him that HERE people will eat pretty much whatever they want at any time

i told him snacks were good to hold him over throughout the day and like snacks dont work with him

ok

so i said that typically you can even eat breakfast for dinner, i mean it isnt ideal but it works if you are low on food or just plain ol hungry

i dunno i guess my liberal thinking is just too much for him, it's gonna take some time

[MrsAmera 41]

LOL my husband was in the sandwich is not a meal club for awhile too - no more!!!!!

[caybee 21]

I fell asleep early and unexpectedly on the sofa last night, and my husband came in at midnight (I expected him from work at 3 am). So I hadn't planned or cooked anything. He didn't criticize, just went in to concoct something. Ended up with scrambled eggs mixed with green beans and hot sauce. I have no appetite these days, so I only managed a couple bites, but even that was surprisingly good. I'll stop by the store for tonight though.

[caybee 21]

LOL my husband was in the sandwich is not a meal club for awhile too - no more!!!!!

Mine too! He was also used to lunch being the biggest meal of the day, which isn't practical here most of the time. Now he comes up with some sort of "breakfast" before he leaves for work in the afternoon and takes a sandwich to work for his "lunch." Dinner is generally around 3 am these days, and that's usually the biggest meal for him. I followed his schedule for a while, but my body just can't handle a meal that large at that hour for any length of time.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Ha re: sandwhiches. The husband came right before Ramadan 2005. On the first iftar of the fast, I made my usual fast breaking meal - a tuna melt and some soup from a can. When he looked at his plate he had the saddest look on his face. We figured out quickly that we had different ideas of what constitutes a meal.