how much do I put up with before deciding on divorce?

[broma25 2]

Send your dog somewhere that is safe!!!! The dog does not need to be in this situation and is not in a position to remove itself. As a responsible person you need to!!

As for yourself, either call the cops and get him removed, or pack a bag and leave with the dog!

This man is a moron and I think you have put up with more than enough!!

Good Luck!

[maya62 7]

Completely ignore the PI posters. They are obviously villagers. Keep the dog. Ship the childish husband back home on a cargo ship. Then stay single for a while and work on what makes you happy. It's far better to be alone than to wish you were.

[broma25 2]

Send your dog somewhere that is safe!!!! The dog does not need to be in this situation and is not in a position to remove itself. As a responsible person you need to!!

As for yourself, either call the cops and get him removed, or pack a bag and leave with the dog!

This man is a moron and I think you have put up with more than enough!!

Good Luck!

[maya62 7]

Completely ignore the PI posters. They are obviously villagers. Keep the dog. Ship the childish husband back home on a cargo ship. Then stay single for a while and work on what makes you happy. It's far better to be alone than to wish you were.

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't have the patience to read through this entire thread, so sorry if I repeat.

As far as "submitting" to your husband. What a dumb foock response! Some people need to stop posting and go submit. I'm sure they aren't being good wives, so move along.

I hate to say this, but it sounds as if you and your husband are totally incompatible. It takes a year to adjust, but he has been here over a year. You are not the domestic type. I don't think anything is wrong with that. That is who you are. He wants a domestic wife. Nothing wrong with that either. Was this discussed beforehand? Neither of you should change who you are to be with each other. That is why it is so important to lay it all out on the table beforehand.

He tears you down? And you think he should eventually build you up? ####### kind of logic is that? He should NEVER tear you down, period, end of story. He compares you to the women in his country...so why didn't he marry one of them instead? And now he threatens you that he will get another woman? Why are you 2 even still together? My husband would be out the door so fast if he ever dared to say that to me. But here is the difference, he respects me. And from all appearances I don't see any respect from him for you.

I could go on and on about what you wrote, but the bottom line, and I hate to say this, but I hope you cut it off soon. There is worse things in life than living alone.

[Sprailenes 47]

Send your dog somewhere that is safe!!!! The dog does not need to be in this situation and is not in a position to remove itself. As a responsible person you need to!!

As for yourself, either call the cops and get him removed, or pack a bag and leave with the dog!

This man is a moron and I think you have put up with more than enough!!

Good Luck!

one more time!

[Ban Hammer 13,135]

Send your dog somewhere that is safe!!!! The dog does not need to be in this situation and is not in a position to remove itself. As a responsible person you need to!!

As for yourself, either call the cops and get him removed, or pack a bag and leave with the dog!

This man is a moron and I think you have put up with more than enough!!

Good Luck!

one more time!

another successful graduate of the almaty school of double posting

[SMOKE 1,426]

Completely ignore the PI posters. They are obviously villagers.

how did you know?.....back to my village.

[Shad and Dani 3]

My 2 cents:

Communication is key! If he doesn't listen keep explaining until he is forced to listen. You should tell him exactly how you feel and give him some consiquences if he doesn't change. At the same time give him some incentives for being decent. Cook his favorite meal if he brushes his teeth(DUDE-that's nasty, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!), send him a sexy photo if he makes you feel special (just ideas). If he doesn't make the changes stop cooking for him, and don't clean a thing.

Start over with some realistic expectations. If he doesn't agree, come to some sort of compromise.Tell him that you're scared for your safety, and if he makes threatening comments you will notify the police. There is NOTHING wrong with being a housewife and taking care of your husband, but what are you getting in return? I can understand the occasional pitty sex from time to time, just to make him happy, heck men do it sometimes as well (Suprised ladies?), but in your case I would deny him sex until you start getting respect. I don't see how it's pleasurable for him anyhow, I'm sure that if he cleaned up, did something romantic, and paid attention to your needs you would rock his world...lol

The bottom line is that a REAL man can be strong and love his wife the right way at the same time. I believe divorce should be the very last option in any marriage, but you shouldn't stick around if he gets physically abusive. If he starts yelling respond in a calm but direct way. If he leaves then you are better off without him.

The best of luck to you

[Ban Hammer 13,135]

Completely ignore the PI posters. They are obviously villagers.

how did you know?.....back to my village.

but are they called

[rika60607 215]

You are in abusive marriage and there is no reason you should stay.

If he could have sex with you when you did not want it... this is bad, bad news.

Find a job if that is what it takes to make you independent.

The quote below comes from a person who is clearly abused or abusive in his/her marriage.

No need to follow a bad example. No need to stay in bad marriage.

Marriage is hard work blood sweat and tears...

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

because of the way you are thats why i said that...you as a wife has to submit yourself to your husband...you are not ready to do that.

what you were talking was such an immature thing...talking about not brushing the teeth and about your dog...etc etc.. i mean if you are matured enough and ready to be a wife...you wont talk something like that against your husband...if you think you dont love your husband anymore then file for divorce...you dont need to elaborate all the things that he does..my gosh...if your not a housewife type then just be his wife.

Am I reading that right.

If you're not ah ousewife type, then just be a wife ( I really don't understand that statement)

[confuzzled 0]

Oh some of you make me laugh!

Here is what I am going to do.

Get together all the info I need to ensure I keep myself safe financially (do I need to worry about the affidavit of support?) and other ways so I can proceed with divorce if necessary.

Collect my thoughts on what I need or expected out of this marriage.

Try to communicate and see if there is a way to compromise or come to understanding.

Finally, after I do these things, the next time he threatens divorce, take him up on it. You know the saying about if you love something let it go and if it doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be? Perhaps agreeing with him will shock him into thinking about what he is doing. In case there is part of him that doesn't mean it. He says things when he is angry and a couple hours later he is calm. He says he forgives quickly. It seems he does, but he began to bring the same issues up later. He talks about divorce but when people are around he talks about the future and looks like everything is fine with us. Maybe I'm fooling myself or making up a pleasant fiction, but maybe it really would surprise him if I agreed we should end it. Once he cools down. And then maybe he will realize how upset I really am, and that it is real.

I know people can say things in anger that they don't really mean. When I am angry I try to think about if I would feel the same way after the anger fades. He just says whatever comes to his head.

You know that people brought up with another kind of music understand the feeling the music conveys. But if you aren't familiar with it, you might know know sadness sounds from love sounds. And it is similar when people talk in a language you don't know. Maybe it sounds angry to you, but they are just excited or involved in the conversation. If someone calls you something awful in your second language, maybe you don't feel the same way as you would if they spoke your native language. That sort of describes our communication trouble. The obvious content of my English might have different emotional content in his native language. And you know how translating from one language to another can subtly or totally change the meaning? This is not helping us.

The dog, mostly she can go upstairs away from him, or downstairs away from him. I can ask my brother to watch her for a while. It really is nice to have animals nearby. I feel so much better when I am petting her. At least he doesn't bother the cat. I think that for pet people, animals are good aids for finding a good partner. If the animal comes to like the person, it is not a stretch to imagine that is a nice person. Not that someone has to be a pet person to be a nice person... Still...

The one who said the length of my original post showed how stressed I have become over this, was right.

Edited February 25, 2009 by confuzzled

[MsZ 6]

Lube would solve at least one of these problems.

[noel_jas 0]

Completely ignore the PI posters. They are obviously villagers. Keep the dog. Ship the childish husband back home on a cargo ship. Then stay single for a while and work on what makes you happy. It's far better to be alone than to wish you were.

hey racist.....i am from PI and i did reply to this topic but i mentioned that i totally disagree with the submissive concept of some women from PI......please don't generalize people based on where they came from.