how much do I put up with before deciding on divorce?

[Sprailenes 47]

because of the way you are thats why i said that...you as a wife has to submit yourself to your husband...you are not ready to do that.

what you were talking was such an immature thing...talking about not brushing the teeth and about your dog...etc etc.. i mean if you are matured enough and ready to be a wife...you wont talk something like that against your husband...if you think you dont love your husband anymore then file for divorce...you dont need to elaborate all the things that he does..my gosh...if your not a housewife type then just be his wife.

Wow.

[hheaven67 2]

SUBMIT??!! NO! Women DO NOT SUBMIT whenever their significant other wants them! PEOPLE "submit" when they feel LOVED, RESPECTED...if you feel like you need to SUBMIT, there is an issue there!

I feel very bad for the OP! Her husband sounds like an ####! Sounds like he didn't take his vows very seriously...love & honor...

Yesterday was exactly 2 yrs since my husband contacted me for the first time...we won't ever forget it...how it changed both of our lives forever...FOR THE BETTER! I wish love & happiness for Confuzzled...kick that sorry #### husband to the curb girl! Get a divorce & send him packing!

[caybee 21]

Some of this does sound like normal adjustments to marriage, but some of what you describe goes too far. You are husband and wife, partners. You should each be contributing to the marriage out of love for the other person and respect for the marriage, not out of fear. Marriage is hard work and compromise on both sides, but veiled threats like telling someone that in your culture they would deserve to be hit for what they are doing/not doing crosses the line. And constant belittling is verbal abuse that takes a toll over time. Breaking and throwing objects is a form of intimidation also, and it's often not much of a stretch to go from that to physical violence against a person.

You are already starting to belittle yourself in your own writing. Whether that's a result of hearing negativity from your partner or because of low self-esteem you already had, it's not healthy behavior from you, and it won't help things get any better. Please go to a counselor and get help sorting through what you can change here and what you cannot, what's reasonable behavior from a partner and what is not. Only then will you be able to decide how to proceed.

Too late to edit. Upon rereading, you are not as belittling toward yourself as I gathered on first reading. Some of what you wrote is your perception of what he believes about you. Sometimes there is not much separating the two, especially when you become so tired of a situation that you begin to go numb to it. Constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, waiting for the next crisis, and trying to figure out what YOU can do differently so HE will not react in the same way is no way to live.

[DanielParul 50]

because of the way you are thats why i said that...you as a wife has to submit yourself to your husband...you are not ready to do that.

what you were talking was such an immature thing...talking about not brushing the teeth and about your dog...etc etc.. i mean if you are matured enough and ready to be a wife...you wont talk something like that against your husband...if you think you dont love your husband anymore then file for divorce...you dont need to elaborate all the things that he does..my gosh...if your not a housewife type then just be his wife.

Wow! You definately sound like a good housewife material. Submit yourself to yours, ok! cook, clean, polish his shoes, wipe the toilet seat after him, even flush the toilet for him if he wants you to and never ever open your mouth (thats not a good wife). Oh! AND DO EVERYBODY A FAVOR AND STAY AWAY FROM GIVING ANY ADVICE TO ANYBODY EVER IN YOUR LIFE!!

To the OP - Marriage is compromise and understanding each other but, it is not degrading and disrespecting each other. Try Marriage Counseling is all I can think of right now. See if it helps both of you to communicate and resolve those issues. Any issue in a marriage, no matter how petty it may seem to others is still an issue and needs to be addressed and resolved. Hopefully you will do what is best for you and find happiness.

[Ban Hammer 13,482]

'submit to your husband'

i just have to wonder. with all of the women replying in here, they must not be too busy submitting to their husband.

[childress_london 3]

Your husband is emotionally abusive. Next time he threatens divorce, tell him to go ahead because you've had enough of his bad behavior. He does not treat you like a loving husband and you deserve better. You are a wonderful wife. He is a terrible husband.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

'submit to your husband'

i just have to wonder. with all of the women replying in here, they must not be too busy submitting to their husband.

milk, out of nose... thanks very much.....

[childress_london 3]

'submit to your husband'

i just have to wonder. with all of the women replying in here, they must not be too busy submitting to their husband.

Husbands should be submitting to the wives. They have it all wrong!

[Ban Hammer 13,482]

'submit to your husband'

i just have to wonder. with all of the women replying in here, they must not be too busy submitting to their husband.

Husbands should be submitting to the wives. They have it all wrong!

don't make me thump you with this bible!

[justashooter 430]

I'm with Rob and Dawn on this one.

You are married to a guy with whom you are not socially compatible. It happens all of the time in internet marriages, but works OK if the person with poor social skills and bad habits is the woman, and she is younger, because she can be conformed to her husband and upgraded in the process. If the person from the lower culture is the man, he usually tries to drag the woman down to his level (your case). Such men often get abusive because they feel threatened by a woman who has higher cultural/social or educational standing.

You have two choices, my friend, and neither of them has anything to do with what the a-hole PI crowd is advising. You either reduce yourself to this creep's level, or you must divorce him and recover your dignity. If you choose the latter, you must in future be careful where you are selecting your mates from. Do not choose a man from lower cultural/economic/social standing than yours.

Seek out some local support from an abused women's group (this one really does need it). Getting this guy out of your life will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Send me an e-mail if you wanna talk about this in more detail. I'm just some guy on the internet, but i know what you're going through.

as for submitting yourself to your husband, this only works if he is submitting himself to god.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

because of the way you are thats why i said that...you as a wife has to submit yourself to your husband...you are not ready to do that.

what you were talking was such an immature thing...talking about not brushing the teeth and about your dog...etc etc.. i mean if you are matured enough and ready to be a wife...you wont talk something like that against your husband...if you think you dont love your husband anymore then file for divorce...you dont need to elaborate all the things that he does..my gosh...if your not a housewife type then just be his wife.

You forgot the second half of that biblical reference - MEN LOVE YOUR WIVES LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Christ would NEVER have treated his bride in such a manner as the OP is describing NEVER!!

OP - you are being abused and you need to get out of the relationship - immediately. If he is willing to attend marital counseling then do that, but the way you described his actions I don't see it happening. He isn't breaking you down for your own good he is breaking you down so he can control you. He is doing what he can to isolate you from your family (your sister) and make you reliant only on him. I have "been there done that" with an American and I can ASSURE you that the physical violence is just around the corner PLEASE GET HELP NOW BEFORE YOU BECOME A STATISTIC.

Here's your threat back to him - "Forced sex in this country is a FELONY charge that is NOT taken lightly, once you commit a sex offense you are branded for life and will NEVER have a normal life again." He is raping you and should be prosecuted on that!!!

[Ban Hammer 13,482]

It happens all of the time in internet marriages, but works OK if the person with poor social skills and bad habits is the woman, and she is younger, because she can be conformed to her husband and upgraded in the process.

you make the wife sound like a bare bones computer.....

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

I am just aghast at some of the responses here!!!!!! Some speak as though women are not people, is this really the thinking that is prevelant in this country? Maybe I am just very blessed where I live because these attitudes are just outrageous to me.

[sara..... 371]

oh ho i could not stop myself i gotta say something

women and men are suppose to submit to each other not just the wife submitting........both take care of each other.........

as for abusive sex sorry to say but dump him!!!!!!!!!! forced sex is against law of God against law of the land.

i cant comment on anything else u have said but those two things

sara

[maya62 7]

I'll add my voice to those who are appalled by some of these responses. ####### indeed!!

This is emotional abuse and NO ONE should submit to it. I do not see any love here at all.

OP, I hope you will get counseling right away. If your husband won't go, then go by yourself. He has torn you down and you need help to regain a positive sense of self. Part of your post sounds like you are dealing with depression as well. Please get help, whether you decide to stay in the marriage or not.

And a guy who torments an elderly dog... well, that ought to tell you something right there.

Best wishes...

Maya